


The Users and The Used

by TeamAlphaQ



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, But not immediately because I'm a butt, Come on, Cuddling & Snuggling, Did I neglect to mention smut?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Flashback, Fluff, I WILL RIP YOUR HEART OUT STAB IT AND MAKE YOU LIKE IT, Izaya blaming everything on instincts, Izaya's so cute when he's in complete emotional distress!, M/M, Minor self-hatred, Omega Izaya, Omega Verse, Protective Namie, Protective Shizuo, Rape, Shinra being Shinra, Sleepy Izaya, Sweet Shizuo, Talking things out like mature people, Tears, WHO'S STORY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE READING??, Wait no come back I'm emotionally needy, Why do I do these things to these characters?, alpha shizuo, because that's a thing, emotional development, i'm a sadist, much sadness, okay be honest would I actually do that?, run while you still can, sleepy adorable fluff, such pain, what part of protective Shizuo was not understood?, you will cry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-10-18 01:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 82,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamAlphaQ/pseuds/TeamAlphaQ
Summary: As an Omega, the one thing Izaya craved most was control. Despite all the forces against him, he'd persevered and made a life for himself, free from oppressive Alphas. But there was one Alpha he couldn't ignore, no matter how hard he tried. Shizuo Heiwajima.





	1. The Perfect Enemy

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea that hit me in the middle of the night. It sort of spiraled from there.  
> Updates should be once a week (if I've got my act together). This story is posted on FF.net as well.

Since he’d first understood the difference between the user and the used, the messed up world of Alphas, Betas and Omegas had made sense to Izaya Orihara.  It had made sense to him because, from that moment on, he didn’t have to follow what the rest of the world was telling him to do. He could be in control.

As an Omega, control was hard to come by. He was _supposed_ to be submissive, powerless, _weak…_ That wasn’t his style. Izaya prefered power. It didn’t matter that biology and years of stereotypes were against him, he prevailed. He didn’t give himself another option.

Everyone knew and feared him. There wasn’t an Alpha around who would even _try_ abusing him, using him or hurting him. Izaya was safe because he abused, used and _hurt_ others first. No one could touch him. He was a god. God of a strange and twisted world, ruled by things you couldn’t change and problems that never went away.

But for every god there’s a monster.

And for every Omega, there’s one Alpha that can’t be ignored.

Needless to say, Izaya hated this one Alpha, this one _terrible_ person that made his skin itch. There would never be anything between them, Izaya had seen to that, but that didn’t stop him from trying to widen the gap at every opportunity. They fought, they clashed, they _despised_ and that was the way he liked it.

This Alpha was a beast, not fit to be called human. To Izaya, he was the embodiment of everything he hated. Dominating, driven by emotion and out of control, he was an Alpha through and through. Izaya couldn’t stand it.

But biology dicated that he had to.

Luckily, he knew how to cope. He just took suppressants, kept a blade between them at all times and ran away when it became too much. It was ridiculously easy, made all the more simple because he hated the Alpha, his supposed ‘soul mate’, with all of his being.

And as long as he followed his own rules and didn’t screw up, the Alpha would have no reason to ever stop hating him.

He intended to follow his self-made law to the death.

))))-((((

 _“Izaya, I’m telling you this isn’t_ healthy _.” Shinra was whining about his choices again. But the doctor always whined about his choices so Izaya wasn’t really bothered by it. “Taking suppressants this heavily is going to come back to bite you.”_

 _Izaya waved off Shinra’s concerned words, much like he waved off most things Shinra said. “I’m fine Shinra. I’ve done it for years, I know how to handle myself.” And it was true, he did. He’d perfected the perfect balance when it came to suppressing his heat versus surviving the agony of going through it. Shinra really didn’t have room to speak, seeing as he was a Beta and had never_ had _to weigh the physical pros and cons._

 _“I’m_ only _looking out for you Izaya.” Shinra sounded hurt, which made Izaya want to laugh. He didn’t really care, he just wanted to find an excuse to do tests on the raven. Naturally, Izaya wasn’t having any of it._

 _“And_ I’m _only doing my job Shinra,” he explained for the millionth time in a row. “I can’t be leaking pheromones everywhere, it just isn’t good for business.”_ Or for my image, or for my health, or for anything… _More people knew he was an Omega than he would have liked but that didn’t mean the world knew. So far, most people didn’t actually know what Izaya was._

_Izaya wanted to keep it that way. Preferably forever._

_The doctor sighed softly and reluctantly passed him the pill bottle. “Very well Izaya. I’m still asking you to be careful though…”_

Someday, Izaya would have to get around to listening to Shinra.

Dodging a trashcan, Izaya slipped behind the furious, bleach-blond ex-bartender and slashed his knife upward, laughing as it just missed the nape of his neck. The beast of a man, Shizuo Heiwajima, rounded on him and charged with a yell of, “I’m gonna kill you Izaya!”

“Oh Shizu-chan,” Izaya taunted, wagging his knife reproachfully. “Surely a _big, strong Alpha_ like you should be able to keep your temper in check.” Shizuo bared his teeth and growled. “What?” Izaya asked innocently, perching atop a vending machine that would no doubt be pulled out from under him in a moment. “Are words just too hard for your tiny brain to comprehend?”

The vending machine did indeed vanish. “Shut up you shitty flea!” Shizuo bellowed, his cigarette flying from his mouth. “I’ve told you to keep the hell out of my city a million times!” Izaya rolled, landing smoothly on the pavement before taking off again.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya chided, just barely avoiding being impaled by a ‘no parking’ sign. “It’s not _your_ city.” The sign went through the window of the shop behind him. “Besides, you’re _so_ much fun to _play_ with!”

And it was true, because out of all the Alphas in Tokyo that Izaya had managed to make enemies with, the only one he had _any_ fun playing with was a half monster who would throw a street sign at him as soon as look at him. Not that he was really complaining, he hated Shizuo as much as the beast hated him, if not more.

That didn’t make these fights any less exhilarating or enjoyable.

“This isn’t a fucking _game!”_ Shizuo roared, oblivious to the terror of random passers by and the sheer, refreshing ludicrousy of the situation. There was something so utterly ridiculous about these life or death fights Izaya threw himself into without a second thought that made them delightful, even if he loathed Shizuo.

One of the reasons he bothered was because, for his continued survival, it was imperative that Shizuo _keep_ hating him.

Why?

Well, it all started in highschool, around the time that Izaya had first discovered that he’d been cursed to live life as a rare male Omega. The bio teacher kept droning on about why he was supposedly special, Shinra wouldn’t stop fantasizing about dissecting one and Izaya was realizing that special didn’t mean equal.

It meant weak and useless.

Of course Izaya had decided from the moment of his first, and most shockingly agonizing, heat of his life, that he would never let himself be used like most Omegas ended up being used. Therefore, when one of his female teachers started waxing romantic about Alphas and Omegas finding their _soul mate_ , Izaya had ignored her. It was all stupid after all and it didn’t even _try_ to fit in with his grander plans. It was all just a nuisance.

Actually, it was more of a flashing warning sign.

Izaya had ignored it, he was rather good at ignoring things he decided wouldn’t further his knowledge of the world. He’d made an art of it.

Then he’d met Shizuo.

Shinra insisted, he had humored his strange friend and had ended up finding the perfect enemy, the embodiment of everything he detested. An Alpha who couldn’t even control being what he was.  A super human whose aspirations were so hopelessly mundane that Izaya couldn’t stop _laughing_.

It was a rivalry made in heaven, until the fateful day, right in the middle of one of Shizuo’s ruts, when Izaya realized that maybe that teacher hadn’t been making things up.

He hadn’t set himself boundaries yet, hadn’t fully taken into account how dangerous messing around with an Alpha could be and as a result, Izaya hadn’t even contemplated leaving Shizuo alone while he was rutting, leaking pheromones everywhere. It had been just a normal fight, maybe a bit more fire behind it than usual but nothing too terrifying.

Except Izaya’s sudden awareness that Shizuo smelled _heavenly_. That was the first sign.

He’d never paid attention before, but out of nowhere, the pheromones that Shizuo was giving off made him want to get on his hands and knees and beg the beast to screw him until he couldn’t remember his own name. That scared Izaya, badly.

And made him hate the beast more. Hate him for being an Alpha and for somehow being irresistible.

Then Shizuo had touched him, just lightly brushed him with his fingertips during their high-speed chase and it was all Izaya could do not to collapse right then and there. Because he’d _felt_ it, that longing, needy, submissive feeling that he despised.

And he’d realized that this monster, this protozoan Alpha who was as reckless as he was fun to play with, was his destined mate.

Someone in the universe hated Izaya, clearly.

Thankfully, Izaya had long since perfected the art of spitting in the universe’s face. So Shizuo was supposed to be his happy ending, so what? He hated the beast and he sure as _hell_ didn’t need an Alpha. He would _die_ before he let the beast touch him like that.

And there started Izaya’s rise to the top, desperate to put as much distance between himself and Shizuo as possible. That didn’t mean he didn’t fight the beast at every opportunity he got, it just meant he started taking suppressants to disguise his being an Omega, and was _very_ careful about Shizuo touching him.

Judging by the smashed window behind the gleeful informant, even all these years later, he was still going strong. Shizuo still hated him, and Izaya still wished for the monster’s death as much as ever.

Shame he was going into heat soon. This was one of those times he couldn’t just suppress it. Izaya had heard way too many stories about suppressants becoming ineffective if overused to risk it. He’d have to take a week’s break from life so his body could go through hell.

Izaya _hated_ being an Omega.

“Kill kill _kill_ !” Shizuo’s chant filled the air as Izaya dashed through an alley and burst out into glaring sunlight on the other end, grinning as Shizuo overshot it and almost collided with the wall. He danced through the swell of people, loving how they parted for him, giving him the respect he deserved. Of course, _they_ didn’t see an Omega who had fought tooth and nail to get where he was and an Alpha who just took the power he had for granted, but they didn’t _need_ to see.

Izaya would keep that particular dynamic to himself. His humans just needed to revere him as they would a god and fear Shizuo as they would a monster.

A street sign whistled through the air and Izaya only barely managed to dodge in time. “Careful Shizu-chan,” he taunted, eyes narrowed to mocking slits. “You might hurt someone.” He practically cackled as his blade flashed again, slashing the monster’s upper arms and infuriating him more.

_That’s right, hate me, because it’s so much easier than ever finding out the alternative._

“It’s your fault!” The anger rolling of Shizuo seemed to darken as he lunged for the raven, almost catching him but not quite. Izaya inhaled, ready to throw another insult Shizuo’s way when the smell hit him. Glorious, intoxicating and oh.. so... _dangerous_.

Instantly Izaya snapped to high alert. That scent was his warning to get away. Apparently, Shizuo was on the verge of rutting.  Leaping back on limbs that threatened to grow heavy, Izaya quickly plotted his escape before calling, “Well Shizu-chan, it’s been fun but I really must be going.” Shizuo’s pheromones were making him feel weak and needy, a terrible thing to be feeling when faced with an enemy.

Even as Shizuo charged at him, Izaya lunged away and sprinted into an alley, flying up the convenient fire escape and taking to the rooftops. Only once the delicious smell of _Alpha_ faded did Izaya allow himself to breath. Noticing the telltale tightness of his skin and the beginning flashes of pain, Izaya cursed. He’d cut that battle too close.

Now he had to get back to his apartment before his heat started in earnest.

 _I hate that beast_.


	2. Hate, Not Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gulps* Well, I never expected this much support so quickly, but I suppose you never know. I wasn't going to post this until Wednesday but I'm impatient, please put up with me.   
> Enjoy!

__ Shizuo Heiwajima had never been quite sure where he fit into the strange world he lived in. People were all the time trying to help him out with this problem, classifying and reclassifying him, waiting for something to stick.

He was an Alpha, but that wasn’t exactly the best starting place, considering the fact that he didn’t engage in much of the posturing Alpha’s seemed to find necessary. Most of his rank didn’t view him as  _ one of them _ because of that minor detail, not that he really cared.

For most of his life, he’d been cursed with monstrous strength, but that was something even  _ Shinra _ had failed to explain. It certainly didn’t help him any. As a result of _ it _ , and a regrettably short temper, he didn’t have many friends.

Even among those he counted as friends, he was skirted around, treated with caution because everyone was waiting for the inevitable explosion.

Shizuo just couldn’t seem to find  _ anywhere _ he wouldn’t be shunned.

Well, maybe there was one place, one  _ person _ that was different. A fucking shame they hated each other.

Shizuo had always felt confined by what people thought of him. They’d never admit it to his face, they  _ all _ had their excuses, but in the end, the result was always polite isolation. Just because of things it wasn’t  _ right _ to give a name to.

Then  _ he  _ came along, someone willing to acknowledge Shizuo for who he was and blatantly hate him for it. Not fear, as so many others before, just  _ hate. _ It was undeniably refreshing, even if he wanted to beat the shit out of that flea.

He was allowed if even for a moment, to be Shizuo, and he wouldn’t pass it up for the world. It didn’t matter that he was an Alpha or quite possibly a monster because he wasn’t exactly fighting a human, now was he?

And no matter what else happened, he would probably stick with this wonderful, detestable person because, well… Shizuo wasn’t sure what he’d do without him.

))))-((((

“Izaya!” Okay, maybe after having the same fucking fight five-hundred plus times in a row, it got a bit repetitive. Perhaps the fact it still interested him just went to show how boring he was. Happily, Shizuo happened to be trained in the art of not giving a shit. These battles were both the best and worst moments of his life. 

Worst, for obvious reasons. Best? Well, he didn’t understand it either.

Why was Izaya Orihara, the most feared info broker in Tokyo, here? Shizuo didn’t have a clue. His only objective was to make the shitty flea, with all his snide comments and sharp eyes, leave. It was always the same. How the city kept up with them, he’d never know.

“Ah, Shizu-chan, a beast as always,” Izaya taunted, his lithe body springing into action. Everything Izaya did was always so smooth, every movement employing his entire form. He was liquid at times like this, especially as knives seemed to melt into his hands like mercury. “Did you miss me?” As always, his words wormed their way under Shizuo’s skin, heating his blood until it boiled over.

“I miss the peace and quiet of when you’re not here!” He roared, hands already moving to grab a convenient trashcan to throw at the flea. It flew through the air between them, too fast for a normal human to dodge. 

Izaya wasn’t a fucking human though, he was a _ louse _ . Ducking, the flea appeared behind Shizuo, knives flashing.

A chill ran down Shizuo’s back and he was certain Izaya had very nearly killed him. Pissed, he charged with a yell of, “I’m gonna kill you Izaya!”

Izaya dodged, the fucker. He always dodged. “Oh Shizu-chan, surely a big, strong Alpha like yourself  _ should _ be able to keep your temper in check.” Shizuo growled in anger, he hated when Izaya threw that rank around like it meant something.

Taking a moment’s respite, Izaya stood on a vending machine and taunted, “What, are words just too hard for your tiny brain to comprehend?” Shizuo knocked the vending machine out from under the informant.

“Shut up you shitty flea!” he yelled, losing his cigarette in the process. That only served to annoy him further. Like the fuckng flea he was, Izaya landed softly on the pavement, unfazed by Shizuo’s rage. He hated how nothing he did ever affected Izaya.

“I’ve told you to keep the hell out of my city a million times!” Shizuo wasn’t sure why he still yelled those words every time he saw Izaya because he got agitated whenever the flea  _ wasn’t _ around. To distract himself from shit he didn’t understand, Shizuo ripped a sign out of the pavement and hurled it at Izaya.

Izaya cackled as he ducked to the side. “Shizu-chan, it’s not  _ your  _ city.” There was a telltale crash and the street sign found a new home in someone’s window. Shizuo didn’t even bother to pay attention anymore, Izaya took up the entire scene whenever he was present. “Besides, you’re  _ so _ much fun to  _ play _ with!”

_ The feeling is probably mutual _ . “This isn’t a fucking  _ game _ !” he bellowed instead, scaring the people around him. Even though he was angry, pissed beyond belief, Shizuo felt all the ordinary stress of his day fade into the background. Because Izaya pushed everything else to the side just by breathing the same air as the blond.  _ God, I want to kill him. _

His blood thundered in his ears as he tore after the raven, the never ending chant of, “Kill, kill, kill,” following. Down an alley, out into the sunlight, through a crowd of people, Izaya twirled and cackled, egging him on, goading him into going faster, pushing harder and hating the flea all the more.

Another sign bent under his rage as Shizuo aimed yet another projectile at Izaya. It almost hit him _ , almost _ . The people around them were giving the fighting pair a wide berth and Shizuo could guess that it had more to do with than just how volatile they were. Because he was close to rutting, Shizuo was probably giving off a fuck ton of terrifying pheromones. Izaya was the only one who’d ever  _ dare _ to mess with him.

“Careful Shizu-chan,” The raven mocked, simpering. “You might  _ hurt _ someone.” The slippery informant blurred as he slashed at Shizuo with his blade, cutting into his arms. Even though he couldn’t feel the pain, Shizuo roared.

Izaya’s eyes lit up with a desperate spark, one Shizuo had seen many times before.

“It’s all your fault!” He almost managed to catch the bastard as he lunged forward. Suddenly, Izaya’s eyes dilated and the raven jerked back, the ease in his movements decreasing abruptly. Before Shizuo could understand the change in Izaya’s mood, the informant was already escaping, signaling that the game was over.

“Well Shizu-chan, it’s been fun but I must be going.” And then he was gone. Shizuo didn’t bother going after Izaya, he knew it wouldn’t do him any good. No matter how evenly matched they seemed, Izaya always had control, he always got away when it suited him. It pissed Shizuo off but he couldn’t do anything about it.

Someday, he’d end the fight on his own terms.

Pulling out a package of cigarettes, Shizuo waited for his breathing to return to normal, and for the world to stop looking so red. No matter how much he hated Izaya, he loved their fights. Of  _ course _ , Izaya had chosen now, when Shizuo so desperately needed to let off some steam, to vanish. Shizuo lit up and took a drag, watching as the smoke wove through the air.

He probably wouldn’t be back until after Shizuo had finished rutting. Fucking bastard, depriving him of his only means of relief. Shizuo had never bothered to find a mate. It wasn’t that he didn’t want one, it was just he was too terrified that he’d hurt whoever his lover was to really look.

Yet another good thing about Izaya. Shizuo never had to be afraid of hurting the shitty flea. He wasn’t quite sure what Izaya’s actual ranking was, probably a Beta even though he acted more like an Alpha. Whatever he was, Shizuo loved that he wasn’t scared.

_ Even though he fucking hightails it half the time when I’m rutting. _ But could Shizuo really blame him, he probably smelled absolutely terrifying. Shaking his head to clear it, Shizuo started to head home. Tom, his boss, never let him work when he was like this, said it scared off the clients although he suspected the pheromones and the twitchiness were the real reason.

For all the control he lacked when it came to his anger, Shizuo had a surprising amount of it elsewhere. Not that many Alpha’s had that kind of control over themselves when the irresistible urge to mate struck them. Shizuo had been forced to learn it because he feared the damage he could do if he wasn’t careful.

Now, even if he was in the midst of a rut, Shizuo wouldn’t jump any Omega he saw. He could actually function. Sure he was irritable as hell and more prone to throwing trash cans at certain fleas but he was  _ almost _ human.

Izaya would have laughed at that thought.

Everything always led back to the flea, ever since high school when they’d met. People had started isolating Shizuo at that age because he was different and because he was dangerous. Only Shinra, a crazy Beta with no sense of self-preservation, had stuck around. Then the doctor to be had started spouting bullshit about one person Shizuo just had to meet. They’d understand each other.

Hah, the only thing they’d  _ understood _ was a deep and mutual hatred for each other. Although, at this point, Shizuo wasn’t sure if they could call it that. Back then though, Izaya had been a reckless loner with what must have been a death wish and Shizuo was an angry recluse who need a safe outlet before he actually killed someone. Izaya had shown up just in the nick of time.

_Shizuo stood in the middle of what had been a group of thugs, panting. It had taken everything he had not to kill them. Some of them were Alphas, he could_ smell _it. They’d thought they could beat him but they’d been clearly mistaken. Shizuo was sick of people rushing him just because he was a monster they wanted to_ _take down. What the fuck did they know?_

_ Then he’d heard the slow, sarcastic clap coming from behind him and his rage rose up once more. He spun to find himself staring into the eyes of something evil. Something he had every right to hate. The boy smirked like Shizuo was some animal he found amusing. _

_ “Who the fuck are you?” Shizuo growled, only just noticing Shirna standing next to the newcomer. There was something about the boy that drew his eyes whether he wanted them to be drawn or not. _

_ “Shizuo, this is Izaya Orihara.” Shinra looked too fucking happy about this situation, like introducing Izaya to Shizuo was somehow the best thing he could have done. “Remember, I told you about him.” _

_ Izaya looked so relaxed, sitting there on the goalpost, loose in comparison to how tightly Shizuo was wound all the time. Like he’d been born to be the blond’s opposite. “Hello Shizu-chan, having fun there?” He hissed, malice in those carmine eyes.  _

_ Shizuo saw red as he realized that he  _ hated _ this person. “My name is Shizuo!” He roared, lunging forward, arm raised to punch the damned flea off of his seat. Izaya just dodged, not caring that Shizuo was supposed to be the most dangerous person in the school. _

_ “That’s not nice Shizu-chan.” Izaya purred gleefully.  All Shizuo saw was a flash of silver before pain lanced across his chest. Not much pain, not enough to do more than piss him off more, but there was something about it being him, Izaya, that made it worse. _

_ He wanted to kill this person. _

_ “Did I hurt your feelings?” Izaya simpered, pointing a knife at Shizuo’s face tauntingly as if daring him to attack again. “What are you going to do about it?” _

_ He’d tried to murder Izaya. _

From that day forward, all his rage and hatred had been poured into that one person, Izaya. Shizuo got angry at other people, but he wanted to  _ kill _ the flea. He let himself loose for this one person, for only their fights, and tried to hold it back the rest of the time. If he could just hate Izaya, he could have more control over the rest of his life.

And it had worked, it had fucking worked.

Noticing his cigarette had burned down to the filter and was currently trying to burn his fingers as well, Shizuo swore and dropped it, bringing himself back out of his memories. The return to reality reminded him of the state he was in. Mouth twitching into a snarl, Shizuo cursed his existence as an Alpha once more before making a beeline for his poor excuse for a home.

He’d survive and he’d see Izaya again soon. 

Maybe next time, he’d manage to actually kill the bastard…

_ Shitty flea. _


	3. A Single Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya

Izaya was dying.

Okay, maybe he wasn’t _dying_ dying but he was at the point where death seemed like a fun alternative. Three days into his heat and Izaya couldn’t help but wonder if being _skinned alive_ was more enjoyable. If not that then at least _much_ quicker.

And probably less shameful.

Every part of his body _ached_ , like a certain monster had thrown him against a wall one too many times. Izaya’s limbs could hardly hold him up they were so weak right now, like he’d been fighting with Shizuo past his limits. It definitely _sounded_ like something the beast would do. Him and his cursed strength and Alpha dominance that clawed, _grated_ at Izaya’s mind.

He could practically _see_ the monster, face flushed from rage, breath coming hard, power in every line of his body.

Izaya groaned. Just _thinking_ about the beast at times like this made everything worse. His instincts rose up and obscured all rational thoughts, like, for instance, how much he _hated_ Shizuo. All he was left with was the knowledge that Shizuo, his destined Alpha, was somewhere out there rutting and it would feel unbelievably good if he just let the beast pound his greedy ass into the-

 _Yeah_ nope _, not going there. I’m not_ touching _that monster with a sixty-foot pole._

Groaning louder at the terribly _detailed_ images that flashed through his mind, Izaya shifted in his bed, hissing as his sheets tore at his overly sensitive skin. There was nothing that could sooth this hypersensitivity but the touch of an Alpha, something he _wasn’t_ going to get. Izaya hadn’t even bothered with clothes, his bed was bad enough.

His entire body was flushed with heat, just enough for it to be miserable, with or without a blanket. It hurt, but then, _everything hurt_. Especially the throbbing arousal between his legs that just wouldn’t leave him alone. Kind of like the images of Shizuo running through his head, which were only making it worse.

 _I hate Shizu-chan!_ He thought passionately as his erection dragged against the sheets and he choked on something that was both a cry of pain and a moan. _I want to kill him and gut him and string him up like a pig oh_ god _make it stop._

Blearily, he looked at the suppressants on his bedside table. Izaya knew that if he took them, the pain would lessen. They were so close… Izaya bit his lip. Taking them now would only increase the chance they didn’t work next time. He’d survived it before, he’d survive it again. In his mind, there was no alternative.

That being said, he was _sure_ his heats were getting more painful every time. _Maybe Shinra has a point, this can’t continue indefinitely._ An Omega who didn’t mate had a shorter lifespan, one punctuated by agony. He knew the facts. Izaya didn’t care, he would rather die than mate with an Alpha.

 _Especially Shizu-chan_.

Whimpering, Izaya continued to writhe on his bed, shivering and sweating pathetically, repeating to himself over and over that his body was wrong and he didn’t need an Alpha. Even so, he wished there was _something_ he could do to relieve the pain, if only temporarily.

He could remember only too well previous attempts to grant himself some sort of release. It never worked, all it resulted in was failure and shame. Better to suffer through it with his pride intact than lower himself so far just for the _hope_ of making it better.

Because an Alpha was the only solution.

The world hated him…

Suddenly, his phone rang and Izaya yelped out a few choice words about the type of person who would call him when he was falling apart. Not that anyone _knew,_ that was the point of suffering in silence after all, but it was cruel all the same.

Nevertheless, if he wanted to maintain appearances, he’d have to answer. Even though it sent bolts of agony through his thin form, Izaya pawed his phone off the table and answered it, dragging a sharp breath as his sensitive groin caught on fabric.

“Yes?” he bit out, stifling the needy whine that naturally wanted to make its way into his voice.

There was a deep rumble of laughter from the other end of the line. “ _Oh Orihara-san, if I’d known it was_ that _time of the year again I’d have called some other day_.” Izaya resisted the desire to spit an insult at Shiki Haruya, his employer.

“You certainly could have picked a better time,” Izaya managed, a wane smile making its way onto his face. No matter how irked Shiki’s intrusion made Izaya, the human contact was a welcome, if ultimately ineffective, distraction.

“ _I’m so sorry life as an Omega is such a hardship,_ ” Shiki mocked lightly. He was the only Alpha who knew Izaya’s true rank. That might seem like a dangerous thing but Shiki had a mate, a fellow Alpha actually, that he was quite content with. Thus, Izaya was confident that if he ever needed to, he could rely on his employer in an emergency of the Omega related kind.

“Shut up Shiki-san,” Izaya grumbled under his breath, earning another laugh from Shiki.

“ _I don’t see why you can’t just find yourself an Alpha,_ ” Shiki reasoned, amused with Izaya’s predicament. “ _It would certainly be less painful._ ”

Izaya hissed. “I have no need for an _Alpha_ Shiki-san. I’d appreciate it if you kept your comments about my personal life to yourself. How I choose to live is my business and my business alone.” Irritated at Shiki’s chuckling, Izaya snapped, “Since I assume you didn’t call simply to torment me, why don’t you enlighten me in regards to your original objective.”

Shiki’s mirth finally subsided. “ _Well, I was going to ask you to gather some information on an old_ friend _of mine,_ ” He said _friend_ like he meant something else. “ _But as you are currently indisposed Orihara-san, I suppose it will have to wait._ ”

“Yes, I suppose it will,” Izaya agreed, focusing on keeping his breathing steady. A harder task than one might think. “I must take my leave now Shiki-san, I’d rather not be gasping in pain over the phone.”

His employer chuckled darkly. “ _Be sure not to die Orihara-_ san _, I’d rather not have to clean up_ that _mess._ ”

“Thanks for the sentiment.” Izaya hissed, free hand clenching and unclenching to keep himself from whimpering. “I’ll try not to inconvenience you.” It was supposed to sound sarcastic but the barely restrained pain in his voice made Izaya sound disgustingly sincere.

Sounding much too chipper, Shiki said, “ _Good day Orihara-san._ ” The line went dead. Izaya waited a full ten seconds before gasping as the noises he’d been holding back escaped all at once. Shiki was a _sadist_.

But then, Izaya was the one who was willing to go through hell when relief was just a city away so he was guilty of being a masochist.

Turning over, Izaya bit his lip and wished desperately for sleep, even though he knew it wouldn’t come.

It never did.

))))-((((

Izaya woke up feeling like he’d been hit by a truck. That was the downside.

The upside was this was the first time in a week that he’d slept, so at least he didn’t feel half dead anymore. Only a quarter dead. Maybe three-eighths…

The point being, he was alive enough to feel horrible and that was most likely a good thing.

Rolling over, he stared at the ceiling. Izaya had survived, he always did. Sure it was avoidable, sure it was hell, sure it was going to happen again but in this small way, he maintained absolute control over himself. His body could try and kill him but through sheer willpower, Izaya lived through it every time.

His next thought was how hungry he was.

Izaya hadn’t eaten properly in a week, being in too much pain to take the time to make something or even get out of bed.

He still didn’t want to get out of bed, his heat had left him exhausted and it still _technically_ wasn’t over but _Izaya_ had decided it was over and that was what ultimately mattered. After a week of it, he was sick of rolling around in his bed moaning. Actually, if he could go for the rest of his life without ever having to experience another heat, he’d be great.

Deciding that he’d bemoaned his existence enough, Izaya slipped out from between his sheets, stretching his weak and sore muscles out slowly before attempting to get to his feet. As always, the first step was a disaster, the second step, not much better but he was up and he still hadn’t fallen on his face. That was good. That was progress even!

 _I need to get out of the house_.

Dressing quickly in his usual combination of black jeans and a loose-fitting black tee, Izaya rolled his eyes to his phone. Remembering the call he’d gotten from Shiki, Izaya sighed. Well, it wasn’t the most exciting thing to do but he wasn’t looking for first class entertainment, he was just looking for an excuse to go out and do something productive.

It wasn’t like he could do much else.

Izaya knew that for as long as next few days, he’d still be quite frail and his hormone levels would be all over the place, which meant his usual escapades were off limits because of how likely he was to do something stupid. For instance, he couldn’t spend time in a room full of Alphas because with that much pheromones swirling about, something was bound to happen that Izaya wouldn’t like.

He also couldn’t play with Shizuo, because to play that game, Izaya needed to be in top form and after a heat, he… well, _wasn’t,_ to put it mildly. Also, Shizuo was possibly still suffering from his rut so contact with him at this moment would be just _begging_ for trouble and Izaya didn’t beg.

For anything, from anyone.

So while he rather missed Shizuo’s almost charming stupidity and consistent unpredictability, he’d have to hold off on his usual games or risk being found out as an Omega.

Izaya wasn’t one for nightmares, but that scene was one of them. Because he still didn’t particularly want to know what Shizuo’s reaction would be if he found out he was soulmates with Izaya. Whatever the reaction, it _probably_ wouldn’t be good. Although if he was being honest with himself, Izaya wasn’t even sure what a good reaction to that fact _was_. It all seemed kind of scary.

Not that he’d ever admit he was _scared_ of Shizuo finding out because Izaya didn’t get scared.

Snatching his phone off his bedside table, Izaya walked from his room, trying to make sure his feet didn’t suddenly vanish out from under him. As he did, he checked the message Shiki had left for him that detailed what he’d wanted Izaya to do.

The job was fairly typical of Shiki. Some guy had wronged him in business, Shiki wanted revenge. To get revenge, however, there was always some ground work. Izaya, like the talented informant he was, would probably have the info Shiki wanted to be compiled within the day. Perhaps sooner, Izaya _was_ the best at what he did after all.

Limping down the stairs and stumbling towards the kitchen, Izaya started fixing himself some coffee. It wasn’t that he _needed_ to go out for this job, he could probably find everything he needed on his computer, but he _couldn’t_ spend another day cooped up. Besides, tomorrow Namie would be back to work and then he’d _really_ have to work.

So he’d take this day of recuperation and enjoy it to its fullest.

Grabbing his coffee, Izaya padded into his living/work room and sat down at his laptop. A few minutes of preliminary searching told him his mark worked in Ikebukuro. Izaya sighed and ran his finger along the rim of his mug thoughtfully. It was risky, yes, but Ikebukuro was a big district. The chances he’d run into Shizuo if he was actively avoiding the beast were slim.

Really, he shouldn’t be so worried.

After finishing his coffee, Izaya snapped his laptop closed and got to his feet. As he inhaled deeply, his nose wrinkled. The pheromones coming off of him in waves clearly didn’t understand what Izaya meant when he said his heat was over. _Well, I was going to have to take them anyway._

Grabbing for the bottle of suppressants that sat on his desk, Izaya took the smallest dosage possible. He’d probably be fine with only a bit. This was supposed to be his body’s chance to go through its natural cycle, after all, suppressing it, even towards the end, didn’t seem like a good idea.

But he’d rather not attract the attention of every single desperate Alpha he passed. That was _definitely_ something he’d prefer to avoid.

Throwing on his coat, Izaya swept out the door, smiling as he did so because in the end, as long as he got out of his apartment and had the opportunity to interact with his wonderful humans, inferior though they were, it would be worth all the aggravation he had to go through.

Of the people he passed few smiled at him, some looked apprehensive, most tried to make themselves as small a target as possible. Izaya paid them no heed, he had other things to do, other humans to watch, bigger targets to pick out from the crowd. His city was the same as ever, no worse the wear after his week long break. Things always moved on, sluggish thought it might seem, and Izaya’s presence really didn’t affect much of it.

But only because he didn’t want it too. If he’d so desired, he could have ruined most of the innocent people of this city by now.

Where would the fun in that be though?

The journey to Ikebukuro was painful, yet glorious. Izaya hated being cooped up too long but it was a small price to pay for freedom and respect the rest of the year. On the bright side, he should be back to his normal self as early as tomorrow and be ready to tangle with the fortissimo of Ikebukuro once again because nothing beat having a little scuffle with Shizuo on the streets of the city.

It kept his position solidified, something that mattered above most else.

As he strolled through the predictably busy streets, Izaya deliberated on where he should go first. His target might still be at the board meeting he was scheduled to be attending but around noon he’d be in a small corner cafe eating lunch with his secretary. Izaya made a mental note to see if said secretary could be used against his target.

All very professional you know.

The people ebbing and flowing around Izaya filled his senses with color, sound and most importantly, smell. Alphas, and Omegas leaving behind trails of scent. His nose wrinkled. There was only one Alpha who had ever smelled remotely pleasant to Izaya and that particular beast was to be kept behind the blade of his knife at all times.

But it didn’t really matter.

As the number of people thinned out and the almost oppressive barrage of sensory information lessened, Izaya became acutely aware that his suppressants he had taken earlier weren’t exactly doing their job. The physical issues this caused were menial, Izaya could handle some cramps and increased sensitivity. What he couldn’t stop was the pheromones wafting off of his skin.

 _I’ll be fine, it’s not like I’m anywhere near Shizuo, worrying doesn’t help me in the slightest_. And he was fine, there were enough other Omegas about, plodding along with their everyday lives to distract anyone who happened to catch a whiff of his own personal scent. He’d probably be just fine. The only thing he really needed to worry about was how it decreased his ability to sneak about unnoticed. Even then, becoming one of the best informants of Tokyo required him to have more skills than simply sneaking, he could blend in easily despite the minor handicap.

Directing himself towards the quaint cafe his mark would be stopping at for lunch, Izaya thrust his hands into his pockets casually and jumped atop the bike racks lining the sidewalk he was currently walking, easily slipping into the role of a mindless youth wandering the city in search of something interesting. It gave him the chance to relax and observe, two things Izaya very much enjoyed doing.

The day really couldn’t get any more peaceful.

A familiar something drifted across his path and Izaya stopped, quickly looking around to find the source of the vague smell. The side street he was on was almost empty, but for some people milling about the park to his right. Taking a few more steps forward Izaya caught the same scent again and halted, breathing it in deeply.

It took him less than a second to identify it now.

Smoke, cigarette smoke.

Suddenly on guard, Izaya whipped his head around, trying to find the person he knew was nearby. _I need to get out of here, now._ Before _something has a chance to go horribly wrong._ Leaping off the bike rail Izaya cast about wearily, looking for the familiar flash of dyed blond hair and bartender’s uniform that could only mean one thing. _Screw it, leaving is more important than finding the beast._

Quickly, trying to draw as little attention to himself as possible, Izaya hurried past the park, hoping that wherever Shizuo was, he wouldn’t see the informant. _God, I did not plan this well._ No, he’d planned it fine, Shizuo was just an unpredictable Alpha who existed solely to mess up even the best-laid plans. But that was okay, he’d survive, he just needed to get out of range of Shizuo's almost animalistic sense of smell and he’d be just fi-

“I-za-ya!” Izaya pivoted just in time to find the intimidating form of Shizuo stalking towards him. Instantly, the informant froze up. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice was yelling at him to run before Shizuo reached him but a much more powerful part of him caught a whiff of Shizuo and what he’d found made him weak in the knees.

Apparently, Izaya had been right in suspecting that Shizuo wasn’t quite over his rut, and the pheromones pouring off of Shizuo were making Izaya’s body do things he really didn’t want it to do.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya said shakily, his eyes darting about, wanting to escape but unable to make himself move fast enough. _Damn him for being a mindless Alpha who can’t stay out of my business when I clearly am in no state to play with him._ “What a surprise.” He fumbled in his pocket till his shaking hand closed around a knife.

“Where the _hell_ have you been Izaya?” Shizuo roared, scaring the few pedestrians nearby away at once. Izaya took a step back, even as his mind wondered why on earth the beast would care where he’d been. “My afternoon was wonderful until you came along with your goddamned stench!”

 _Ha, he thinks I stink. Funny, it’s probably the only thing distracting him and it’s something I can’t even control._ Izaya struggled to form words that made sense. “Ah, Shizu-chan, where I do and do not go is none of your concern. As it happens I actually have work today so I don’t have the time to play with you right now.” _Feeble, feeble, is that the best I can do?_

As Shizuo bent the bike racks out of his way, Izaya’s back hit the wall. The monster’s hand went to rip the offending metal from the pavement, no doubt intending to throw it at Izaya but at the last second, he stopped.  Looking over the informant with narrowed eyes, the monster suspiciously spat, “What the fuck is wrong with you flea? You look like shit.” His proximity causing Izaya to feel like he might lose his footing at any second. Shizuo's scent was stirring up his own heat, which, as luck would have it, wasn’t quite as over as he’d made it out to be.

“Nothing that concerns you Shizu-chan,” Izaya bit out, his hand clenching around his knife so tightly the blood stopped circulating in his fingertips. If he’d been leaking pheromones before, Izaya was drenched in the scent of his heat now. The little space between the enemies decreased as Shizuo took another step forward. “Besides even if I answered, your little amoeba brain probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend my words at all.” It was nothing more than a shrill laugh of a sentence. The raven could hardly keep himself upright, modulating his voice wasn’t even an option.

“I asked you a goddamned _question!_ I’m not looking for a smartass reply!” Shizuo thundered, his fist burying itself in the brick beside the petrified raven’s head. “And if you’re not going to answer it, then I’ll fucking-” Abruptly the beast stopped speaking as his pupils dilated and his nostrils flared. Izaya’s stomach plummeted because he knew what that meant.

Slowly, Shizuo inhaled the air next to Izaya’s neck and his expression changed to one of shocked disbelief. Izaya started to tremble uncontrollably as he shrunk away from the Alpha’s gaze.

Shizuo, his worst enemy, his _soul mate_ , knew he was an Omega.

_He knew._

And suddenly, _Izaya_ knew what the word _fear_ meant.

“Izaya-” Shizuo started to say but the raven had had quite enough of the conversation for one day.

With limbs that threatened to collapse out from under him, Izaya darted out of the Alpha’s grasp and managed a high, “Well, bye bye Shizu-chan!” before stumbling away, nothing but a terrified muddle of suppressed instincts and sheer willpower. His worst nightmare, now come to life.

Because even as he ran, and the sounds of Shizuo's voice echoed behind him, Izaya knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he couldn’t escape the horrid fate that awaited every Omega to ever walk the earth. The very thing he’d spent his whole life running from. An Alpha, submission and inevitably, pain.

In short, he was screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, Izaya deserved it. JK, we all love the little shit. Including Shizuo, he just doesn’t know it yet.  
> Until next time! I promise, things are going to get…  
> Angsty as shit.


	4. Regrettable Actions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has been absolute angels what with all the support and lovely comments. It warms my heart, really it does. I adore each and every one of you. So, as promised, a chapter.  
> Enjoy!

Shizuo was having a good day.

He acknowledged that the day wouldn’t be good for long, given the universe’s habit of fucking with him but for the moment, it was pretty okay. It honestly took very little for Shizuo to decide it was a good day. Today, for example, it was nice out, he hadn’t lost his temper yet and he had a lit cigarette hanging lazily from his mouth. As an added bonus, his rut was almost over.

That was a fact Shizuo was immensely grateful for. Sure he knew how to keep himself under control while experiencing that uncomfortable rush of hormones but that didn’t mean it was easy or particularly pleasant. Especially when every Omega he passed suddenly smelled amazing and his temper soared through the roof. As if that wasn’t enough, Izaya, the damned bastard, had been gone for a week, making Shizuo even more irritable than he would have been otherwise.

Unfortunately, no matter how much he wanted to let off a little steam by chasing Izaya, if the flea wasn’t around he was stuck chomping at the bit. Shizuo didn’t like hurting people who didn’t deserve it. He’d rather lock himself in his apartment for a week than hurt someone unintentionally because his patience snapped.

Izaya was an outlet, he was _safe_ , whatever that was supposed to mean. Shizuo didn’t have to feel guilty about hating or hurting him because the flea hated and hurt him back. It really was a perfect solution.

Blowing out a stream of smoke, Shizuo laughed under his breath. It was funny how often the subject of Izaya wormed his way into his mind. Piece of shit though he might be, Shizuo found himself contemplating their _relationship_ -he wasn’t sure what else to call it- more often than he should have.

During his few moments of self-reflection, Shizuo had come to realize that while he always tried to kill Izaya and claimed to hate him with ever fiber of his being, he didn’t really believe it anymore. When they’d first met, Shizuo had absolutely detested Izaya, but now… Well, that was debatable. He was practically obsessed with the flea, got stressed when he wasn’t around and actively sought him out, even if the result was just another fight.

And, no matter how many flying objects Shizuo sent hurling Izaya’s way, he was fairly certain he’d be devastated if Izaya actually died. In some sort of weird way, he’d become attached to his supposed enemy and he doubted he’d ever fully understand why.

Of course, he’d never admit a word of this aloud, people would probably think he was crazy.

Maybe someday, the two of them would be something other than enemies, but for now, Shizuo was pretty content to try and kill the shitty louse. Thinking about things he had no control over was a waste of time.

But as ever, the flea wouldn’t leave him alone. Shizuo snorted irritably and snubbed out the remaining butt of his cigarette before reaching into his pocket for another. To be honest, he really wanted Izaya to show up today. It wasn’t that he missed him, even if he didn’t hate Izaya, the man seriously pissed him off, but fighting him never failed to make Shizuo’s life feel normal, complete in a way that nothing else really did. It was weird, but he wasn’t prepared to fight himself over such a tiny detail.

Lighting his fresh cigarette, Shizuo drew in a lungful of nicotine and blew it out slowly. Now that he thought about their last fight, Shizuo couldn’t help but recall Izaya’s erratic behavior. The flea had definitely been acting strangely right before he left but Shizuo shrugged it off. It was just another thing he couldn’t affect.

Besides, from almost the day that they’d met, Izaya had always acted weird, almost like he needed to make Shizuo hate him. Any times he’d made the mistake of showing the flea any sort of mercy or kindness, Izaya made a point of responding to it with anger and spitefulness. Shizuo would have never accused the man of being afraid of him, but Izaya’s behavior suggested that he was scared of something.

Shizuo let out a breath and shook his head to clear it. Whatever Izaya’s motivations, the blond really didn’t care. Or rather, he shouldn’t care. Taking a deep, calming breath, the bodyguard leaned back and closed his eyes. He should be enjoying the peace, not stressing about something he couldn’t change.

As he inhaled the smoke from his smoldering cigarette, Shizuo caught a whiff of something stronger that brought him up sharp. It was a scent he’d smelled many times before and it was fucking _intoxicating._ Bittersweet and teasing, the smell made Shizuo’s head feel fuzzy in the weirdest way possible. Taking the cigarette from his mouth, the blond sniffed the air, trying to catch the elusive scent once again. It filled his body, making him growl involuntarily under his breath.

Shizuo wasn’t an idiot, he knew the smell came from the pheromones of one particular Omega. To the best of his knowledge, he’d never met the Omega yet, but Shizuo would have given quite a lot to do so. Every time he’d caught a whiff of that heady aroma, the ex-bartender couldn’t help but wonder if it belonged to his _destined mate._ Okay, usually he wouldn’t have believed any of the shit about soul mates but one breath of this mystery Omega’s pheromones and Shizuo started singing a different tune.

Casting about, Shizuo searched the faces of the people around him. Of the ones he could see, most seemed to be either Betas or Alphas and none were the owners of that wonderful smell. Frustrated, Shizuo got to his feet, following his nose. _Feh, I must look like a fucking dog, Izaya would have a field day with this._

Logically, Shizuo knew that the Omega, whoever they might be, was probably in heat right now and why an Omega in heat would be just out and about was beyond him but he didn’t really care right now. Every time he caught this elusive scent it vanished on him. Maybe it was the fact he was only now finishing his rut and it was affecting his brain but Shizuo was determined to finally solve this mystery that had been irritating him for as long as he could remember.

And just like that, the smell vanished as it was overpowered by a stench he’d know anywhere. _Izaya!_ Shizuo felt his blood boil. A week of the flea just being fucking gone and the moment Shizuo actually wanted Izaya to stay away he showed up and with him an odor that completely masked the enticing Omega scent he’d been following. Swiveling about to find the shitty louse, Shizuo growled as his eyes landed on a familiar black coat with fur trim and a head of raven hair.

He was probably going to kill the damned flea for this.

“ _I-ZA-YA!_ ” he growled furiously, stalking towards Izaya like a predator that had just spotted his prey. The informant, who had been almost hugging the wall of the buildings lining the street opposite the park, turned to face him and froze, eyes wide. Shizuo half expected Izaya to bolt with a laugh and a taunting call of _Shizu-chan_ but instead, the raven just stared at him, seemingly shellshocked.

“Shizu-chan,” even from halfway across the street Shizuo could tell that something was wrong with the flea. Unlike his usual taunting lilt, Izaya’s voice was shaky and possibly even nervous. With movements that weren’t even close to his typical grace, Izaya dug around in his pocket, probably for a knife, but didn’t draw it. “What a surprise.”

He didn’t sound surprised, he sounded fucking scared, not that Shizuo was willing to care. Izaya’s scent permeated the air, only fueling his outrage at the flea’s timing. _It’s like he knows just the time to show up that’ll make me the most miserable!_ On top of that, Shizuo felt his earlier annoyance at Izaya’s absence well up once more. With another growl that sent the few pedestrians about on this street fleeing for cover, Shizuo roared, “Where the hell have you been Izaya?”

Izaya took several steps back and the fear in the raven’s posture was so painfully evident that Shizuo almost stopped advancing. He could feel his hormones flaring up again and smell his own pheromones in the air around him. Perhaps if he’d been thinking clearly he wouldn’t have gone after Izaya but the flea had him so pissed off he could hardly see straight, let alone think. _And to think I was actually contemplating whether I don’t hate him a moment ago._

Taking another deep breath, Shizuo snorted at Izaya’s smell and rumbled, “My afternoon was wonderful until you came along with your goddamned stench!”

“Ah, Shizu-chan, where I do and do not go is none of your concern. As it happens I actually have work today so I don’t have the time to play with you right now.” Izaya’s bullshit might have actually worked if he hadn’t been still backpedaling, trying to stay away from Shizuo. The raven was definitely shaken and was obviously trembling.

As Shizuo bent the bike racks out of his way, something about how pathetic Izaya looked made him pause. Honestly, his rival looked like he’d been run over by a bus. There were dark circles under his eyes, his hair looked disheveled and his skin was pasty, unhealthy like he hadn’t eaten in days. Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, Shizuo demanded, “What the fuck is wrong with you flea? You look like shit.”

“Nothing that concerns you Shizu-chan,” Izaya babbled, all the while shrinking back as Shizuo got closer to him. Now that his initial flare of rage had diminished, the blond was feeling increasing amounts of alarm. Clearly, something was wrong with Izaya and it pissed him the hell off that the slippery informant would dodge the question. “Besides,” Izaya added in what could only be described as a shrill laugh. “Even if I answered,  your little amoeba brain probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend my words at all.”

_That fucking does it_. Shizuo snapped and punched the wall beside Izaya’s head, only narrowly missing the flea’s frightened face. “I asked you a goddamned question!” he thundered, his nose only inches from Izaya’s. Taking a deep breath, Shizuo continued, at a thunderous roar, “And if you’re not going to answer it, then I’ll _fucking_ -” Suddenly, the blond’s senses caught up to him and he was flooded with that tantalizing, arousing scent of Omega pheromones that he had been smelling before Izaya’s arrival. Shizuo stopped talking as his head started to pound and he stared at the frozen raven beneath him.

_The fuck?_

Hardly able to control his actions, Shizuo leaned in closer to where Izaya’s scent glands were and inhaled once more, taking in the intoxicating blend of pheromones that were emanating from Izaya.

From _Izaya_.

The flea, his enemy…

_An Omega_ …

Shizuo jerked back and stared at Izaya as his brain processed this mind-blowing information. Izaya Orihara, the bastard he’d been chasing since high school, was an Omega, a _male Omega._

More importantly, he smelled fucking delicious.

The absolute terror in Izaya’s eyes was palpable and Shizuo realized with a jolt of horror that he was the one who had put it there. For the first time ever, the thought that he was hurting the flea made him feel sick to his stomach. “Izaya-” Shizuo started, unsure what he was supposed to even say to this.

The raven, apparently, didn’t care either way. Stumbling away from Shizuo, who still had his fist buried in the wall, Izaya called, “Well, bye bye Shizu-chan!” before running away. Whatever he’d been trying to cover up with that pathetic attempt at cheer, Shizuo saw through it at once to the fear in Izaya’s eyes.

In that second, there wasn’t really a choice. Shizuo pulled his fist from the wall and pounded after him. As the blond ran, his brain continued to short circuit. All this time, Shizuo had fought Izaya because he’d believed somewhere, deep down in the recesses of his mind where rational thought lived, that Izaya was an Alpha or Beta and therefore okay to threaten, chase and sometimes hurt. Him being an Omega changed everything. Unlike some Alphas, Shizuo had been taught at a very young age that Omegas were to be respected and protected. No matter what his instincts made him want to do, Shizuo was to behave properly towards Omegas because, well, they were weaker and it was easy to take advantage of them if you weren’t careful.

But Izaya hadn’t been weak or delicate or easily hurt. He’d been spiteful and vindictive and violent towards Shizuo from day one, giving no indication whatsoever that he was an Omega. Which meant that Shizuo had been breaking his own self-made rule for years without even realizing it. And now he was fucking chasing the flea once again because he desperately needed to talk through this with Izaya.

Considering how fucking weak Izaya had been acting only seconds before, he was managing to keep out of Shizuo’s reach fairly well. “Get back here you shitty flea!” Shizuo bellowed, tearing after Izaya, following the trail of pheromones the terrified Omega left in his wake. He almost added _I’m going to kill you_ but he stopped himself because he wasn’t actually going to hurt the flea, he was just going to keep him still long enough to ask him some questions.

Namely why he smelled so fucking arousing and why Shizuo was seriously considering fucking Izaya senseless. _Goddamnit, I didn’t sign up for this shit._

His brain kept scrambling, trying to frantically put the pieces together while Shizuo just tried to focus on catching the bastard at all. Everything he’d ever considered as solid between them had been shattered.

Ahead, Izaya stumbled and Shizuo's heart leapt as he smacked into a wall before scrambling away once more. He was slowing down, which was good for Shizuo but at the same time made the blond feel like a monster. Izaya was an _Omega_ , he shouldn’t be hunting Izaya like this, it was wrong.

But he’d done it for years. Nothing made much sense anymore.

Finally, as Izaya ducked into an alley, Shizuo saw his window of opportunity and took it. Putting on a burst of speed, the blond crashed into the alley after Izaya and all but slammed him into the building to their left, pinning the struggling raven to the wall, caging him with his body. The raven panted and whimpered, even as he turned his head away from Shizuo's fiery gaze.

“What the actual fuck flea!” Shizuo growled, using his free hand to grab the flea’s chin and make Izaya look him in the eyes. His red eyes were full of anger, fear and something else that made him whine pathetically before hissing and clamping his mouth shut. “What the fuck?”

“Get off of me Shizu-chan, get off,” begged the raven, writhing under the blond which was only making the desire to do something he shouldn’t stronger. Izaya’s eyes rolled in panic and they began to well with tears of terror as pheromones spilled off of him, their heady aroma making Shizuo’s vision tunnel till he could only see the damned louse. “P-please, leave me alone.”

“You’re an Omega!” Shizuo shouted, unable to keep his temper in check. There were too many other things to hold back that took priority. One of Izaya’s free hands moved and Shizuo took no time in pinning it above Izaya’s head. “You’re a fucking Omega. All this fucking time-”

“ _So what_ _?”_ Izaya spat, his words ending in a needy moan that only confused Shizuo more. “That gives you no right to treat me this way you dumb beas~ah!” His eyes almost rolled back in his head as Shizuo pressed his body against the flea’s, giving into some of his incomprehensible desires and apparently, fulfilling some of Izaya’s in the process.

He’d just wanted to shut the little shit up but clearly, he was doing quite a lot more.

Another piece of the puzzle clicked. _The bastard’s in heat_ , Shizuo realized, his eyes growing wide as he noted the flush spreading across Izaya’s face and the soft moans that kept escaping him. For the blond, who was still rutting and who was practically bathing in Izaya’s pheromones, as of then, resisting the natural pull of his instincts was nigh impossible.

“That’s why you were gone,” Shizuo growled, forcing Izaya’s attention back to the matter at hand. “You’ve been in heat. You still are, aren’t you?” Izaya’s heavenly scent coupled with the telltale stiffness pressing against Shizuo’s leg answered his question for him. Even though he should have been repulsed by Izaya, after all, the flea pissed him off, Shizuo wanted him. He wanted _all_ of him.

For the first time in his life, Shizuo wanted to mate with an Omega and out of all the people it could have been, it was Izaya fucking Orihara.

“I hate you Shizu-chan,” Izaya panted, his hips jerking desperately, instinctively, against Shizuo’s, forcing the ex-bartender to hold back a moan of his own. Somehow, it had ceased to matter they were in an alley right near the street where anyone could just find them, Shizuo wanted to flip Izaya over and fuck him right then and there. “I hate you, I hate you, I _hate_ you.” Tears were leaking from the corners of the raven’s eyes but Shizuo couldn’t restrain himself, there wasn’t anything Izaya could say that would make the beast back off.

As Shizuo bent closer to Izaya’s neck, letting his hot breath skitter across the raven’s pale skin, the blond had a fleeting moment of clarity in which he wondered what the fuck he was doing and why. Izaya was fucking crying, why couldn’t he hold himself back?

Then another wave of Izaya’s pheromones hit him and Shizuo realized the answer.

Izaya wasn’t just an Omega that happened to be in heat and that's why Shizuo couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of him. That explanation just didn’t hold water. Over the years Shizuo had encountered plenty of Omegas in heat and while they’d been tempting and had certainly smelled wonderful, none of them had elicited the same reaction as Izaya’s heat was at this moment.

_No, that’s because Izaya’s my…_

“Soul mate?” Shizuo breathed aloud, unable to keep the shock and intense disbelief from his voice. Izaya stiffened at the word and suddenly, Shizuo felt a stab of pain through his side that forced him to let go of the flea. One of Izaya’s fucking blades was protruding from his side.

Eyes flying back up to the flea, who was a fearful, aroused and crying mess, Shizuo opened his mouth to say something but Izaya cut him off with a frantic tirade. “I don’t care if we’re soul mates Shizu-chan, I don’t care if you think I’m yours. I will _never_ have a mate and I will never let an Alpha control me. Don’t you ever touch me again you monster!” With those parting words, the complete disaster of an Omega that was Izaya Orihara disappeared down the alleyway, leaving Shizuo leaning against the alley wall, clutching his side and staring after him in shock.

_Soul mates_ , he thought dimly, staring down at the knife once more, trying to focus on it instead of the trail of pheromones Izaya had left in his wake.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s right Shizu-chan, fuck, something you will be doing to Izaya in a few chapters.  
> Okay, this got a little more heated than I intended but eh, what the heck, you guys’ll probably enjoy it so why not?  
> Not angsty enough? Wait till you see the next chapter. My god, Izaya is such a mess.  
> Goodbye and until next time!


	5. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There seems to be the distinct possibility that I’m a sadist. After all, why else would I take such pleasure in making Izaya cry?  
> Early update because it's Izaya's birthday and I want to.  
> Just as a warning, the events at the end of this chapter are a little harsh. I’m not one for trigger warnings but I feel obligated to put a mild one here anyway.  
> That being said, enjoy!

Izaya felt like his world was ending. Probably because it was.

_Shizuo knows, he_ knows _what I am._

The sounds of Shizuo’s pounding feet echoing behind him were like a horrible countdown, ticking away Izaya’s last moments of freedom. His legs ached, his chest burned and every piece of him was saturated in swirling fear. Of course, it wasn’t just fear, no, Izaya wasn’t that lucky. Simple terror would have been easy to deal with in comparison, it was so much more straightforward.

No this was much worse, this horrible throbbing at the base of his skull, the thrumming in his bones that slowed him, pulled him back towards the very thing he was fleeing from. After years upon years of suppressing his natural instincts, Izaya’s body desperately wanted to give in, _wanted_ the beast, and he could only run from it for so long.

Shizuo was making very sure of that.

“Get back here you shitty flea!” the monster roared, sending chills racing through the raven. Izaya, who had never been one for appealing to higher powers, desperately begged every deity he’d ever heard of to make Shizuo just leave him alone. But he’d have been a fool if he expected anything to happen. The events playing themselves out in his life transcended godly intervention, this was the worst of the human condition, the base that societal interaction had been formed on.

Alphas and Betas finding and taking mates and Omegas rolling over and praying they didn't get hurt.

After spending his life avoiding fate, Izaya’s body wanted nothing more than to be possessed and to be dominated by the monster chasing him. It had always been a struggle associated with meddling with Shizuo, that fine line between what his body craved and what his mind feared. Now the line was gone, erased by one careless mistake and the natural ties that bound him to his enemy.

_Soul mates? Feh, nothing more than a fancy word for biologically dictated oppression._

But for all his brilliance and natural intellect, Izaya couldn't see a way out of this. The waves of powerful Omega pheromones coming off of his skin would lead Shizuo right to the raven, no matter how much distance he managed to put between them. As if that wasn't enough, Shizuo’s own pheromones clouded up Izaya’s mind. If there was a solution to his problem, Izaya wasn't in any place to see it.

_I want it,_ his body screamed even as his mind rebelled. _I want_ him, _my soul mate._

And it was that desire, more than anything else, more even than the fact that Shizuo knew he was an Omega, that scared him.

A burst of Shizuo’s pheromones caught up with him and Izaya stumbled, almost tumbling to the pavement. At the last second, he threw himself into the wall to his right, using it to steady himself before staggering on. Unfortunately, his reflexes were slowing down as his body insisted that, whatever Shizuo intended to do, Izaya would be absolutely fine with it and he should let it happen.

_I can’t, I can’t ever give in_!

Pulling every last bit of reason from the depths of his mind, Izaya tried to calculate the best possible method of escape. The rooftops, no matter how unlikely he was to get to them before Shizuo caught him, were the only way. Without a second thought, Izaya darted into the next alley, hoping, _praying_ , that he’d make it out of this mess alive.

A moment later his head cracked against the brick of the alley as one-hundred and fifty pounds of rutting Alpha slammed into him and pinned him against the wall. Vision blurring momentarily, Izaya became acutely aware of the overpowering scent of Shizuo surrounding him from all sides and whimpered pathetically even as he struggled to get away. Panic allowing him to ignore the screaming ache that was spreading through his body, Izaya fought the beast’s hold desperately, his breathing uneven and his eyes unwilling to meet the fire glaring down at him.

“What the actual _fuck_ flea?” Grabbing his chin in rough, calloused fingers, Shizuo jerked Izaya’s head around so he couldn’t avoid looking at the monster. Even though the contact was rough and unwanted, the raven whined pathetically as the feeling of Shizuo’s skin against his, the warm breath spreading over his face, made his knees weak. With everything he had, Izaya stared at the beast with anger, trying and failing to keep the fear and desire out of his eyes.

“What the fuck?” Shizuo repeated, his voice a roar. Izaya tried to swallow but his throat wouldn’t work right. He _needed_ to get away but he couldn’t, not with the blond caging him in, keeping him from running. Fear made him struggle harder, fighting against a force he couldn’t hope to overcome.

“Get off of me Shizu-chan,” Izaya pleaded, his eyes unable to focus on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. His heat, which had been almost over just a few minutes ago, was in full effect, breaking down those sacred boundaries he’d kept in place for a reason. “Get off,” he repeated, weaker this time. Above him, Shizuo’s eyes had dilated and there was something feral spilling into the air around them. “P-please,” he begged, tears in his red eyes, no longer caring for his ruined pride, only for his freedom. “Leave me alone.”

“You’re an Omega!” thundered the blond, no temperance to his fury. Unchecked it shook Izaya to the core, fear only making him struggle all the harder. _I need a way out, I can’t let this happen_. His left hand went for his pocket, hoping to find a knife there, but Shizuo moved quicker. With enough force to grind bones together, Shizuo caught Izaya’s wrist and pinned it above his head, leaving him in an even more vulnerable position. Instincts battled fear as arousal curled in Izaya’s stomach, even as he kept looking for a way out. Every lungful of air chipped away at his defenses as Shizuo’s personal scent invaded the raven’s body and saturated his skin.

“You’re a fucking Omega!” Shizuo looked equal parts incredulous and livid as his words slapped Izaya in the face. “All this fucking time-”

“So what?” Izaya just managed to snap, trying to conceal the wanting moan that bubbled up involuntarily from his mouth. Fighting how his throat threatened to close, Izaya spat, “That gives you no right to treat me this way you dumb beas~ah!” Shizuo cut him off effectively as he pressed himself against Izaya’s lithe form, giving the raven _exactly_ what he’d been trying to deny himself. As Izaya’s eyes rolled back in his head and he bit back a groan, he tried to will himself to keep fighting, keep trying to get away.

Though fear dominated the forefront of his mind, a much more powerful force pushed him against the blond, wanting more, needing what he couldn’t have. Izaya hated himself, despised every bit of his being as his traitorous body soaked in Shizuo’s pheromones and all his blood rushed south. His face was red, his eyes were unfocused and little moans kept escaping him.

And all the while Shizuo pressed him harder into the wall, almost grinding against him as his eyes widened and his pupils dilated further in desire.

“That’s why you were gone,” the beast’s roar had become more of a low growl, its softer pitch almost more terrifying than before. Izaya’s mind was jolted back into the present, making him all the more aware of his own arousal and the erection he was pressing into Shizuo shamelessly. “You’ve been in heat,” Shizuo said, barring his teeth. “You still are, aren’t you?”

Instincts overriding every last shred of dignity he possessed, Izaya’s hips bucked against Shizuo’s and he could see the moan the blond swallowed back. “I hate you Shizu-chan,” he managed to hiss as tears escaped the corners of his eyes. This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t let his instincts get the better of him. If this was what all his self-control was worth Izaya would never be able to face his precious humans again. Yet no matter how much fear flowed through him and no matter how much he wanted, _needed_ to get away, Izaya couldn’t so much as look away from Shizuo.

“I hate you,” he whispered again, tilting his head back in an attempt to stop the water flowing freely from his red eyes. “I hate you, I _hate_ you.” He could feel the beast’s breath skittering across his bared neck, so close to his scent glands, close enough to send goosebumps across his body and make his groin twitch needily. They were in an alley, anyone could have seen them but Izaya was too far gone to care.

And then Shizuo uttered the one word that could have possibly snapped Izaya out of his heat fueled haze.

“Soul mate?”

Izaya registered the shock and disbelief in Shizuo’s tone only dimly. A sudden bolt of clarity drove itself straight through the raven and his free hand moved, born by an entirely different set of instincts. Fingers closing around the cold steel of his switchblade, Izaya drew it and in one fluid motion drove it into Shizuo’s side. It wasn’t deep enough to cause lasting damage, the raven hadn’t even hit any organs, but it served its intended purpose in driving the blond back.

_What have I done?_

Unable to see clearly through the frightened tears obscuring his vision, Izaya glared at Shizuo, the Alpha’s pheromones still affecting his ability to stand straight. As Shizuo opened his mouth, Izaya’s panic welled up once more and he cut him off, not wanting to hear the words the beast was sure to say. “I don’t care if we’re soul mates Shizu-chan, I don’t care if you think I’m yours!” The words flew off his tongue, the act of driving the blond away coming to him more naturally than breathing. “I will never have a mate and I will _never_ let an Alpha control me. Don’t you ever touch me again you monster!”

Without waiting to see what Shizuo’s reaction would be, Izaya darted away, using this burst of adrenaline to get as far away from the Alpha as possible. _My Alpha, my mess._ Pheromones trailed behind Izaya like blood souring the air, easy enough for anyone to follow, even if they didn’t have Shizuo’s nose. Probably every Alpha around knew there was an Omega in heat nearby. It didn’t matter, Izaya just needed to get away.

Taking to the rooftops, Izaya stumbled along until his strength ran out and he collapsed limply against the wall of a taller building next to the roof he currently resided on. The fearful tears came then without restraint. Curling in on himself, Izaya gasped as his stiff erection chafed against his jeans and his sensitive skin cried out in pain. He needed to get up, he needed to get out of there before Shizuo found him but he couldn’t move, much less run. Everything hurt too much.

Izaya had failed himself. Shizuo knew, he _knew_. A bitter laugh escaped the raven’s mouth as he tried to mop away some of the tears pouring down his ashen face. After everything, all the torture he’d gone through so he could lead the life he’d wanted to, Shizuo had ruined it all in a moment.

_If I hadn’t left my apartment today, or if I had taken more suppressants this wouldn’t have happened,_ Izaya thought, hiccuping on a sob. _I should have stabbed Shizuo the moment he attacked me, I shouldn’t have tempted fate quite so often._

_I shouldn’t have given into my instincts quite so easily…_

But it was over now, wasn’t it? Shizuo knew what Izaya was, he knew the raven was his soul mate. Honestly, Izaya was surprised Shizuo hadn’t stormed the roof already and forced Izaya to mate with him.

Izaya’s face screwed up in fear, even though he knew it was irrational. Shizuo wasn’t that kind of person, no matter what else he was. He wouldn’t do anything of _that_ nature if Izaya didn’t want it. Besides, didn’t the beast despise him?

No, the real problem was that Izaya _would_ want Shizuo to pin him to the ground and fuck him senseless. Lip curling, Izaya pressed his forehead into his knees and tried to stop the pitiful tears still staining his face. Even if the monster was kind enough to wait for consent, that didn’t mean he was going to be so gracious in the long term. Once they were mated, Izaya was as good as property, he’d have next to no rights. Shizuo could treat him as he saw fit.

And since they hated each other, all Izaya could foresee was pain and suffering on his part.

Retracting further into himself, Izaya shivered and hated himself a little more with every heartbeat. _Some god I am…_

His own pheromones choked the surrounding air, making it harder for Izaya to breath. A part of him just wanted to melt into the wall at his back but no, he was too prideful for that. _Pride? Am I even permitted to have that as a male Omega? I’m a disgrace, thinking I could control myself when all I’m good for is breeding stock for the rest of the world._

So lost in his own misery was he that Izaya didn’t notice the foul odor drawing closer to where he was until it was too late to do anything about it. Disgusted by the unfamiliar scents, Izaya’s nose wrinkled and he stumbled to his feet, wiping away his pathetic tears as he did. Three leering men stood at the fire exit of the building, their scents identifying them as Alphas.

“Look what we have here!” One of them crooned and Izaya winced internally, feeling almost sorry for the human who had been cursed with such stupidity. “A little Omega.” Fingers still shaking slightly, Izaya pulled his coat tightly around his body in an attempt to hide his still throbbing groin while at the same time fumbling around in his pockets for a knife. _After Shizu-chan, these idiots won’t be a challenge at all._

His fingers came up empty.

“Smells like the little slut is in heat,” one of the others drawled, his voice painfully grating. Izaya felt a trickle of fear run through him. No, he always had more knives, surely he hadn’t left the house with just _one_ , what kind of an amateur would do that? “I wonder if he wants to have a little fun.”

“Don’t touch me,” Izaya hissed, his back already to a wall, hands frantically pawing about for a knife. The Alpha’s only grinned and drew closer, clearly delighted at finding such fresh meat to devour. _I’m worth more than all of them,_ was Izaya’s first thought but his doubts hit him full force and he almost stumbled. _I’m just an Omega, I was made to be used._

“This one’s feisty,” the first commented, licking his teeth and making a horrible sucking sound. “I’ve never seen a male Omega before. Do you think he bites?” Usually, Izaya would have laughed. Right now, in heat and stuck with no weapons, Izaya could only hiss and pray they didn’t come any closer. _I can’t fight back, I’m too weak and I have no knives. I’m at their mercy._

Izaya’s stomach turned and he felt sick as he realized what was about to happen. _No, I was,_ am _, a god! I won’t have pathetic human’s defile me in such a way!_ But they weren’t stopping.

As the nearest one reached out to touch Izaya, the raven shrunk back. “I said, _don’t touch me!_ ” Suddenly, the ringleader of the three Alpha’s seized his hair and dragged him away from the wall. Under normal circumstances, Izaya would have been able to fight back but in this state, he could do little more than whimper in pain.

“How dare you speak to your betters like that,” the second hissed, his scent making Izaya’s gut turn and revolt against him. “Do you know what happens to Omega’s who don’t know their place?” Izaya tried to scratch at the man’s eyes but the Alpha who had first tried to touch him gripped his arms and pulled them painfully behind his back.

“They get shown it, forcefully,” the first man spat as the one gripping his arms let a hand stroke up Izaya’s thigh, finding his erection.

“Look’s like the little whore’s all ready for us,” he cackled, making Izaya gag on the combined scent of unfamiliar Alphas and unwashed bodies. “What a willing Omega.” Dirty hands started pawing at Izaya’s clothing and the raven could do little more than whimper, his body too weak to fight back.

As his jacket vanished along with his shirt, Izaya closed his eyes and tried desperately to shut off his mind. He could _feel_ their hands, touching him everywhere, pinching and filthy and it made him want to be sick. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Izaya could still sense Shizuo’s breath on his skin, making his entire body feel like it was on fire. Possessive, dominant. He wasn’t supposed to want the beast but dammit he did! Desperately, he focused on those moments, ones he’d thrown away because he was too good to be touched by an Alpha.

And now he was about to be raped and there was nothing he could do about it. His pride would be stripped from him and in the end, all Izaya would be left with was a shattered mind and a broken body. He was about to be defiled so completely that he’d never be able to mend the holes it left behind.

“Open your eyes you damn Omega!” one of the men growled, the threatening words accompanied by a slap to the face.

As someone yanked the zipper of his jeans down, Izaya did indeed open his eyes. Staring straight ahead into the cruel, unfeeling sky, his entire body filled with to the brim with fear, Izaya whispered, “Shizuo, _please_.”

But why would a monster come at the call of a god?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *smirks* I know, I’m evil. But be honest, you knew it was going to happen.  
> Seriously, you're reading my story, what were you expecting?


	6. The Only Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is early. By a couple days actually but, due to complications, I won't be able to post for a few days so, better early that late. I'm sure you can all agree that now is better than Friday, especially after that last cliffhanger.  
> And while we're on the subject, I’m sorry about the last chapter. I can tell you there will be more tears, but that was the worst of it.  
> Contrary to what I always say, I’m not actually evil, I’m just differently unkind!  
> Enjoy!

Shizuo spent a few minutes just staring at the blank wall where Izaya had been standing. His side had started to irritate him so he’d pulled the knife out, not really caring about the blood now staining his bartender’s uniform. It hurt, of course it did, he’d been fucking stabbed, but it was nothing like the usual injuries his and Izaya’s fights caused.

To be honest, Shizuo’s mind hadn’t quite caught up with what had just happened. One moment it had been a normal day, the next everything had gone to shit as he discovered Izaya was an Omega and his soul mate.

Then, just to top it all off, the flea had vanished, leaving Shizuo to try and figure out what he was supposed to do now

_Fuck._

His body was still trying to adjust to what had happened. Pheromones kept pouring off of him in waves and his blood was still boiling, but it wasn’t exactly from rage anymore. More like an intense desire for Izaya than anything else. Except he was supposed to hate the flea so why didn’t he? Why did he feel like he should run after Izaya instead of leaving him be like the raven wanted?

The fact that Izaya was an Omega certainly made things different, or at least complicated. Shizuo’s stomach turned as he thought of how many times he’d recklessly injured Izaya and how many times the fucking flea had come back for more like he wasn’t even affected. He hadn't even suspected, despite what looking back on it had been quite obvious tells. The opportunity to rid himself of some of his anger through concentrated violence had been just too tempting to pass up.

Running a hand through his hair, Shizuo cursed loudly. What the hell had he been thinking? What the hell had he almost done? Izaya had been scared of him! He’d been in tears for fuck’s sake, never mind that his body had reacted to Shizuo’s actions, the flea had been terrified. Instincts be damned, he never should have caved so easily to his Alpha nature. Just because he wanted to devour Izaya didn’t mean he had the right to.

_Except we're soul mates._ The thought made Shizuo growl. Bad enough that he’d hurt an Omega, the blond had hurt the one person destined to be his mate. _But it's Izaya, I might not hate him but why the hell would I ever care about him?_ Whether there was a reason or not, he did care about the flea and that scared him. Shaking his head, Shizuo leaned against the wall at his back. Everything was moving far too fast for him to keep up.

Izaya’s pheromones still drifted through the air around him. Shizuo clenched his fists as he glanced down the alley in the direction the flea had run. He wanted to follow him, the desire so powerful it was bordering on irrational. _Feh, just look at all the shit following him caused last time._ The words Izaya had left Shizuo with before disappearing were enough to know how the raven would feel about it if he came after him. In this situation, the right thing to do was probably to leave. _And god knows I’ve fucked up enough as it is._

Turning towards the mouth of the alley, the blond forced himself to take a step forward before pausing, a scowl on his face. _So what, I’m just going to leave him? What kind of shit Alpha does that make me?_

It was what Izaya seemed to want but Shizuo couldn’t physically push himself to just go without a second thought. Yeah, he’d screwed up, he wasn’t even sure what he’d wanted to do originally but he was pretty sure _that_ hadn’t been it. It wasn’t like the pair had much of a relationship to fuck up in the first place but Shizuo wasn’t entirely convinced that mattered anymore. Somewhere, Izaya was probably curled up in a corner, cowering and crying pathetically because of what he’d done. The bastard was in heat, he definitely wasn’t going to get far, much less make it all the way back to his apartment in the next district over where he’d be safe. That was entirely the blond’s fault and he wasn’t about to let Izaya suffer for something he couldn’t control.

Starting now, he wasn’t going to let _his_ Omega pay for Shizuo’s own lack of control.

_He’s going to hate me for this,_ Shizuo acknowledged bitterly as he turned back around and stalked down the alley. Not that the flea had ever felt anything other than loathing for the blond but _oh_ this was going to make this so much worse. _If it’s going to end badly, why am I even bothering? What am I expecting this to fix?_ It wasn’t going to mend their relationship, something that had been twisted from the beginning, and it wasn’t going to fix what they’d just done. Shizuo wasn’t going to forget that Izaya was his soul mate and he definitely wasn’t going to forget he was an Omega. Their days of fighting were over, Shizuo wasn’t about to throw a vending machine at an Omega, but that didn’t really matter.

He _had_ to find Izaya.

_This was my mistake, he’s my Omega and I’m not going to leave while he’s hurting._

Instincts really were far more powerful than anything else.

Izaya’s trail was simple enough to follow, it wasn’t as if he’d tried to hide it. Shizuo found the emergency stairs the flea had used to escape to the rooftops of Ikebukuro and growled under his breath before climbing them. _That damned bastard had better be okay,_ he thought mutinously as he scanned the roof he was on for any sign of Izaya. Running into another lungful of intoxicating Omega pheromones, Shizuo spat out a furious, “Fuck!” To any other Alphas nearby Izaya probably smelled like heaven, his heat making his scent exponentially more powerful than it would have been otherwise.

_If any of them have so much as_ touched _my Omega I’ll-_ Okay whoa, wait, hold on, _his_ Omega? Shizuo scowled as he shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of his own traitorous thoughts that he’d been letting run wild for a while now. No, it didn’t matter how good Izaya smelled or whether they were soul mates or not. If the flea didn’t want him, and Shizuo knew the answer to that question already, then he wasn’t going to touch him, much less claim him in any sort of lasting way.

That being said, his base instincts to protect what was rightfully his were quite a lot stronger than his common sense at the moment and Shizuo happened to agree with them. It didn’t matter if Izaya hated him or not, he wasn’t going to let _anyone_ so much as lay a finger on the raven if he could prevent it.

The path the flea had taken across the rooftops was proof of how distressed he’d been. Usually, Izaya was calculating and his movements and actions reflected that. Here, Izaya had blindly fled from Shizuo, no order to his direction. Another bit of guilt wormed its way into Shizuo’s mind and he almost turned back. _He doesn’t want me there, he’s scared of me because I almost became the monster he’s always painted me as. If I show up now, it’ll make things worse, I might make him panic further._

Once again, instincts trumped logic. Shizuo pressed on.

As the scent got stronger, the blond started listening harder for Izaya’s breathing. The pheromones in the air were so thick Shizuo almost couldn’t follow them because they seemed to go in all directions. Lost, Shizuo dragged in several heavy lungfuls of air, trying to decide where Izaya had gone.

Unexpectedly, the putrid smell of other Alphas hit him. Spinning in the direction of the smell, Shizuo froze as his brain registered what he was seeing take place in the near distance in less than a second.

Three Alphas, all leering and ugly, were clustered around a single Omega, _his_ Omega, clearly the target of their unwanted attention. His black coat had been tossed recklessly to the side, along with a dark shirt. As one of the men moved, Shizuo saw the pale terrified face of Izaya and watched as the flea mouthed two words. He couldn't hear them but he knew exactly what Izaya had said.

“ _Shizuo, please.”_

The Alpha saw red.

With a roar that startled all three of the _disgusting_ lesser Alphas who had dared to hurt Izaya, Shizuo charged. So clouded in fury was his mind, the blond hardly registered the scream of the first man as he threw him off of the rooftop. Without a moment of hesitation, Shizuo’s fist collided with the skull of the second, forcing him to release Izaya’s hair as he fell to the ground. As the last man let go of the raven as well, Izaya collapsed to the ground and curled up tightly, terror clear in his every breath.

The third man backed away quickly, his mouth moving, probably speaking. Unfortunately for him, Shizuo couldn’t hear anything past the rushing blood in his ears. _He’s mine,_ his thoughts roared. _Mine and only mine!_ Stalking towards him, Shizuo grabbed the last Alpha and threw him against the wall of the building next door. Something cracked on impact and the man fell to the ground, lifeless.

“Don’t move, Alpha.”

Feeling a chill cut through his adrenaline, Shizuo slowly turned around to find the Alpha he had only knocked to the ground was sitting upright, one hairy arm wrapped around Izaya’s thin neck. The raven’s carmine eyes were wide and fearful. At this distance, Shizuo could see the bruises and ugly marks marring Izaya’s pale torso and there was a handprint on Izaya’s cheek, probably from where one of the men had hit him. It looked painful.

In a soft, deadly voice, Shizuo slowly said, “Let. Him. Go, right now.” The Alpha shook visibly but he tightened his hold on Izaya all the same. Feebly, the raven’s fingers scrabbled at the man’s arm, his body too weak to truly fight back. It took everything Shizuo had not to just kill the man instantly. Only the thought that he might hurt his Omega in the process kept his anger in check. Ironic that the person that usually so enraged him was the only thing keeping him from snapping.

“You’re not in a position to make demands,” the man sneered, his beady eyes fixed on Shizuo. Despite his show of bravado, the blond knew how scared he was. Threateningly, he took a step forward. The other Alpha scrambled backward, dragging Izaya with him roughly. The raven hissed in pain and whimpered pathetically.

At the sound, the thin thread holding Shizuo back broke. “Get your hands off my Omega!” Before his voice had even finished echoing, the stronger Alpha charged the man holding Izaya. With a yell, the weaker Alpha tried to pull the raven up and use him as a shield but Shizuo was faster. His fist connected with the man’s face with such force that bones cracked under his fingers. Knocked unconscious, the man slumped to the ground, finally releasing Izaya.

Without making a sound, Izaya wilted to the rooftop. Instinctively, Shizuo caught the shivering Omega in his arms, all else instantly forgotten. Izaya didn’t fight him in the slightest, if anything, he curled up further into Shizuo, his eyes screwed tight, a look of fear still on his tearstained face. In the face of Izaya’s pain, Shizuo’s rage just contained itself. He couldn’t be sure what had brought about the change in reaction to Izaya but he knew he wanted nothing more than to keep the raven from ever being hurt again.

_If I had been even a little slower he’d have been-_ Shizuo blocked out the thoughts that made his throat close. In all his life, he’d never felt quite so protective of one individual. Holding Izaya gently, as if the Omega was made of glass, Shizuo stooped to pick up Izaya’s discarded clothing and took a moment to wrap him in his coat and another to wipe away the tears that had started collecting in the corners of the raven’s eyes.

“It’s okay Izaya,” Shizuo rumbled, getting to his feet and looking for a way off the roof. “I’m not going to let anyone touch you like that again. You're safe, I promise.” Maybe it was his words that soothed Izaya, maybe it was just his Alpha scent which was naturally calming an Omega who recognized him as being his mate. Whatever it was, Izaya shuddered, melted willingly into Shizuo's hold and passed out.

As he stood there, Shizuo realized that whatever he did, his first priority should be getting Izaya somewhere safe so he could sleep. He didn't remember much from his high school health lectures but he could guess that being in heat was pretty exhausting, just going off of how the flea had been behaving. Briefly, Shizuo considered taking Izaya to Shinra but as a growl built in the back of his throat, he decided the idea was impractical. Sure it might be best for Izaya, but Shizuo knew that the moment Shinra touched the raven, he'd be liable to attack the doctor.

It wasn’t that he wanted to, it was just a statement of fact that he would.

His only other option was taking Izaya back to his apartment. There, Shizuo would be able to keep an eye on the sleeping Omega. As an added bonus his entire house was so thoroughly saturated in his powerful Alpha scent that only someone truly crazy would dare to mess with Izaya while he was in there. Of course, Izaya waking up and finding himself in Shizuo’s house might end in anger but the blond had already made up his mind.

Taking a hard breath, Shizuo strode over to the metal exit staircase and started down it towards the streets below. The path reeked of the disgusting Alphas who had almost raped Izaya.

_Rape, Izaya was almost…_

The thought made him feel sick. He’d caused this, he’d been the one to scare Izaya to the point where he’d felt the need to flee. A moment of carelessness on his part had led to the raven almost getting seriously hurt.

_Fuck, they already hurt him, there isn’t any almost about it._ If Shizuo ever saw those _animals_ again, he’d kill them and damn the consequences. He’d kill anyone who even thought about hurting his Omega. All he did now was pull Izaya in closer in an attempt to drown out the other Alpha scents around them.

No one they passed questioned them, no one dared. Most didn’t even chance looking at them for fear of angering the rutting Alpha. People, Alphas, Betas and Omegas alike parted for Shizuo and his precious Omega. _He’s not mine, he hates me. Izaya would never let that happen, he’d kill me before he’d be willing to mate._ But oh did the words feel satisfying, like he’d wanted to say them his whole life. There was something undeniably _right_ , watching people hurry to get out of his way. Every one of them knew Izaya was _his_ , none of them would ever _dream_ of touching the raven. As long as he was near Izaya, the Omega was safe.

It was strange, Shizuo had always assumed he’d never find his soul mate, that shit was stupid. Even if he had, the blond had been convinced it would be some wispy girl who broke if he so much as looked at her wrong. The realization that his destined mate was Izaya, a flea that had proved time and time again that being an Omega didn’t mean being weak, was entirely mind-blowing, even if they never actually mated.

_And we won’t, the flea fucking hates me and I’m not going to jump him. I have more control than that._

Strange, none of that seemed to matter. With Izaya in his arms and the Omega’s scent saturating his body, Shizuo felt calm, he felt right. This was what made Alphas what they were, this protective, dominant instinct. The intense desire to keep safe what was theirs. Until now, Shizuo wouldn’t have been able to understand.

Now, well, it was a wonder he hadn’t murdered those three Alphas on the spot after what they’d done.

The walk to Shizuo’s apartment wasn’t a long one, most of it blurred by Izaya’s scent and Shizuo’s own hormones. Really, the blond was almost surprised to find himself in front of his own door. As the ex-bartender dug about in his pocket for his keys, Izaya shifted but didn’t wake up and for that he was grateful. The raven desperately needed the sleep and Shizuo desperately needed to keep Izaya here, where he could protect the Omega from danger. If he had found himself in Shizuo’s house, the blond had little doubt that Izaya would have demanded to be taken back to his own apartment.

Thankfully, Izaya was asleep and Shizuo was fairly certain he’d stay that way.

The moment they were inside, Shizuo hurried for his bedroom and laid Izaya out on his bed. At the sight of the bruises those vile creatures had left on _his_ Omega, Shizuo’s vision started to go red again. Only the soft murmur of breath from Izaya as the raven curled into Shizuo’s pillows and inhaled deeply calmed the blond.

_That’s_ my _Omega._

Perhaps it was _wrong_ to think of Izaya in such a way, after all, the raven had told Shizuo quite plainly that he didn’t want to mate, but that being said, the blond felt responsible for Izaya. He _wanted_ to be responsible for him. When Izaya was hurt Shizuo wanted to be the one to help him, and if his Omega was lonely, he wanted to be there to hold him. Maybe it was just his instincts talking but Shizuo doubted that was all these feelings were.

With a soft sigh, Shizuo reached for Izaya’s shirt. He had the feeling that if Izaya woke up like he was, shirtless and in Shizuo’s bed, he’d freak out. His nose caught the scent of the other Alphas and the raven’s fear and Shizuo growled softly before forcing those animalistic sounds back down his throat. He was acting like an overprotective Alpha which was stupid, he _knew_ it was.

Despite being aware of it, Shizuo still dug one of his tee-shirts up for Izaya to wear. It took him a few minutes to get the flea into the shirt without waking him but once he had, Shizuo sat on his bed next to Izaya, just watching him quietly. Like this, his Omega looked peaceful, unworried. _That's how he's supposed to look. I never want to put that terrified expression on his face again._

Shizuo sighed again and absentmindedly ran a hand through Izaya’s hair. However much he'd hated Izaya before, he couldn't bring himself to hate him anymore. _I'm fucked, aren’t I…_

The raven leaned into his hand and a soft groan escaped those thin lips as he shifted, drawing his clenched hands closer to his face. Repressing all the loud urges that demanded he mate with Izaya, just to cement the fact the Omega was his, the blond pulled his hand back and tugged his sheets over the raven regretfully. Just to reinforce his own resolve, Shizuo deliberately closed the blinds in his room before quickly making his escape.

For the first time in an hour, Shizuo had time to think.

What he thought was frightening.

He _wanted_ Izaya, his Omega and his soul mate, to stay with him.

Izaya didn’t want an Alpha to so much as touch him and what had happened on the roof before Shizuo had appeared only proved why.

And if that wasn’t enough, said Omega was curled up on _his_ bed breathing in _his_ scent, allowing a rutting Shizuo to protect him.

Almost as if he couldn’t help but tempt fate, Shizuo put his head in his hands and wondered, _How much worse can this possibly get,_ and _where did I fuck it all up so badly?_

But the question he most wanted to ask was, _what can I do to convince Izaya to stay?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I wouldn’t let Izaya get hurt that badly. I’m mean, but I’m not quite that m-  
> Oh, hah, actually- Um, yes, yes I am that mean, but not in this story. I’ve put you through almost enough pain and sadness.  
> Poor Shizu-chan… And he tries so hard.


	7. Shattered Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I like things to be perfectly clear, no, Izaya is not in control of himself at all, yes, he's acting out of character, that's the whole point.  
> All I can say is don't worry, I (sort of) know what I'm doing.  
> Maybe...
> 
> Enjoy

Izaya Orihara didn’t believe in guardian angels.  

He also didn’t believe in divine intervention.

And he didn’t believe in miracles.

The concept of a godly being doing something to stop the natural course of human events to save one individual from a fate that they might or might not deserve was wholly foreign to Izaya. As a self-proclaimed god, he had seen the worst of humanity play out before him and he had never once felt the urge to stop it all just to protect a mere mortal. They weren’t worth it in the grand scheme of things. Very few were.

Because of this principle, Izaya had never relied on outside forces once in his life to protect him. He saw the faithful, how they prostrated themselves before a god whom they hoped would reward them with safety and a good life. All they received for the troubles was silence, they were hurt just as any other human was. Likewise, he’d seen Omegas bending over backward for their Alpha, all for the hope of protection. In the end, they too were ignored and hurt, often by the very Alpha they ran to for safety.

The only thing Izaya could trust was himself. If he got hurt, it was his fault, if he made a mistake, only he bore the consequences. Whatever security there was to be had, the raven had to cultivate it for himself. Because he was an Omega, and a male one at that, Izaya was forced to protect himself or be trampled by the world.

If he failed, he had only himself to blame and there would be no one running to save him.

So when Izaya had called out weakly for Shizuo, his monster, his beast, his _Alpha_ , he hadn’t expected to see him appear. Because when in his life had he ever done anything to deserve help, pity or salvation, particularly from the very person he’d just rejected in such a violent way?

And he _hadn’t_ seen Shizuo.

But he’d heard him.

He heard the earth-shaking roar as it echoed over the rooftops and he could smell the fear of his assailants as it tainted the air. Even more powerful however was the rush of Shizuo’s scent that filled the air, blotting out the rancid stench of the other Alphas and his own pathetic fear. The pheromones it carried made his knees go weak as a single thought materialized in his mind.

_He came for me._

All Izaya saw was a flash of bleach blond hair as Shizuo suddenly dominated his vision, seizing one of his tormentors and throwing him. The man went flying off the roof, leaving only a terrified scream behind. Izaya couldn’t help but cower away from the enraged monster, unable to help the fear that raced through him as Shizuo’s fist flashed past his face, hitting the man behind the raven.

The moment the tension on his hair was released, Izaya dropped to the ground and curled up, trying to make himself a smaller target. Honestly, he wasn’t sure who he was scared of, the Alphas who had almost raped him, or Shizuo himself. The blond’s scent was one of pure ire, intense rage. It made the hairs on the back of Izaya’s neck stand on end and his whole body shake.

From his position, Izaya could hear the remaining man’s pleas for mercy, babbled words that had no effect on Shizuo at all. The reason for the beast’s fury was obvious, he saw Izaya as _his_. These men had attacked _his_ Omega and there was nothing that could stop Shizuo from painting the rooftop with their blood.

There was a resounding crack of bone that made Izaya whimper. Though Shizuo might be his _soul mate,_ the beast could still hurt him by accident, especially if he was out of his mind with anger. Trapped in this weakened state, Izaya wouldn’t be able to protect himself in the slightest if Shizuo ended up turning his Alpha rage on him.

Suddenly, Izaya felt rough hands grab him and drag him upright as a voice growled in his ear, “This is all your fault you little shit.” Fear pumping blood back into the limbs that had started to seize up with shock, Izaya frantically fought the painful arm that was tightening around his throat. “Thought you could just escape?” Sounds of fear tumbling from his throat, Izaya wriggled against the filthy male but to no avail.

“Don’t move, Alpha.” Those words were directed at Shizuo. Izaya could see the monster’s muscles tense before he very slowly spun around. As Shizuo moved, the arm around Izaya’s throat tightened further and the raven’s eyes widened as his body protested the lack of air. The beast’s eyes blazed with raw power and fury, making Izaya wonder if the beast was about to charge. If he did, there was very little doubt in Izaya’s mind that the monster would kill both him and his captor.

Desperately, Izaya used what strength he still possessed in an attempt to escape, hs body rejecting the idea of death violently, but his efforts proved futile. The raven’s heat coupled with Shizuo’s overpowering scent made his limbs weak and his movements sluggish. _I’m going to die,_ he thought, his heart hammering if fear. _My own Alpha is going to kill me._

Unexpectedly, some of the righteous anger in Shizuo’s eyes was reined in by the blond as he fought to keep himself under control. “Let. Him. Go, right now.” Izaya felt the dominance pulsing from Shizuo and the fearful tremble of the Alpha behind him that was accompanied by increased pressure on his windpipe. Clawing at the man’s arm, Izaya tried to draw breath but found he couldn’t.

Shizuo looked to be on a hair trigger and Izaya knew it wouldn’t be long before he attacked. Slowly, Izaya’s Alpha advanced, frightening the remaining attacker. “You’re in no position to make demands!” the man holding Izaya snapped, his voice belaying the fear he felt. The concrete bit at Izaya’s bare skin as the weaker Alpha dragged him backward, away from the blond.  Hissing involuntarily in pain, the raven attempted to drag oxygen into his lungs, whimpering as tears pricked at his eyes and his chest burned.

Vision blurring and going black, Izaya’s eyes focused on Shizuo just in time to watch the beast’s patience run out. “Get your hands off my Omega!” Quicker than the raven’s eyes could track him, Shizuo lunged forward and buried his fist in the weaker Alpha’s face. Izaya could hear the crunch of bone as the arm around his neck finally loosened. Blood rushing to his head, Izaya felt the ground fall out from under his feet as he crumpled to the rooftop, his protesting lungs not leaving enough air for him to make a sound.

Instead of the hard crack of pavement Izaya had been expecting, the battered Omega felt warmth and comfort suffuse through his body as strong arms caught him, breaking his inevitable fall. Painfully aware of the shivers wracking his form, Izaya couldn’t stop himself from curling up into Shizuo’s hold. Fear still racing through his body, the raven gulped in air and tried to calm himself down as he felt himself be lifted up by his Alpha. _My Alpha_. The words felt undeniably right yet so entirely wrong.

Tears rushed to his eyes as Izaya pushed back against himself. He shouldn’t want this, he was supposed to _hate_ Shizuo and despise the very thought of letting an Alpha hold him in such a delicate, caring manner, but Izaya _didn’t_. Shizuo’s scent, his warm chest and his steady heartbeat were intensely calming, soothing away the ache in his joints and the chill in his blood. Clenching his teeth to hold back a sob, Izaya squeezed his eyes tighter and wished he could hate this as much as he had told himself he would.

Gently, Shizuo’s calloused hands wrapped Izaya in the familiar weight of his coat before dabbing the wetness in the corners of the informant’s eyes. “It’s okay Izaya.” The raven could feel Shizuo’s chest rumble with his words, hear them echoing through his tired body as they chipped away at the wall of fear in Izaya’s mind. “I’m not going to let anyone touch you like that again.” _Except for you, ne?_ The thought wasn’t bitter, it was but a murmur in the base of Izaya’s skull. “You’re safe, I promise.”

It was the heady, settling scent of Shizuo that finally calmed him, or at least, that’s what Izaya told himself. Because it couldn’t have been the words that he’d so desperately needed to hear. Those were meaningless, they shouldn’t affect him at all. As he pressed his face into the beast’s shirt, Izaya swore to himself that it was instincts that made him trust Shizuo, that made him want to be nearer to him.

Above all else, Izaya would never have admitted to the spark of contentment in his gut as he shuddered once and at last passed out.

))))-((((

_Safe_.

It was the first thought that crossed Izaya’s mind as he slowly drifted back into the realm of the living. Everything around him was warm and comforting, heavy but in just the right way. He felt loose, comfortable, _right_. In all his life, Izaya couldn’t recall waking up to such a perfect state of existence.

The air smelled heavenly, heady yet soothing. Thick like it was infused with a light layer of smoke yet enticing and sweet, the atmosphere coaxed him into consciousness slowly, pleasantly. Curling in on himself involuntarily, Izaya’s fingers met the folds of a blanket and he drew it closer, inhaling the glorious scent that permeated the air. Though he was too sleepy to fully recognize the scent, his body knew instinctively that it was _good_ and a purr escaped the waking raven. Everything smelled like tenderness and safety, making Izaya shudder slightly as he squirmed deeper into his soft haven.

Gradually, Izaya’s eyes opened of their own accord. The room he was in was dim, the only light coming from the evening glow reflecting over the sheets he was under. It took the raven a moment to realize he wasn’t exactly in his own bed but the knowledge didn’t disturb his tired mind. With a small yawn, Izaya stretched his legs out, noting as he did so that he was wearing jeans, the stiff fabric having left creases imprinted in his skin.

As his mind slowly shifted back into gear, Izaya recalled the events before he woke up here. Everything felt distant, surreal like they hadn’t happened to him but instead to another person entirely. Shizuo was the first thing that truly made any sense to him. The monster had chased him, hadn’t he? During his heat no less…

_He caught me._

Coming more alert, Izaya swallowed as more memories presented themselves to him with painful clarity. Suddenly he was remembering Shizuo’s body pressed against his, the beast’s hot breath on his neck and glowing, possessive eyes.

_He found out what I am._

Feeling increasingly filthy, Izaya rubbed at his arms and chest as he recalled the Alphas on the roof, their disgusting touches and the suffocating fear that had gripped him. He almost panicked when his fingers met unfamiliar material and the raven looked down to find he was wearing an old tee-shirt that he’d never seen before in his life. _Who- How-?_

Struggling to sit upright in bed, Izaya bit his lip to hold back a terrified sound as he realized where he must be. _Shizuo’s house, Shizuo’s_ room _, oh god, I can’t deal with this right now, this shouldn’t be happening!_ Fear slipping under his skin faster than he’d have thought possible, Izaya’s eyes flickered about the room. Shizuo’s scent, his intoxicating pheromones assaulted him from all sides, choking him. What had he done? What had he allowed to happen? Pawing at the sheets, Izaya tried to move but his body wouldn’t respond to him, the familiar ache returning as his limbs protested his actions.

The memory of Shizuo’s arms around him made Izaya press his hands into his eyes and bite his lip hard enough to draw blood. He’d acted so weak, he’d let Shizuo take him back to his house and Izaya hadn’t even fought it. No, he’d _welcomed_ it. All the things he’d been fighting against for so long and he’d just given in.

_I need to get out of here, I need to get away from Shizuo, my_ Alpha.

No, not his anything, _never_ his anything. Izaya rejected the very notion, his mind rebelling against it. _I don’t belong here, I can’t be here!_ Trying to escape from Shizuo’s bed, Izaya frantically pushed himself upright only to have his legs give up and remain uselessly limp. After a moment of struggling his arms too gave out and the raven found himself becoming hopelessly entangled in the sheets. The worse it got the more he panicked and the more he flailed the more his body hurt. What made it all so much more impossible was Shizuo’s scent, it’s pheromones heavily impacting Izaya in ways that terrified him. He’d never been so wholly enveloped in the beast as he was in that moment.

As his skin started tightening and growing itchy and painful, Izaya felt terrified tears welling up behind his eyes. _My heat should be over, I can't deal with this!!_ It was just like in that alley before, only this time he couldn’t run any further, he was entirely trapped. Izaya gasped in a breath and he nearly choked as his own scent invaded his nostrils, overwhelming and full of Omega pheromones. His body was instinctively reacting to the smell of rutting Alpha, the scent the room was bathed in. Yet still he fought, crying out silently as his hips ached and he shot unmercifully hard in his jeans.

_No, this can’t be happening to me, not here, not now!_ Shizuo’s pheromones made him feel dizzy, almost incapable of movement. Tears spilled over his cheeks as his body twisted in pain and arousal, desperate to get away yet at the same time seeking relief. Sucking in lungfuls of air, Izaya whimpered pitifully as his lower body burned like it was on fire. Everything smelled like the beast, his Alpha, there wasn’t any escape from it. This wasn’t safety, this was a cage.

Hips jerking into the mattress against his will, Izaya swallowed the saliva pooling in his mouth as a moan escaped his lips and tears escaped his eyes. _That stupid brute, that dumb beast!_ His erection throbbed hatefully and Izaya couldn’t help the keening cry that came from his throat. Ever bit of his body longed for Shizuo’s touch, begged for the hot press of his Alpha’s body, but his mind fought his instincts. He _couldn’t_ mate, he couldn’t let Shizuo bond with him, it didn’t matter how good it would feel, all it would result in was pain.

Suddenly, Shizuo’s scent got stronger and Izaya was able to dimly make out the sound of the beast’s footsteps. Panicking, Izaya thrashed in his self-made prison, groaning as pain and pleasure raced across his skin. _Let me out, let me go!_ Crying out again, Izaya collapsed face first into the sheets and bit down on them, trying to hold back a desperate scream. _Oh god, he’s going to mate me, I don’t- I can’t- Please no!_ Twisting again, even though it was useless, Izaya watched as the room vanished under suffocating blankets and sheets. His body felt too hot, his groin, too hard. Everything _hurt_.

_Please, let me go,_ his mind begged as a sob escaped his mouth, its progress muffled by the fabric covering his face. _I don’t want an Alpha!_   _It would hurt too much._

The knob clicked as it turned and the door swung open. “Izaya?” just the sound of Shizuo’s voice alone made Izaya moan, yet at the same time shake with fear. He couldn’t even see the beast, he could only smell his powerful pheromones and hear the alarm in his words as he said, “Izaya, fucking stop, you’re only making it worse.” Warm hands touched the sheets and Izaya choked as he desperately fought to get away.

“Don’t _touch_ me!” he spat, his voice broken and scared. “G-get away from me Shizu-chan.” His erection ached as he dragged it against the tangled sheets and he clamped down on his already bleeding lip to hold back the sounds that threatened to escape.

“Fucking hold still flea,” Shizuo growled, his voice warning yet still concerned. “You’re hurting yourself!”

“I don’t care,” Izaya wailed, retracting into as small a ball as he could manage. His instincts screamed for Shizuo but he denied those powerful urges with every atom of his being. “I h-hate you!”

Without warning Izaya felt his pathetic tangle of sheets and blankets being lifted up and a second later warm, powerful arms were wrapped around him, keeping him from struggling. “Tough shit, I don’t hate you,” Shizuo growled, his actions causing Izaya’s frantic movements to cease. “And unless you can actually get out of there, it looks like you’re stuck with me.”

Izaya’s throat closed up as Shizuo peeled back the sheets and fresh air hit his red, tear-soaked face. The Alpha’s eyes were full of _feeling_ , worry, and concern. Even though his pheromones were thick in the air, he didn’t make a move on Izaya. All he did was tighten his protective hold around the raven and slowly rock him back and forth.

“I’m not going to do anything to you Izaya, I promise,” he muttered, lowering his head to nuzzle Izaya’s neck, his Alpha scent permeating the Omega’s body as Shizuo moved to rub his scent glands over the raven’s. The bare restraint in his movements evident. Despite the weak protestations his mind made against the blond scent-marking him, Izaya whined in pleasure as a rush of coolness broke through the oppressive fire racing over his skin.

Gently, Shizuo unraveled the tangled sheets that ensnared the Omega. Izaya clenched his fingers to keep from making a sound, whether it be a noise of pleasure or of fear. Although to be honest he wasn’t afraid, no, he yearned for more contact, wanted Shizuo to give in to the instincts he was clearly fighting. _I should hate him, but I_ crave _him._

_It's just intsticts making me feel like this, just instincts, nothing more._

“You’re okay now, you don't have to keep fighting,” Shizuo murmured, freeing Izaya’s weak arms from their tangled prison. Hesitantly, he grabbed one of Izaya’s wrists and carefully rubbed his pulse point, working his Alpha musk into the raven’s skin. Izaya bit his already raw lip but didn't pull away, he just watched Shizuo with thinly veiled want. _It's just my heat, right? I couldn't possibly want Shizuo for any other reason than that._

Cautiously, Izaya relaxed against Shizuo’s chest and let himself absorb the pheromones pulsing from the beast. He could feel Shizuo’s hands gently running up and down his sides, carefully trailing across his spine, sending aroused shivers through his body. The touches weren't demanding, they weren't even possessive, but they made Izaya light headed and dizzy with desire. He felt torn between pushing the beast farther and just letting it rest like it was. _I’m going to regret it if I give in, I know I will._

Oh, but would he? Did it even matter?

_Instincts, just my instincts..._ but that voice in the back of his head was fading rappidly, drowned out by the animalistic urges he shouldn't have.

“I’m- Ah, shit.” Shizuo cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m sorry about what happened before, Izaya. I never should have- I shouldn’t have pushed you back there in the alley like that, even if I wanted to.” Izaya’s stomach rebelled at the heavy regret in Shizuo’s voice. _No,_ I _want you to!_  No I don't, no I don't...Just _let me do something idiotic you stubborn Alpha._ Flat palms ran over Izaya’s waist, slipping under the hem of his shirt and soothing the bruised skin there. “I scared you, I- I’m sorry.”

_Is this what having an Alpha is really like? Tender and kind?_

_No, it's bad, it's horrible. You know this, stop acting like this._

But maybe... _Maybe they aren't so bad..._  Slowly, Izaya shook his head, noting the way Shizuo's warm hands stilled when he did. “Don't be stupid Shizu-chan,” he scolded, his voice coming out rough and scratchy. The beast chuckled and Izaya felt his fingers ghosting over the top of his jeans, so gentle, almost worshiping the raven with their attention. _I was just being irrational, ne?_ Izaya thought distantly, his arousal twitching as Shizuo’s fingers rubbed circles over his aching hips. _How could I have known better?_

“You know, not all Alphas are complete pieces of shit,” Shizuo commented, his hot breath ghosting past Izaya’s ear, making him shiver. “I know I’m not exactly the best example of a good person but I would never have hurt you if I’d known-”

Arching ever so slightly into Shizuo’s touch, Izaya managed to sound at least slightly offended when he hissed, “I never wanted special treatment Shizu-chan, I wanted respect. I’m not some delicate Omega who needs to be protected from everything.” The bruises marring his chest and face spoke to the contrary but Shizuo didn’t bring that up and for that small allowance, Izaya was grateful.

“I know, I- Fighting with you is- was, fucking perfect.” Shizuo’s ripple of mirth spread over Izaya’s neck and he didn’t try to stop the needy whine that bubbled up from his lungs. “Shit, I’m not making sense. It’s just, everybody else is scared of me but you never were, no matter what I did. I guess it makes sense that we’re…” The beast trailed off and his buried his face in the crook of the raven’s neck. “Sorry.”

_He’s right, ne? We were made for this. Fate can be so fickle Shizu-chan…_

_Don't do it... Don't give in._

But his body had already given in and his mind was following suit, unable to resist the pull of Shizuo and the instincts clouding his mind.

Fingers traveling under his borrowed shirt and tracing his ribcage, Shizuo added, “I know it makes you upset, I won’t bring it up again.” The callouses from so many fights scraped against Izaya’s sensitive skin, quickening his breathing as he shuddered needily. _Does he know what his touches are doing to me?_

The last of his control vanished. “Stop _apologizing!”_ Izaya snapped before a wanton moan pushed itself from his throat. Shizuo’s hands stilled on the raven’s waist, gripping his hips gently yet firmly. There was beating tension in the clench of Shizuo’s jaw as he pushed himself away from Izaya with a wide-eyed look. Lust swirled in his golden eyes and yet still he held back, honoring what he thought were Izaya’s wishes as best as he could. _Stop it Shizuo, stop holding back, I know what you want! Just do it already you idiot, does it look like I’m stopping you?_

“Izaya,” Shizuo said his name like a warning, another damn apology. Hissing, Izaya made a split second decision. Was he was going to regret this? Probably. Did he care?

No.

“Shut up Shizu-chan,” Izaya could feel the shiver his heated command caused the beast travel under his hands. Letting go of his inhibitions, Izaya shed the remaining sheets that pooled around his lower half before straddling the beast’s waist and pressing their upper bodies together. Feeling Shizuo’s own hard erection straining at his black slacks, Izaya bit back a satisfied smirk. Oh _yes,_ this was what he wanted.

“Izaya, wait,” Shizuo protested, a groan rumbling out of his chest as Izaya rolled his hips over the beast’s, grinding against his arousal. “You’re not thinking clearly, we shouldn’t- You’re not making rational decisions right n- _Fuck!”_ Izaya effectively cut him off with another press of his hard member against Shizuo’s.

“I know _exactly_ what I want,” Izaya breathed, eyelids heavy with lust. “I’m thinking clearly enough to know that I want nothing more than for you to fuck me into the bed, right now. Don’t try to be reasonable Shizu-chan, I really don’t have the patience for that.”

Suddenly, Izaya felt his back hit the bed as Shizuo flipped their positions. Kneeling between his spread legs, Izaya’s Alpha growled, “And what about when you wake up tomorrow and hate what happened right now? What then?”

It was Izaya’s last chance to back out, Shizuo was offering him one last opportunity to back out of what he’d started. _He’s right you know,_ the voice in the back of his head muttered. _This goes against every principle you’ve ever held._ Stifling that voice of decent, Izaya reached up and threaded his thin fingers in Shizuo’s hair before yanking the monster down. “Just stop talking and kiss me Shizu-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. I mean, I could say something but... Haha, it's already been said.  
> Poor poor Izaya, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into.  
> Neither do you guys but that's another matter for another time...


	8. Steadfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, how cruel of me. I lead you on and then I let you down.
> 
> I’ve had a revelation. (Well, actually a wonderful commenter nve pointed it out to me) Everything that has happened thus far occurs within the space of one day. If I go with what I want, I’m rushing things. It’s tempting (and believe me, I hate it when authors don’t follow through on what they say they’re going to do) but for the good of this story, I’m not going to push it.  
> Just to be clear here, I dropped a buttload of hints that things weren't going to turn out as expected. It wasn't meant to be.
> 
> Now that that is out of the way, I have a reason for updating so quickly but I'll announce it at the end, for now, enjoy the chapter.  
> I hope it makes you smile.  
> Enjoy.

Shizuo groaned as he woke up. The room was dim but for the last remnants of daylight that were refracting through his tiny windows. Sitting up, Shizuo looked at his couch with a sort of miffed disdain as he rubbed the crick in his neck away. _The hell am I doing in-_

A truly irresistible smell met his nose and Shizuo groaned again, more loudly this time as a mess of instincts and feelings hit him like a truck. _Izaya, the fucking flea. My Omega…?_ Remembering what had transpired, Shizuo felt a headache build behind his temples. _Fuck._ No, wait, that was the opposite of what he should be thinking right now. Not with Izaya no more than a few steps and a door away. His thoughts scrambled once more and Shizuo rubbed his eyes, irritated.

_I need a cigarette…_

Getting up in search of said vice, Shizuo sniffed the air and couldn’t help but notice a change. His apartment, which had never smelled of anything other than powerful Alpha, now had his Omega’s pheromones drifting through it. Oddly enough, the smell was a calming one, something about it soothing away the tension in the blond’s shoulders. Earlier - _w_ _as it really only today?-_ the smell of Izaya’s heat had been intoxicating, _dizzying_ even, but right now, Shizuo just felt relaxed.

And to a certain extent that made sense. Izaya, an individual that his instincts vehemently insisted he protect, was safe and under his care. The act of protecting what he deemed was _his_ was an innate part of any Alpha’s psyche. It was normal. But Shizuo couldn’t shake the feeling there was more to it than simple natural urges alone. _Thinking about it isn’t going to do shit, I’ve already obsessed over it enough._ He'd spent a good hour previously merely starting at his wall, irritable, thinking himself into painful loops that never ended. Until Izaya woke up, Shizuo had no way of knowing whether the Omega would stay with him or leave.

At the thought of Izaya, still in the midst of his heat, if the smell permeating Shizuo’s apartment was any indication, getting up and leaving his protective care, the blond felt a horrible gnawing sensation tear at his insides. _Feh, I’m being fucking stupid._ Irritated at his own irrationality, Shizuo snatched the carton of cigarettes off the table where he’d left them and clenched one between his teeth, almost breaking it. Forcing his movements to remain steady, Shizuo lit the end of the cigarette and inhaled gratefully, relaxing as his thoughts reordered themselves.

Really, he wasn’t even sure _what_ he was supposed to feel. All the things that had happened within the last twelve hours didn’t even seem real. Letting his gaze wander towards the door behind which Izaya was sleeping, Shizuo chuckled softly. One moment he hated the flea, or at least would rather fight him than anything else, and the next he was desperate to keep him safe. It didn’t make sense, no matter which way Shizuo twisted it. Yet somehow, the absurdity of it all amused him.

At least Izaya wasn’t awake yet. If he had been, Shizuo had little doubt in his mind that he’d have had another fight on his hands. The slippery informant didn’t just let shit happen to him, he always had to go against the flow, always had to push back. There wasn’t any room for just accepting reality as it was with Izaya. Shizuo would have been miserable living like that.

Distantly, Shizuo wondered if that trademark stubbornness had come from Izaya’s constant fight against who he was. The blond couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like, forced to combat biology, something that never changed, for his entire life. There were so few Omegas who had real power, was it any wonder that Izaya had hated it? Shizuo was just so used to running with what life gave him that it would never have occurred to him to suppress nature, learning to cope was so much simpler, so much less painful.

But then again, _was_ it? He honestly had no way of knowing.

Watching the smoke drift through his tiny kitchen, the blond sighed. Whatever Izaya did when he, at last, woke up, Shizuo would deal with it as best he could, hopefully in a way that would benefit the Omega. Maybe in doing so, the blond could prove that he _wasn’t_ a piece of shit.

Why Shizuo felt that needed proving, well, he wasn’t sure he could answer that. The possibilities all unnerved him. None of them were easy and most of them would no doubt scare Izaya if he were to give them a voice. After earlier today, frightening the flea was the _last_ thing Shizuo wanted.

Honestly, the matter was simple. If he _wanted_ Izaya to stay then he was going to do his best to keep his Omega where he was, and he wasn’t going to question why because that strayed too far into territory he was too sober to think about.

His plodding contemplations ended as his cigarette ran out and started to burn his fingers. Muttering a foul word under his breath, Shizuo snubbed out the remainder of the stick and took a moment to run his hands through his hair. _Well and truly fucked, aren’t I?_

That sentiment only intensified as a wave of Izaya’s pheromones drifted past Shizuo, making him feel light-headed. Tentatively glancing towards his bedroom door, the blond’s heart leapt into his throat as the soft sounds of Izaya’s panicked gasps, a sound he’d become all too familiar with recently, drifted to him. _Shit, I knew this would happen._ He'd know that Izaya would wake up and panic but Shizuo hadn't realized how upset it would make him

As he got up and slowly advanced towards the door, the gasps turned into pitiful whimpers. At this point, the only thing keeping Shizuo at bay, several yards from his own bedroom door, were the powerful pheromones billowing up in his face. He felt drunk off of them, _intoxicated_ , and that was a problem. If Izaya was panicking, the last thing the Omega needed was for Shizuo to jump him. It was clear the raven was in pain, no doubt because of his heat. He needed help, not more problems. Shizuo could feel his own rut acting up, filling him with hormones and desire but he fought it, pushed it back down. _I can do this._

From inside his room, Izaya moaned and Shizuo wished he’d lit another cigarette because _fuck_ , he could feel himself getting hard just listening to the noises coming from the flea. _I’ve got to keep myself under control! What if I make things worse?_  As a keening cry came from Izaya, Shizuo’s patience broke and he walked towards the door, resolute. If his Omega was in pain, it was Shizuo’s job to do something about it, no matter how uncomfortable he might be.

As his hand touched the knob, he heard Izaya sob softly. Gritting his teeth, Shizuo pushed open the door. “Izaya?” he asked softly, unsure of what he was going to find.

He was answered with a soft moan that came from the mass of writhing sheets in the middle of his bed. Shizuo’s eyes widened in alarm as Izaya, presumably, thrashed about in a panic, his breath coming in what sounded like short painful gasps. _Apparently_ , his assumption that the flea would be merely angry with him had been wrong. “Izaya,” he snapped, moving forward towards the scared Omega. “Fucking _stop_ , you’re only making it worse.”

The moment his hands touched the sheets Izaya scrambled back, choking as he spat, “Don’t _touch_ me! G-get away from me Shizu-chan!” Everything reeked of fear and pheromones, making it hard to breathe. Shizuo wasn’t sure why his heart ached, seeing the proud informant reduced to this state, he only knew that it _hurt._ Izaya shouldn’t be like this, he wasn’t supposed to be terrified and weak, he was supposed to be strong.

Frustrated with Izaya and with his own confusing feelings, Shizuo growled, “Fucking hold still flea, you’re hurting yourself!” _You’re hurting me,_ he dared not add.

“I don’t care!” The Omega’s voice was a shrill wail, only making the terror he was feeling more obvious. The tangle of sheets curled up further, still trying to get away from Shizuo, trying to make himself a smaller target, as if he really had something to fear. _Does he really think I'm going to hurt him?_ Shizuo thought in dismay. “I h-hate you!”

 _I suppose this_ is _my fault._ Shizuo sighed softly, moved towards the bed and scooped up Izaya’s pitiful, trembling mass of sheets before sitting himself down and hugging the shrouded flea tight. For a moment Izaya continued to struggle, fruitlessly, but as Shizuo increased the protective pressure around the panicked raven, he stilled. “Tough shit,” Shizuo rumbled, his heart heavy with confusing feelings. “I don’t hate you.” Trying to keep his voice as even as possible, the blond added, “And unless you can actually get out of there, it looks like you’re stuck with me.”

Once he was sure Izaya wasn’t going to throw himself about anymore, Shizuo carefully unwrapped the flea’s head so he could breathe more easily. As the raven emerged, worry filled Shizuo’s eyes at the sight of Izaya’s bleeding lip, his red face and the frightened tears in his eyes. The confused expression on Izaya’s face only added to the concerned protectiveness welling up in Shizuo’s throat. In the back of his mind, he could hear the dark voices that were his instincts telling him to mate with the Omega, to make him _fully_ his but he fought them resolutely. Izaya didn’t need that, he needed kindness.

Actually, that was probably something he’d needed his whole life. Something Shizuo highly doubted he’d ever been given.

“I’m not going to do anything to you Izaya,” Shizuo whispered, hoping that even in his fear and heat-induced haze, Izaya would understand. “I promise.” Without any conscious direction from his mind, the blond buried his nose into Izaya’s neck where the scent was strongest. Forcing himself to be gentle, instead of feral like his body wished to be, Shizuo rubbed against Izaya’s swollen scent glands, spreading his own musk over the raven’s neck. As he had hoped, Izaya relaxed slightly, his trembling subsiding as he drew a deep breath. Shizuo also caught the soft, needy whine Izaya emitted but he ignored it. Izaya’s Omega side was reacting to Shizuo’s Alpha side. That was all, he needed to remember that.

“You’re okay now,” he insisted, unsure if his words were doing anything to help the Omega but needing to say them all the same. “You don’t have to keep fighting.” Very slowly, Shizuo blindly pulled at the sheets constricted around Izaya, carefully freeing him from his prison. It was almost comical how tangled Izaya had gotten himself in his panic but the Alpha found it far from funny. It only spoke to how scared the flea was. _Still is,_ he reminded himself. _Still shaking and still in pain._

 _You could solve that_ so _easily_ , that dark voice in his mind reminded him. _There’s only one way to soothe an Omega in heat, everyone knows that._ Shizuo resisted the voice, distracting himself by finding one of Izaya’s wrists, the one he’d bruised earlier and rubbing it softly, apologetically. He could feel the raven’s eyes on him but Shizuo focused on what he was doing. Izaya’s pulse, which fluttered beneath his fingers, gradually evened out, telling the Alpha clearer than anything the Omega could have said that he was calming down.

Shizuo’s own heartbeat sped up as Izaya melted against him, the fight leaving the Omega’s body. His heart was in his throat as the raven exhaled, his breath tickling Shizuo’s neck. Inexplicably, in that moment, the blond held the world, _his_ world, in his arms and the thought confused him as much as it terrified him. Shizuo didn’t even realize he was running his hands over Izaya’s sides until the raven shuddered under his fingertips. Mesmerized, Shizuo traced the Omega’s spine, drinking in the way Izaya’s breath ghosted past his ear.

 _He’s so strong yet so fragile,_ Shizuo thought, feeling Izaya’s thin form press against his chest. _I could have broken him. Fuck, I almost did._

Feeling the irrepressible need to express his regret for his earlier actions, Shizuo stuttered, “I’m- Ah, shit.” Painfully aware of how awkward he was being, the Alpha cleared his throat and tried again. “I’m sorry about what happened before, Izaya. I should never have-” His words stuttered to a halt again and Shizuo forced himself to focus on something else, on how smooth Izaya’s skin was where his shirt hem rode up, on how silky it felt beneath his careful hands. “I shouldn’t have pushed you back there in the alley like that, even if I wanted to.”

Slipping his fingers under the edge of the shirt Izaya wore, Shizuo rubbed the bruises there. In the back of his mind, he _knew_ they weren’t his fault but that didn’t keep him from feeling responsible. He wanted to make them go away, along with the hurt they had caused his Omega, he wanted to kiss them until Izaya forgot who had made them.

Shizuo’s instincts wanted him to do a whole lot more, as a certain part of his anatomy reminded him quite loudly. Izaya shook his head against Shizuo’s chest and for a moment, the Alpha was terrified the raven had read his thoughts. Stilling his roaming hands, Shizuo held his breath, half expecting Izaya to run away.

Instead, his Omega softly muttered in a scratchy voice, “Don’t be stupid Shizu-chan.” He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at Izaya’s scolding tone. There was something so relieving about those words, Shizuo had to laugh, even though it wasn’t the most appropriate reaction. Unable to really stop himself, the blond continued to trace Izaya’s waist with his fingers. Sure he wanted more, but he forced himself to be satisfied with this, just massaging circles over Izaya’s jutting hips and letting his hands follow the top of Izaya’s skinny jeans.

 _You’re playing with fire,_ his mind unhelpfully reminded him. _Shit’s gonna get out of hand fast, you know it will._

But he couldn’t pull himself away. Izaya was as addicting as his damn cigarettes.

Running his fingers over one particularly large bruise again, Shizuo muttered against Izaya’s neck, “You know, not all Alphas are complete pieces of shit. I know I’m not exactly the best example of a good person but I would never have hurt you if I’d known-”

“I never wanted special treatment Shizu-chan,” Izaya hissed, squirming slightly in offense. “I wanted respect.” Shizuo couldn’t blame him. Alphas didn’t get ganged up on like this, Betas didn’t either. It was only the Omegas, the weakest of the classes, that were casually mistreated. For some reason, it had become almost expected, no one ever questioned it when an Omega had bruises on their face or walked with a limp. That’s just how things were. No one blamed the Alphas, no one questioned them.

Shizuo had never really given it a second thought, it was just how society was, right? He treated the Omegas he came across alright so what did it really matter? Now that he had Izaya curled up on his lap, trusting Shizuo to not hurt him, the blond knew he could never think of an Omega’s safety so flippantly again. Not when every piece of his being demanded he protect Izaya and treat him like the god he’d always claimed to be.

Almost as if he’d read Shizuo’s mind, Izaya muttered, “I’m not some delicate Omega who needs to be protected from everything.” And even though the bruises from those attackers still stood out on Izaya’s ivory skin, Shizuo knew the raven was right.

“I know, I- Fighting with you is-” _You’re never going to do it again though, be honest with yourself._ “Was, fucking perfect.” Shizuo chuckled again as thoughts of their fights ran through his head. Yeah, they’d always been fucking pissed with each other, but he’d _needed_ that outlet. At Izaya’s soft whine, Shizuo was reminded rather sharply that those days were over. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath, sighing. “I’m not making any sense. It’s just, everyone else is scared of me but you never were, no matter what I did. I guess it makes sense that we’re…” _S_ _oul mates,_ he didn’t finish. _I’m only making this worse, why do I even bother?_

Shizuo chose to hide his shame by burying his face in the crook of Izaya’s neck. Taking a deep breath, letting the pheromones pouring off of Izaya’s skin sooth him, the blond muttered, “Sorry.” He felt the ridges of Izaya’s ribcage slip under his worn fingers and wondered when they’d gotten there. _I need to stop, this is going to end badly._ Izaya’s shudders, unfortunately, fed the part of his mind Shizuo wanted to keep silenced. “I know it makes you upset,” he murmured, trying to keep himself grounded. “I won’t bring it up again.”

“Stop _apologizing_ _!”_   Izaya snapped furiously before moaning shamelessly. _Shit,_ Shizuo panicked, exercising all his willpower to keep from pinning Izaya to the bed and fucking him. _I knew it, I fucking knew it. I shouldn’t have tempted fate damnit!_ He had to strain to keep from crushing Izaya’s narrow hips in his hands. Pushing himself away instantly, Shizuo stared at his Omega and realized just how fucked he was. Izaya was obviously aroused. His face was bright red and his pupils were dilated to the point where only a sliver of crimson was visible. Add to that his heavy breathing and intoxicating scent and it was all Shizuo could do not to pounce on the damned flea.

“Izaya,” Shizuo growled, torn between apologizing again and leaving immediately before things progressed any further. _He wants you,_ that tempting voice whispered. _Look at him, he needs you, your Omega_ needs _you._

_No, he needs me to fucking think clearly because he isn’t._

Because Izaya would regret this, Shizuo wasn’t an idiot, Izaya didn’t want a mate. When had he ever said anything to the contrary? Right now he was worked up, all thanks to the blond, and he was caught in the moment. Someone needed to do the right thing.

But it was so damn tempting.

Izaya hissed. “Shut up Shizu-chan.”

Suddenly, Shizuo found himself being straddled by a very hot and _very_ aroused Izaya. Most of his rational thought was destroyed as Izaya pressed their bodies together and Shizuo was made painfully aware of the hard-on he’d been sporting. The smirk on Izaya’s face, the same one he wore whenever he was sure of his own victory, only made things worse.

“Izaya, wait!” Shizuo grunted, unable to stop from groaning at the heady pleasure that raced through him as Izaya ground his hips against the blond’s. “You’re not thinking clearly,” he panted, trying to regain what reason he’d had such a tenuous grasp on before. “We shouldn’t- You’re not making rational decisions right n- _Fuck!”_ Izaya shut him up with another torturous roll of his hips as if trying to prove just how much he wanted this.

 _No, we can’t. This is stupid, I want him to stay not fucking hit and run._ His train of thought crashed again because it felt so _good,_ Izaya’s dick pressed against his, the raven’s hot breath on his ear, Shizuo _needed_ this.

“I know exactly what I want,” Izaya’s words sent a heated shudder racing down Shizuo’s back. “I’m thinking clearly enough to know that I want nothing more than for you to fuck me into the bed, right now.” The thought was so incredibly tempting, _so incredibly easy to give into._ “Don’t try to be reasonable Shizu-chan, I really don’t have the patience for that.”

_Reasonable? Fuck, how?_

With a growl, Shizuo let that desire to dominate the Omega take over as he flipped them, throwing Izaya down on his severely rumpled bed. As he knelt over the raven, twitching with all the pent up desire that had built up in his bones, Shizuo levely growled, “And what about when you wake up tomorrow and you regret what happened right now? What then?”

_Please, come to your senses before I lose mine._

Like the little shit he was, Shizuo’s panting Omega reached up and threaded his fingers through blond locks and tugged the beast down. “Just stop talking and kiss me Shizu-chan.”

 _Give in, do it. Take what you want, mate with him, bond with him,_ make _him yours. He can’t resist, he’s just an Omega. He wants you, he’s in heat and you’re rutting, he’s willing,_ willing! _He’s your soulmate, this was meant to be._

_He’s your soulmate, you should do what’s best for him, even if it’s not what he wants. You’re rutting, you’re not thinking clearly and neither is he. He’s in heat, you’re taking advantage of him. He’s just an Omega you need to protect him. Don’t give in._

_Fuck_.

In that moment, Shizuo was forced to make the hardest decision of his life. Resolutely, he jerked away and didn’t stop backing up until his back hit the opposite wall. “No!” Shizuo snapped, his anger made all the worse because of his rut. “No, I won’t. Look at you! You’re in heat and I’m rutting. I’m not thinking clearly. You’re not fucking _thinking_ at all _!”_

Izaya hissed, furious at being denied what he so obviously wanted so suddenly. “I’m thinking just _fine_ , Shizu-chan. I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions. Don’t treat me like an Omega who needs to be coddled and told how to act!”

“Well guess what,” Shizuo growled back. “I can make my own decisions too. Don’t treat me like an Alpha who will fuck you and be okay when you run the next morning.” Izaya’s mouth snapped shut instantly. Breathing hard, Shizuo ran a hand through his hair and tried to get himself under control. He was still painfully aroused and the small whines that kept coming from Izaya weren't fucking helping.

Taking a deep shuddering breath, Izaya bit out a bitter, “Fine then.” He swallowed hard and lifted his chin stubbornly. “Then let me leave. There, problem solved.”

Shizuo’s heart lurched painfully. “Like hell you’re leaving flea!” the blond exploded, his eyes fierce as they bored holes into Izaya’s head. “You can barely fucking walk! Plus I’m not letting you leave here, stinking to high heaven of pheromones and shit, you’d be jumped by the first Alpha you came across!” _If I had just kept my hands to myself this wouldn’t be a fucking problem,_ he thought regretfully. _Hindsight's twenty/twenty._

“Then take me to Shinra’s,” Izaya forced out through teeth that creaked audibly as he ground them together. “At least then I wouldn’t have to put up with _you,_ Shizu-chan.”

A growl building up in the back of his throat, Shizuo snapped, “No, I won’t. I already told you, you’re staying right where you fucking are.” His head was starting to pound. Everything in him _screamed_ to mate with Izaya but at least now he had his characteristic rage to keep him where he was.

Izaya attempted to get off the bed but he stumbled and fell to the mattress, mewling pathetically. “I hate you!” he hissed, his ivory fingers clenched into furious fists. “I hate you, you damned _protozoan_ , you _Alpha!_  This is all your fault! I was perfectly _fine_ before you showed up.” Shizuo could see the angry tears that ran down Izaya’s face and it took him everything he had not to surge forward and make that distressed look vanish from his Omega’s face. _I just want to hold him_ , _I just want to make him feel better._ But look where that had fucking gotten him last time.

With a soft, pitiful whimper, Izaya frustratedly muttered, “You’re supposed to be my _Alpha_ , why are you doing this to me?” Then quietly, almost as if he hadn’t meant for Shizuo to hear, “You said you were different.”

“Because you’re worth more to me than that,” Shizuo admitted softly, unsure where the gentleness in his voice sprang from. The anger in the room evaporated like it had been but a morning mist. Glancing up sharply, a confused and clouded look in his eyes, Izaya stared at Shizuo and blinked dazedly, almost as if he couldn’t comprehend Shizuo’s meaning. Taking a deep breath, the blond continued, “And if I mate with you right now, I’ll regret it too.”

There was a long moment of silence. Shizuo couldn’t help but hold his breath as the words eventually permeated Izaya’s muddled mind. _Did I go too far, am I screwing up?_ Clenching his fist and unclenching it again, Shizuo wished for a cigarette. He just wanted Izaya to stay, he didn’t know why. He didn’t even know what he was going to do with the flea while he was here. All the blond knew for certain was that _everything_ felt like it was riding on this moment, this one decision he couldn’t affect in the slightest.

Biting his lip, Izaya quickly looked away and grudgingly inquired, “How long are you going to keep me here?”

Grateful the argument was over, Shizuo relaxed as much as he was able given his current circumstances and answered, “Until your heat is over. I know you don’t like to be protected but please,” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “Just let me do this one thing for you.” _Just give me a chance. Hell, give me a chance to figure out why I want you to give me one._

“Fine.” Izaya abruptly relaxed, curling up so he wasn’t facing the blond. Shizuo could sense the exhaustion and defeat in the action and it almost made him feel guilty. Almost, because at the end of the day, Izaya was staying here, not going somewhere out of Shizuo’s reach where he could get hurt.

“I suppose it’s no different than being at home, I’m still going to be stuck in bed anyway,” the raven added, as an afterthought. “I- I guess I’ll have to call Namie-san so she knows I’m not dead. Not that she’d worry, she’d probably be glad if I never came back.” Izaya was rambling now but Shizuo let him.

Very slowly, the blond moved around the bed so he could see the raven’s face. There were still silent tears falling down it that the Alpha longed to wipe away. Noticing Shizuo, Izaya struggled to sit up before giving in to his own weakened state and just melting into a puddle on the bed. “Don’t look at me like that,” Izaya mumbled, furiously rubbing his face with the collar of his borrowed shirt. “I’m fine Shizu-chan.”

“No, you’re not,” Shizuo pointed out, voice devoid of judgment. “But you will be.” _I promise, I’ll do everything I can to make it okay._

“Ha,” Izaya muttered, tone bitter. “That’s funny Shizu-chan.” Retracting into himself further, Izaya awkwardly said, “Thank you.” When Shizuo only stared at him, nonplussed, Izaya uncomfortably explained, “For saving me. You really-” He picked at his clothes. “I mean- I never thought you…” The Omega lapsed into silence once more.

“I wish I’d gotten there sooner,” Shizuo admitted. Watching Izaya twitch uncomfortably, a thought dawned on the blond and he abruptly asked, “Do you want a bath or something? I mean, if you’re going to stay here you might as well.”

“Are you telling me I stink Shizu-chan?” Izaya teased, seemingly content to mock the Alpha’s attempt at kindness. The light smile was a welcome change to the tears, which had lessened considerably.

“Yup,” Shizuo deadpanned, watching Izaya with a straight face. “You smell like shit.” _And other Alphas, which can’t be comfortable for you at all. It certainly isn’t doing me any favors._ Although to be honest his own personal comfort was the furthest thing from his mind at that particular moment.

Izaya purred in amusement before admitting, “Cleanliness would be an improvement, ne?” It was strange how quickly they’d fallen into an easy conversation, though Shizuo would have had to be an idiot to not notice the unspoken tension bubbling just below the surface. _It’s not as if we’ve resolved anything, after all, we’re just pretending nothing happened. Avoidance never helped anyone. I’m sure I’ve heard that shit somewhere._ “I wouldn’t want to infringe on your oh-so-pleasant hospitality after all.”

“I’ll have to carry you,” Shizuo reminded the raven, almost apologetically. He wasn’t sure contact right now was a good idea, not when the instincts they’d both pushed away so abruptly were so close to the surface. He’d been tempting fate quite a lot recently, how could he be sure this wouldn’t turn out like before? But in the end, he didn’t want Izaya to be uncomfortable and he couldn’t think of any other way to accomplish that purpose than to do things to make him feel better. A bath seemed like the easiest step towards that goal.

Izaya froze momentarily before he attempted a shrug and said, “Ah well, I suppose there’s no help for it.” Wriggling closer to the edge of the bed, Izaya instructed, with feigned disinterest, “Just don’t drop me.” It was clear he too didn’t like the idea of getting too close to Shizuo after their previous disaster but if he was set on ignoring it, the blond wasn’t going to make an issue of it.

“I won’t, flea,” he grumbled nonetheless, a scowl on his face. Very carefully, he bent down and scooped Izaya into his arms. With a slight shiver, the Omega fitted himself into Shizuo’s hold and went very still, hardly breathing at all. Glancing at the raven’s face, Shizuo noticed how Izaya bit his lip and it made a strange feeling well up in the pit of his stomach.

It was funny, even though nothing made sense at all and shit just kept happening, Shizuo felt like everything was okay for the first time since his calm cigarette on the park bench. Izaya, his Omega, was here, held securely in his arms, and he wasn’t going to bolt. Yeah, it was going to be tough, but Shizuo was determined to succeed, whatever his eventual goal ended up being.

Because, in the end, Izaya had given him a chance, right?

There wasn’t much more he could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, don’t kill me. I’m sorry, I know I suck. I’m a terrible human and I don’t deserve to live. If nobody wants to continue reading this story, I understand...
> 
> Now that that’s out of the way, admit it, this is cute too. A little angsty, a little fluffy. Maybe even a bit sad. Not quite satisfying but it wasn’t supposed to be because it’s not the end. It’s the beginning of a blossoming relationship.
> 
> Now for the announcement!! I have opened a Challange/Collection thing for Shizaya fanfiction! The name of it is Shizaya Themed Writing Exchange and I'd be delighted if you took the time to check it out :)  
> The purpose of it is to engage readers who want to start writing and also exchange stories with other writers who enjoy Shizaya. It's very casual, very simple and I'd be delighted if someone's willing to participate! Don't feel obligated though, I'm just hoping to have some fun.  
> Until next time~


	9. Trusting You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? *tentatively crawls out from under a rock* You mean, you guys liked it? Really? 0.0
> 
> I- I- Um WORDS! Thank you!!! I mean, I was super worried I’d pissed everybody off but then you people were so happy and supportive and- And amazing!!! This is why I’m a writer, because of people like you guys who help me through everything, even when I don’t deliver when I say I will and when I try my best to make you cry (sorry…) 
> 
> I love all of you! (well that was very sentimental...)
> 
> Enjoy!

_Izaya reached up and threaded his thin fingers in Shizuo’s hair before yanking the monster down. “Just stop talking and kiss me Shizu-chan._ ”

The beast suddenly yanked back, pulling out of Izaya’s grasp and escaping his immediate vicinity as he growled, “No! No, I won't.” It took a moment for Izaya to register what had happened. _No, he was supposed to give in to his instincts, not fight them! He’s not supposed to stop me!_ “Look at you! You’re in heat and I’m rutting. I’m not thinking clearly. You’re not fucking thinking at _all!”_

_What the hell does that have to do with_ anything _!_ His entire body screamed, crying out for Shizuo. _I did everything I could, why is the beast doing this to me? Why is he pretending to be in control! He’s not, it’s a lie, he’s never in control!_ “I’m thinking just fine, _Shizu-chan_ ,” Izaya hissed, twisting in pain and desire. _Why, what is this torture? Why would Shizuo leave me like this?_ The Alpha was pressed against the opposite wall, his eyes full of anger, yet still swirling with desire and lust. _I just have to convince him_ , his mind howled desperately. _Just convince him!_

“I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions.” Izaya managed, trying to pull his mind back together enough to focus on Shizuo. He was a mess, his thoughts falling apart at the seams. Everything hurt and yet, if he could just get the blond to lose it, none of it would matter anymore, right? “Don’t treat me like an Omega who needs to be coddled and told how to act!”

“Well guess what,” Shizuo shot back. “I can make my own decisions too. Don’t treat me like an Alpha who will fuck you and be okay when you run the next morning!”

Izaya started to protest, then he was hit with the full force of what Shizuo was saying and he shut up at once. _I- I… I would have, ne? He’s right._ And just like that, the dam holding back his common sense broke, swamping him with the realization of what he’d been about to do. _Oh god, I was going to…_ Whining pitifully, Izaya closed his eyes, unable to believe himself. _I was just going to let Shizuo fuck me, wasn’t I?_

The blond stood against the wall, trying to catch his breath. Izaya could clearly see how much his own careless actions had affected the Alpha in the flush of his cheeks and the prominent erection straining at his pants. _Oh god, why? Why did I do that?_

_Why do I still want to do that?_

Eyes swimming in and out of focus, Izaya tried desperately to pull himself together. _I need to get out of here. I don’t even know what I want anymore._ Shizuo ran a twitching hand through his blond hair and Izaya swallowed hard. _How is he so calm? Why isn’t he in pieces like me?_ It irritated him and made him feel inferior at the same time. _And now he’s seen me like this, falling apart. What does he think of me?_

The fact that Shizuo had denied him gave Izaya a pretty good idea of what he thought. _I need to get away from him. He’s only making things worse._ Furious, more with his own pathetic behavior than with the beast, Izaya took a deep breath and bit out a bitter, “Fine then.”

Drawing himself up, Izaya lifted his chin and swallowed down the desire to just beg for what he still wanted. He’d already made enough of a fool of himself. Feeling Shizuo’s eyes on him, Izaya firmly said, “Then let me leave. There, problem solved.” _Your problem, not mine, but what do you care?_

Shizuo’s face grew red with fury. “Like hell you’re leaving flea! You can barely fucking walk. Plus I’m not letting you leave here, stinking to high heaven of pheromones and shit, you’d be jumped by the first Alpha you came across!” _And yet you seem so disgusted by me you’re standing halfway across the room. If you don’t want me to run, act like it. Make up your damn mind you protozoan!_

Izaya struggled to get his emotions back under control. He felt terribly close to breaking down entirely. There was too much to deal with that the Omega didn’t understand, too much resentment building up in his blood. “Then take me to Shinra’s.” The words were forced out, the last ditch attempt. _God, just let me go. I get it, I’m disgusting, I’m a mess. You don’t really want to deal with me, why would you? This is just instincts, even you can’t control them completely. Get over yourself Shizuo._  “At least then I wouldn’t have to put up with _you,_ Shizu-chan.” What lies, but Izaya ground them out all the same because they were the only thing between him and shattering.

“No, I won't!” Shizuo growled, his hands clenched into fists. _Why are we even having this argument?_ “I already told you, you’re staying right where you are.”

_Oh, that’s where you are wrong_. Surging upward, Izaya tried to force his limbs to cooperate with him only for them to fail him, leaving him to fall back to the bed, unable to move more than a few inches. It was so pathetic, so _disgustingly_ weak, Izaya whimpered as he tried to hold back the tears of anger and pain that sprung to his eyes. With his face pressed into the bed, Shizuo’s scent overwhelmed the raven and he snapped completely.

“I hate you!” His throat protested him and Izaya clenched his fists in pain. “I hate you, you damned _protozoan_ , you _Alpha_ _!”_   Tears coursed down his face but the Omega made no move to stop them. He’d given up, there was nothing he could do anymore. “This is all your fault! I was perfectly _fine_ before you showed up.” Shuddering, Izaya bit his lip, trying to hold back the _emotion_ that wouldn’t stop flowing from him. He was in the middle of his heat, he was in pain, and all Shizuo did was stand across the room and watch him. It wasn’t _fair._

“You’re _supposed_ to be my Alpha,” Izaya choked out, whimpering softly as he realized just how stupid his thoughts sounded when spoken aloud. “Why are you doing this to me?” He wasn’t even sure what kind of answer he was looking for at this point, he just wanted Shizuo to stop looking at him. Watching him make an utter fool of himself, giving into his base instincts like a pathetic human.

Ruefully, almost as an afterthought, Izaya let out a shuddering breath and muttered, “You said you were different.” Pressing his face deeper into Shizuo's sheets, Izaya tried to reclaim the peace he’d felt before but it was gone, he’d shattered it.

“Because you’re worth more to me than that.”

Even though the words didn’t register, the gentleness in Shizuo’s tone made the anger in the raven’s heart disappear. Slowly, Izaya brought up his tearstained face and tried to understand what the beast had said, what he meant. Gradually, the words filtered through his mind. _Worth more… to you…_ He blinked, trying to clear his eyes enough to see Shizuo at all.

He could hear the blond take a deep breath. “And if I mate with you right now, I’ll regret it too.”

The room went very still as Izaya took a moment to comprehend what Shizuo was saying. The Alpha looked on edge, terrified for reasons Izaya couldn’t understand. _Almost like he cares…_ It was only then that Izaya realized how stupid he was being. _Of course, he’s not running away from me, he’s trying to protect me._

Because for some unfathomable reason, Shizuo _cared._ He didn’t have to, his body might tell him to protect Izaya but instincts couldn’t make him really _feel_ anything. Yet here he stood.

_And now he wants me to stay…_ Izaya bit his lip as he thought about it. Would the blond force the matter, Izaya was fairly certain Shizuo would give in if Izaya continued to fight it, but did he want to? His body was tired, worn out, and his emotions were strung out, fragile like spun glass. If he couldn’t even stop crying what made him think he could win an argument with Shizuo?

_But I can’t just say that, ne?_

Looking away from the Alpha’s face, Izaya questioned, “How long are you going to keep me here?” His lip twinged as he bit it again.

It took Shizuo a second to answer. “Until your heat is over.” Predictable, but Izaya was glad for the information anyway. It wasn’t unreasonable, in fact, it could almost be described as convenient. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about other Alphas while his cycle finished. _Of course, then there’s Shizuo to think about..._ Glancing at Shizuo from the corner of his carmine eyes, Izaya watched the beast scratch the back of his neck before awkwardly adding, “I know you don’t like to be protected but please, just let me do this one thing for you.”

_Don’t bother fighting it. It’s pointless._ “Fine.” Suddenly very aware of Shizuo’s eyes on him, Izaya curled up, hiding. _Not hiding, I’m just tired._ Defeated. Not because the Alpha had convinced him of anything, but because Izaya had lost to himself on multiple levels. _I let my instincts get the better of me and even after coming to my senses, I can’t leave. Feh, how low can I get…_

“I suppose it’s no different than being at home,” Izaya muttered to himself, voice flat and uninterested. Just spitting out words and nothing else. Anything to distract himself or Shizuo from the tears still streaming down his face.“I’m still going to be stuck in bed anyway. I-” _might as well spend that time around my Alpha,_ he almost said, before stopping himself. That was stupid though, just letting his heat and urge to be close to a source of comfort win. Realizing he’d never finished his sentence, Izaya quickly babbled, “I guess I’ll have to call Namie-san so she knows I’m not dead. Not that she’d worry, she’d probably be glad if I never came back.”

When his view of Shizuo’s sparse room was obscured by the Alpha himself, Izaya struggled to sit up, though he wasn’t sure why. As expected, the raven’s arms gave out and he fell back to the bed. _Like I can even move. I must look so stupid…_ With an inaudible sigh, Izaya sank into the mattress, painfully aware his tearful eyes. Shizuo loomed over him, a look of worry etched into his face.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Izaya whispered, hating himself for his weakness and wishing he could hate Shizuo for his kindness. Rubbing ineffectually at the tears on his cheeks, the Omega determinedly kept from meeting the beast’s eyes as he added, however unconvincingly, “I’m fine Shizu-chan.” _Feh, what a lie…_

“No, you’re not,” Izaya couldn’t help but be surprised at how even Shizuo’s voice was. It was a statement, nothing more. Somehow, that soothed the deep disquiet within the raven. He wasn’t being judged, he wasn’t mocked, Shizuo was merely pointing out the obvious in an endearing way that only someone so utterly stupid could while still being comforting. It didn’t change much, but it was something, and he clung to it.

“But you will be.”

Those words drew a bitter laugh from Izaya. “Ha, that’s funny Shizu-chan.” _How can I possibly be okay, there’s nothing you can do, it’s just me. I’m to blame for this entire mess._ It was stupid to hope that the beast’s flat words had any truth to them whatsoever. _And yet…_

Izaya curled up further, shielding himself from those watchful, golden eyes. While he stubbornly denied himself even a sliver of hope, he couldn’t pretend what had happened hadn’t. _He didn’t leave me, he brought me here. He protected me, even when I didn’t think he would._ Awkwardly, the Omega softly mumbled, “Thank you.” When his words drew no reaction, Izaya felt his face grow warm. Quickly, he added, “For saving me,” as if Shizuo wouldn’t know what he was thankful for.

The silence stretched uncomfortably until Izaya felt compelled to break it. Fussing with Shizuo’s overlarge shirt, the raven murmured. “You really-” _Were everything I thought an Alpha never could be._ “I mean-” _I didn’t deserve your help, I don’t deserve that worry in your eyes._ “I never thought you…” _would save me…_ At last giving up on constructing a sentence that didn’t sound horrible, Izaya lapsed back into exhausted silence, using it as an opportunity to mop up the shameful tears on his face.

“I wish I’d gotten there sooner.” Izaya froze momentarily as he flashed back to the roof, to that overwhelming feeling he’d experienced as from the depths of his hopelessness, his Alpha had appeared and _saved_ him from being _raped_. How could Shizuo feel any regret for that whatsoever? But then, he wasn’t sure why the blond was doing anything for him at all so who was he to judge? Despite the uselessness of the sentiment, Izaya’s tears lessened.

_A lot of things could have happened differently,_ he thought, squirming at the memories of foreign hands covering him slipped past his mental block he’d set in place. The lingering smell of those men brought back a flutter of remembered panic, but Izaya focused on Shizuo’s calming presence and pushed it back down. _But at least I’m still here to contemplate the what-ifs._  

“Do you want a bath or something?” At the entirely out of place question, the raven had to fight a surprised laugh. _Only Shizu-chan could manage a true non-sequitur like that._ Almost as if he’d read Izaya’s mind, the beast explained, “I mean, if you’re going to stay here you might as well.” While it did seem fairly random, the look in Shizuo’s eyes spoke volumes. _He can tell I’m uncomfortable, can’t he? He honestly wants to help me, he cares._

_Ah, but we can’t just say things like that out loud. Not after what just happened._ Unable to help the slight smile that crept onto his face, Izaya playfully teased, “Are you telling me I stink Shizu-chan?”

“Yeah,” Shizuo affirmed, not a hint of a joke in his straight face. “You smell like shit.” Izaya let out a ripple of appreciative mirth that sounded much like a purr. It was amazing how quickly they’d fallen into this simple back and forth, this easy banter, not as cutting as their usual dialogue, not quite enough to fix Izaya’s mistakes. There was still tension in the air, Izaya could sense it, he would have had to be severely impaired to miss it, but he didn’t dare touch it. For now, they had a truce, an understanding. Shizuo was treating him gently, Izaya wasn’t throwing himself at the Alpha, it was as close to peace as they could get, right?

And his heat didn’t hurt as much when Shizuo was around.

Softly, he admitted, “Cleanliness would be an improvement, ne?” And it would give him a chance to relax his frayed nerves, which was almost more of concern than the filthy layer of other Alpha’s pheromones covering his skin. After having most of his common sense, emotions he generally locked away and all the self-respect he’d ever possessed reduced to nothing more than shattered eggshells, Izaya definitely needed some time to regroup. Especially if he was going to stay in the beast’s house until his heat was over.

_Only a day at most, it was already almost over._ Then he’d leave and things would… well, Izaya wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do but for the time being, he didn’t have enough energy to think about it. With a mockingly blandish expression, Izaya cooed, “I wouldn’t want to infringe on your oh-so-pleasant hospitality after all.”

Shizuo’s mouth turned down in a slight frown. “I’ll have to carry you.” The words made Izaya freeze for a second. _Is a bath really worth the chance of something horrible happening, I don’t exactly trust myself right now._ Izaya dithered for a second, honestly contemplating telling Shizuo to just leave him here. _But the smell of other Alphas on me, his Omega, can’t be pleasant._ Better to continue treading on eggshells than chance stirring up the burning coals beneath.

_And he wouldn’t do anything, would he..._

With a slight shrug, Izaya let the words,“Ah well, I suppose there’s no help for it,” slip off his tongue before he could change his mind. _If I can’t trust myself, I’ll have to trust Shizu-chan._ “Just don’t drop me.” Trying to make his movements appear as offhand and casual as possible, Izaya crawled to the edge of Shizuo’s bed and obediently crouched there, unwilling to meet the beast’s eyes and chance breaking again. _Careful steps, don’t look down. You’ll be alright._

In a grumbling tone, Shizuo muttered, “I won’t, flea.” Izaya bit his lip as Shizuo slipped his arms around him, easily lifting him up into the air. His arms were so gentle, his brows furrowed in concentration as he straightened gradually, the raven inexplicably wished he could take this moment and keep it forever. He’d never been treated like this before today.

As his Alpha’s heavy scent settled over him, Izaya shuddered, letting all the tension in his muscles out at once. With little trouble, Izaya tucked himself into Shizuo’s chest and then went limp, too worn out to even draw breath. This close, the beast’s heartbeat drummed in his ears, the most hypnotic rhythm imaginable. There, in that moment, he felt safe. All his other concerns and immediate worries dulled to background static as that glorious feeling spread through his body, warm, overwhelming everything else.

And of all the people who could have given to him, it was Shizuo.

Eyes drifting closed, the raven let the slight beats of the Alpha’s footfalls travel through him, their tremors out of sync with the blond’s heart. The result left Izaya in a stupor that wasn’t broken until Shizuo was setting him down on a cold, chipped countertop at the edge of a cracking sink. Staring at the blond with glazed eyes, the Omega merely watched Shizuo turn on the tap of the bath and swayed slightly as the weak ache returned to his body.

With a short sigh, Shizuo let his shoulders fall before looking him and tilting his head slightly. “Do you need help with your clothes?”

Izaya normally would have said no and just struggled on his own in an attempt to save his pride, but seeing as he could hardly sit upright, Izaya didn’t bother with a facade that would only bring pain. _I was going to let him mate with me, it’s not like he’ll be seeing anything I wasn’t perfectly willing to give to him before._ With a flat, thin voice, Izaya muttered, “Yes.”

The raven barely paid attention to the Alpha as he quickly stripped him, hardly noticing the occasional brush of skin on skin and the soft hands that lifted him off the counter and placed him in the warm, shallow water of Shizuo’s bathtub. Only once the shower curtain had twitched shut did Izaya open his eyes fully.

“Thank you,” Izaya called softly, voice almost drowned out by the flowing water filling the cold basin he sat in. Stretching out carefully, the raven added, “I think I’ll be fine on my own now Shizu-chan.”

“Yeah,” Izaya could detect the tiredness in Shizuo’s voice, the same complete physical, mental and emotional exhaustion the last twelve hours had caused.  “I’ll go find you some clean clothes then, call if you need anything.”

“I will.” Izaya waited until the door of the bathroom closed before sinking into the rising water and letting himself just drift. As the warm liquid soothed the bruises on his skin and washed away the dirty feeling infecting his mind, Izaya let his thoughts run away from him. They were currently the only thing that _could_ run.

He was most definitely stuck here, not that Izaya had much will to contest that issue. Shizuo had made himself quite clear when he’d said he wanted the Omega to stay until his heat was over and Izaya was okay with that. As long as the Alpha didn’t do anything untoward, Izaya had nothing to fear. Looking at his situation from a purely logical standpoint, this was the safest and most comfortable place to be right about now. Just being near Shizuo made everything hurt less.

And from a less reasoned approach, Izaya wasn’t sure he could have brought himself to leave. All his instincts screamed at him to stay. He hadn’t the strength to fight them. If his Alpha wanted to take care of him, why should Izaya stop him?

Watching his hands drift across the warm water through slitted eyes, Izaya tiredly toed the tap off and melted into the heat until only his head remained above the water. Really, he had nothing he needed to worry about. What good would it do him to fret over things he had no power to change?

Izaya only hoped he wouldn’t make an even bigger fool of himself. _I have self-control, the situation is just a bad one._ Bad, because he wanted it so much, bad because he should never have given in.

Yet it felt so good.

Without thinking about it, Izaya’s eyes drifted closed as steam fogged up the air and smothered his nervous wonderings. _I’m not going to sleep_ , the raven told himself distantly as his thoughts slipped away like sand. _I’m just going to rest my eyes for a moment._

The water was so soothing, and the air smelled so heavenly...

))))-((((

“Izaya?”

Blinking heavy lids open, Izaya found himself lying in a bath full of chill water that had long since lost its relaxing heat. _I fell asleep,_ he thought muzzily as his mind slowly tried to process his surroundings. His fingers and toes had gone numb somewhere along the line and he wiggled them to regain feeling in their tips.   _Shizuo called me, ne?_

As if to answer his unspoken question, there was a gentle knock on the door before it squeaked open. “Izaya, you okay?” Shizuo asked softly as he stepped into the bathroom. “You’ve been in here for an hour.”

“ ‘m fine Shizu-chan,” Izaya mumbled with a tongue that felt too big for his mouth. “Fell asleep, too tired to keep my eyes open.” The shower curtain twitched but wasn’t removed. Aware of the Alpha’s shadow moving beyond it, Izaya lifted a heavy, limp hand and pulled the material away so he could see Shizuo.

“Sorry, I should have come and gotten you earlier. You’re probably cold.” The blond blinked at him awkwardly before holding out a small pile of fresh clothes as if in atonement. “They won’t fit you, but they’ll work, I guess.”

“Alright,” Izaya muttered. Looking around haplessly, the raven scrabbled at the slick sides of the bathtub before sighing and silently admitting defeat. _God, I’m useless. I can’t even move..._ He bit his lip, hating the idea of having to ask for help but aware that if he didn’t, he was stuck where he was. With a hurt look, Izaya glanced up at Shizuo pitifully and huffed, hating himself for being so pathetic. “Shizu-chan-”

Shizuo started, obviously realizing what Izaya was going to say. “Oh, right. I just-” Snapping his mouth shut, the blond shook his head before quickly moving forward and lifting the dripping raven out of the bathtub, getting his own clothes wet in the process. Izaya shivered as the cold air hit his wet skin and reflexively, he curled into Shizuo’s body heat, too tired to do anything else.

Carefully, Shizuo grabbed the towels he’d left on the toilet seat and wrapped Izaya in one of them before sitting him on the lip of the counter. Drowsily, Izaya swayed as Shizuo rubbed him dry, just breathing his scent in and nothing more. The blond’s hands felt wonderful, their warmth and weight only adding to the contentment that had welled up within him.

_It’s stupid,_ Izaya thought dimly, clutching at the edges of the towel as Shizuo worked a pair of boxers up his damp legs. _He’s only doing this because his instincts are telling him to protect me._

_But he cares, doesn’t he?_ A little voice in the back of the Omega’s head reminded him. _For some reason, he actually cares what happens to you._ Izaya bit the inside of his cheek. It was hard to believe it was true, no matter how much evidence he had that it was. It didn’t make any sense, not with their history and not with any of the events that had occurred in the last twelve hours. Shizuo should still hate him.

_Maybe he only cares because he knows we’re soul mates,_ Izaya thought, furrowing his brows slightly. But no, that didn’t make sense either. If that had been the only motivation wouldn’t Shizuo have mated with him earlier?

Involuntarily, Izaya’s cheeks darkened at the memory. _Thank god he stopped me. Thank god Shizuo had his head on straight. Otherwise…_ Well, it was best not to think about it. The raven certainly didn’t want a mate, or rather, he knew that if he wasn’t currently being influenced by his heat and Shizuo’s rut that he wouldn’t want one. _And Shizuo basically told me he didn’t want a mate either, didn’t he? He did say he’d regret it._

The chill of the open air returned as the dampened towel was gently pried from the distracted Omega’s fingers. Mind snapping back to the present, Izaya docilely waited for Shizuo to pull the fresh tee-shirt over his head before letting the raven awkwardly work his own arms through the sleeves. The cool air raised the hair on Izaya’s bare forearms and he shuddered, his teeth clattering together.

Gently, Shizuo pulled Izaya’s head closer before covering the raven’s wet hair with the other towel and proceeding to rub it dry. Izaya didn’t bother protesting as the beast mussed up his dripping locks, he just looked down and swung his legs absently. The sweatpants Shizuo had found for him pooled around his ankles, almost completely obscuring his feet.

Once Shizuo had deemed the sleepy raven dry enough, he stepped back and watched Izaya, a concerned look in his eyes. Izaya noted the wet splotch on the front of the blond’s tee-shirt with a hint of guilt that he didn’t voice. If Shizuo didn’t mind, he probably shouldn’t either. All the Omega did was focus on staying upright, and stare flatly at the Alpha, waiting.

“It’s late,” Shizuo said at last, scratching the back of his neck. “You should probably get some rest.”

Swinging his legs again, Izaya muttered, “If I try to get up, I’ll fall Shizu-chan.” He hated how weak the words made him feel and he hated that they were true, but the raven knew Shizuo wasn’t going to judge him for it. It was pretty obvious by this point they were beyond the point of being judgemental. Picking at the edge of the counter, Izaya added in a very small voice, “I’m too weak to get anywhere on my own.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Shizuo muttered, sounding ashamed. It was almost natural, the way Izaya just slid into the Alpha’s hold, fitting in his arms like that was where he belonged. _Except, in the end, I don’t belong. I never will._ The raven wanted to laugh at the irony of it all, but he couldn’t quite muster the energy to do so. As Shizuo shouldered open the bathroom door, the blond said, quietly, “You heat will be over soon right? You won’t have to put up with this for long.” _As if I’m complaining…_

“Yes, it’s almost over.” Izaya agreed, eyes drooping closed. “You do realize that being around you and your scent and pheromones are making it worse though.” The remark was light, almost reproachful, not quite pointed enough to break from the flatness Izaya’s tone possessed. They were just patterns of sound because the raven hated the silence.

At Izaya’s words, however, Shizuo tensed for a moment before stammering, “I-I- I never-” As if continuing hurt him, the blond managed, “I never meant to force you into anything Izaya. I won’t-” He stopped again and Izaya held perfectly still, unsure what he was supposed to do. It had just been a passing comment, he hadn’t thought that Shizuo would react to it at all. He certainly hadn’t expected the blond to take him seriously.

“If you honestly want to leave,” Shizuo muttered at last, voice thick. “I won’t stop you.” _Wait, what?_ Izaya’s eyes widened in disbelief and glanced up at the blond’s face. “I’ll take you home if- Fuck.” He gave up on speaking, but Izaya could smell the fear in Shizuo’s scent, feel the way his arms tightened around the raven as if loathe to let him go. Something in the Omega’s chest tightened at the pained, yet resolute look on Shizuo’s face. _He means it, ne? He’d let me go._

Izaya seriously considered the idea for a moment before realizing that, as much he should want to leave, he honestly hated the thought of going home. It wasn’t even just his instincts, although that was a big part of it. There was something that had even the logical part of him wanting to stay. _You’re being stupid,_ hissed his mind. _You know you’re being stupid._

Only, Izaya wasn’t sure he was.

With a sigh, the Omega tangled his fingers in Shizuo’s damp shirt and muttered, “I want to stay Shizu-chan. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” Beneath his hands, Shizuo relaxed. Izaya could feel the blond release the breath he’d been holding in and it calmed the raven as well.

“I- Thank you,” Shizuo muttered his relief palpable. Izaya didn’t respond, he only hummed and closed his eyes, loosening his grip on the blond’s clothes as he did so. He wasn’t quite sure why he too felt relieved, but he did and he was too tired to question it. The hard self-examination could come later.

Right now, sleep. Hopefully until forever.

When he, at last, felt himself being lowered down onto Shizuo’s bed, Izaya dragged his eyes open. Gazing up at the blond, the raven blinked sleepily as his Alpha straightened out the blankets and pulled them up over Izaya’s curled up form. He had a soft expression on his face that The Omega was too tired to understand.

“I'll be in the other room,” Shizuo murmured, fingers brushing the stray hair from Izaya’s face. “Really, just call you need something.” _I don't need anything, I'm fine._ But Izaya didn't bother saying it out loud. When the raven didn't respond, Shizuo started to leave.

Without even thinking about it, without even being conscious of his actions, Izaya’s hand shot out and weakly grabbed the back of Shizuo’s shirt. The blond stopped at once. Noticing what he was doing, Izaya retracted his arm, face hot with shame.

“I'm not staying in here Izaya, you'll probably sleep better on your own anyway.” Shizuo gave Izaya an apologetic look that made the raven feel stupid. _Why did I do that? What on earth did I think it was going to accomplish?_ “I'm not going to abandon you or anything.”

At the words, Izaya couldn't help the tiny whine that escaped his throat. _No! I don't care where he is, it doesn't matter, I'm not that needy._ “Shut up,” Izaya mumbled, burying his face in Shizuo's pillow to hide his shame.

Shizuo didn't comment further. “Just try to sleep. You're exhausted.”

Izaya didn't need to be told twice. As Shizuo left, turning off the lights behind him, Izaya curled up and finally let himself begin to truly drift off. Somehow, even though there were usually a million things flying through his head, Izaya’s mind was blessedly blank. He could worry tomorrow.

At last, the exhausted Omega fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm… a little late but what can you do? I hope it's enjoyable and just cuddly enough to not be too sleepy.
> 
> In other news, I'm sleepy too. Author out~


	10. Certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >.< I'm LATE!! I'm so sorry! I've been going a million miles an hour and focusing on A Little At A Time and I've completely forgotten about this story.
> 
> But I'm back now. And I'm working on chapter 12 of this story. And everything is  
> PERFECTLY  
> FINE
> 
> Enjoy!

_Well shit, how the hell am I supposed to find something to fit him? He’s fucking smaller than me!_ With an aggravated huff, Shizuo dropped the clothing he was holding haphazardly back into his drawer. This really wasn’t a big deal, it was just some fresh clothes for Izaya to wear while he -hopefully- slept. Except for some reason, something inside the blond _insisted_ that he do _everything_ in his power to make Izaya feel comfortable.

And he was failing. At a rather basic task to boot.

_This is stupid,_ Shizuo thought as he pawed through his casual clothes, trying to find something old that didn’t fit him anymore, something he’d kept _just in case_.

_I’m being stupid._

Okay, yeah, maybe he was. Maybe this _particular_ issue was stupid, but the bigger picture it was a part of was anything _but_ stupid. Shizuo had felt Izaya’s frailty for himself, seen just how weak the Raven was right now. This urge to take care of him wasn’t stupid, and it certainly wasn’t unfounded. The Omega had gone for too long trying to make it through life entirely alone, he needed someone he could lean on, someone he could trust. Shizuo was desperate to be that person, that Alpha.

_Fuck, I’m_ not _desperate._ With a sigh, the blond leaned against his shoddy dresser and closed his eyes. He didn’t have the energy to think about this when, in all honesty, the answers his mind supplied him with were terrifying.

And considering how long his list of questions that needed some serious thought had become, that was a lot of fucking nerves he had to settle.

Did he hate Izaya anymore? No, that answer was easy, Shizuo didn’t even question that fact. He probably hadn’t hated the flea for a while and definitely didn’t now, considering all the information that had come to light.

But then the questions he was being forced to ask himself started getting tricky. Did he care about Izaya? Well, yeah, it certainly felt like it to Shizuo. He worried about the Raven, wanted to keep him safe and the idea of him getting hurt definitely made him feel _something_. Yet, on the other hand, he was rutting and Izaya was his soul mate, there were a lot of things complicating the matter.

And while he was on the subject of soul mates, did Shizuo think of himself as Izaya’s Alpha? Whatever he could have said on the topic, the blond had been thinking of Izaya as _his_ a fair amount recently. One of the reasons he was keeping Izaya in his house was _because_ he felt like it was an Alpha’s job to take care of his Omega. But that was all just instincts, right?

Well fuck, was it? Maybe not. Shizuo ran a hand through his hair. He wanted Izaya to be safe but he also wanted the Raven to _feel_ safe with him. Did that mean Shizuo wanted Izaya to rely on him and think of him as his Alpha? How the hell was he supposed to even answer that question! The Omega had made his position on Alphas and mating quite clear, then he’d proceeded to fuck it all up by _begging_ Shizuo to mate with him.

But then he’d acted scared and disgusted as if he hadn’t actually wanted what he’d claimed to. Yet here he was, letting Shizuo keep him in his apartment. Did Izaya really want to be here at all? That thought made Shizuo feel a little sick. God, _no_ , probably not, the Raven hated him, right? Why they hell would he _want_ to stay?

_But he didn’t fight it._

Izaya was probably too tired to fight _anything_ anymore.

Clenching his jaw, Shizuo shook his head. He was just panicking over nothing. This was Izaya after all, he’d never met anyone quite so stubborn in his life. The damned flea didn’t give in, he always fought, always tried to get what he wanted. If he had wanted to leave, he would have.

And it wasn’t like Shizuo was going to hurt him, he just wanted to keep him safe. He just wanted to make the remainder of Izaya’s heat less painful, just didn’t want to have to worry about him without any way of knowing if the Raven was okay.

He just, he just, he just… He just wanted things to make a bit of goddamned sense!

From the bathroom, the sounds of rushing water ceased and Shizuo clenched his fists. He’d stood here for far too long worrying about nothing. _It’s not nothing, it’s a fucking problem I can’t fix._ Glancing in the direction of the bathroom, Shizuo blew out a harsh breath of air. It was probably too soon to get Izaya, besides, Shizuo needed some time of his own to just _think_. 

_And preferably not go fucking crazy._

Needing to do something productive, the blond used this moment to change into the usual ratty t-shirt and sweats he wore for bed. As he finally managed to calm his mind down, Shizuo gave up trying to find something that would fit Izaya and just grabbed some comfortable clothing for him to wear. _He probably won’t be here for long anyway._

With a long, exhausted sigh, Shizuo softly padded out of his room. As he passed the bathroom door, he stopped and stared at it. Briefly, he considered retrieving Izaya, before deciding against it. A clear image of the Raven formed in his mind. Carmine eyes half closed, face blank, body swaying as if caught by invisible breezes, every bit of his aura conveying exhausted resignation.

_He really doesn’t want to be here…_ As his heart sank for all those unspoken reasons he couldn’t pin down, Shizuo tore himself away from the door and walked into his kitchen, frustrated with himself. _I’m pretty much forcing him aren’t I, it’s not like he’s strong enough to leave on his own, I didn’t give him an option._ Well, what else was he supposed to do? Izaya was scared, Shizuo just wanted to make him feel safe.

_I’m making it worse, I’m controlling him._ No, this was stupid, he was being stupid. Shizuo couldn’t just assume he knew what Izaya was thinking because when had he _ever_ known what the damned Flea was thinking. Noticing his forgotten cigarettes on the table, the blond grabbed for them and swiftly lit up, trying to dispel the horrible thrumming in his chest that wouldn’t leave him alone.

As he stood there, watching the smoke trail up from his smoldering cigarette, Shizuo tried to force his mind away from the precipice it was dangerously close to falling into. Yet he couldn’t get away, there were too many things crowding his mind. The blond wanted to believe he was doing this for the right reasons but he didn’t know. He wanted to be able to confidently say he was keeping Izaya here, of his own free will, because that was what Alphas were supposed to do.

But he couldn’t because it wasn’t that clinical, that cut and dry. After all, Izaya wasn’t _just_ an Omega, Shizuo wasn’t doing this because of any moral stance on the subject. Izaya was his soulmate, someone he was biologically programed for. Somehow though, they had been enemies, a fact that had just changed, leaving Shizuo with feelings he couldn’t confirm to be his own or just instincts.

Ultimately, they had led him to this powerful desire to keep Izaya within arms reach where he was safe. The Raven had claimed to be ‘fine’ with it but how much of that was Izaya and how much of that was the Omega’s own base nature showing through? Shizuo wanted to do what was best for Izaya, how was he supposed to be certain that _this_ was what was best as opposed to taking him home?

But the thought of letting Izaya out of his sight hurt. Shizuo _wanted_ Izaya to stay. He’d told the raven it was only until the end of his heat but what about after that? Would they really be pushed back into their everyday lives like nothing had happened?

Of course it wouldn’t be ordinary, Izaya would probably avoid him from that moment on. Chances that the blond would have _any_ contact with the Omega were next to none.

That made the desire to keep him here, keeping him safe, while Shizuo could, all the stronger. And yet, if Izaya wanted to leave, would he really force him? If he wanted the Raven to trust him, treating him like he had no rights, like he was property almost, was the opposite of what he wanted to do. _He thinks all Alphas are shit, how do I keep him here without proving him right?_

_I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t_ know.

As his first cigarette burnt up, the blond lit another. _What do I do if Izaya does want to leave?_ Pushing past the pain that idea caused aside as best he could, Shizuo clenched and unclenched his free hand before shoving it in the pocket of his sweatpants. There really was only one answer to that and the blond knew it. If the Raven asked to leave, Shizuo would have to let him. It didn’t matter how he felt, it didn’t matter how much it hurt, the Alpha would have to respect Izaya’s wishes.

He’d do it, but it made him feel like shit.

But what if something bad happened? What if another Alpha discovered what Izaya was and took advantage of him?

_But on the other hand, what if_ I _take advantage of him. I want to, I would have and the thing that stopped me is something I don’t understand. Next time, if shit starts to happen, who’s to say I’ll stop it?_ Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Shizuo had never had complete control over himself, he’d always been unpredictable, _volatile._ He’d never been sure what he was capable of and it scared him. Normally, the blond would have sworn up and down that he wouldn’t so much as touch anyone in any sort of romantic or sexual way unless he _knew_ the other person wanted it. Faced with the problem now though, a room away from Izaya, _his_ Omega, who was also in heat, Shizuo wasn’t sure if he could trust himself. Because he’d never actually had to deal with this before, he didn’t know where his breaking point was.

_Maybe it would be safer for Izaya if I wasn’t around…_

Like pulling a drowning man from the ocean, Shizuo yanked himself from those self-destructive thoughts that had him spiraling. He couldn’t keep thinking about it. If Izaya brought it up, he’d address it but until then he needed to stop digging. Instead, he focused on his cigarette, just the steady inhalation of nicotine and the release of smoke, thick, heavy, soothing. Except it wasn’t, he couldn’t find that quiet he’d always enjoyed in his tiny apartment, the silence was still there, but it was deafening. Suffocating him like a blazing fire had sucked the air from his lungs.

A second cigarette quickly turned into three, then to four. Anything to keep his mind blank, anything to distract him from the battery of problems he’d crashed into when he’d pinned Izaya to that alley wall. All he’d wanted were some answers, he hadn’t signed up for this shit.

But fuck it if he didn’t want what the universe was offering.

It was only once his fourth cigarette had burnt down to his fingers that Shizuo thought to glance at the time. _Shit, Izaya’s been in there an hour, hasn’t he?_ Instantly feeling guilty, the blond snubbed out his cigarette and picked up the spare clothes he’d grabbed for the raven. Hopefully, Izaya hadn’t drowned.

Walking towards the bathroom door, Shizuo paused, knuckles poised over the cheaply painted wood. For a moment, just a fraction of a second, he hesitated, wondering, then he rapped softly on the door. “Izaya?”

There was no response for several seconds, and Shizuo felt a twinge of worry. _I was fucking kidding, the flea couldn’t have possibly drowned, right?_ Shaking his head, the blond knocked again before carefully opening the bathroom door. “Izaya, are you okay?” The room was cold, making even Shizuo, whose body temperature naturally seemed to run higher, feel the chill. As an afterthought, the Alpha grabbed a couple towels and called to the closed shower curtain, “You’ve been in here for an hour.”

There was the faint slosh of water. “ ‘m fine Shizu-chan. Fell asleep,” Izaya mumbled drowsily. Shizuo couldn’t help but feel guilty all over again, he shouldn’t have left the raven there long enough for something like that to happen. Reaching for the curtain to pull it aside, Shizuo hesitated when Izaya added, “Too tired to keep my eyes open.”

As the blond retracted his hand, there was another sloosh of liquid and the shower curtain twitched open to reveal a very tired looking Izaya. His skin was paler than usual, probably from the chill of the room, and his thin lips had a bluish tint to them. Dripping black hair laid plastered to his forehead and neck and his carmine eyes were clouded with sleep. He looked so peaceful like he couldn’t care less where he was or who was standing before him. For once he wasn’t plotting or scheming or lying or mocking or laughing or _moving_ , he was just lying there, his expression a blank canvas that hadn’t yet been tainted by motivations or emotions.

Realizing abruptly that he’d been staring, Shizuo blinked awkwardly. “Sorry,” he muttered, frowning slightly. “I should have come and gotten you earlier. You’re probably cold.” There definitely wasn’t any heat coming off of that water that Shizuo could sense, just a wet chill that made the room feel eerily quiet, like every moment of silence was an ungainly pause that demanded remedy. Needing to say something to fill the empty space, Shizuo proffered the clothes he’d dug up and said, “They won’t fit you, but they’ll work. I guess.”

Izaya gave a short sigh. “Alright.” As if he wasn’t exactly sure what to do, the Raven looked about aimlessly, his thin fingers gliding along the sides of the bathtub without gaining any traction. After a few seconds of this, he bit his lip and glanced up at Shizuo like a wounded animal. Puffing out a small breath, the Raven mumbled, “Shizu-chan…”

_Oh yeah, he probably can’t get up on his own._ “Oh, right, I just-” Unsure how he had planned on ending that sentence, Shizuo shut his mouth smartly and started forward. Keeping his eyes fixed resolutely on Izaya’s hair just to avoid the inevitable locations they might travel, Shizuo reached into the cold water and scooped the raven out of the tub. Shizuo could feel Izaya’s shivers as the Omega tucked his head into the blond’s neck and curled up into his chest. The chill water seeping into the Alpha’s shirt hardly registered at all, not with Izaya held so closely in his arms.

Because whatever the consequences, that's where he belonged.

With a bit of tricky maneuvering, Shizuo managed to wrap the shivering Raven in a towel before sitting him down on the edge of the sink. Listing minutely from side to side, Izaya’s eyes drooped closed as he sat there, letting the blond dry him off. Shizuo tried to keep his movements methodical, noting once again the bruises on the raven’s body, a stark contrast to the rest of his ivory skin.

Making sure Izaya had a hold of the edges of the now damp towel, Shizuo quickly went about dressing the Raven. The remaining moisture on Izaya’s skin made the task a little slower than the blond would have liked but it helped that Izaya remained silent for the duration, just complying with the small movements required to help Shizuo dress him.

The extra pair of sweatpants Shizuo had found Izaya were ridiculously big on him, practically puddling around his thin legs. While the Alpha was aware of how much power Izaya’s body possessed when he was at the top of his game, flying through the streets of the city like a demon, in this moment he seemed so frail like he could shatter if Shizuo handled him wrong.

Reaching for the t-shirt, Shizuo noticed the faint blush on Izaya’s face but chose not to comment on it. His eyes seemed to be so distant, Shizuo doubted that whatever had darkened the Raven’s cheeks had anything to do with what was currently happening. Hoping to draw his mind back to the present, Shizuo gently tugged the wet towel from Izaya’s fingers and discarded it in favor of the shirt, which he pulled over Izaya’s head. The Raven struggled in forcing his arms through the sleeves but after that brief economy of movement, he returned to just sitting there, absently swinging his legs. Shizuo could see the shivers racing through him however and could hear the soft clack of Izaya’s teeth.

Noticing the damp spots on Izaya’s shoulders where his wet hair had dripped, Shizuo grabbed the spare towel and, after a moment’s consideration, carefully tugged Izaya’s head closer and covered it with the towel. The Raven merely sat there meekly, letting Shizuo tousle his hair dry. Once Izaya’s hair was only passably damp, the blond stood back and looked at the tired Omega.

When Izaya glanced up, Shizuo could see the blankness in his eyes, like he’d simply run out of things to feel. There were no more masks or games to play, the raven was too exhausted, too… empty. It worried Shizuo slightly, but it also reminded him that it was getting close to midnight and Izaya hadn't slept properly in god knows how long.

_Just carry him to bed, staring at him isn’t going to fix anything._

“It’s late,” was what Shizuo, at last, said, his voice sounding distorted as it broke the silence. Scratching the back of his head, the blond added, “You should probably get some rest.”

Izaya’s eyes dropped to the ground and he quietly, derisively almost, murmured, “If I try to get up, I’ll fall Shizu-chan.” _Like I don’t know that I was just warning you._ But the look on the Raven’s face held fast Shizuo’s annoyed comments. Izaya’s entire posture conveyed just how weak he felt. As far back as the blond could remember, Izaya had always been confident, dominant, leering almost. Always on the offensive, even when he was running away. There had never been fear, there had never been an admission of weakness, Izaya always had the upper hand.

Until now.

Now, Izaya was left hunched over, picking at the peeling edge of Shizuo’s shitty countertop, unable to move on his own, completely at the Alpha’s mercy.

As if in answer to Shizuo’s silence, Izaya said, in a very small voice, “I’m too weak to get anywhere on my own.” It was painfully clear how much Izaya hated to say the words, like they were an admission of failure, of shame.

Mortified to have made Izaya explain something Shizuo already knew when it clearly made the man upset, the blond quickly said, “Yeah, sorry,” and lifted the Raven off the sink. Once again, Shizuo was struck with how _right_ it felt to have Izaya in his arms and once again he forced himself away from that impossibility. _Because that’s what it is, right? Impossible, because he’ll never be mine._ Nevertheless, Shizuo tried to soak in this feeling, the weight of Izaya, the way his damp hair tickled the blond’s neck, the calming, heavenly scent that drifted from the raven and the little breaths stirring his shirt.

But as he shouldered the bathroom door open, Shizuo had to break the silence, mostly because he still felt bad about before. “Your heat will be over soon, right?” He honestly didn’t know, he was just assuming and hoping he was at least partially correct. “You won’t have to put up with this for long.” _Not that I’m complaining…_

“Yeah, almost over,” Shizuo glanced down at the Raven to find his eyes drooping closed, an odd expression on his face. “You do realize that being around you and your scent and your pheromones are making it worse, though.”

At Izaya’s words, Shizuo’s stomach plummeted and it was all he could do not to stumble as he stopped, poised in the doorway to his room. _Oh god, I was right, he doesn’t want to be here. I am making things worse._ “I-I- I never-” Shizuo started, not sure what he was supposed to do. _Shit, I really am screwing up. What am I even doing? Why am I treating him like he’s a child that can’t do anything for himself and can’t make his own decisions? Why am I treating him like I hold any sort of claim to him?_ Fighting the panic welling in his chest, Shizuo forced out, “I never meant to force you into anything Izaya, I won’t-”

He stopped again. _I need to say this, but fuck, it_ hurts. This was his worst case scenario, Shizuo didn’t want to have to deal with it, but he had to. Because otherwise, he was no better than any other Alpha who forced themselves on an Omega. It didn’t matter what they did and didn’t do while Izaya was here, it would all be against Izaya’s will if the Raven wanted to leave.

Voice sounding almost choked, Shizuo murmured, “If you honestly want to leave, I won’t stop you.” He could feel the Raven shift but he didn’t dare look down. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to finish, much less follow through if that’s what Izaya asked of him. “I’ll take you home if-” His heart leapt painfully and he muttered, “Fuck,” before giving up. _At least I said it, he can make a decision now._ But still, Shizuo held Izaya closer, scared of what he might say. Tightening his jaw, the blond stared straight ahead, trying not to show how much this was affecting him. _Izaya probably thinks I’m being stupid. Why wouldn’t he want to leave?_

Instead of immediately speaking, the Omega let out a soft sigh. Thin fingers gripped the loose collar of Shizuo’s t-shirt and Izaya’s tired voice murmured, “I want to stay Shizu-chan.” At those words, the tension in the Alpha’s body vanished, washing him with relief. _He’s not leaving me,_ Shizuo thought, finally releasing the breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. _I was being ridiculous after all…_ “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I- Thank you,” Shizuo muttered, his throat feeling like it was closing up. It was the one thing he’d wanted, and Izaya was giving it to him.

Trust.

Humming softly in response, Izaya’s fingers loosed their grip on Shizuo’s collar and the blond could feel the Omega relax. Quickly glancing down, Shizuo felt a soft smile creep across his lips at the peaceful look on Izaya’s face. The Raven’s eyes were closed and his small breaths just barely stirred the hair falling across his cheeks.

Remembering abruptly that he was still standing in the door to his room, Shizuo shook himself mentally and finished his walk to his bed. Slowly, careful not to jostle the Omega, the blond lowered Izaya into his bed and went about tugging the still-tangled sheets over the Raven. The way Izaya curled inwards and seemed to instinctively bury his face in the blond’s pillow was cute, and the Alpha’s eyes softened.

_Wait, cute?_

Noticing Izaya’s lazy crimson gaze, Shizuo decided to leave those odd thoughts for a later time and instead brushed the hair from the Omega’s face. “I’ll be in the other room,” Shizuo said, hoping he sounded at least a little reassuring. “Really, just call if you need something.” _Anything, I swear, I’ll be there for you._

_Fuck, I must be going crazy._

Izaya blinked but didn’t respond. He seemed too tired to string together enough words to answer. With an internal sigh, Shizuo turned to leave. He could have stayed there all night, would have done so gladly, but he knew his limits and he knew that Izaya probably had them as well. Staying would have definitely crossed the invisible line they’d drawn in the sand.

That is until he felt a weak tug on the back of his shirt. Turning quickly, Shizuo found a red-faced Izaya retracting his hand expediently, or at least, as fast as he could manage. Noticing the look in the Raven’s eyes, the unspoken fear that Izaya would never admit to, Shizuo sighed.

“I’m not staying here Izaya,” he insisted, already feeling guilty as Izaya’s tired eyes begged him not to leave. “You’ll probably sleep better on your own anyway. I’m not going to abandon you or anything.”

Izaya whined as if protesting Shizuo’s words but something in him also looked reassured. “Shut up,” the Raven mumbled, pressing his face into the pillow as if trying to hide from the blond.

_I’d stay if I thought it would help, but it won’t, so I won’t._

After a moment’s pause, during which Shizuo decided that Izaya wasn’t going to raise any further concerns, the blond muttered, “Just try to sleep. You’re exhausted.” _As am I._

Turning away from the sleepy Omega, Shizuo flipped the lightswitch before closing the door to his room. Letting out a low, long sigh, the blond leaned on the door behind him and let his eyes drift closed.

_Yup, definitely losing it._

Well, maybe he could wait until tomorrow to go insane. Thinking of Izaya, curled up in his bed, sleeping peacefully, Shizuo realized it was far too late for that. Peeling back his lids, Shizuo glanced over at his shitty couch and managed a groan.

Well, it was better than sleeping on the floor, and at least he knew his Omega was close by.

_I’ve got to stop thinking like this…_

With heavy limbs, Shizuo padded over to his couch, grabbed one of the tiny pillows from the end and collapsed onto the cushions. He thought it would take him a while to fall asleep, he had a lot on his mind, even more thrumming in the air around him, but some things are deceptive. Sleep, above all, is one of them. It comes when you least expect it and hits you hard enough to floor even the most active of minds. In the end, Shizuo found its lazy pull irresistible.

His senses faded to peaceful gray in minutes, leaving only the ever present scent of Izaya to follow him into his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ain't it adorable?
> 
> Next chapter has a bit of conflict and then a bunch of other stuff happens. it's gonna be fun. You're going to love it  
> Until it makes you cry BUT THERE WILL BE FLUFF
> 
> I'm totally off my meds right now...


	11. Broken Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now officially have to get my act together. Ah well, the break has been nice, I've got lots of ideas and I'm going to make this story amazing  
> Or something...  
> Enjoy!

Izaya awoke to pain. White hot, pulsing, feverish pain.

It was a moment before he thought to open his eyes. Well, thought, more like could. Everything hurt. Every inch of him felt like it was on fire. As he dragged his lids up Izaya tried to move, only for his body to explode in further pain.

Oh yeah, he knew what this was.

The pheromones in the air choking him didn’t let him didn’t exactly leave room for doubt.

Blinking slowly, Izaya attempted to keep his labored breaths even. In all his years of being an Omega, subjecting himself to this pain willingly every year, the Raven hadn’t ever experienced agony this intense. Red spots danced before his eyes and Izaya almost wished he’d just pass out, but he wasn’t so lucky.

Something was keeping him awake, something kept dragging him back from the brink of unconsciousness, something that managed to pull a groan from Izaya’s chapped lips.

Pheromones, Shizuo’s pheromones.

_ I’m reacting to his scent, ne? That’s what’s making this so painful. _ Hah, what a joke. If he’d been in a state to make noise, Izaya would have laughed. In the process of trying to help him, Shizuo had inadvertently made it worse. He was no doctor, but he would have bet money that being at this distance, close enough to continue being affected by Shizuo’s pheromones but too far for their naturally soothing qualities to do any good, was what had him in such pain.

Izaya slowly curled in on himself as he whimpered involuntarily and cursed his luck. He just wanted some sleep, he’d been without a good night’s rest for a week now.  _ It was your choice to stay here,  _ his brain unhelpfully reminded him.  _ If you’d let him take you home this would all be over by now. _

But he hadn’t wanted to leave, Izaya had desperately wanted the comfort and care Shizuo had offered. Had put his trust in the Alpha even when all his past screamed at him to run. Now he was shivering, shaking and panting as pain tore through him, and he had no idea what more he could do to make his heat easier.

_ I’ve got to do something, it’s going to kill me.  _

Except the only thing he could think of was calling for Shizuo, and he  _ couldn’t  _ do that. The only thing the beast could do was mate with him, right? That was the only thing left and Shizuo wasn’t going to give in so what was the point of groveling?

Instead, Izaya huddled in the middle of the bed and prayed for unconsciousness.

There was a sudden, faint pulse of coolness that broke through the sweat soaking his skin. Izaya almost moaned, the breath of relief felt so wonderful. The first thing he thought of was Shizuo, and Izaya wondered if somehow, the Alpha had known he was hurting and had soothed his pain without thinking. But that was stupid, illogical, wishful thinking. It didn’t matter, Izaya was just grateful for the reprieve.

Then, just as suddenly, the cool relief was torn from him and the pain came rushing back in to fill the silence. The Raven felt tears escape his eyes. Cursing his body for taunting him with relief like that, Izaya bit his lip, trying to override the pain, trying to bring himself back under control but it was pointless. He’d spiraled too far already.

_ I just want Shizuo, I just want him to make it stop _ .

Time seemed to stretch and bend so Izaya had no idea how much of it had passed before there was another wave of relief, this time a bit stronger. This time he did make a soft noise, unable to stop himself. The feeling lingered for a moment, hanging in the air before once again being dragged from Izaya’s reach, leaving him twisting slowly as his mouth hung open in a silent cry of pain. 

_ Why, w-what’s going on? _ He didn’t even have the room to feel pathetic. All Izaya wanted was for that wave of calm to return and break the hold of the agony wracking his body. All he wanted was for Shizuo to open that door and make everything feel better.  _ NO! I have to get myself under control. I need to take a deep breath and think but I can’t! It hurts. _

Except he was Izaya Orihara and dammit if he didn’t have more self-discipline than this! Yanking his mind back into place was one of the hardest things he’d ever done but the Raven did it nonetheless. He still couldn’t move, but at least he could think clearly for a moment. The first thing he noticed was the soft creak of the floor and the gentle padding footsteps outside his door. Even though it was nearly impossible, Izaya pushed the pain out of a corner of his mind so he could focus on that faint pattern of footfalls. It took a while to place what he was hearing, given his compromised mental state, but he at last managed.

Shizuo, pacing.

_ The only thing that makes it stop hurting. _

The footsteps got closer and this time, Izaya succeeded in putting two and two together. The moment the idiot blond got to the point closest to Izaya in his path, the pain lessened. Able to catch his breath, the raven yearned to be closer to Shizuo, just so the agony of his heat would leave him alone. Opening his mouth, Izaya attempted to call to his Alpha but couldn’t get the words out, couldn’t get his throat to cooperate with him. Then the second of relief passed as Shizuo moved away again, sending Izaya back into the arms of pain and twisting torture.

_ Just stop moving, you stupid Alpha. _

Izaya didn’t even really care at this point about whatever boundaries he’d wanted to keep between himself and Shizuo. He was ready to beg if it meant the pain would go away. What was one more level of defeat, one more way he was giving in…

Breathing quickening in effort, Izaya forced out the words, “Shizu~chan, help.” They were little more than a whisper, hardly audible to him, much less the blond who was a wall away and probably lost in thought. If the Alpha thought at all but that was a discussion for a different day.

“Shizu-chan,” he whimpered, louder this time. God, it  _ hurt _ ! Izaya had been through a lot in his life. He’d fallen off buildings, he’d been stabbed, he’d been  _ shot _ and he’d lived through his heats every year without complaint but this, this was a whole new level of torture. The red spots before his eyes got bigger as he panted, “ _ Please _ , help me.”

Then, as the pain lessened once more, Izaya pushed out, “Shizu-o,  _ please! _ ” He could hear the blond pause and instantly the Raven seized on it, pawing his way out of the sheets that were clammy with his sweat and desperately calling, “ _ Help _ me~ Shizuo it  _ hurts.” _

_ I’m pathetic, but it’s worth it if it makes the pain go away. _

Body throbbing, Izaya let himself fall back to the sheets, gasping for breath. The tears were streaming down his face now, inhibited by the raven, but it was okay because he could hear Shizuo’s footsteps coming closer and a moment later the door swung open, bringing with it a wave of calm and relief.

“Izaya, are you okay?” Shizuo asked, his voice thick and worried. Izaya took a moment to just  _ breathe _ , just let the pheromones settle over him and calm his heat. It still hurt, but at least he could think straight.  _ I need him to stay, forget keeping a safe distance between us, I’m in pain and I won’t let the only source of comfort get away from me. _

“No,” Izaya said in a very small voice, forcing himself to release his bottom lip, which he’d caught between his teeth at some point. The red had cleared from his vision and he slowly turned to face the blond, who looked like he hadn’t slept a bit. “My heat,” he mumbled, feeling a bit embarrassed now that he had the room to.

_ Am I going too far, where’s the line? Where do I stop? _

“Shit,” Shizuo looked at the ceiling and ran a frazzled hand through his hair, gripping it like he wanted to tear it out. Izaya could sense his reluctance as he moved closer, looking down at the raven with concern. “I can’t- Izaya, I’m not going to-”

“I’m not asking you to,” Izaya muttered bitterly, hating that  _ that _ was the first thing his Alpha thought of when the raven was in pain. It made sense, and he could hardly blame him, but it still turned Izaya’s stomach. Here he was, putting all his trust in Shizuo, and the idiot couldn’t even be bothered to return the favor.

“Then what?” Shizuo asked and Izaya could hear how close to coming apart the man really was.  _ God, I’m being irrational. Me being in here, just a door away from him, of course that’s the first thing he thinks of. It’s probably all he can think of when I’m like this. I’ve got to be driving him up the wall. Why are we even trying to make this work? _

_ Because neither of us really want anything else? _

Running his tongue over chapped lips, Izaya tentatively said, “Just… Stay. Please. I’m not asking for anything more, it’s just…” he trailed off and stared at Shizuo. Now that the pain had receded, Izaya reached weakly for the blond, catching his wrist and tugging, hoping Shizuo wouldn’t deny him.

He could hear the sigh of defeat, though Izaya would have sworn it was really just a sigh of relief. “Yeah, okay.” Shizuo didn’t even fight him, he just nudged Izaya over and slid under the sheets next to him.

The bed was small, really, it hadn’t been made for two people so set on not touching. Izaya waited until he was pressed up against the wall uncomfortably before giving up and nestling against Shizuo’s back. He’d have time for regret later. Later, when he was awake.

_ I’m just putting things off left and right, aren’t I? _

But, he was prepared to put that off too. Breathing in deeply, Izaya felt warmth spread through him as the blond’s scent covered him completely once more, relaxing him. It was almost instantaneous, the heavy settling in his bones, dragging his mind towards sleep so fast Izaya hardly knew what hit him. It was like his body knew something he didn’t, and now that it had been appeased, it was willing to let him float.

But he had to say something because Izaya never could just keep his mouth shut. “You couldn’t sleep, could you?” he murmured, his voice muffled by covers, pillows, and exhaustion.

“Yeah,” Shizuo admitted, the tension in his back slowly releasing. “But it’s nothing.”

Izaya nodded listingly, before drifting off.

 ))))-((((

He woke up like he’d fallen asleep, warm, content, safe, and… Well, even half asleep Izaya knew how to nip stupid thoughts in the bud before the had a chance to get out of hand. He knew exactly where he was, but the thought didn’t bother him like it had the first time he’d awoken to it. Maybe it helped that he’d had a choice this time, maybe it was because he wanted to stay?

And, maybe it was just instincts. Izaya dearly wished he could just blame this whole interlude on things out of his control, but now that he was awake, and thinking clearly for the first time in forever, he couldn’t.

It was weird, how good it felt like this. Sometime in the night Shizuo had turned and curled around Izaya, keeping the Omega close to his chest. Izaya didn’t mind the arms loosely encircling him, in fact, he probably liked them too much. Shizuo’s pheromones had saturated the air, sinking beneath Izaya’s skin to soothe his heat. It was still there, Izaya could feel it in the lethargic chills running through his body, but it had abated.

Or at least, the pain had. Izaya could only hope the hard on he was unfortunately sporting would go unnoticed.  _ Damn hormones. I hate being an Omega. _

_ But _ , whispered a traitorous voice from the back of his mind.  _ Is this really so bad? _

Of course it wasn’t  _ now _ , but Izaya figured he could blame this much on his natural reactions to an Alpha, who was his soul mate no less. It didn’t make it any less stupid, but it at least gave Izaya something to cling to. Because right about then, there were a whole lot of things that should have been scaring the raven, but weren’t.

Like the fact he was in bed with an Alpha at all and that the walls he’d spent years building up and fortifying were suddenly gone. Izaya kept trying to reason it away, but he couldn’t quite make himself believe it. He  _ hadn’t _ imagined the softness in Shizuo’s eyes the night before and he definitely hadn’t imagined the fact that while he’d been unable to sleep due to pain, the beast had been up pacing for entirely different reasons.

_ Don’t think about it, just drift _ .

Because right there, wrapped in Shizuo’s body and scent, Izaya felt safe. Just the other night he’d been sure the blond couldn’t help him, couldn’t really make anything  _ okay _ but here he was, content. As long as Shizuo kept sleeping, Izaya could just lie here and pretend like nothing else but this little bubble of time mattered.

A breath tickled the hair on the top of his head and Izaya squirmed, pressing himself closer into his Alpha. Keeping his eyes closed, Izaya lifted a hand to rest over Shizuo’s before going still, perfectly happy to just fall asleep again. Stupid, he knew, but sometimes, Izaya could live with a little stupid…

Suddenly, an electronic tone sounded, shattering the fragile peace. In a second, the perfection that had surrounded Izaya and Shizuo vanished, leaving Izaya to almost whine at its absence. From behind him, Shizuo shifted and the Raven was hardly surprised when he moved to put distance between them.  _ It’s not like it was good for me anyway, he’s just doing us both a favor. _

“What’s that?” Shizuo muttered groggily, and Izaya could feel the bed creak as he sat up.

When the sound continued, Izaya groaned and muttered, “It’s one of my phones, probably.”  _ Just ignore it, go back to sleep. I was…  _

_ Ah, I was making stupid choices, ne? _ Rubbing his eyes, irritated that his limbs still weren’t cooperating perfectly, the Omega mumbled, “Just let it ring, it’s probably not important. They shouldn’t be calling this early anyway.”

“It’s past noon,” Shizuo returned with a laugh that was half groan, half mirth. “But if you say so.” The phone eventually went to voicemail.

In the meantime, Izaya was regarding the weave of the sheets he lay under with surprise. He’d never been a heavy sleeper and was lucky if he could stay in bed for more than five hours at a time. Even after his heat when he was dead tired, Izaya couldn’t stay asleep for more than seven hours. To think he’d actually slept for over nine hours was impressive.  _ It must be because of…  _ “Well,” he muttered under his breath, interrupting his own thoughts. “I suppose there’s a first time for everything.”

Shizuo chuckled, and Izaya found himself smiling. It was almost like they were friends, almost like they were lovers really. The Raven didn’t  _ want _ to think about it, but he found himself contemplating it anyway, how casually they acted, even after what they’d been through. If someone had told him just a day ago that he’d be sharing a bed with Shizuo and not be upset about it, Izaya would have told them they were crazy.

Now, well, the Raven was pretty convinced that  _ he _ was the crazy one.

There was a click and a moment later, Izaya found himself hit with the frankly enticing smell of cigarettes. Without letting himself think about it first, the Omega rolled closer towards Shizuo, noting only vaguely when he tensed up.  _ Just let me be sleepy Shizu-chan. _

“Your heat isn’t over,” the blond observed abruptly, drawing Izaya’s attention from his own drowsy thoughts to the matter presented before him.

Shifting, Izaya thought about pointing out to the blond that his rut wasn’t over either but decided against it. Instead, he said, “You’re not going to kick me out, are you?” He wasn’t worried, but he had to ask all the same. Izaya didn’t want to lose this gentle touch now, not when he’d already had to lower himself so much just to admit he wanted it.

“No,” Shizuo responded instantly.  _ There _ . In his voice, there was something. Izaya  _ knew  _ what it was even if he didn’t want to believe it, care, compassion, kindness.  _ Instincts. Shizuo just can’t see past his own hormones. _ “You’re not leaving until you’re better.”

Which was a funny way of putting it, and if Izaya had been in a better state, he’d have mocked Shizuo’s choice of words. But he wasn’t, so he didn’t. Probably for the best.

There was a moment of silence, then Shizuo swung his legs out of bed and muttered, “I should probably make you something to eat. It’s lunch time after all.”

Experiencing the loss of warmth more powerfully than expected, Izaya stifled a whimper and just rolled into the warm depression left by the beast. “I’m not hungry.” It was true, Izaya wasn’t  _ hungry _ but then, he was rarely hungry. Eating was generally a waste of time.

“Tough shit, you’re eating something,” Shizuo responded, and Izaya could hear the soft thumps as the sleepy beast padded through the room. “You’re under my roof and I’m not letting you waste away. You’re all skin and bones.”

Izaya would have responded if his phone hadn’t gone off again. Shizuo cursed under his breath while the Raven just pulled the sheets closer, trying to drown out the noise. He didn’t  _ want _ to deal with anyone right now. Why couldn’t they have the decency to get the message the first time?

“Where’s your goddamn phone?” Shizuo growled irritably.

Finally poking his head out from under the covers, Izaya answered, “It’s in my coat. Probably in one of the inside pockets.” It was almost comical to watch Shizuo fumble around with the dark fabric, pawing at it uselessly until he managed to produce a phone. Not the one that was ringing, but a phone. That was something. Progress even!

“How many of these fucking things do you need?” Shizuo grumbled as he went through two more devices before at last finding the one that was buzzing so insistently. Without waiting for Izaya’s answer, Shizuo picked up the call and held the slim plastic to his ear. “The hell do you want?”

Well, no one had ever accused Shizuo of dodging the point, had they? Izaya could only hope that whoever was calling wasn’t a client. He didn’t need word to spread that he, or at least his phone, was in the hands of the monster of Ikebukuro.

Actually, he didn’t want anyone to know. There were just some possibilities that were less heinous than others.

From the middle of the room, Shizuo sighed and rubbed his face in exasperation. “Shinra…” Izaya blanched at that name. Well, he was probably screwed. Nevermind that the underground doctor had no business calling him out of the blue like this, the moment Shizuo had answered the phone, Izaya had been screwed. There was no way the Shinra was going to let this one go. Even so, Izaya watched Shizuo's face, hoping for some idea of what the doctor was saying.

Whatever it was had Shizuo annoyed. “Look, it doesn’t matter, why are you calling?” Izaya could only watch Shizuo grind his teeth around his cigarette and try not to blow something. “NO!”  _ Well, too late for that…  _ Irritably, Shizuo ran a hand through his hair and quickly amended, “I mean yes.” Another drawn look. “Yes then no. Fuck, why do you even care?”

_ What’s that supposed to mean? What is Shinra asking? _

Like he couldn’t keep still, Shizuo started wandering towards the door. Izaya must have made a noise because the beast spun quickly and gave him a reassuring look. Awkwardly, Izaya bit his lip and turned around, trying not to feel anxious over whatever Shinra was saying to Shizuo.

From outside the door, Izaya could hear Shizuo mutter, “God, fine, he’s at my house. Why the hell-” Whatever else he said was either too soft for Izaya to hear, or had been cut off by Shinra. Izaya could only imagine the sorts of questions the doctor was throwing at Shizuo. 

Probably, the doctor was panicking. It was something Shinra tended to do. It didn’t help that he was aware that Izaya was an Omega. Given the fact Shinra also knew Izaya was in heat, the raven highly doubted Shizuo's conversation was going to go very far.

“ _ No, he’s staying right where he is. _ ” Shizuo’s words drifted in through the open door. Nervously, Izaya bit down on his lip. He hadn’t expected Shinra to insist he leave, but then, what else would the crack doctor do? It made about as much sense as ninety percent of what came out of that man’s mouth. “ _ Yeah, I do. I know he’s-” _

Izaya half wanted Shizuo to come back, just so he could at least hear one-half of the conversation, but on the other hand, it made him feel jittery. Shinra had always had a certain… unhinged quality that made him irritating at the best of times. With Shizuo pressuring him, who knew what the Beta would say?

“No! Shit, _Shinra who do you think-”_ _If he’d just stop moving, maybe this would be less stressful,_ Izaya thought, using the wall to help himself struggle upright. For a moment, his vision went blurry as all the blood rushed to his head, then the moment passed and Izaya found himself sagging against the old wallpaper. _How long is my damn heat going to last?_

Too long. Any amount of time was too long.

“ _ Wait, how the  _ fuck _ did you know? Am I the only one who didn’t know?” _ Izaya’s eyes traveled to the ashtray beside Shizuo’s bed and he wondered distantly what it would be like to smoke. Probably better than worrying himself to death. Another, softer part of his mind wondered whether it would taste like the beast, but he shut that little voice up quickly.

“- _ is over. I’m not letting him out of my sight.” _

Pulling the covers back over his lap, Izaya swayed slightly as he shifted off the wall. Though he still felt weak, the Raven was convinced he felt better. Not quite so puddly and shaky. It was nice, to have at least a modicum of control over his own body. Experimentally, he wiggled towards the edge of the bed, wondering if maybe he could manage to stand.

“ _ And who are you to say that? _ ”

As he dangled his limp appendages off the edge of the bed, Izaya noticed how silly he looked, with Shizuo's sweat pants pooling around his ankles, only just held over his feet.  _ If my legs support me, I’ll probably just trip over excess fabric. _ Tentatively, he put one foot on the ground.

“Why?” Shizuo sounded like he was right outside the doorway. Without thinking about it, Izaya started to push himself to his feet.

There was a sigh. “Fine.”

Izaya felt his knees buckle under him. Met with a face full of floor, Izaya just sighed and waited.  _ I’m too stubborn for my own good.  _ As expected, Shizuo hurried into the room.

“What the fuck-”

“I was trying to walk,” Izaya explained, clawing at the side of the bed in an attempt to pull himself upright. “I failed.”

“Well, no shit.” Huffing, Shizuo scooped Izaya up and set him back down on the bed. Izaya could see the laughter in the beast’s eyes battling with concern. Disgruntled, Izaya stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. Shizuo responded with a slight chuckle. “Here,” he muttered, seemingly only just remembering the phone in his hand. “Shinra wants to talk to you.”

“Oh joy,” Izaya muttered, reaching out and gratefully accepting the phone. “Hello?”

“ _ Oh my god, Izaya, are you alright? Did he hurt you? Are you hurt? You’re still in heat, why are you at Shizuo-san’s house? Are you _ trying _ to get yourself jumped?”  _ Shinra’s voice came through the phone at a shrieking volume. 

Holding his head, already anticipating the headache this conversation would bring him, Izaya answered, “Yes Shinra, I’m fine. I’d be better if you stopped yelling at me.” Shizuo still stood by the bed, tense, like he was expecting something bad to happen. Izaya gazed up at him, unsure why he looked nervous. Was it something Shinra had said?

“ _ I’m sorry, I just…”  _ Izaya could almost see Shinra pacing, white lab coat fluttering behind him.  _ “What do you think you’re doing?” _

“I’m doing what I think is best Shinra.” With a soft sigh, Izaya reached forward and pulled Shizuo down till he was sitting on the bed. ‘ _ I don’t like you hanging over me’, _ he mouthed, by way of explanation. Whether Shizuo had understood or not, he seemed to get it because he nodded once and stilled his restless movements.

“ _ Well Izaya, I never thought I’d say this but you’re an idiot, _ ” Shinra hissed.  _ “Tell me what happened?” _

“No,” Izaya answered simply, not wanting to relive  _ that _ particular moment ever again. “Why are you calling me?”

_ “Just a new type of suppressant I’ve been working on, _ ” Shinra muttered, sounding exhausted. “ _ I wanted to have you try them at the end of your heat. _ ”

Rolling his eyes, Izaya said, “Well, if that’s all then-”

“ _ Don’t you dare hang up on me Izaya! _ ” Shinra barked. “ _ That is not all. You shouldn’t be at Shizuo-san’s house right now. He’s rutting and you’re in heat-” _ He paused and Izaya knew what was coming next.  _ “He says you two haven’t mated. Why are you even there?” _

“Because I’m in pain when I’m anywhere else.” Izaya snapped back, feeling his face grow hot. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with Shinra at all, much less in front of Shizuo, who was looking at him like he either wanted to kill the doctor or possibly just rip the phone away. Maybe both. Probably both. “Shinra, you’ve said it yourself. I can’t keep taking suppressants like I have been. Eventually, they’ll stop working. Maybe this is coping.”

“ _ Maybe you’re getting yourself into something you aren’t ready for. _ ” Shinra sounded to be at the end of his rope.  _ “You know perfectly well how your situation is going to end. I don’t want to have to be there when he breaks you.” _

Izaya stared straight ahead, just breathing shallowly, trying not to let how furious he was show on his face. Not with Shizuo next to him, already looking like he wanted to tear out someone’s throat. Half hoping to relax the beast, half hoping to relax, Izaya leaned back against Shizuo’s chest and closed his eyes. “I’ll be  _ fine _ Shinra,” Izaya insisted, doing his best to sound flippant. “He’s just an A-”

“ _ He’s your soulmate! _ ” Shinra snapped. “ _ I’ve run blood tests on both of you in the past, _ ” he continued, more calmly now.  _ “I found out a long time ago.” _

“What have I told you about running tests on me?” Izaya asked, voice deadly quiet. He was glad, in a way, that this was over the phone. He could be a lot scarier when Shinra didn’t know he couldn’t sit upright without help.

_ “Izaya, I’m only looking out for you.” _ Shinra insisted.  _ “Right now, you’re not thinking clearly. He’s rutting, you’re in heat. You’re soul mates. Things happen.” _

“Ah but nothing _has_ happened,” Izaya was beyond ready for this conversation to be over. “Stop being ridiculous Shirna. Goodby-”

“ _ Fine, I’ll leave you alone,”  _ Shinra finally burst irritably.  _ “But I’m warning you because you’re around your soulmate, your heat will probably last a few days longer than it should. This kind of thing is more intense when you’re around your mate. So just so we’re clear, it’s not my fault if you do something you regret.”   _ The line went dead.

Izaya let the phone fall to his lap, his mind processing what Shinra had just said.  _ So this might not be as easy as I had hoped. Just my luck _ .

“Izaya?” Shizuo rumbled. “Is everything okay?”

Laughing wryly, Izaya shook his head and muttered, “You know what, food sounds excellent. Why don’t you go make lunch?”

Because there was no way he was going to tell Shizuo what Shinra had told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See that there? In the distance?  
> That's plot development. It and I, we don't get along.
> 
> Next chapter probably in sooner than a week, I'm terrible when it comes to schedules. It should be plenty fluffy and very heartwarming. 
> 
> I know, me? Heartwarming? Haha, yeah probably not but we can hope, ne?


	12. Dawning Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?? A new chapter so soon?
> 
> Darlings, as most of you are unaware, this is all old news. I've had this all done for ages. This chapter though, this is new. Like literally new.
> 
> So, as my long hiatus draws to a close, I would like to take a moment to reflect on what I've learned.
> 
> Nothing, I've learned nothing.
> 
> ENJOY!!

Shizuo woke up and almost instantly wished he could fall back into the world of not having to deal with this shit. Mostly because he was curled around Izaya and that meant he had a lot of choices he had to face the consequences of. He remembered last night, he remembered only managing to sleep an hour before being woken by the fucking _smell_ that had somehow gotten everywhere. Why his body couldn’t make up its mind in regards to Izaya’s pheromones, Shizuo had no idea. One moment it aroused him, the next it calmed him and a few hours later it made his skin itch.

Very very distracting.

From where he lay, curled up against Shizuo’s chest, Izaya mumbled something under his breath before pressing his face into the mattress and going still once again.

Stifling a groan, Shizuo recalled how Izaya’s pheromones had flared last night, leaving him agitated to the point where he wanted to put his fist through the wall. That would have been bad enough if it hadn’t also planted the thought of just saying _to hell with it_ and mating with Izaya so deeply in his mind he couldn’t pull it out. It was all he could do not to break something.

Then he’d heard Izaya calling. The pleas, the words, the letting go, the giving in, it all blurred after that. Shizuo had just been desperate to be close to Izaya, the rest all seemed kind of inconsequential. That, as far as he could tell, was how he’d ended up here, curled around the Omega like they were actually mates, instead of just unstable allies.

Not that he was complaining. No, not at all.

_Feh, I’m fucking obsessed, considering I-_

Well, he didn’t hate the man anymore, why bother agonizing over it any longer?

But hell if he wasn’t in too deep. Just because Izaya seemed perfectly content to lie there in his arms, comfortable close, didn’t mean he wanted it. Shizuo could smell the raven’s heat on him, as powerful as it had been yesterday. He had to keep telling himself that this didn’t change anything, mostly because if he didn’t, Shizuo would find himself wishing it did.

What was he even doing, holding Izaya like this, like they had something other than a mutual agreement to exist in the same space. Stepping over the line, that was what. Unfortunately, Shizuo didn’t know where that line was. It wasn’t like they’d even agreed on anything, they’d both just… done, and hoped for the best. This though, Shizuo was sure that he was doing _something_ wrong.

Izaya’s skin was cool to the touch, even though the covers and Shizuo were warm like his blood ran a few degrees lower than the rest of the world’s. A few stray locks of raven hair tickled the blond’s nose, and he puffed out a breath in response.

For a moment, just a second, Shizuo contemplated drawing back and getting out while he could. Then Izaya suddenly pressed himself against the Alpha’s chest and the thought vanished. He wondered if Izaya knew what he was doing when one of his slim hands covered Shizuo’s own, but the blond wasn’t about to ask. No, all he wanted to do was sink back into his Omega’s pheromones and cool, calming presence and sleep for another few days. Deep down, Shizuo knew he was giving into something, something potentially life-defining, but… he didn’t care.

This right here, it was _good_.

Then a horribly irritating electronic beeping cut through his moment of suspended reality and Shizuo heard Izaya whine softly in irritation, destroying any thought of pretending nothing had happened. _Probably for the best._ Pulling away reluctantly, the Alpha retreated to his side of the bed and felt his heart tug uncomfortably. Ignoring it, Shizuo pushed upright and raspily muttered, “What’s that?”

Still curled beneath the sheets, Izaya let out a soft noise of discontentment and answered in a muffled voice, “It’s one of my phones, probably. Just let it ring.” Looking away from the squirming raven-shaped lump, Shizuo glanced over the rest of his room, Izaya’s clothes and the clock on his bedside table. “They shouldn’t be calling this early anyway,” Izaya added, his voice giving away how tired he was.

The numbers on the digital screen made Shizuo smirk. _Did we really sleep past noon? Shit, I told Tom I’d be in for work today._ Laughing ruefully, the blond commented, “It’s past noon.” _Not that I particularly want to get up either._ Glancing once again at the heap of black cloth and stained fur on his floor, Shizuo looked back at Izaya and muttered, “But, if you say so…”

After a moment, the beeping stopped and the room fell silent again.

From under the sheets, Izaya said, in a miffed tone, “Well, I suppose there’s a first time for everything.”

 _Well isn’t that the truth?_ This was certainly the first time Shizuo had woken up next to an Omega, Izaya Orihara no less. Almost crazier was the fact that he didn’t want it to be the last. It was all so ludicrous, Shizuo couldn’t help but laugh. The sound of Izaya chuckling as well sent a pleasant wave of heat spreading through the Alpha’s body.

Suddenly feeling ridiculous, the blond reached groggily for his cigarettes and swiftly lit up. The feeling of that first drag of nicotine hitting his system was a welcome break from the odd things happening in his chest. _Don’t get attached, it’s just nature, it’s just instincts. It’s not real, not really. This is only a temporary thing._ Smoke wove through the room, mixing with the heady smell of Izaya’s pheromones and the powerful scent of Shizuo's own rut.

The bed creaked and a moment later, Shizuo felt Izaya’s body pressed against his side. A sudden wish to be closer shot through him and the blond tensed, resisting. He wanted to just roll over and forget about it. Just pull Izaya into his lap and hold him as close as possible, but he didn’t. _Couldn’t_ if he wanted Izaya to keep trusting him like he was. Instead, the Alpha sat there, pulling smoke into his lungs to distract himself from Izaya’s cool skin.

“Your heat isn’t over,” Shizuo said, unsure where the words had come from. He’d needed to say something sensical before he started talking about things he had no business even thinking about.

Izaya shifted beside him before muttering, in a voice that sounded a little more nervous than the man had no doubt intended, “You’re not going to kick me out, are you?” _Why can’t you just believe me when I say I want you here?_

Protective instincts welling up in the back of his throat, Shizuo gruffly said, “No, you’re not leaving until you’re better.” He wanted to say that Izaya could stay as long as he wanted, but again, there was that line, those boundaries he couldn’t cross. Didn’t dare touch. Even so, he couldn’t disguise the emotions in his words. It was too early for that shit.

So instead of thinking about it, Shizuo pulled himself out of bed, away from Izaya’s sedating presence and into reality. Noticing for the first time since he’d awoken the hole in his stomach, Shizuo tried to remember the last time he’d eaten. Too long. Glancing back at the lump that was Izaya, the Alpha in him wondered worriedly if his Omega was hungry. “I should probably make you something to eat,” he said aloud. _What does the flea even eat?_ “It’s lunch time after all.”

“I’m not hungry,” mumbled Izaya, before rolling into the spot Shizuo had just vacated. _Fucking adorable,_ the blond thought before he could stop himself.

 _God, I can’t be thinking about this shit. It’s_ Izaya, _he’s only staying until his heat’s over._ Getting to his feet, Shizuo responded, “Tough, you’re eating something. You’re under my roof and I’m not letting you waste away.” _It’s not as if he can get up and make himself something to eat,_ Shizuo reasoned, ignoring the voice in his head that informed him he would have wanted to provide for Izaya regardless of the Omega’s state of wellbeing. “You’re all skin and bones,” the blond added absently as he dug around in one of his drawers for some real clothes. _What do I even have to feed him? Ramen? Maybe I have some eggs…_

His thoughts were interrupted as Izaya’s phone went off once again.

“Fuck,” Shizuo muttered, glancing at Izaya’s clothes with murder in his eyes. _Who the hell is calling him?_ More importantly, why hadn’t they fucked off the first time Izaya hadn’t answered? Unfortunately, the phone kept ringing and Shizuo felt himself getting progressively more annoyed. Moving over to Izaya’s clothing, the blond pawed around in it, looking for the source of the noise. “Where’s your goddamn phone?” he groused.

There was a rustle of sheets. “It’s in my coat, probably in one of the inside pockets.” Grabbing for said coat, Shizuo discovered that for some fucking reason, Izaya had purchased a coat that had an infinite number of pockets, all of which were nearly impossible to find. As if this weren’t frustrating enough, when he finally did manage to find a phone, it wasn’t even the right one.

Tossing it behind him carelessly, Shizuo ended up resorting to just shaking the coat and going through what fell out of the pockets. “How many of these fucking things do you need?” Shizuo growled as a wallet, several keys and two more phones tumbled out of the coat.

By the time he finally found the particular phone that was going off, Shizuo was so irritated that he didn’t even bother tossing the phone to Izaya. He just answered the call and growled into the phone, “The hell do you want?”

 _“_ _Sh-Shizuo-kun? What- why do you have Izaya’s phone?_ ” At the sound of the surprised voice on the other end of the connection, Shizuo couldn’t help but rub his face and sigh, very slowly letting his irritation cool to a manageable simmer. Because really, the crack doctor was nothing if not persistent. Getting angry wouldn’t do any good.

“Shinra…” Shizuo muttered softly, trying to come up with something at least halfway decent to say. _Up shit creek without a paddle._ Looking at Izaya, who had finally wormed his way out from under the covers, the Alpha noted how his skin paled at the name and bristled slightly in Shinra’s direction before calming himself again. _Shinra’s never going to let this go, losing it just because Izaya looks like I’m talking to a monster isn’t going to do anything._

Shizuo was right, of course, Shinra didn’t let it go. _“W_ _hat did you do to him?_ ” Shinra squawked, his voice pitching high. _“_ _Is Izaya with you?_ ”

_Why the hell does he care where Izaya is? Does he really think I’d hurt an Omega?_

Of course, it was Izaya so the answer was probably yes. Irritated that Shinra was actually worried for a legitimate reason, Shizuo bit out, “Look, It doesn’t matter. Why are you calling?” All he wanted was to get this conversation over with but apparently, that was too much to ask.

 _“_ _Is he okay?_ ” Shinra demanded, tone getting more panicked and screechy by the moment. Headache building at his temple, Shizuo clenched his teeth around his cigarette and prepared to answer before the doctor cut him off. _“_ _Oh my god,_ ” Shinra blurted, sounding horrified. _“Y_ _ou killed him, didn’t you?_ ”

 _Why the fuck~?_ “NO!” the blond snapped, before thinking of the first question and backtracking. “I mean yes.”

 _“_ _WHAT?!_ ” Shinra shrieked.

Running a frustrated hand through his hair, Shizuo blew out a short breath and prayed for patience. “Yes then no,” the Alpha clarified, temper still bubbling. Noting how on edge the one-sided conversation was making Izaya, Shizuo instantly felt bad and muttered into the phone, “Fuck, why do you even care?”

 _“Shizuo-kun,"_ Shinra breathed, his indignation tangible. “ _I am his doctor._ ”

_Like that’s supposed to mean shit to me. I’m his soulmate but do you see me freaking out about him?_

_Well, actually…_

Restless, Shizuo moved towards his door, needing to move before he started yelling. Before he could leave however, the blond heard Izaya whimper softly and the tension in his blood faded for a moment. Turning to look at his Omega, Shizuo’s eyes softened at the stress clearly showing on Izaya’s face. It was so weird to see Izaya act so openly, it almost made Shizuo completely forget about the doctor for a moment.

Then Shinra broke through his thoughts. _“_ _Shizuo-kun,_ ” In his most scary doctor voice, he demanded, _“T_ _ell me where he is right now!_ ”

 _Being in the same room as Izaya while talking to Shinra is only going to stress him out. And if it stresses him out, it’s going to stress me out too._ Shooting him the most reassuring look he could manage, Shizuo moved out of the room.

 _“_ _Shizuo-kun, if you don’t answer me, I swear-_ ”

“God, he’s fine.” Shizuo muttered, looking blankly at his apartment as he rubbed his temples. “He’s at my house.” The blond didn’t like the little noise of fear Shirna made at that little revelation. “Why the hell-”

Shinra cut him off again. _“_ _Your house?_ ”

_You don’t have to make it sound like the fucking end of the world._

_“_ _What’s he doing there?_ ” the doctor demanded.

Briefly, Shizuo wondered if he should tell Shinra what happened, but something in him made him settle on grinding his teeth together. _It’s more Izaya’s business than mine after all. Besides, I don’t want Shinra to think I’m going to hurt Izaya._ “Shit happened,” he said gruffly, wandering towards his kitchen in the hopes he’d be able to dig up some decent food for Izaya. “He’s fine.”

 _“_ _Well,_ ” Shinra said, and Shizuo didn’t miss the relief in his voice. _"_ _I’ll just be coming to take him off your hands then._ ”

_What the fuck?_

_“_ _I mean,_ ” Shinra continued reasonably. _“_ _You and Izaya don’t exactly get along. I’d hate to try your patience any more than it already has been._ ” Shizuo shook his head, irritation building in his system once more.

“No,” he bit out, glare hardening. “He’s staying right where he is.” _Just try and take him away from me,_ Shizuo thought savagely, before realizing how that sounded and shaking his head. He kept straying, overstepping his bounds even if it was just in his head. _I need to stop doing that._

 _"Shizuo-kun…_ ” Shinra started slowly, carefully. _“_ _You… You know, don’t you._ ” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and Shizuo couldn’t even pretend not to know what the doctor was implying. Given the context, it was obvious, for once.

“Yeah, I do.” Leaning against what little counter space there was in his kitchen, the blond pulled the ruined cigarette from his lips with a small sigh. When Shinra said nothing, Shizuo continued, “I know he’s an Omega.”

There was a rustling from Shinra’s end of the connection. _“_ _And if he’s following his schedule, he’s in heat?_ ”

“Yeah, so?” _Why is he talking down to me like I’m a child?_ Staring out his kitchen window at what little sky he could see over the other buildings, Shizuo peevishly challenged, “What’s it to you?”

 _“_ _Calm down,_ ” Shinra said instantly as if Shizuo wasn’t already calm.

_Saying shit like that just pisses me off._

_“_ _I just want to know if…_ ” Awkwardly trailing off, Shinra forcefully continued, in a voice that was swiftly losing its evenness. _“_ _I mean, did you…_ ” Swallowing hard, Shinra warbled, “ _Because Izaya’s really really against that and if you took advantage of him while he wasn’t thinking clearly-_ ”

“No!” Shizuo snapped loudly, face going red with second-hand embarrassment and more than a little anger. “Shit Shinra, who do you think I am?” he continued, reining himself in. _Is this honestly what people think of me?_ It made the Alpha’s stomach turn.

“ _But don’t you know-_ ” Shinra paused, and Shizuo could almost see the nervous expression on the man’s face. “ _About_ that.”

“What?” Shizuo muttered, irritated at how Shinra was choosing now of all times to be cryptic. Unable to stay still any longer, the man started pacing again, glancing at his bedroom door every few seconds like it was a nervous habit.

Shinra dithered for a moment before slowly saying, “ _That he’s… That Izaya’s your soul mate?_ ”

The blond resisted the urge to sigh again. “Yeah, but what difference does that- Wait.” Staring hard at nothing, Shizuo narrowed his eyes. “How the fuck did you know?” Blood growing hot once again, he growled, “Am I the only one who didn’t know?”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a long moment. “ _No,_ ” Shinra said at last, his voice the picture of composure. “ _Izaya never actually told me._ ”

“Then how-”

“ _Look,_ ” Shinra interrupted quickly. “ _That’s not important._ ” There was another bout of rustling. “ _Are you rutting right now?_ ”

Shizuo couldn’t help the startled sound that escaped his mouth. _Why the hell are we even having this fucking conversation?_

“ _Silly question,_ ” Shinra said before Shizuo could respond. “ _I already know you are. You never deviate off schedule._ ”

Shizuo shook his head, feeling lost. Since when had Shinra known so much about his cycles? It wasn’t exactly something he went spreading around. _Why the hell is he even asking me these questions?_  “Wait,” he muttered, rubbing his forehead. “Why the h-”

“ _Shizuo-kun,_ ” Shinra interrupted once more, his voice uncharacteristically steely. “ _I’d like you to allow me to take Izaya back to my clinic for the rest of his heat._ ”

 _We’ve already been over this shit._ Bristling at the authoritativeness in Shinra’s voice - _like he has any right to tell me what to do_ \- Shizuo carefully responded, “No. I told you, he’s staying right where he is until his heat is over. I’m not letting him out of my sight.” Possessive, yes. Did Shizuo give a shit, no, not really.

Shinra’s tone wavered. “ _I really don’t think that’s wise Shizuo-kun._ ”

“And who are you to say that?” Shizuo snapped, voice still low and dangerous. “What do you even know about this situation at all, huh?”

“ _Probably more than I should_.”

The bluntness of Shinra’s words made Shizuo do a momentary double take. For the first time since the conversation had started, a tiny bit of reason filtered into Shizuo’s mind. _Shinra’s right about one thing, he_ is _Izaya’s doctor. All I am is an overprotective Alpha who can’t see past my own hormones. I’m being stupid again._

Hah, the story of his life.

“ _If he doesn’t want to leave, that’s fine. Just please,_ ” pleaded the doctor, clearly at the end of his rope. “ _Let me talk to Izaya for a moment._ ”

Already moving towards his bedroom door, Shizuo made one last attempt at resistance. “Why?”

“ _Because I called his phone, hoping to talk to_ him.” Shinra explained tiredly. “ _I know you’re tense right now, I’m not faulting you for that, but_ please, _just do this one thing for me._ ”

Shizuo sighed softly. “Fine.”

“ _Thank you._ ”

There was a thump from inside Shizuo’s room.

_Izaya._

All thoughts of Shinra fleeing his mind, Shizuo hurried into the room, his heart in his throat. At the sight that met him, however, the fear quickly drained away. Izaya was on the floor beside Shizuo’s bed, face comically pressed into the hardwood, resignedly waiting for him.

“What the fuck~?” Shizuo asked, miffed. Izaya scrabbled weakly at the side of the blond’s bed before giving up.

“I tried to walk.” The Raven sighed, tone blase. “I failed.”

Blowing out a puff of air, Shizuo rolled his eyes and muttered, “Well no shit.” With little preamble, the blond strode forward and lifted his tiny Omega off the ground. The disgruntled pinch of Izaya’s face almost made Shizuo want to laugh but it was the little pout on the raven’s lips that did him in. Chuckling, the Alpha set Izaya down on the bed before holding out the phone that he’d all but forgotten about. “Here, Shinra wants to talk to you.”

Izaya rolled his eyes. “Oh joy.”

Rolling his shoulders, the slight Omega plucked the phone from Shizuo’s loose grasp and held it delicately to his ear. “Hello?” A second later the man jerked backward and held his head, a tired look coming over his face. Even though he couldn’t make out what Shinra was saying to Izaya, the blond could hear the doctor’s shrill voice. It irritated him, but he stood still, unable to pull himself away.

“Yes Shinra,” Izaya said into the phone dutifully, glancing up at Shizuo with soft eyes as he spoke. “I’m fine. I’d be better if you stopped yelling at me.”

 _What the hell is he saying?_ Shizuo shifted nervously under Izaya’s gaze. It wasn’t like he was worried that Izaya would leave with Shinra but… Would he? Shinra had a nasty habit of being persuasive when he really wanted to be, how invested in Izaya’s _well-being_ was he really? If he convinced Izaya to leave… well, Shizuo could stop the Omega by force, but he didn’t dare. Not when so much that he didn’t fully comprehend was riding on it.

Head tilted to the side like it was, Izaya’s hair fell in his face. It stirred softly when he sighed and tangled his fingers in the hem of Shizuo’s shirt. Finding himself completely at the whim of his Omega, the blond allowed himself to be pulled down to the mattress next to Izaya. Questioningly, Shizuo blinked at the tired man. The raven mouthed something he didn’t catch, but he got the gist of it. Just as he’d found it stressful to be in the same room as Izaya when the man was distressed, the raven no doubt found Shizuo hovering by his elbow nerve wracking.

 _At least he’s letting me stay in the same room. I probably should have done him the same courtesy._ Nodding in response to the pointed look Izaya was giving him, Shizuo forced himself to settle down and sit still. Not an easy task, but he managed.

“I’m doing what I think is best Shinra,” Izaya was saying into the phone, his eyes darting away from Shizuo as he stared straight ahead. There was a fair amount of strain in the raven’s words, but the Alpha had no clue how to make it go away, apart from doing as Izaya had bid. “No, why are you even calling me?”

Shizuo resisted the urge to snort. _Isn’t that what we all want to know._ Instead, he watched as Izaya rolled his eyes and muttered, “Well, if that’s all then-”

He paused, brows furrowing. Shizuo was about to ask what was wrong when suddenly, a deep flush spread over the raven’s face. Whatever Shinra was saying, it was clear it was upsetting Izaya. Shizuo didn’t like how fucking irritable that made him, but he couldn’t deny that he kind of wanted to crush the phone Izaya was holding like it was one of his cigarette butts.

“Because I'm in pain when I’m anywhere else!” Izaya snapped at Shinra, eyes blazing. “Shinra, you’ve said it yourself. I can’t keep taking suppressants like I have been. Eventually, they’ll stop working.”

 _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_ Shizuo didn’t like the anger in Izaya’s eyes, the righteous indignation. It made him want to kill Shinra and he couldn’t be thinking thoughts like that. _I’ve got to calm down, it’s just instincts._

“Maybe this is coping,” Izaya hissed into the phone, expression darkening. Whatever Shinra said next however well and truly pissed him off. Gaze snapping upwards, Izaya clenched his fist around the phone and drew in several quick breaths, like he was just barely holding himself back. If he was trying to hide his fury, he was doing it very poorly.

And then, unexpectedly, Izaya took a deep breath and leaned back against Shizuo, relaxing into him like it was the most natural thing to do. It was amazing, watching the stress and anger seep from the raven like water rolling off a leaf. Head fitting perfectly against the blonde's collarbone, Izaya closed his eyes and let go, somehow calming Shizuo down in the process. The Alpha could hardly breathe, so nervous was he about shattering whatever this show of trust was.

Gently, Izaya insisted to Shinra, “I’ll be fine Shinra.” He sighed. “He’s just an A-”

He stopped again and his eyes narrowed. Shizuo was almost glad for that. He didn’t want to hear how he was _just another Alpha_ and really wasn’t important at all. It didn’t matter if he knew it was true, it still hurt.

“What have I told you about running tests on me?” Izaya hissed into the phone, voice hardly more than a breath. It would have been scary, except his weight was currently all resting on Shizuo's chest. It did irritate Shizuo a bit, but with the raven’s pheromones seeping into his skin, he was finding himself less inclined to care about a voice over the phone.

“Ah, but nothing has happened. Stop being ridiculous Shinra. Goodbye.”

He felt a bit more inclined however when Izaya’s expression morphed into something approaching fear. Very slowly, the phone slipped from Izaya’s fingers and landed in his lap. Taking a shuddering breath, Izaya swallowed hard and closed his eyes once more, just sitting there, silent.

“Izaya,” Shizuo muttered against the raven’s hair. “Is everything okay?” He didn’t like it, didn’t like how worried Izaya seemed as he tried for a smile and failed spectacularly.

With a dry laugh that sounded dead, Izaya shook his head and unexpectedly said, “You know what, food sounds excellent!” Looking down at Izaya in surprise, Shizuo tilted his head when Izaya continued, “Why don’t you go make lunch?”

For a second, Shizuo wanted to question him, get whatever Shinra had said out of him, but a moment later he thought better of it. “Yeah, sure.” Shaking his head to clear it, Shizuo shifted on the bed, displacing Izaya as he got to his feet. “Do you want to stay here and sleep or…” Trailing off, Shizuo waited for his Omega to show an emotion other than feigned cheerfulness.

Plucking the phone off his lap and tossing it lamely back towards his clothing, Izaya gave a small shrug and said, “I think I’ve gotten quite enough sleep for now.” It was apparent he was still tired, but Shizuo wasn’t inclined to argue with the stubborn set of Izaya’s jaw. “I can just sit at the table or something.”

Offering a small shrug, Shizuo said, “If that’s what you want, sure.” He wanted to insist that Izaya sleep, but instead, he reached down and lifted Izaya up easily. It had already gotten routine, which would have been funny if Shizuo was in any other frame of mind. Izaya’s head tucked under his chin as the tired Raven clutched at Shizuo’s shirt absently like his mind was elsewhere.

Once again, Shizuo wondered about what Shinra had said to Izaya. Whatever it had been clearly had stressed him out but he wasn’t demanding to leave, he wasn’t shaking or crying, if it was something bad, he’d say so, right? Then again, this was Izaya, the damned Flea was stubborn at the best of times.

These weren’t the best of times, these were possibly the worst. They just seemed to be currently existing within a silver lining.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya muttered softly. “You can put me down now.” Staring down blankly at his kitchen table, Shizuo forced himself back into the present and carefully put Izaya down. The moment he was in control of his own movement, Izaya curled up tightly, drawing his knees to his chin and wrapping his arms around them.

Turning, Shizuo busied himself with finding some food. The air had darkened significantly, almost like a fog had fallen over the pair of them. Shinra’s call had neatly destroyed the easy dialogue they’d been able to maintain before. Frustrated, Shizuo jerked the carton of eggs out of his refrigerator and was unsurprised he’d cracked several.

“So,” he muttered, reaching for a pan mindlessly as he focused on the soft sounds of Izaya breathing behind him. “What did that crazy doctor say to you?” The moment he said it, the air tensed, as if he’d struck a nerve.

“Nothing important,” Izaya hummed, voice flat, distant. Shizuo might not have spent much time with Izaya like this, quiet and domestic instead of angry and volatile, but he knew the Raven was lost to his own thoughts. That or he just didn’t want to talk about the call.

But Shizuo was nothing if not persistent. “Shinra sure said a whole lot of shit to me,” he snorted, irritated as a damaged egg dripped over his fingers. “And he wasn’t nice about it either.” Izaya shifted, and Shizuo knew that he’d finally gotten the man’s attention.

“What did he say to you?” The Omega sounded fearful and Shizuo’s heart twisted at the thought. “Because y-you know Shinra.” There was a slight laugh, almost like he was trying to hide something but wasn’t in any condition to do so. “He says a lot of things and they’re often hit or miss in my experience.”

 _What exactly is he afraid of?_ “He told me that you’d be better off with him than with me,” Shizuo volunteered, turning on one of the burners on his tiny stove. It flickered a few times before deigning to leap to life. “Said he wanted to take you to his clinic while you’re in heat or some shit.”

Izaya didn’t even pretend he wasn’t apprehensive. “What did you say to him?” Shizuo turned to look at his Omega, took a moment to register the fear in his eyes, the terror of leaving Shizuo after all the energy he’d spent trying to get away the day before. Though he hated the idea of Izaya suffering in any way, Shizuo couldn’t deny that he’d needed that, seeing Izaya’s desire to stay plainly on his face.

_Fuck, it’s just instincts, I’m losing it._

But he wasn’t sure if it was just instincts on his end.

Flipping back to the eggs that had started to sizzle, Shizuo bluntly said, “I told him to get fucked. You’re not leaving just because Shinra’s nervous about some stupid shit.” There was a sigh of relief from Izaya, one that relaxed some of the stranglehold around Shizuo’s lungs. “He kept saying that something bad was going to happen but he’s full of shit. I don’t believe him.”

“Something bad might happen,” Izaya muttered, tone furtive. “But I- I trust you.”

Just a few simple words, but they meant everything.

To keep himself from making a fool of himself, Shizuo went back to stirring the eggs with a fork. “You should trust yourself as well Flea,” he said gruffly, the name sounding more like a term of endearment than of insult. “Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“If only that were true,” Izaya sounded so rueful, it prompted Shizuo to glance over at him again. The man had already drifted off, lost in a world of possibilities that were no doubt terrifying to him.

“Izaya,” Shizuo said, tone serious. “What did Shirna say to you?”

Looking up at Shizuo, he shook his head mutely, that look of fear reentering his eyes. With a sigh, Shizuo turned the stove off and reached for a plate. “He said something to you, I can tell. I might not be the brightest, but I know you. You’re scared, why?”

Staring at the eggs Shizuo put in front of him, Izaya’s mouth twisted into a determined line. “Can’t we just eat Shizu-chan?” he asked, fidgeting. “I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s not important anyway.”

“It is to you.” Sitting across from him, Shizuo just watched Izaya, not a trace of judgment in his eyes. How could he look at him otherwise? All he wanted was for Izaya to be okay and if Shinra had said something that made this impossible, the blond wanted to know. “Izaya,” he started, glancing at the ceiling for a moment, wondering why his emotions were going crazy, why it didn’t feel like instincts anymore. “I’m not going to throw you out, I’m not going to hurt you. Whatever Shinra said isn’t going to change that.”

Izaya looked away, scared. “You’re just acting on instincts Shizu-chan, I know that. It’s not as if-”

“Damnit Izaya!” Shizuo snapped, startling the Omega. “I’m trying to say I fucking care what happens to you. That isn’t just instincts, okay? I’d feel this way regardless.” The words took even him by surprise but the moment they were out, Shizuo knew they were true. “You’re important, okay? Stop pretending you aren’t.”

Izaya’s mouth twisted slightly, and Shizuo knew without the man saying a word that Izaya _didn’t_ understand. Couldn’t possibly because he _was_ being controlled by instincts and he knew it. Probably thought Shizuo was just the same. _I’m not, I promise, I’m not._

_I just want what’s best for him. Forget soulmates, forget all this shit about instincts and heats and ruts, I just want Izaya to be okay._

And the words felt right, Shizuo didn’t bother stressing over them, he just knew they were the facts.

“Shinra said a lot of things,” Izaya mumbled, and Shizuo knew in that moment that some of those things he would never get out of the man, no matter what he did or said. “He intimated that he wanted me to leave, might as well have said that he didn’t trust either of us, but me in particular. Said I was being stupid.”

Snorting, Izaya gave a bitter laugh as he picked up the fork Shizuo had brought him and twisted it mindlessly. “He’s probably right. He has a nasty habit of that.”

“That’s not what you’re scared of,” Shizuo prodded, wondering how far Izaya would let him get before he shut him down again. “He asked about my rut and your heat but he never said why. What did he tell you?”

Izaya set the fork down with a snap. “He told me that being around you when you’re in rut and I’m in heat prolongs both of our cycles because we’re soulmates!” Biting his lip, Izaya looked away, more fear oozing off of him. “He said we could be stuck like this for upwards of three more days.”

A puzzled expression took over Shizuo’s face. “So?” _Is that really it?_ he wondered, a little taken aback. _I’d have thought it would be fucking terrible._

“I’m saying you’ll have to put up with me for a lot longer than we’d originally anticipated!” Izaya snapped, glaring at Shizuo even though his lower lip trembled. “You- You don’t want me here for three more days, unable to move or do anything for myself. I- I can barely stand, much less walk around! I’m useless and just being a burden. Plus, your rut isn’t going to stop for another few days if I’m around. If I leave-”

“But you’re not going to leave,” Shizuo said firmly, his gaze soft and kind in the face of Izaya’s panic.

“Don’t you get it?” Izaya bit out frustratedly. “I’m just making things difficult for you. If I’m at Shinra’s or at my house then-”

“Do you want to leave?” Shizuo interrupted again, reaching over his small kitchen table absently to brush Izaya’s displaced bangs out of his eyes. Unwillingly, or perhaps without realizing it, the Omega leaned into the touch.

“No,” Izaya said softly. “But then I’m not thinking clearly, ne?”

“Izaya, you can stay here as long as you need to,” Shizuo said clearly, marveling at the way Izaya’s eyes brightened with a hope that he held back so firmly. “When I asked you to stay here, I didn’t put limitations on it. Until your heat is over is what I said. I’m not going to fucking throw you out just because Shinra said some shit. You said you trust me, trust me on this.”

“You sound ridiculous,” Izaya mumbled as Shizuo pulled his hand back. Eyes still unable to focus on anything for a long period of time, the Raven picked at his food, trying a bit and looking mildly surprised that it didn’t kill him. “I never gave you permission to say things like that Shizu-chan.”

“Tough,” he grunted, watching Izaya intently. “It needed to be said.”

And there, on the Omega’s face, a tiny smile blossomed, the first since Shinra's phone call. The first true smile Shizuo had seen in what felt like ages. “Thank you,” Izaya whispered, almost as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be heard. “I- Thank you Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo would have been a fool if he didn’t notice the warmth that spread through him, the feeling of elation and _rightness._

 _Is it really?_ He wondered as he watched Izaya eat in earnest, hungrier than he’d let on earlier. _Is it allowed to be? Do I even know for sure?_

But he did, and Shizuo realized in that moment the reason why he’d do anything for Izaya, just to see him smile.

_Heh, I suppose it really is._

_Shit…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably just go back to my regular updates from now on. Next thing I'll be focusing on is Trouble with Soulmates so if anyone's interested in that, look out for it.
> 
> Hopefully, I'll have another chapter of this done by next week (cross your fingers but my writer's block is gone so it'll be hard to make me stop ;) )
> 
> Ta-ta for now~


	13. Worth Something More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks around furtively* I should be working on A Little At a Time. Shh, don’t tell anyone I’m here.  
> *grins sheepishly* Sorry, couldn’t resist.  
> Enjoy.

Izaya sat at Shizuo’s kitchen table, curled up, trying not to fall into the pit of resignation. In his head, Shinra’s words rocketed around constantly, sparking up fear in their wake. _It’s not my fault if you do something you regret._

_Why thank you Shinra, I definitely needed this extra stress._

But that wasn’t what he was mostly worried about. Watching Shizuo’s back as he yanked a carton of eggs out of his old fridge, Izaya bit his lip. _Several extra days. I have to tell him, I have to…_ The thought made his stomach turn. Shizuo had agreed to put up with him for a little while, right? That was it. This was crossing a line. _Another minute, another line. Where do we stop?_

Shizuo was going to kick him out. Sure he’d be nice about it but once the true nature of their situation got out, Izaya had little doubt in his mind that the blond would take him to Shinra’s and leave him there. A few apologies later, he’d be gone and Izaya would be alone again.

_No, I want that, right? That’s how it’s always been._

He didn’t want to leave. Not now when he was only a few moments away from pain. Not later either, but Izaya decidedly didn’t think that far ahead. _Let’s just deal with this right now._

“So,” Shizuo’s voice broke the stillness and Izaya tensed, unsure what to expect. The miasma of tension around them stirred uncomfortably. There was a clunk as the man set something down on his stove. “What did that crazy doctor say to you?”

Fighting to keep his mood level, his breathing constant, Izaya muttered, “Nothing important.” _Nothing I want to talk about._ But Shizuo didn’t have to know, right? Izaya could just fake his way through, right? He wanted to run his hands through his hair in frustration but Izaya forced himself to remain apathetic.

Unexpectedly, Shizuo spoke up, irritation in his words. “Shinra sure said a whole lot of shit to me.” Izaya felt a thrill of fear run through him. _He knows, he knows I’m lying to him. He’s going to kill me._ “And he wasn’t nice about it either.”

Swallowing hard, Izaya barely succeeded in forcing out, “What did he say to you?” _Why, why did you have to say anything Shinra? Why couldn’t you have let us exist in ignorance?_ “Because y-you know Shinra,” Izaya stammered, managing a tiny laugh that fell flat. _God, could I be any more obvious?_ “He says a lot of things and they’re often hit or miss in my experience.” His preemptive excuses sounded pathetic to even his own ears.

The Alpha was still for a second and Izaya knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Shizuo had just caught the lie. _No, please, just let me stay a little longer._ “He told me that you’d be better off with him that with me.” Shizuo’s muttered words took Izaya by surprise. _If Shirna had told him, wouldn’t Shizuo have led with that?_ There were several clicks as Shizuo’s stove struggled to light. “Said he wanted to take you to his clinic while you’re in heat or some shit.”

“What did you say to him?” Izaya asked breathlessly. _Shinra never said anything about Shizuo kicking me out. Maybe that means he doesn’t know. Please, Shinra, for once in your life, just have done the sensible thing._ Shizuo turned to look at Izaya and the Raven dimly registered the concern, the deep emotions playing out across the man’s face. The first thought that jumped to mind was instincts, but deep down, Izaya had a feeling he was missing the mark somehow.

Before he could figure out what was different, Shizuo turned back around. “I told him to get fucked,” he said simply, the words dragging some of the fear out of Izaya’s heart, allowing him to release the breath he’d been holding. “You’re not leaving just because Shinra’s nervous about some stupid shit.” He sounded so certain, it slowed Izaya’s heart back down to a comfortable rate. “He kept saying that something bad was going to happen but he’s full of shit. I don’t believe him.”

 _He doesn’t know, he honestly doesn’t know._ Unable to help himself, Izaya murmured, “Something bad might happen.” _If you find out._ “But I...” Izaya looked away from the Alpha, instead focusing on a stain on the cupboard to his right. “I trust you,” he mumbled.

Even though he couldn’t see Shizuo’s face, the Omega new the words had affected the man. He stood a little straighter and the air around him lightened. _Who knew something so simple could mean so much?_

“You should trust yourself as well Flea,” Shizuo told him, poking at the cooking eggs with a fork. Izaya found the words ridiculous and he almost laughed, but the reasons behind them smothered the desire. _Why should I?_ “Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re doing.”

 _When he says it,_ Izaya thought, staring at Shizuo’s broad shoulders. _It almost sounds true._ “If only that were true,” he murmured regretfully, eyes drifting away. _Never though I'd see the day where trusting someone else would be easier than trusting myself._ An image of Shizuo crouched over him flashed through Izaya’s mind and he swallowed back his automatic spike of fear. _As it is, I’m a liability in every sense of the word._

“Izaya.” The sound of his name cut through Izaya’s thoughts like a knife. “What did Shirna say to you?”

Fear rising, Izaya glanced at Shizuo to find the man staring at him intensely. All he could do was shake his head soundlessly. _You don’t want to know Shizu-chan, it’s easier to just exist without knowing._

_It’s easier for me…_

There was a moment of shuffling as Shizuo went back to what he’d been doing. “He said something to you, I can tell.” His voice was flat, non-accusatory. Izaya almost wanted to tell him, almost wanted to give in to that soothing presence that Shizuo had become. “I might not be the brightest, but I know you. You’re scared,” Turning around he put a plate full of fluffy yellow eggs in front of Izaya. “Why?

 _Please, just stop asking me._ Forcing himself to be strong in front of the Alpha, Izaya said in a voice that he kept surprisingly even, “Can’t we just eat Shizu-chan? I really don’t want to talk about it.” _Come on, just respect my wishes and move on like you always do. Don’t push this you brute, please._ “It’s not important anyway,” he added, like that would convince anyone.

“It is to you.” _Dammit Shizu-chan, stop talking, I’m not perfect, I can’t keep this up forever. Just drop it already._ Shizuo sat across from him and watched him closely. The only emotion in the air was that of kindness. That and something else Izaya couldn’t name. “Izaya,” Shizuo said softly, and the man could feel his gaze move away at last. “I’m not going to throw you out, I’m not going to hurt you.” _You say that now but you’re wrong,_ Izaya thought fervently, swallowing back all the things he wished he could just let spill. “Whatever Shinra said isn’t going to change that.”

 _You don’t know that, hell, you don’t even know what you’re saying probably._ It was a stupid cop-out, but Izaya was too terrified of the honesty Shizuo's words threatened to draw from him. “You’re just acting on instincts Shizu-chan,” he bit out, unable to maintain eye contact. “I know that. It’s not as if-”

“Damnit Izaya!” Izaya wasn’t expecting that sudden burst of anger from Shizuo, nor had he anticipated the thump of his fist hitting the table. At the sound, he couldn’t help but jump. “I’m trying to say that I fucking care what happens to you! This isn’t just instincts, okay? I’d feel this way regardless.” _That’s a lie, you don’t know what I know._ “You’re important, okay? Stop pretending you aren’t.”

 _Ah, you say that now…_ Mouth turning down bitterly, Izaya looked away from the sincerity in Shizuo’s eyes. It was the only way to allow him to keep believing that it was nothing more than instincts and nature. _It’s not allowed to be anything else, Shizu-chan’s supposed to hate me. That was what I built so much around._

But something made him open his mouth anyway, some traitorous part of him that kept whispering that maybe Shizuo meant what he said.

“Shinra said a lot of things.” It came out under his breath, furtive like he wasn’t sure where he was supposed to go from there. _Maybe if I tell him enough to satisfy him, Shizuo will drop it._ “He intimated that he wanted me to leave, might as well have said that he didn’t trust either of us.” Recalling Shinra’s exact words, ‘I don’t want to have to be there when he breaks you’ Izaya amended, “But me in particular. Said I was being stupid.” _I am, I’m proving him right at the very moment._ And yet he had to say it, had to keep talking. “He’s probably right.” Izaya fiddled absently with the fork on the table, spinning it endlessly and watching as it caught the light. “He has a nasty habit of that.”

_Let it go, I told you something, let it go._

But he didn’t because Shizuo just knew too much about Izaya to believe the lies. “That’s not what you’re scared of.” _Why does he have to sound so certain?_ It burned, the absolute nature of Shizuo’s words, like there wasn’t any room for doubt. “He asked me about my rut and your heat, but he never said why.” _Too close, too close. Don’t make me say it Shizu-chan, just let me stay here in peace._

“What did he tell you?”

And just like that, Izaya felt himself being tipped over the edge. “He told me that being around you when you’re in rut and I’m in heat prolongs both of our cycles because we’re soulmates.” It all came out in a rush, one that Izaya couldn’t have held back if he wanted to. It didn’t matter that he was scared, he couldn’t shut himself up. “He said we could be stuck like this for upwards of three more days.”

_Go on, do it, throw me out, say you don’t want me here for that long. I know you’re going to, just get it over with you beast. Don’t taunt me like this!_

“So?”

It was such a simple word, but it almost angered Izaya. _After everything I said, the best you can come up with is so?_

“I’m saying you’ll have to put up with me for longer than we’d originally anticipated!” Izaya spat, fear combating anger at being forced to talk about the subject at all. “You- You don’t want me here for three more days, unable to move or do anything for myself.” He was stammering but he didn’t care, he only wanted to see that stupid look of sympathy on Shizuo’s face to turn to disgust like it was supposed to. “I- I can barely stand, much less walk around. I’m useless and just being a burden. Plus, your rut isn’t going to stop for another few days if I’m around.” _Say it, say the words._ “If I leave-”

Shizuo cut in. “But you’re not going to leave.” How he could sound so calm when Izaya was trembling with fear was beyond the Raven.

“Don’t you get it?” Izaya demanded, clenching his jaw to keep his teeth from knocking together. “I’m just making things difficult for you! If I’m at Shinra’s or at my house then-”

“Do you want to leave?” It was such a simple question, it stopped Izaya’s tirade dead in its tracks. Looking over at Shizuo in surprise, Izaya felt a chill run through him as Shizuo gently reached over and ran a warm finger down the Raven’s cheek. Heart catching in his throat, the Omega could feel the tension leaving his body as Shizuo’s fingers dragged softly over pale skin.

Without even letting himself think about it, Izaya leaned into the hand, wanting more of those gentle fingers even though he knew it was wrong.

“No.” His answer was clear, and Izaya found that he meant it. “But then,” he added, because something made him, “I’m not thinking clearly, ne?”

He couldn’t possibly be, because it was far too easy to just let that calloused palm cup his cheek and hold it tenderly. _Why isn’t he upset? Why isn’t he throwing me out like he’s supposed to? This isn’t how this is supposed to work._

Oh but he wanted it to work this way.

“Izaya,” Shizuo started, drawing the Raven’s eyes back up to his face. “You can stay here as long as you need to. When I asked you to stay here, I didn’t put limitations on it. Until your heat is over is what I said, I’m not going to fucking throw you out just because Shinra said some shit.” There was something wonderfully plain about the way Shizuo said it, Izaya didn’t even have to wonder. _He means it, he- he’s not going to throw me out after all._ “You said to trust me, trust me on this.”

 _God, what is this, a romance novel?_ Feeling rather self-conscious now that he realized his outburst had been for nothing, Izaya pulled away from Shizuo’s hand, no matter how much of him wanted to do otherwise. “You sound ridiculous,” Izaya informed him, picking up his fork again and staring at his food that was now probably cold. “I never gave you permission to say things like that Shizu-chan.”

Taking a bite of his egg, Izaya marveled at how good food tasted after he’d gone without it for so long. For a second it took his mind off of the situation. Until Shizuo brought him back to earth that was.

“Tough, it needed to be said.” _How utterly beastly of you Shizu-chan. Why are we even acting like this at all._

In this moment though, Izaya found he didn’t care. Instead, he let a small smile crawl its way over his lips as he whispered, “Thank you.” Part of him wasn’t sure why he was thanking the man in the first place, the rest of him just allowed the gratitude to wash over him. “I-” _thought you were going to throw me back to the wolves like any other Alpha would have._ “Thank you Shizu-chan,” he said again instead.

Because everything was fine for now. Somehow, the world made sense.

Izaya’s stomach rumbled, destroying any deep thoughts he might have had. Instead Izaya just started stuffing the eggs into his mouth as fast as he could chew them. _I’ve been so obsessed with my problems, I forgot food was a thing._

Might as well add it to the growing list of things Izaya had forgotten existed. Like compassion. Kindness. Happiness. Other things he couldn’t name but knew he needed now that he’d been granted a taste.

Shizuo chuckled, distracting Izaya from his food. “Hungry Flea?” he asked, an easy smile on his face. Unconsciously, Izaya found himself responding to it with an embarrassed smile.

“I haven’t eaten in days,” he admitted, looking down at his eggs. “During my heat, I usually don’t bother. Too much trouble for me to handle on my own.” _If you had a mate,_ whispered that traitorous voice in the back of his head. _You’d never have to worry about this again. This would be so much easier._

But easier wasn’t always better, was it?

When Shizuo opened his mouth, Izaya expected him to chide him for not taking care of himself but instead, the blond muttered, “I can’t believe you’ve done this for your entire life. Survived on your own.” Izaya wished he understood the emotions in Shizuo’s voice. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it.”

“No one usually does,” Izaya said, taking another bite of his food and chewing it thoughtfully. “I guess I just didn’t give myself another option, you know?” As he thought over his life, Izaya’s face fell into a bitter smile. “I was so scared of the alternative, ne?”

Shizuo shook his head in disbelief. “You make it sound so easy but-”

The sound of Izaya’s phone cut them off. This time, the Raven was awake enough to distinguish the ringtone from his other ones. He’d set a different sound for a reason, it helped him decide when he wanted to ignore her. _I should have see this coming…_ “I need to get that,” he decided. After a moment spent wondering if he could manage to crawl there, he gave up and looked across the table, staring at Shizuo intently, waiting.

And like a charm, Shizuo leapt up. “Hang on.” He vanished back into his room.

Izaya spent a moment marveling at this. From the outside, who would have been able to guess that Shizuo was the Alpha and Izaya was the Omega? When had Izaya ever even heard of Alphas treating their mates with such care? Probably never, definitely not often enough to leave any sort of meaningful impact but hear Shizuo was, treating him like royalty. _Makes it seem not so bad, ne?_

But as always, Shizuo appeared before Izaya could let his thoughts stray any further. _Probably for the best, right? Wouldn’t want to let my hormones get the better of me after all._ Grabbing the phone from Shizuo’s outstretched hand, Izaya answered it and held it gingerly beside his ear.

“Yes?” he asked, as if he didn’t already know who it was.

 _“Where the hell are you?”_ Namie’s voice was predictably irritated and it almost brought a smile to Izaya’s face. His secretary had never been anything but brusk. _“You’re supposed to be working today, not vanishing off to god know’s where! Why aren’t you here?”_

“Because I’m someplace else,” Izaya answered in his patented assholish way. The grin that spread over his face was natural, a common reaction to needling Namie. “Really Namie-san there’s no need to shout.” Looking over at Shizuo, Izaya was glad to see the man getting himself something to eat, completely at ease with Izaya talking on the phone. _No need to cause unnecessary stress after all, she isn’t making me upset, therefore he’s not upset._ “Let’s take things down a notch and speak with an indoor voice.”

 _“Oh I have several places you can put that indoor voice of yours.”_ Izaya sighed. His secretary had every right to be pissed at him, he had, after all, told her he’d be there at his apartment to work but then things had changed and now he was here instead. _Probably should have texted her or something…_ _“You told me to be here early, you specifically woke me up so I could help you with something. What the hell is this supposed to be, you not showing up?”_

“Complications?” Izaya suggested reasonably, watching as Shizuo pulled a bottle of milk out of his fridge and drank half of it in one go. _Someone took the strong bones argument way too far. Perhaps reality just bends for him._ “Really Namie-san, does it matter if I’m there or not? You always claim I distract you after all.”

 _“What kind of complications are you talking about?”_ Namie demanded, ignoring the rest of Izaya’s statement as he had known she would. Her voice came through the speakers as suspicious. _“Are you in a hospital somewhere again? Did you get shot? Or was it stabbed this time? Because honestly I wouldn’t put it past you.”_ Clearly there was no trust lost between the two.

“No no, I’m fine,” Izaya reassured Namie, eyes still fixed lazily on Shizuo, who looked up at those words. Though neither of their faces moved, a silent conversation was had.

_Are you really okay, or are you just saying that?_

_I’m here with you, I’ll be fine._

_“Fine, yeah right.”_ Namie sounded unimpressed and Izaya could almost feel her eyes boring into him. _“Don’t play this game with me, how long have I known you?”_ A valid point, the woman often had them. How terribly inconvenient…

“Not that long,” he said, tapping his fingers against the table. Shizuo watched him, an odd sort of smile on his face. Almost… affectionate.

Izaya looked away, not wanting to think about it. _Just instincts. Just instincts._

_He doesn’t know what he’s feeling._

_“Doesn’t matter,”_ Namie said dismissively. _“I’ve_ known _you for years and I knew you for ages before that. So if you think, for even a second, that you can get anything past me then you’re dead wrong.”_

“Oh, so scary,” he mocked, staring at the clock above Shizuo’s door. _Is it… Ticking backwards? How long has that thing been up there?_ It was odd, he almost liked the atmosphere, the lived in and weathered feel of the tiny apartment. The smell of Shizuo drifting through the air certainly helped. “And what exactly do you think is wrong with me?”

Accidentally, Izaya caught Shizuo’s eyes again and caught him muttering, “Everything?”

Namie apparently agreed with this statement, though not in the light, sarcastic way Shizuo had. _“What isn’t wrong with you?”_ Izaya sighed to signal his impatience, which worked in snapping Namie back on track. She, after all, was someone who had never been able to stand small talk. _“If you’re not at the hospital, I’m assuming your disappearance has something to do with the fact that you were in heat all last week.”_

Izaya started to protest this but she cut him off. _“I might be a beta but you had better believe I can smell it_ everywhere. _Don’t bother with your usual bullshit.”_ He didn’t. Namie had known he was an Omega for a good while after all. It had been one of those slight concessions he’d been forced to make when deciding to take her in as his secretary. So far, it hadn’t bit him too bad. _“Where are you?”_ she repeated.

“Somewhere safe,” was all Izaya felt willing to give her.

 _“Izaya, I swear- You’re with an Alpha, aren’t you?”_ Namie didn’t even sound judgemental, she just sounded resigned, like she’d expected it. The feeling that welled up inside Izaya was resentment and he forced it down. Well of course she’d known it would happen eventually, he was an _Omega,_ what else was he good for? _“God, you know I thought you were different but I knew that celibacy would get to you eventually.”_

Izaya’s face turned bright red at the insinuation and he spluttered, “Wha- Why the hell does everyone seem to assume that I’ve had-” He stopped, noticing the beast watching him curiously, a look that was filled with amusement and yet still had a note of bitterness behind it. Izaya’s stomach twisted but he forced himself to focus on the sound of Namie’s voice coming through the speakers.

 _“-And honestly, it’s not like I really care about what you do with your free time. If you want to go and mate with someone, do it. I always thought you were stupid for trying to drug your body into submission.”_ The words made Izaya’s head spin. Really, how long had the woman been thinking these things? _“So really, just go for it. I’d honestly rather you do that than overdose or something. And don’t tell me you know what you’re doing because that’s what everyone who overdoses says. Just because I know how to cover up a death doesn’t mean I want to use it to get rid of your body. Honestly, I don’t care. As long as you’re okay.”_ Namie took a breath and fell silent.

“What?” Izaya asked, surprised as the words came to a sudden halt. “I- why do you…?”

 _“If you’re being held somewhere against your will I can get you out of there, you know I can.”_ Namie sounded impatient, spoke shortly, but the words hit Izaya hard. _I never thought she’d care._ Really, he’d never thought anyone would care. He wasn’t even worth it… _“Just say the word Izaya and I’ll come and get you but you don’t sound panicked. You sound okay.”_

“I am,” Izaya murmured, as ever glancing up at Shizuo carefully. He man was eating instant ramen, looking into the distance as if forcing himself not to intrude on Izaya’s conversation. _Thank you,_ he thought. _Thank you for this._ “And honestly Namie-san, why would you even bother for me?”

 _“God, you’re infuriating.”_ Without answering the question, Namie said, _“Well since you’ve so kindly left me with a mountain of work, I don’t have time to chat. Call if there’s an emergency, specifically if you’re dying. Depending on my mood, I’ll bring some help and do what I can.”_

The line went dead.

“Bye,” he muttered, rolling his eyes at the clipped manner of his secretary. “It’s not like there are social niceties that need to be observed or anything.”

“Hey Izaya?” The Raven looked up at the sound of Shizuo’s tentative voice and felt a trickle of fear enter him when he saw that the man had stopped eating in favor of watching him. It heralded another tough question he probably wouldn’t want to answer. “Why don’t you think you’re worth anything?”

He froze at the words, so careful yet so damning. “Nonsense Shizu-chan.” The words slipped off his tongue with ease like so many lies had before them. Even so, he pushed his half empty plate away, suddenly uninterested in eating. “I’m clearly very valuable.”

“That’s not what I was asking.” _Damn him for suddenly developing the skills of perception._ “I’m not asking what other people see in you, I’m asking what you see of yourself and from what I can see, you don’t think much of yourself.”

Face twisting, Izaya weakly pushed himself away from the table an huddled up again. _I’m like a bug, hiding myself from things I don’t want to think about._ “Because unlike most people,” Izaya bit out at last, sounding bitter. “I don’t have a veil over my eyes. I’m an Omega before I’m an informant or a person or anything. Everyone knows that’s how the world works Shizu-chan. I was just disillusioned at an age younger than most.”

He didn’t see, or rather, didn’t expect the arms that encircled his pathetic huddle and lifted him off of the chair. “You’re so full of bullshit sometimes,” Shizuo muttered gruffly. “How many decisions do you make without thinking about the fact that you’re an Omega, huh?”

It was an odd question and it distracted Izaya from the feeling of Shizuo plunking him down on his old couch before the man himself sat at the other end. “I- Not everything in my life revolves around that Shizu-chan,” Izaya at last scoffed, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of the question. “Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not being stupid,” Shizuo countered stubbornly. “Well, maybe I am but I’m allowed to be. You aren’t Izaya, you’ve always been smarter than me. So why have I figured out that just because I’m an Alpha doesn’t mean I have to act like it and you’re still convinced that you’re going to act like an Omega regardless of what you do?”

Momentarily blown away by Shizuo’s ability to get to such a deep point while committing so many logical fallacies along the way, Izaya at last managed weakly, “I don’t though. Why do you think I’ve been hiding what I am for my entire life?”

“When did you find out?” Shizuo asked, eyes penetrating Izaya’s shields that hadn’t been touched in… Ever. “Because I found out before highschool and I went through most of those four years thinking that everything I did must be inherently monstrous because I was an Alpha and therefore had no hope of controlling myself.” The way the Alpha looked at Izaya made him feel like, for the first time, someone might understand. “Do you have any idea how many fucking suppressants I tried because I was sure I was going to end up on top of some Omega, hurting them or- or…” He waved around vaguely but Izaya understood what he was trying to say.

“You’re not like that,” he murmured, sure of his own words. “I know you Shizu-chan, you’re too nice for your own good.”

“And you’re nothing like other Omegas,” Shizuo countered. “Why are you convinced that you’re going to end up like every other Omega?”

“I never said-”

“I could tell.” Shizuo reached for his cigarette carton and pulled one out, almost like he didn’t even notice what he was doing.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya said softly, wondering how he could explain to someone who seemed to believe so strongly in his worth that he was wrong. “It’s different for me. You’re an Alpha, you’ll always be blessed with standing, even if you never take advantage of it. I’m just breeding stock.”

The words sounded so much worse when he said them out loud.

“You’re a fool, that’s what you are.” Izaya’s eyes widened as Shizuo reached across his small couch and tugged Izaya into him. Close enough that Izaya could see each individual fleck of gold in the man’s eyes. “You’re a fool for believing that shit. Even if I haven’t liked you for my whole life, I’ve always respected you. Sure I didn’t know you were an Omega, but that would have changed fuck all. You’re a person same as me. All that shit about Alphas and Omegas and Betas, it doesn’t matter. Not really.”

In the pit of his stomach, Izaya could feel something warm begin to grow, slowly consuming bits and pieces of the cold he’d felt for so long. Part of him didn’t believe Shizuo for a second because the blond couldn’t change the world worked just with a few words, but there was something about him saying it that made it matter all the same. _He thinks I’m worth something. To him, I mean something. I’m not just a hole to fuck or a body to give him children. I’m a human being. I’m Izaya Orihara._

And that meant something.

“You’re still an idiot,” Izaya muttered, unsure how the man had managed to soothe such a deep set fear so quickly. _I’m going crazy, or maybe it’s just instincts._

And maybe it was something else entirely.

“Yep, that I am,” Shizuo agreed, lighting up and taking a long drag of his cigarette. “But hey, sometimes you don’t need to be a genius to be right.”

Allowing himself to lean completely into the Alpha’s warmth, Izaya nodded absently. With his fears soothed and his stomach sated, he could feel the pull of sleep much more strongly than before. “Only you Shizu-chan,” he murmured, knowing that he was talking about more than just being right and not really caring in his sedated state. “Only you.”

And like that, comfortable and wanted, he fell asleep.

_Maybe having an Alpha like Shizu-chan wouldn’t be so bad._

_What a shame it’s just instincts, ne?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da!! Expect major feels next chapter, if this didn't make you squee enough.
> 
> Ah angst my old friend, I've come to talk to you again...


	14. Things Unseen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gather round children, Q’s got another story for y’all. It’s full of angst and feels that will make you wish you could tear your own heart out! Doesn’t that just sound peachy?  
> But seriously, it’s so hard to tear myself away from The Trouble With Soulmates, I can hardly bring myself to leave it alone for a few days to work on this. Thankfully I’ve had this chapter planned for months. It knows where it’s going, I just hope it can make you smile as much as it can for me.  
> Enjoy!

_“Where the hell is he?” Shizuo threw his head about, sniffing the air. He’d know the scent anywhere, would be able to smell it if the man came within fifty_ _meters of him, but there was nothing. The air was fresh and clean, free of the stench of shit and too many crafty ideas.  
_

_Entirely disconcerting._

_“Eh, Shizuo-kun,” Shinra complained, forgetting his food for a moment so he could look up at the teenage Alpha. “Izaya’s not here, you already knew that. Just eat your food, don’t worry about_ _him.” The odd Beta smiled slightly. “He’s sick today.”_

_Shizuo growled low in his throat. Izaya didn’t get sick, the Flea was an indestructible force of chaos that didn’t just fall ill. No, if he wasn’t here he was plotting something and that made Shizuo’s skin just itch. “There’s no way he’s fucking sick, tell me where the hell he is so I can kill him!” Shizuo snapped angrily._

_“Shizuo, calm down.” Kadota cracked open an eye from his half-nap he’d been taking propped_ _up against the mesh fence surrounding a good portion of the roof. The fellow Alpha stretched casually before calmly saying, “Izaya-san’s just not here. There’s no need to get all upset about it. Trust me, he wasn’t in class."_

_“I know that!” Shizuo snapped, wishing he had something to grind his teeth around to relieve some of his stress. “But that doesn’t mean he isn’t planning something.”_

_Honestly, he knew exactly why he was so pissed and for once it wasn’t even really Izaya. The stupid pheromone blockers he was taking were fucking with his body. Really, he wasn’t sure why he was bothering, they were just supposed to suppress his instincts and such but all they seemed to be doing was making things worse. Hell, the only time his head felt clear was when he was chasing after Izaya._

_And now the idiot was gone and he was almost positive that this fact spelled something fishy._

_“You’re always so obsessed with him,” Shinra mused, poking at the wrinkles between his brows. “It’s like you can’t stand to be apart from him.” The words were fucking stupid but so was Shirna most of the time so Shizuo decided to let that one slid. “You know what I should do? I should tell Izaya just how horribly you've missed him while he was g-”_

_And that was one stupid comment too many. “I will throw you off this roof!” Shizuo roared, fingers tightening around his bottle of milk until it shattered dramatically. Shinra whined as some of it spilled on his books but laughed when he noticed the huge splotch on Shizuo’s pant leg. “Fuck,” he cursed, leaping up and brushing broken glass off of himself._

_“He was joking Shizuo,” Kadota said, letting his eyes slide closed again. “Shinra, don’t be such an asshole. You know how much he hates Izaya-san.”_

_Sighing, Shirna poked at his food as if it couldn’t possibly be as interesting as the conversation they had been having. “What a shame you know, I thought they’d get along great but now look where we are.”_

High School with my worst enemy, _Shizuo brooded, glowering at the pair of them before sitting down again, still jumpy. Technically he’d only know Izaya for a year but he still hated him, still wished he’d have an unfortunate accident and die._

 _Maybe even, if he was extremely lucky, Shizuo would manage to do the deed himself but somehow he doubted it. Izaya was nigh indestructible. Like a fucking cockroach with the way he came back to life after every fight that neither of them seemed to win._ Better than any medication ever will be, _Shizuo thought, stretching the muscles of his jaw spasmodically._

Shizuo snorted and went back to sitting in silence.

~•~

_As the day drew to a close, Shizuo found himself getting more and more suspicious. Shinra kept saying that Izaya was just sick but the blond didn’t buy it in the slightest. Why would Izaya waste an entire day not at school doing nothing just because he wasn’t feeling completely one hundred percent? That wasn’t in his character at all. No, even if he didn’t feel well, he’d certainly be cooking up something horrible._

_Shizuo might not have been able to keep up with the shit that spouted out of Izaya’s mouth on a regular basis but he could tell the Raven was a genius and an evil one at that. People like that didn’t just decide not to get out of bed in the morning because of a headache of a stomach flu. No, Izaya had to be plotting something, it was only a matter of time before it became clear to Shizuo what that thing was._

_“Ara, Shizuo-kun,” Shirna sounded distressed and Shizuo managed to jerk his attention around to the science-obsessed boy beside him. “You’re destroying your locker. You know they’ve already had to replace it three times this year.”_

_With a loud snarl, Shizuo slammed the door of his locker closed, tipping the entire line of lockers over in the process. The students in the way scattered. Guilt breaking through his shell of confused and blind anger, Shizuo forced himself to relax. “Sorry, just stressed,” he managed, trying for a smile and failing spectacularly._

_“You do know that taking those bockers isn’t going to help you,” Shinra said wisely, adjusting his glasses and watching in detached interest as a group of students made a concerted effort to right what Shizuo had leveled. “I’ve seen your pills, those are for weaker Alphas and you’re not weak at all. It’s only going to negatively affect your health and probably your sanity too.”_

_“I fucking know this already Shirna, I’m doing the best I can,” Shizuo growled but his heart wasn’t in it. The man was pretty much a doctor in training. If he said the stuff Shizuo was taking was no good, the young Alpha felt inclined to listen. “I mean what else am I supposed to do?”_

_“Find a mate?” Shinra suggested lightly before ducking away from Shizuo’s disapproving smack. Laughing brightly, he added, “Heck, it might not even be that hard. You might have a lot of people scared of you but there are also your fangirls. Surely one of them is at least a little interesting. Come on, it’d be simple! Then you’d at least be a whole lot less tense.”_

_“Easy for you to say,” Shizuo muttered with a snort. The idea of actually mating with an Omega, even if it was only once, made the blond feel a little sick. There were so many things wrong with it, he couldn’t even put it into words._ Besides, what if he hurt them… _“I mean, you’ve already got Celty.”_

_Almost at once a dreamy look came over Shinra’s face. “She’s perfect, isn’t she? Did you know that she doesn’t even have a secondary gender? It’s so strange! She’s just Celty. It’s perfect, I’m going to marry her someday Shizuo-kun, I promise you.”_

_“Never said you wouldn’t,” Shizuo assured Shinra, a little off put by the fanatical look that had come over the man’s face. Sighing, he rubbed his knuckles and stared out of the school doors. All he really wanted was to see Izaya, just chase him around for a bit, maybe throw something at him. Anything to work out some of this fucking energy, anything to make his hand’s stop shaking with repressed anger. Shizuo didn’t even know what he was angry with, he just wanted to hurt something. Shirna probably had a point when he said that the drugs weren’t working._

_Honestly, he almost hoped Izaya had something horrible planned. At least then he’d have an excuse to fight him. Maybe not look so much like the aggressor for once._ As if the fucking Flea doesn't start most of our fights. It’s not my fault I typically throw the first punch. _But that’s not what other people saw. They just saw two teenagers rushing across the streets. Suspending reality for a moment with bent street signs and flashing knives, just generally hurting anyone who got in the way. It was perfect, or as close to perfect as he could get._

_“Mind still stuck on Izaya?” Shinra asked, leaning towards Shizuo conspiratorially. The look in the boy’s eyes made Shizuo want to hit him again. “I mean, I know you hate him but this is just a tad obsessive, no?”_

_“Fuck off,” Shizuo muttered, gritting his teeth and turning away from Shinra to find Kadota, who had been helping with the unfortunately toppled line of footlockers._

_“He hasn’t shown up to any of his classes,” Kadota told him, almost like he was reassuring the tall blond. “Relax, he’s not going to suddenly appear just so he can make your life hard.” Opening his own locker, Kadota shrugged. “Izaya-san can get sick too Shizuo. He’ll probably be back tomorrow.”_

_“Well if he is sick I fucking hope he dies,” Shizuo snapped, clenching his fists._ Actually, that would kind of suck… _But it wouldn’t at the same time, Shizuo would probably prefer it in the long run. He could find other ways to relieve his stress. Izaya was just convenient, that was it. “But he isn’t fucking sick because it’s Izaya and he doesn’t get sick. He just gets shittier.”_

_Shinra laughed delightedly before popping around Shizuo so he could bounce about in front of him. “It’s almost like you’re worried,” he chirped, grinning from ear to ear. Shizuo felt his hackles rise at the words and glared at the man, hoping that would discourage him but this was Shinra. Nothing fucking stopped him from being an idiot. “Come on, why do you always fight Izaya? You could just be friends with him, right?”_

_“I will never be friends with the fucking Flea!” Shizuo thundered, furious. “He’s a stain on the world that doesn’t deserve to live!” It wasn’t like he had a shortage of reasons to want to crush him, no Izaya seemed to manufacture new ones on the daily._

_Shinra’s face fell. “Eh? Well Shizuo-kun, just be careful with him. He’s not as strong as you, okay?” Giving the blond a rueful grin, he said, “As annoying as he can be, he’s my friend. Don’t kill him.”_

_“What do you mean he’s not as strong?” Shizuo snorted, calming down somewhat. “Have you seen him? He’s an Alpha, isn’t he? Besides, I end up injured more often than he does. I got fucking hit by another truck last week!” The memory made his blood boil but he forced it down._

_“Is he an Alpha though?” Kadota asked suddenly, frowning in concentration. “I mean, he acts like one but he doesn’t smell like much of anything. I’m pretty sure he’s a Beta.”_

_Shizuo raised an eyebrow. “Him? But he’s so fucking manipulative all the time. And some people take drugs to hide what they are.”  
_

_“Regardless,” Shinra said, breaking into the conversation, a funny look on his face. “You’re still stronger Shizuo-kun. Just keep that in mind.”  
_

_“Believe me,” Shizuo growled, “I do. It’s going to help me grind his face into the fucking pavement some day.”  
_

_“Some day,” Shinra agreed, smiling brightly. “But not today, okay?” Kadota didn’t seem to notice the suddenly odd way Shinra was acting but Shizuo picked up on it immediately._

_“What the fuck has gotten into you?” he demanded, scowling fiercely.  
_

_Shinra managed to chuckle. “Ara, it’s probably nothing, but Izaya’s delicate and he’s sick. If you happen to run across him-”  
_

_“I’m not going to-”  
_

_“I was going to say go easy on him,” Shinra finished, narrowing his eyes behind his glasses. “Goodness knows I can’t stop you two from making everyone’s life hell but just if you see him, don’t aim quite so well maybe?”  
_

_“Fine,” Shizuo grumbled, if only to get Shinra off his back. “He usually starts the fights anyway, shouldn’t you be talking to him?” He didn’t like the accusations in Shinra’s eyes and certainly didn’t think he deserved them. But Shinra just gave Shizuo a small smile._

_“Ah, but which of you is more likely to listen, hmm?” He cackled. “If you think the answer is Izaya then you’re crazy Shizuo-kun. Which reminds me!” Reaching around Shizuo, Shinra plucked up the pill bottle that was sticking out of the top of his bag and examined it. “You should come over some time, see if I can’t find you something better. I mean I might not be able to do much but this is definitely making things worse. Don’t you think Kadota-san?”_

_Kadota held up his hands. “Far be it from me to make medical judgments.” He bumped shoulders with Shizuo and snorted. “But you could stand to loosen up.”_

_“I’ll drop by tomorrow,” Shizuo decided, feeling at least marginally better._ I’m lucky to have friends like this at all, considering how I act… _“I’m going to head out. See you two tomorrow.” With the chorus of farewells at his back, Shizuo left school and started home._

_As he walked his thoughts wandered back to what Shinra had been saying about Izaya. Honestly, as much as it pained Shizuo to admit it, he’d always seen Izaya as his equal. The boy was fearsome, if not in his physical abilities then in his mental ones. Hell, Shizuo would have said Izaya far surpassed him in that respect. He never missed a beat, was always one step ahead of Shizuo and managed to do it all with a smile on his face. Frankly, he was almost as terrifying as Shizuo himself._

_And yet Shinra had made Izaya sound like he was weak, powerless. That pissed Shizuo off and he wasn’t sure why._ Because I don’t want people thinking I’m fighting a weakling. _But no, that wasn’t it. The thought fled his mind as a cherry blossom petal hit his nose and he sneezed._

Stupid fucking trees…

_Grumbling, Shizuo’s mind strayed to himself. Fuck, he was a mess. He’d only presented as an Alpha a few years ago, right before high school. Shizuo had already been freakishly strong and had a temper to match but now… Well, Shizuo knew that he’d sooner hurt someone than anything else._

_It was where the different blockers had come from.  
_

_Probably, if he was thinking straight, it was where his desire to fight Izaya came from as well._

_His brother, Kasuka, kept telling him that he’d be able to handle things without the meds but Shizuo didn’t believe it. The younger boy had always had too much faith in his older brother. Besides, he was so much calmer, didn’t even fully understand what it meant to be constantly fighting yourself every time an Omega in heat passed by. He didn’t get the fiery sensation of rage that flew through Shizuo at every little thing, causing him to blow up more often than not._

It’s better when Izaya’s around. At least he focuses the energy. _But Shizuo knew that was probably only going to last through high school. If he didn’t kill Izaya first, if Izaya didn’t end up actually gutting him with those gleaming blades he wielded so talentedly. Perhaps if he could just chase the Flea forever, he wouldn’t have to worry about it, he could just learn how to control himself elsewhere and let everything out for Izaya.  
_

_Actually, it sounded quite appealing._

_As he walked under the trees, avoiding the petals that were being shed by their boughs, Shizuo wondered if Izaya ever worried about what his actions did to those around him. Probably not, the man was heartless. Didn’t give a shit about people in general and only ever seemed to break out of that collectedly snide persona for Shizuo._ I feel so special, _he thought sarcastically, digging his nails into the palm of his hand._

_Really though, when Shizuo thought about it, he had to realize that he didn’t understand Izaya very well. For someone he spent so much time around, Izaya was an enigma, a mystery he couldn’t hope to solve. Always so abrasive and rude, it made Shizuo wonder if the man even wanted friends at all. Even Shinra was kept at an arm’s length._

I’m not, _Shizuo realized._ He lets me get closer than anyone else, but it’s only because we hate each other. _Maybe in the end he was the only one who knew just how despicable Izaya was inside. Even if that blackness wasn’t as black as it seemed from the outside._ Just like me, perhaps better. At least he knows what he’s doing…

_Stopping, Shizuo took a deep breath and sighed. Pulling out the pill bottle Shinra had given back out of his bag, the Alpha turned it over and over, feeling irritated just by looking at it. The stuff was wearing off, he could feel it. As the medication was metabolized, his senses sharpened. The cherry blossoms smelled soothing instead of sickly, the trees around him came into sharper focus and the blood rushing in his ears mellowed out._

Fucking annoying… _Shizuo’s tightening grip broke the plastic of the pill bottle and he hissed as a sliver of it dug into his palm. It was time to take another two but Shizuo didn’t really want to. He hated the effect it had on his mind and he desperately wanted to prove his brother right and go without them. Part of him was aware it was impossible but the rest of him decided that if someone as twisted as Izaya could keep their mind and body under control, then so could he._

_It didn’t matter if Shinra wanted to try something, Shizuo was done with this. This was going to be his last bottle of suppressants he took.  
_

_With a grunt, he threw it as far as he could. The shiny orange plastic quickly disappeared into the distance, no doubt destined to crash through some unsuspecting civilian’s roof. As they vanished, a weight vanished from Shizuo’s shoulders. He could do it, even if he had to fight Izaya every day to keep himself in line._

_Fucking flea deserved it anyway._

_Smiling slightly, Shizuo started back towards his home, mood considerably brighter than it had been a moment ago. It helped that the medication was almost gone. He always hated how much it clogged up his senses, leaving him feeling almost naked without them. Drawing in another lungful of air, Shizuo’s eyes widened as a new scent registered. An extremely enticing scent._

_It was sharp, tangy almost, yet sweet and calming. Standing out starkly against the background of cherry blossoms and other flowers, Shizuo struggled to catch more of it. Hell, he’d have described it as mouth-watering because that's what it was. Though he had no idea what it was, he followed it, wanting to know._

_Coaxing, yet elusive. Soothing, yet invigorating. He was reminded of coffee, of the bite of metal and rushing adrenaline yet at the same time a whisper of softness, the melancholy that comes from being alone for far too long and a hint of regret. He’d never smelled something that held such depth, such emotion. Shizuo almost broke into a run, wanting to know what or who was giving off the smell. If he didn’t, he might never find it again._

_But then it was gone, replaced by a familiar stench that made Shizuo stop in his tracks. Growl building up in the back of his throat, the blond dropped his bag as he searched for the damned Flea who had destroyed his hope of following that rich and wonderful scent he’d been smelling. Snorting at the pervasive smell of blood and vile evil that slithered in the dark, Shizuo finally spotted a head of raven hair and the man who was attached to it._

Izaya!

_He was about to rush forward with a roar, when something held him back. Something about his enemy that forced him to take a second look._

_Izaya was sitting on the decorative foot bridge before Shizuo, eyes staring off into the distance, body loose and at peace. Shizuo wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen the Raven looking so calm in his life, he’d only ever seen him when he was full of malice and hate. It looked strange and he couldn’t help but slowly draw closer._

_The boy had his legs hanging out over the edge of the bridge, his arms resting comfortably on the low railing. At this angle he looked thin, insubstantial, like he hadn’t eaten in several days or perhaps hadn’t eaten well in several years. His ivory skin was pallid and slightly drawn and his eyes were sunken. It made Shizuo’s stomach twist, even though he detested Izaya. No one deserved to look like that, not even the Flea._

_Raven hair ruffling in the breeze, Izaya stared over the small creek at the cherry blossom trees. Every time a gust of air blew through, Shizuo wondered if the man would simply float away, too light to be kept grounded. Petals stuck in his hair, and every now and then, he’d reach out and catch one before letting it tumble to the creek below._

_The blond wondered how long Izaya had been there._

_But it wasn’t really any of those things that caught Shizuo’s eye. Instead, it was the expression on his enemy’s face that stayed his hand. The man looked… Wistful. Frustrated like his life had been yanked away from him. Tired, like he didn’t want to deal with it anymore._

_And above all, Izaya looked lonely._

_Shizuo’s heart lurched painfully. He_ knew _that look, knew it better than anyone else ever could. It was the same expression that coated his face every time he walked through the hallways and people hurried to get out of his way. It was the same feeling he had whenever_ _he looked at yet another person that he’d injured and wondered_ why me? _He knew it intimately, but had never expected to see it on Izaya’s face._

_Izaya was supposed to be connected, socially advantaged. He had money, he had power, he had intelligence. Shizuo could even admit that he had looks. The Raven had everything, why would he look so lonely? There were innumerable times when Shizuo had seen the man flirting with a pretty girl or talking to the upperclassmen like it was no big deal. He might have been dangerous but that didn’t stop most people from flocking to him._

_Except Shizuo knew the look on Izaya’s face when he conversed with those people, the fake smile, the phony laugh, the lies and the bullshit that just dripped off his tongue all the time. And always the distance he put between himself and the world. Like he was better._

_Like he couldn’t trust a soul._

_And then Shizuo had to wonder once again why he had somehow gotten past that, even though they were enemies. Oh Izaya never stopped spouting bullshit but his smiles were genuine, his laughs were real. Shizuo entertained him and dispelled that lonely look in his eyes._

_Kind of like Izaya drained all that rage out of Shizuo and could calm him down in the most round about way imaginable._

_And in that moment, Shizuo made Izaya a silent promise, one he would probably forget but meant all the same._

I will be your monster. I will be your enemy. I will keep you from looking lonely and sad and tired because you keep me from feeling out of control and powerless to my own rage. You don’t have to be alone, because I need you too and I’ll always be here for you. Forever.

_As if finally noticing him, Izaya turned and his eyes widened before narrowing into pleased slits. He didn’t look sick, but then he was always sick in the mind so would Shizuo even be able to tell? At once all traces of sadness or loneliness vanished, replaced with a devilish smirk and a cool, calculated stare._

_“Ah, Shizu-chan, what a pleasure,” he hissed, slowly getting to his feet. If there was any discomfort in his joints, he didn’t show it. The only sign something_ _was wrong was the sunken look of his crimson eyes and the way he almost floated away in the breeze. “Ne, I haven’t seen you all day!”_

_“Izaya,” it was a growl, but Shizuo was grinning, because he’d needed this and as long as Izaya didn’t look so alone, Shizuo didn’t have to think about it. “Where the hell have you been? That crazy Beta said you were sick.” There was no explanation needed for who he was talking about, the nickname was universal._

_“How ridiculous,” Izaya responded breezily, though Shizuo could see the knife sliding into his palm. “The very notion! Shinra is an idiot Shizu-chan, pay him no attention.” Cracking his neck, the man leapt up onto the low railing and gestured about grandly. “I’m merely playing hooky, taking time off to watch all my beautiful humans in their beautiful world.”_

_“So you just fucking skipped school for fun, huh?” Shizuo cracked his knuckles, not yet wanting to end the conversation. “What kind of shit is that?”_

_“Well Shizu-chan,” Izaya informed him, dancing closer and leaning down so he was eye level with the blond. “Unlike lower life forms such as yourself, I can skip a day without worry. I do well enough, it hardly matters if I miss a few classes. You on the other hand are chained to your desk, least you flunk out and really become a delinquent.”_

_“I’m going to kick your ass,” Shizuo promised Izaya, grin growing, the fire in his eyes blazing.  
_

_“Oh dear, I’m_ so _afraid.” Leaping off of the railing and flicking out the blade of his knife, Izaya smoothly taunted. “Do your worst,_ Alpha.”

_With a roar and a cackle, the fight began._

Trailing a finger down his Omega’s arm, Shizuo found a smile drifting over his face. It had been years now, ages since that day, but the Alpha still remembered that stupid promise. Had remembered it every time people asked why he didn’t just ignore Izaya until the man left him alone. Definitely remembered it now as he stared at the smooth, unworried face, caught in the threads of sleep.

Still meant it, more so than ever.

Shizuo could feel a curl of desire run through him as he inhaled deeply and caught that now familiar scent of Izaya’s pheromones. An odor that had followed him through life, patiently waiting for him to understand. To take that step past what was comfortable into what was right. Because this was right, and Shizuo wanted it to be forever.

He wasn’t quite sure how long Izaya had been sleeping, Shizuo didn’t have a clock nearby to check. It didn’t matter, he liked this. The ridges of Izaya’s bones pressed against his chest and thigh, the jut of the man’s chin against his collar, the brush of hair against his throat. Every bit of it was perfect, felt so correct.

“Fucking shame it took us this long to get here,” Shizuo muttered, even though Izaya wasn’t listening, probably had no idea the blond had spoken at all. It didn’t matter, he could pretend this way. Pretend that he’d finally found that piece of happiness he’d been chasing his entire life.

He wondered, distantly, what would have happened if he’d realized Izaya was an Omega all those years ago. Would they have ended up together, or in pieces? Probably the latter, might still end up that way. Actually, Shizuo was betting on it. Izaya, after all, didn’t want a mate, most likely never would. This was as close as Shizuo would ever get, and he’d only gotten this far because Izaya was in heat and therefore wasn’t quite thinking straight.

“I am,” he said aloud, lifting his hand so he could run gentle fingers through Izaya’s soft hair. It shifted and fell in the man’s face, but the Omega didn’t stirr. “I might be rutting but I know exactly what I’m feeling Izaya. It’s not going to change after my cycle is finished.”

Izaya’s closeness made Shizuo feel warm, protective, satisfied. Like this, there wasn’t anything that could hurt Izaya. He was safe. Shizuo could attend to any need he might have instantly without leaving Izaya to struggle through on his own. It was as close to perfect as it could get.

“I’d never make you struggle through alone again if you let me,” Shizuo said softly, his eyes sad. “But you’re only here because of circumstance, I know you, you’re fucking stubborn.” He didn’t just want to hold Izaya close like this, he wanted to know every part of him, kiss the feelings of worthlessness away and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he cared about the Raven. But he’d never have the chance, this was all Shizuo had been allotted, he’d have to satisfy himself with this.

But he wanted more, so much more.

“Heh,” Shizuo shook his head and stared at his blank TV screen in bitter realization. “I guess after this is all over you’re going to leave, aren’t you?” His heart twisted and Shizuo stayed it by burying his face in Izaya’s hair, wrapping his arms around the man without waking him up. “Shitty flea, won’t even let me keep my own promises to you.”

Izaya felt so thin in his arms, Shizuo didn’t want to see him go, didn’t want to lose this precious creature that had fallen into his life. He still remembered vividly the demon that he’d once thought of as Izaya but he understood now, finally got why the Raven had pushed everyone away for so long, avoided closeness so completely. Just hiding from himself, from what he was.

Fighting it every time he threw himself at Shizuo.

“I guess we’ve only ever been fighting our nature,” Shizuo said softly, voice muffled by silky locks. He could still smell that melecolly note of Izaya’s scent. So bitter and sad that it hurt him, made his chest constrict and his lungs give out. “But you know Izaya, I still mean it when I say I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Closing his eyes, Shizuo softly said, “It means a lot more now. But I think it might have always meant the same thing.” He almost wished Izaya would wake up, but then he’d have to explain himself and Shizuo didn’t want to hurt the Raven any more than he’d already been hurt. This would surely make it worse, confuse the Omega when he was weakest.

“If I tell you,” Shizuo muttered, smiling despite the pain, despite the pressure behind his eyes. “Will you promise not to laugh at me. I know I’m a fucking idiot, I always have been. You were always better than me, I’ve only ever been a monster.”

Another deep breath, another shaky exhale. “But fuck Izaya, I’m _your_ monster. I’m your Alpha. So I guess it’s okay if you laugh because it’s not so bad coming from you.” _What am I saying, I need to shut up._ But he had to get it out, because this was his only chance to do so.

He rubbed Izaya’s shoulder with his thumb gently, just listening to the slow breaths coming from the sleeping male. _He needs it, god knows he needs every bit of it. Just a chance to stop running for once and rest where he knows he’s safe._ Shizuo wanted to be that place, but deep down, he knew he never could be.

But he still opened his mouth, still said the words that would damn him.

“I love you Izaya.”

A bitter chuckle.

“Hell, I think I have for a while now. I just didn’t realize that’s what it was.”

Shizuo could feel the tears slipping from his eyes and silently chastised himself. He should be strong for Izaya, not weak and emotional. The Omega needed support, not whatever this was, but he couldn’t stop them from dripping from his eyes, seeping into Izaya’s hair.

“You say it's instincts and you know, I fucking believed you for a while, but it’s not. None of it is.” He fought to keep his voice steady, even though there was no one to hear him. No one but his sleeping Omega who was completely oblivious to the world around him. So fragile like this without his shields built up around him yet still so strong.

“Hell,” he laughed again before clenching his jaw tightly against any stray sounds that might give away the pain spilling from him. “I wish it was. I fucking _wish_ it was just instincts. I wish I could just see you as any other Omega but you just fucking aren’t and I don’t know if that has to do with us being soulmates but I honestly couldn’t give less of a shit.”

His throat seized up and for a moment he couldn’t continue, but Shizuo’s mouth kept moving without his voice. Whispering words that even he didn’t fully understand. _Please understand Izaya, please don’t let this all just be your instincts. Please feel something, anything! Just don’t leave me once your heat is over. Please._

“I’ve never wanted to keep someone safe like this Izaya, I’ve never wanted to do everything to make someone happy.” Shizuo drew an unsteady breath, disrupting the strands of Izaya’s hair. “But right now, I would do anything for you Izaya. However much it cost me, whatever the price, I would pay it as long as it made you smile.”

“And I know-” Voice cracking, Shizuo cursed under his breath and tried again. “I know you’re just here because of instincts, but will you let me pretend for just a little while that it’s something more?” The smile hurt, just like his throat, just like his heart, just like the skin his tears burned as they fell. “Or is that selfish of me?”

Under his breath he muttered, “Dammit Izaya, what are you doing to me?”

He could feel the heat of Izaya’s body seeping into his own but it did nothing now to calm him. It just made the pain all the worse. So sweet, so horrible. _Why does love have to feel like this? Why did it have to be Izaya?  
_

_Why do I have to be me?_

“You’re not just some Omega, I mean it! You’re- you’re Izaya Orihara, the smartest, sharpest, most dangerous person I know. You’re better than me in so many ways and you’re worth so much, whatever you think otherwise.”

Sniffling softly, Shizuo moved to wipe away the tears, hoping they didn’t show even though they were still falling from his eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, even if I thought I hated you. Out of everyone, you’re the one who stayed.”

Taking a deep breath, Shizuo said the words that possibly hurt the most. “But in a few days you’re going to leave, and I’m going to let you, because that’s what will make you happy. I might be your soulmate, but you’re your own person. I respect that.”

_Even if that means I never see you again._

“So to whatever subconscious part of you is aware right now, I’ll always love you. Even once you leave and never come back.”

_I’m sorry I couldn’t be someone different. I’m sorry I couldn’t be someone who was good enough for you._

“But you know, if by some miracle you feel the same, I’m going to make you the same promise I did back in high school when we were both idiots and not just me like now.” 

Forcing himself to ignore the hot knife lodged in his heart, Shizuo tenderly said, “I will be your monster, I will be your Alpha. I will keep you from feeling alone and unwanted and worthless because you keep me from feeling like I'm just another Alpha who treats Omegas like scum. You don't always have to be strong because I can be strong for you without seeing you as something less for it. I'll always be here for you. Forever.”

Izaya didn't wake up, but Shizuo was glad for that. Swiftly, the Alpha moved back and sat up straight, wiping away the rest of his tears as he did so. Hopefully, by the time Izaya woke up, the memory of them would have faded and with it the pain that had come pouring from him in that moment.

For now, all he could do was lean forward one last time and press a kiss to the sleeping Omega’s forehead and pretend like it didn't hurt.

_Heh, anything for Izaya, right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughs brokenly* Are you crying because I'm crying!  
> I'll work on A Little at a Time next. You know, something much fluffier..


	15. A Beautiful Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's POV
> 
> I'm starting to wonder if I should leave actual summaries here... 
> 
> To summary or not to summary. That is the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ne, back again from the dead. Real talk here, I was totally working on TTWS when I should have been working here but I won’t put out a new chapter of that until I’ve at least made a conscious effort to write something here.
> 
> Seriously though, an author’s work is never done, especially when all of my stories are long and time consuming xD
> 
> But listen to me complain~
> 
> Enjoy!

_ “Shitty flea, won’t even let me keep my own promises to you.” _

Dreaming, must be dreaming. Fell asleep leaning against Shizuo, now was dreaming. Izaya didn’t even stir.

_ I guess we’ve only ever been fighting our nature but I know you Izaya.” _

Something was wrapped around him, a heavy weight surrounding him on all sides.

_ “I still mean it when I say I don’t want to leave you alone.” _

Heh, it sounded like Shizuo actually… Izaya still wasn’t registering the words, just the timbre of them, their resonant tones somehow translated so well into a dream. His Alpha’s scent was everywhere, though considering he’d fallen asleep on top of him, that made sense. It was calm, even with the words nagging at the back of his conscience.

_ “It means a lot more now,” _ whispered the voice, finally beginning to make sense to the dazed Omega.  _ “But I think it might have always meant the same thing.” _ What, he wondered, what was he talking about? Odd choice for a dream, but maybe there would be some greater purpose later. For now, Izaya just lay still, not caring to rouse himself from this odd soliloquy.

_ “If I tell you, will you promise not to laugh at me?” _

Izaya felt a strange sensation coil at the base of his gut because as his senses returned to him, he started to notice that everything felt a little too  _ real. _ The weight around him was Shizuo’s arms which definitely hadn’t been there when he’d drifted off and the words coming from the beast were being murmured into his hair.

“I know I’m a fucking idiot, I always have been. You were always better than me, I’ve only ever been a monster.”

_ Not a dream, _ Izaya realized with a jolt that didn’t quite make him twitch.  _ No, this is real. Shizuo’s really talking to me. What the hell is going on. _

Because the Alpha was suddenly too close and Izaya wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do but wait it out and pretend to sleep.

“But fuck Izaya, I’m  _ your  _ monster. I’m your Alpha.” He sounded like he was in pain, deep, heart-wrenching pain. It scared Izaya because he didn’t understand where it was coming from.  _ What’s he saying to me? Stop Shizu-chan, just go back to sleep. Don’t make me deal with this. _ “So I guess it’s okay if you laugh because it’s not so bad coming from you.”

_ Stop talking, I don’t want to hear this. _ But he couldn’t move, couldn’t bring himself to alert Shizuo to his state of consciousness. Izaya just let the fear paralyze him, forced himself not to twitch. Just let Shizuo’s thumb rub circles into his shoulder, pretended like this was just a dream.  _ It doesn’t mean anything, don’t listen to him. _

But he heard the next words all too clearly.

“I love you Izaya.”

There were no words, no emotions, just a rushing in his ears and a thumping in his chest that almost drowned out the wry chuckle that came from Shizuo’s mouth.  _ W-what? W- How?  _ Izaya’s chest ached as his lungs contracted.  _ He must know I’m awake, he has to. Just stop talking Shizu-chan, please. Don’t do this to me. You’re just imagining things, you’re not thinking clearly. Stop! _

“Hell, I think I have for a while now, I just didn’t realize that’s what it was.”

_ I don’t want to hear this, you don’t mean it, we’re nothing but temporary allies, let me go! _ Izaya’s body screamed at him to struggle and break free. Move away from the danger that his Alpha had become. Love made everything dangerous, love made things complicated. There were no lines, who was to stop Shizuo from pushing him, from  _ hurting _ him if he thought he was doing it for love? Fear beat at his brain incessantly, demanding he get away from the monster holding him tight. 

He was about to throw himself backward and away from Shizuo when he felt it. Something wet seeping into his hair, touching his scalp.

Tears.

Shizuo was crying.

_ No… stop- _

“You say it’s instincts and you know, I fucking believed you for a while, but it’s not.” He didn’t sound like he was crying, but Izaya felt the evidence. Could practically taste the pain in the air. “None of it is.”

_ I don’t want this, I don’t care. He’s just an Alpha! _ But he’d let himself care, he’d let himself stay. He’d allowed this to happen and now he was paying the price by losing whatever security he’d had here.  _ I knew it was too good to last. I knew something bad would happen. _ Not this bad though, not something like this.

Hate he could handle, disgust and rejection were par the course. This wasn’t okay.

This he couldn’t take.

Shizuo’s laugh sounded broken. “Hell, I wish it was.”  _ It is Shizu-chan, that’s all it is. Stop making it something bigger. _ “I fucking wish it was just instincts. I wish I could see you as any other Omega but you just fucking  _ aren’t _ and I don’t know if that has to do with us being soulmates but I honestly couldn’t give less of a shit.”

Every word felt like a hot knife jabbed through his heart. He didn’t want to hear this, couldn’t handle it. This wasn’t okay, this was crossing the line but Izaya wasn’t sure there was a line anymore if Shizuo was allowed to cry into his hair and talk of emotions neither of them had any business having. These few days weren’t supposed to mean anything.

Shizuo shouldn’t be whispering the word  _ please _ repeatedly in that horribly broken voice.

“I’ve never wanted to keep someone safe like this Izaya, I’ve never wanted to do everything to make someone happy.”  _ Then don’t! _ His mind yelled back.  _ Don’t do this, I don’t want this. I just wanted it to stop hurting for a bit. Why is this the cost? _ Because this, these words Shizuo kept saying were worse than the pain of any of his heats. 

He could feel Shizuo’s breath against his head as he muttered. “But right now, I would do anything for you Izaya. However much it cost me, whatever the price, I would pay it as long as it made you smile.”

_ Stop, please just stop. _ Izaya could feel his insides crumbling, pain and desperation clawing at him like feral creatures. But he didn’t dare move because Shizuo kept talking. Kept saying these things he shouldn’t be saying.

_ Instincts, instincts, instincts. _ But he couldn’t make himself believe it any more. It didn’t matter anyway, Shizuo believed it, and that was what scared him the most.

“And I know-” A soft curse, spoken in a raw, unadulterated voice. “I know you’re just here because of instincts, but will you let me pretend for just a little while that it’s something more? Or is that selfish of me?”

_ I can’t. I can’t let you believe this means anything because it doesn’t. _ Izaya knew the words were true, knew they would always be true.

_ I don’t love you. _

“Dammit Izaya, what are you doing to me?”

_ What are you doing to me? _

If he could have, if he’d been able to, Izaya would have cried because it hurt and he didn’t know why it hurt. It shouldn’t, he  _ didn’t _ return Shizuo’s affection, didn’t want anything other than a moment’s respite from the agony of his heats, but Shizuo’s words cut into his heart, leaving him bleeding. Izaya wondered if he was shaking but realize that it would probably be lost to the tremors that were coming from his Alpha.

“You’re not just some Omega,” Shizuo said, suddenly vehement. “I mean it! You’re- You’re Izaya Orihara, the smartest, sharpest, most dangerous person I know.”  _ Stop. _ But even his thoughts sounded pathetic, fighting against the force of a hurricane he hadn’t been prepared for.  _ I’m not worth this Shizu-chan. You’re only saying this because you think you love me. You’re deluding yourself. _ “You’re better than me in so many ways and you’re worth so much, whatever you think otherwise.”

There was a soft sniffle and Izaya could feel the man shift, lessening some of the cocooning pressure around him. Even as his mind yelled for him to escape, his heart cried out at the invisible barriers he could feel being erected between them.  _ Let them be set up, I don’t want this, I never wanted him. I just wanted a way out and my body just wanted an Alpha.  _

_ You were convenient. _

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, even if I thought I hated you. Out of everyone, you’re the one who stayed.”

And in that moment, Izaya realized exactly what he had to do.  _ I have to leave. I can’t stay here. I thought I could, he almost had me convinced it was for the best but it isn’t! It hurts too much. _ He would leave, before Shizuo hurt him and before he hurt himself.

Shizuo’s voice was painfully flat as he said, “But in a few days you’re going to leave and I’m going to let you, because that’s what will make you happy.”  _ No, I’m leaving sooner. I’m leaving tonight, you can’t keep me here, I  _ need _ to get out! _ How, he didn’t know. Maybe he’d call Namie, maybe Shinra. Both seemed willing to help him, Izaya would just have to stomach the  _ I told you so speeches. _ Better than staying here.

Better than staying with the Alpha who thought he loved Izaya.

“I might be your soulmate, but you’re your own person. I respect that.”

_ Do you, or are you still lying to yourself? Is this moral justification for taking advantage of me? When does this charade end Shizu-chan? How long do I have? _

“So to whatever subconscious part of Izaya is aware right now,”

_ All of me, too much of me. Why did you have to do this now? _

“I’ll always love you.”

_ You don’t. You’ll never really love me. It’ll only ever be instincts. You’re just an Alpha. _

“Even once you leave and never come back.”

Izaya wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to struggle but he just lay limp, holding back the sounds that wanted to escape him. Forced his breathing to remain level. Prayed his heart wouldn’t give him away. The painful thumping that was fear and nothing else.

“But you know, if by some miracle you feel the same,”  _ I never will. I will never love you. _ “I’m going to make you the same promise I did back in high school when we were both idiots and not just me like now.”

That, out of everything, gave Izaya pause.  _ W-what? You never… We hated each other back then. You wanted to kill me. Why would you have promised me anything? _

Softly, Shizuo said, “I will be your monster, I will be your Alpha. I will keep you from feeling alone and unwanted and worthless because you keep me from feeling like I'm just another Alpha who treats Omegas like scum. You don't always have to be strong because I can be strong for you without seeing you as something less for it. I'll always be here for you. Forever.”

_ Why, why would you say something like this?  _ It had to be instincts, it had to be a mistake.  _ You’re supposed to hate me, you’re supposed to wish me dead.  _ Shizuo didn’t care, Izaya would never rely on him again.  _ So why do you sound so heartbroken? Why do you sound like you meant every word? _

Izaya could only pray the tear that leaked out of the corner of his eye went unnoticed.

Then Shizuo was moving away and Izaya was allowed to just go back to lying there. But he could hear Shizuo rubbing at his face, could hear him clear his throat, force himself to go back to the stoic yet caring Alpha Izaya had thought he’d been getting to know.  _ In the end, aren’t we all just wearing masks? _

But it didn’t matter, because he was leaving. Couldn’t stay here a moment longer than he had to.

Just pretended like he didn’t feel Shizuo’s lips pressing against his forehead, so tender, so  _ loving. _

_ Instincts, instincts, instincts... _

He wasn’t sure how much longer they sat there, long enough for Izaya to wonder if maybe it was all just a dream, wish to god it was. Because he’d been comfortable dammit, he’d thought he could trust Shizuo! But he  _ couldn’t, _ didn’t dare after what he’d said.

Because love was dangerous, and Izaya couldn’t survive it.

It scared him.

When he finally did open his eyes, Shizuo looked normal, hardly like someone who had just poured out his soul to what he thought was a sleeping Izaya.  _ Thank god I wasn’t asleep, thank god I have a chance to get away. _ The moment he noticed the Raven staring at him, Shizuo shifted and his eyes flickered momentarily with fear before falling back into worry and kindness.

“Izaya, are- are you feeling any better?”  _ I can hear the pain in his voice, why hasn’t he learned how to hide it? _

“Better,” Izaya lied through his teeth, hating how hoarse his voice sounded. Like he’d been the one crying and not Shizuo. “How long was I asleep?”

Craning his neck, Shizuo looked out his kitchen window and squinted at his broken clock for a moment before guessing, “A while. It’s not quite dark out yet but it probably will be in an hour or so.”  _ So Namie should still be at my office and Shinra is probably eating dinner. Good. That’s good. _

The idea of leaving hurt, but Izaya knew that staying would hurt worse.  _ Damnit, I used to be cynical about these sorts of things. _ But that was before Shizuo.

That was before love.

Izaya couldn’t help the shudder that raced through him.

Shizuo looked at him with worry. “Are you cold?” So innocent, the way his mouth turned down and he stared at Izaya with such sincerity. So dangerous, because it would be so easy to just believe it was real.  _ It’s not. It’s all just a lie. _

“No, I’m fine,” Izaya murmured before his stomach made a plaintive sound, startling the Raven. Shizuo chuckled indulgently, like he hadn’t just spilled out his soul, like he wasn’t dying inside.  _ No, don’t think that way, you’re not supposed to care. _

“Hungry?”

“Maybe a little.”  _ This isn’t getting me anywhere. I need to get out! _

_ I need to calm down. _

Shizuo glanced back at his kitchen again and Izaya could already see the awkward way he mentally catalogued what food he had before deeming it inadequate. “What do you want to eat, I don’t really have much here…” He sounded guilty, like by not providing for Izaya he was letting the man down.  _ You never asked for this Shizu-chan, I never wanted this. Stop making me feel worse, please. _

“I don’t really…” Izaya trailed off into incoherent mumbles, knowing full well that he wasn’t acting normal. Shizuo was bound to pick up on it sometime or other. It wasn’t as if he was doing very well at hiding it.  _ I need a plan. _

He didn’t have a plan.

_ I need time to come up with a plan. _

So he said the first thing that came to his mind. Because it was true and because it got him out of this awkward situation as quickly as possible. “I actually need to use your bathroom Shizu-chan,” Izaya admitted, training his eyes on his lap to avoid giving away more that was absolutely necessary. “And a glass of water would be nice.”  _ Keep talking, don’t let anything show. _ Well that much he was good at.

He’d had years of practice after all.

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Shizuo asked, “Um… Can you- I mean, do you think you’re up to standing on your own? I can help you if you need me to but…”

Izaya cut him off before the situation could get any more awkward. “No, I can probably stand just fine. But I do need help getting there. If you wouldn’t mind of course.”  _ Perfect, an opportunity to see how steady I am. _ Because most of his plans would hinge on his ability to move.

So caught up in his thoughts was he that Izaya almost was able to ignore the wave of pheromones that spilled off of Shizuo as he got to his feet and lifted Izaya into the air. But in the end, he could feel himself getting dizzy as he was swamped with that intoxicating musk that was all Shizuo and all Alpha.  _ No, you can’t let yourself do this. Remember what he said, you know what that can mean. _

Love. An excuse.

Love. A risk.

Love. A mistake.

Love.

_ Pain. _

Except he didn’t want to leave. He knew he had to but he wanted desperately to stay. Like this, it was comfortable. Easy. Izaya didn’t have to think because instincts just took over and forced him into a sickly version of peace.  _ Or is it real? Is it all real? _

If it was real, Izaya wanted no part of what Shizuo wanted.

If it was instincts, Izaya didn’t want to exist in a dangerous lie.

“You okay?” Shizuo was paused outside of the bathroom door, his golden eyes trained on Izaya’s face. “You feel tense, did I do something or-”

_ If only you knew. _ “No, everything’s fine Shizu-chan.” Izaya said breezily, using every ounce of his control to loosen his muscles and simply melt into Shizuo’s hold.  _ It’s wrong. _ It didn’t feel wrong. He almost wished it did, at least then he could pretend that he didn’t want it, but like this, he couldn’t. “Really, I’m okay.”

Dubiously, Shizuo pursed his lips but nudged the door open anyway. Carefully depositing Izaya on the ground, helping him lean against the counter so he didn’t fall, the blond Alpha finally backed up and gave him some space. Izaya hated how part of him mourned the loss of contact. “Just call when you…” Trailing off, the man shook his head and left, shutting the door behind him.

Izaya knew their interactions were stilted. There was hardly anything he could do about it, Shizuo was feeling awkward for what he had said and Izaya was defaulting on his usual masks just to hide the panic and fear beating at his brain. It was inevitable, and yet he hated it.  _ I just want to go back to being blissfully ignorant. _

Except ignorance was dangerous in a situation like this. He should be glad he knew now, before anything horrible happened.  _ Because it will. Shizuo’s an Alpha who fancies himself in love with me. It’s bound to end in pain, that’s how  _ love _ works. _ But he couldn’t dwell on that now, he had other matters that were more pressing than mere  _ emotions. _

Izaya was distantly pleased to discover that, with a great deal of support, he could stand. Once he’d finished his business, he took a moment to just stare into the old mirror above Shizuo’s sink. He looked like hell, he felt like hell.  _ Gotta get out. _ His eyes were sparking with fear so the Omega took a moment to tighten the reigns on his mind. It was only once his mask was perfect that he let his mind drift to what he was going to do.

_ Gotta get out. _

Biting his lip, Izaya stared at the basin beneath him. He knew that the best thing to do would be to call someone but he didn’t want to stoop that low. He’d made a mistake, he’d get himself out of it. Izaya Orihara would walk out of this apartment just like nothing had ever happened. More worried crowded out those thoughts though, making the sink swim in his vision.  _ How fast is Shizu-chan? What if he follows me after I leave? What if I  _ can’t _ leave? _

NO! He’d do it, he’d get out. It was the only way.

Tightening his hold on the edge of the counter, Izaya glared at himself.  _ Ignore those doubts, ignore the pain this is making you feel, ignore your  _ emotions, _ just focus. Just keep your mind on this. _ Once Shizuo left, Izaya would collect his clothing, get dressed, and… leave. It was simple. After that, he’d probably call Shinra, who was closest, and just stay there until the aftereffects of his heat diminished.

They were still there, even now, but with Shizuo’s pheromones in the air soothing him, he could deal.

A knocking on the door reminded Izaya that Shizuo was waiting for him. “Izaya, you-”

“I’m fine.” As Shizuo opened the door, Izaya pushed a smile onto his lips. He didn’t need to hide the strain in it because that was understandable considering how hard standing was proving to be. Those same pheromones that made his heat bearable also reduced Izaya’s knees to jelly. Even more than his heat usually did.

Shizuo looked better for the moment away. His expression had leveled out and he seemed back to the concerned Alpha that he’d been before. He even had a glass of water in his hand, just like Izaya had asked. For just a second, Izaya let himself believe that this was all he was. Just Shizu-chan being Shizu-chan, unable to let anyone get really hurt if he could do something to stop it. It gave him the mental fortitude to let Shizuo wrap a quick arm around his shoulders.

“What do you want to do while I’m gone?” Shizuo asked, letting Izaya sag into his hold while the Omega reached for the glass of water and drank it gratefully. Izaya wanted to feel ashamed that Shizuo made him so weak but he couldn’t.  _ It hardly matters, my problems are bigger. _

“Just leave me on your bed or something,” Izaya suggested, one of his hands shifting so it was clutching Shizuo’s arm, using it as a crutch. “I- I think I’d like to try walking there.” A nervous laugh that he corrected half-way through to a lighter one. “I’ve got to get my feet back under me sometime.”

Without even questioning him, Shizuo wrapped his arm more securely around Izaya. “Sure,” he agreed instantly, giving Izaya a serious look. “But if you start to fall-”

“You’ll be there to catch me.”  _ Damn him for looking at me like that. Damn him for looking so innocently hopeful. Damn him for making me feel like a monster for wanting to leave. _

“Yeah,” Shizuo agreed, his eyes too soft for something like this.

Deciding firmly to ignore those things Izaya only now knew was whatever strange idea of love Shizuo held for him, the Raven put the empty glass on the counter before carefully taking a step forward. It hurt, it was nearly impossible, but he managed it nonetheless. It gave him a small amount of hope, just enough to keep him moving.  _ If I can walk with Shizuo’s pheromones affecting me as much as is probably possible, then I’ll do fine when he’s not around. _

He’d be fine, really.

Once they finally reached the bed, Izaya all but collapsed into it, exhausted. Shizuo let out a small laugh at the satisfied look on Izaya’s face which prompted him to crack an eye open to stare at him.  _ I’ve got to stop looking at him, _ Izaya thought with a turn of his stomach that smothered the uncomfortable way his heart jumped.

Because there was too much there, like every word of his confession was printed across his face a thousand times over. Izaya didn’t want to remember, he didn’t want to let himself believe, even for a second, that love was at all a good thing. It was just a means to an end he didn’t want, he had to keep telling himself that.

“Go get food you beast,” Izaya murmured, unable to help the flush that spread over his face. He hated himself for making the former insult sound so fond.  _ I’ve spent too much time around him already, how wonderful that I’ll be leaving the moment he gets out of here. _

The words felt empty.

_ Fine, let them feel empty! I don’t care! I just need to get out of here while I’m still thinking clearly. _ But it didn’t feel like he was thinking clearly, Izaya’s judgment felt more cloudy than ever.

“Yeah,” Shizuo agreed. “I’ll be back soon.”

And then he was gone, his front door swinging shut a few moments later.

Izaya spent a second in still silence before letting out a soft keening cry of mental pain. There were no tears obscuring his vision but Izaya almost wished there were. Now that Shizuo was gone, the Raven had no reason to keep the masks in place. All at once they fell away, exposing the terrified Omega to the world like a raw nerve. Like a punch to the stomach, he was hit again with all the emotions he didn’t really want to be feeling.

“Why, why why whywhywhy!?” Izaya curled in on himself as his body flooded with fear and intense hurt.  _ Why did he have to do that, why did he have to pull the rug out from under me, WHY? _ His breathing shallowed as he fought the panic swelling in his system once more. 

_ NO! I need to focus! Go back to the plan! _

But he  _ couldn’t. _ All he could think about were the tears in his hair and the scent of Shizuo surrounding him because it was still there.  _ I don’t want to leave, I just wanted to stay. I- I felt safe here! _ And now that comfort had shifted to fear. That should make it an easy choice, right? Why would he chose the bad thing when freedom was within his reach?

Well it wasn’t easy, too much of him wanted to stay. He liked being around Shizuo like this, he enjoyed those moments when his head was resting against Shizuo’s collar bone and could hear his heartbeat. It was comfortable, he understood it at some deep unknowable level.

But _ love  _ changed everything.

Now, he had to get out. 

Filled with renewed purpose that just barely overshadowed his internal conflict, Izaya pushed himself upright. His arms twinged under the pressure and threatened to give out but he threw everything into moving, keeping himself steady. Sitting up on the bed, Izaya took that moment to look around the room, making notes of all the things he’d have to get together before he could leave.

His precious coat was still on the ground where it had been left a long time ago along with his shirt and the contents of all his pockets. After a moment of searching, the Raven managed to locate his jeans attop Shizuo’s dresser and another few seconds reminded him that his other phone was still in Shizuo’s kitchen. 

_ I’ll just change, get my stuff together and be gone. It’s simple. _ Which, admittedly, was easy to think when he was still firmly planted on the bed and not trying to move around but he’d be fine. Izaya wasn’t just some weak Omega who couldn’t take care of himself. He’d gone his whole life learning how to deal with unsuppressed heats. This was nothing.

Nothing… Yeah, nothing at all.

With a shuddering breath that unsettled him more than it calmed him down, Izaya pushed his legs out in front of him and slowly put weight on them.

And they held.

Until a second later when he felt his knees buckling under him. With a cry of surprise, Izaya tucked and rolled to keep himself from falling flat on his face. His whole body felt like a puddle but that was nothing new, he couldn’t dwell on it.  _ So I can’t stand right this instant, so what?  _ Hopefully, once some of Shizuo’s pheromones had faded from the surrounding area, he’d be a bit stronger, if in a tad more pain.

So he didn’t complain as he was forced to crawl towards his coat, shirt, and the various things scattered around it. Sitting back on his heels, Izaya forced his fumbling fingers to cooperate with him as he carefully started replacing the various bits and pieces Shizuo had shaken loose.  _ Do I really have that many sets of keys? _

He knew full well he was missing at least three phones, but seeing as one of them was in the kitchen and the other two weren’t immediately visible, they would just have to be sacrificed for the greater good. It was terrifying that this had escalated to the point where he was willing to leave potentially incriminating evidence lying around in the den of the monster but that was just how it had to be.

_ Den of the monster, home of my Alpha, a safe haven that I’m just running from. _

God, he really needed to stop thinking.

Once he’d deemed his things properly gathered, Izaya laid his shirt out and struggled to work Shizuo’s T-shirt off. It was far harder than it should have been.

He’d long since grown accustomed to this feeling, the terrible disconnect between mind and body that occurred during a heat. Every reaction was delayed, ever movement was overshot and clumsy, even facial expressions were out of his control. And as ever, it was accompanied by the horrible full body tingling that almost hurt. Like every nerve had fallen asleep and was trying desperately to wake up. Even with the pain dulled by Shizuo’s naturally soothing Alpha pheromones, it was just short of pins and needles.

But Izaya  _ had _ gotten used to it, been forced to really, and so he didn’t lose his patience, even when his hands lost their grip more than once and his fingers acted more like rubber than flesh and bone. It didn’t take that long, all things considered, for him to struggle out of the shirt and toss it across the room. The cool air hit his bare torso and Izaya shivered, gritting his teeth against the lethargic, compounding chills that worked their way up his spine.

As he reached quickly for his own shirt, Izaya caught sight of his wrist and his stomach did another uncomfortable flip.

_ I’ve only ever been a monster. _

Against his ivory skin, Izaya could clearly see the bruises, the fingerprints left imprinted into his skin. Without his consent, images of what had been just yesterday flashed through his mind. Shizuo, pulsing with power and anger as he slammed the Omega against the wall of the alley, the feeling of his grip grinding the bones of Izaya’s wrist together as he pinned it above his head. That helpless terror that had filled him as he’d struggled fruitlessly.

The overwhelming and disgusting want that had almost entirely eclipsed his mind.

_ But fuck Izaya, I’m  _ your _ monster. _

Izaya clenched his hands on the material of his shirt and closed his eyes, biting his lip hard.

_ I’m your Alpha. _

Burned onto the backs of his eyelids, the blinding image of Shizuo’s righteous fury when, despite Izaya’s best efforts, he had rushed to protect the Raven.

Sucking in a trembling breath, Izaya’s eyes flew open as he shuddered, caving in on himself. He didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to run, he didn’t want to be here in the middle of Shizuo’s room, struggling to put on a T-shirt that smelled like fear and the hands of other Alphas. All Izaya wanted was to just crawl back into Shizuo’s bed and… pretend.

Pretend like there weren’t problems that made doing just that so incredibly impossible.

With hands that moved like syrup, Izaya forced his shirt over his head. Deteriorating mental state aside, he couldn’t just stop moving. This was more important that his in-the-moment feelings, this was his sanity on the line.

_ Just keep telling yourself that. _

He was just reaching for his coat when Izaya heard one of his phones go off. It took him a moment to register where it was coming from, under Shizuo’s side table where it lit up like a firefly in the dark. For a brief period, all his muddled mind could think was  _ so that’s where that phone went _ before he caught up with himself and his eyes widened.

Because you see, Namie wasn’t the only one with a specific ringtone. Izaya was highly organized after all. Sometimes, you just needed to know who was calling you when you were in the middle of extorting large amounts of information from someone so you could make a snap decision on whether to answer. This ringtone was one of those that if he heard it, Izaya tended to drop everything and pick up.

Which, as it turned out, was what he did then, abandoning his coat so he could lunge across the room for the wailing device. Hardly in any shape to be leaping anywhere, Izaya found himself having to struggle along at a pathetic army crawl across the floor till he could paw the sleek black phone from its hiding place. Though he could hardly bring back even a thin guise of composure, Izaya forced himself to pick up the call.

_ Because there are some things you just can’t ignore. _

_“Orihara-san, how good of you to answer,”_ murmured the dark voice of Shiki through the phone. Taking a shaky breath, Izaya forced himself upright till he was leaning against the bed. _Why now? Why here?_ _“Your wonderful secretary made it sound like you might be… otherwise detained.”_

“Ah, well as ever, she’s only partially correct.” Izaya said breezily before abandoning the topic altogether.  _ I don’t need him anywhere near this situation right now. _ “But you must have called for a reason, what seems to be the trouble?”

_ “I was naturally wondering why the information I requested wasn’t already in my hands,” _ Shiki said smoothly, too collected. Izaya felt in shambles by comparison. Well he  _ was _ in pieces, it wasn’t exactly an inaccurate statement.

“I was detained,” Izaya bit out, glancing back at his coat and wondering if he could juggle his phone and getting to it.

_ “It’s funny you should say that Orihara-san,” _ Shiki commented blitly.  _ “Because it seems you’ve been occupied all day. People have been by your apartment among other places in an attempt to find you.” _ The words didn’t sit well in Izaya’s stomach so he swallowed hard.

“My my Shiki-san, that sounds awfully obsessive.” Izaya bit his lip as the beginning twinges of serious pain flickered through him, making his clothing uncomfortable, making every movement hurt. “What could have possibly sparked such a mission?”

_ “Call it professional curiosity if it lets you sleep easier,” _ Shiki answered, his tone nonchalant.  _ “Considering extenuating circumstances, I felt a bit of healthy prying was in order.” _ Izaya didn’t like it, not one bit, but then he took part in some friendly spying of his own so he’d rather not call the kettle black.

“And what, pray tell, would those circumstances be?” Izaya asked, gritting his teeth as more flickers of pain worked there way up his neck. Realizing the position he was in, the Raven gave up on just talking to Shiki and started edging his way back to his coat.

_ “Funny that someone like you would treat going into heat so flippantly,” _ commented the Awakusu-kai executive in his typical calm voice. Izaya grit his teeth but didn’t react. He didn’t have time to get offended.

“I don’t treat it that way in the slightest,” Izaya spat, irritable that he’d suggest such a thing.  _ No, don’t lose your cool. You’re not in a place where you can afford to let your masks slip. _ “It’s just lasting a little longer than I expected, I’m perfectly fine.”

But Shiki didn’t get where he was by being an idiot.  _ “Orihara-san, I would have hoped that after all this time you’d trust me a little more than you clearly do. Where are you?” _ It wasn’t a pleasant question, it was as good as an order.

Izaya let out a shallow laugh that was cut short by the lancing pain that cut through his lower half.  _ No, I need to focus, I’m fine. _ “That’s really none of your business Shiki-san. My personal life is mine and mine alone.” Fruitlessly straining to reach the corner of his coat, Izaya grit his teeth. “And if you’re worried about the job, I’ll have it done shortly. In fact, I was just heading home.”

_ “Don’t treat me like a fool,” _ Shiki said, voice dangerous.  _ “I’ve invested too much time and money into you for you to do something stupid. Tell me where you are and what your situation is. Believe me, if you need to be extracted, I’m more than happy to send someone to-” _

Izaya’s stomach lurched at the idea of the Yakuza coming after Shizuo, really coming after him, not just the little attempts that they made every now and then to make sure he was still a credible power. “I do  _ not _ need help Shiki-san, I’m fine. I just make a mistake and I’m in the middle of rectifying it.” His hand caught the corner of his coat just as a bolt of agony made his vision go white. A moment later, Izaya found himself collapsed to the floor, phone fallen to the side.

Grabbing for it, Izaya caught Shiki’s response.  _ “You are not fine whatsoever. I can hear it. Your voice is trembling.” _ Izaya hated how calm he was about the whole thing, like Izaya was just one more problem he needed to have taken care of.  _ “I’d rather keep my informant in once piece. You don’t exactly get a say in this.” _

“You have no right to say something like that to me!” Izaya snapped, furious. He knew his emotions were escaping his hold, but he couldn’t help it. His body felt cold, stiff and painful. Izaya had a sudden thought of Shizuo and bit his lip to hold back the inevitable wave of regret.  _ I’ve got to get moving. _ “I’m not helpless. You know that.”

_ “But you’re also an Omega,” _ Shiki pointed out, in that horrible way that forced Izaya to realize that no matter how long he had fought the system, he was still a part of it.  _ “And right now, you’re weak and, if I’m any judge, in a bad place. You need to let go of your pride for a moment and admit that you aren’t as strong as the rest of the world.” _

“I will do what  _ I _ want to do any you will stay out of it!” Izaya snapped, scrambling to sit up again, despite the pain, despite the screaming in his head. “I made a mistake, I know I did, but that’s none of your business. Whatever I do, I have the right to do it. You have no right to tell me what to do. I am not some weak Omega who can’t fend for myself.”

Shiki was silent, remained that way for long enough that Izaya wondered if he’d hung up, but then he spoke in a slow, steady voice.  _ “I’ve been around the underside of this world for a long. You look out at the rest of the world, ninety-nine percent of it even, and you see Omegas in good healthy relationships, functioning equally in society. But down here with us, that isn’t true.” _

His tone sent panic flickering through Izaya. Rebelling against it, Izaya reminded himself that Shizuo wasn’t like that, that he was only a monster when he needed to be, but he couldn’t quite make himself believe it anymore.

_ “At the fringes, Omegas aren’t worth anything. I can’t even count the number of trafficking rings, slave trades, cases of forced prostitution and worse that I’ve seen. You know as well as I do the bruises on the pretty faces that creep after their mates. You know what it’s like down here. It’s inevitable for Omegas down here. Orihara-san, I’d rather that not be you.” _ Shiki didn’t even need to state it, he just knew what Izaya wasn’t telling him.

It burned, and it made Izaya’s breath shorten in fear.

“I’m not down there,” he murmured, protesting even though he wasn’t sure what he was fighting.  _ Just fighting myself now, aren’t I? _

The laugh that echoed through the connection was bitter and damning.  _ “Oh Orihara-san, you know better than anyone that you never truly leave.” _

“Well,” Izaya muttered, struggling to pull himself together. “Thank you for your concern, but I really  _ really _ must be going Shiki-san. I’ll keep your wise words of wisdom in mind.” And then he hung up, because he didn’t want to have to handle this.

_ It’s not like that, Shizu-chan’s not like that. He’s not a monster, not really. He’s just an Alpha who’s trying his best. Just because he mistakenly thinks he’s in love with me doesn’t mean that he’s a bad person. He’s not going to hurt me! _

Izaya could still distantly remember his parents, the little contact that he’d had with them. His mother had been a beautiful Omega, one who’d been loved and treated like a queen. That was most people, Shiki had said as much, most Omegas weren’t horribly mistreated and even if they didn’t rise to positions of power, they were content.

But from a young age, Izaya had seen the rest of it. Witnessed the white-faced Omegas being led to windowless vans by thick chains. Seen the bodies and the unspeakable injuries. Been exposed to the worst of the world willingly. Every time, he’d told himself that he’d never let that be him. He’d protect himself, he’d be safe.

He’d be powerful.

Even his sisters didn’t know what his secondary gender was. They’d always asked and every time he’d told them that it didn’t matter, that sort of thing meant nothing in the long run. Izaya had said that he wanted to be judged, not on his biology, but on merit.

All of it, nothing but a disguise for what he was.

And as much as he wanted to tell himself that Shizuo would treat him well, Izaya knew that wasn’t true. Eventually, Shizuo would realize he didn’t actually love Izaya because there was too much between them to just forget. Someday, it would be Izaya’s face that was black and blue, his hipbones and ribs that were broken and mangled. There was too much hate between them for there to ever be anything other than pain between them.

_ Get up. _

His body hurt, thrown right back into his heat like it had never abated. Izaya bit his cheek as he forced himself into his coat.

_ Get out. _

Glancing at the sweatpants on his legs, Izaya pulled at them, trying to get them off. It was hard, his body was hardly responding at all which was to be expected but he didn’t need this right now, he needed mobility.

_ Forget him. _

As he shimmied the pants off his legs, Izaya could feel his emotions getting closer to the tipping point. In a few minutes, he’d be leaving. Shizuo would be nothing but a bad memory.  _ God, why do I have to do this? _ He wondered as his legs screamed in pain and his skin seared with oversensitivity.  _ Why can’t I stay? _

Izaya wanted to cry, but he had to keep moving.

Now free of the sweatpants, Izaya zeroed in on his skinny jeans, on top of Shizuo’s dresser, across the room. Determination and sheer stubbornness giving him strength, Izaya crawled across the floor, hardly able to do even that. It all hurt so much, but he forced it down, tried to find solace in his mind.

But all he found there were Shizuo’s words.

_ I will be your monster. _

His lower body collapsed out from under him, leaving him with only his arms. It was desperation that kept him moving, that and fear.

_ I will be your Alpha. _

Shizuo had always looked so sincere, like all he ever wanted was to help. Izaya knew that, but he also knew what a piece of trash like himself deserved.

_ I will keep you from feeling alone and unwanted and worthless. _

Izaya’s lip bled as he dug his teeth into it, holding in the cries of pain that threatened to escape him. He could do this, it wasn’t that hard, right? It was just his skinny jeans and then he could leave, he would call Shirna and everything would be fine.

_ Because you keep me from feeling like I’m just another Alpha who treats Omegas like scum. _

It didn’t matter that Izaya wanted to cry, it didn’t matter that he  _ had _ cried more times that he could count in the last forty-eight hours. It didn’t matter that Shizuo had broken down before him so beautifully, baring his soul for Izaya to ridicule and mock just for the chance that maybe he could get Izaya to understand.

_ You don’t always have to be strong. _

Izaya didn’t love Shizuo, it was as simple as that. This was nicer in the long run, he was sparing the Alpha’s imagined feelings like the considerate Omega he was. The Raven’s emotions didn’t come into play because he didn’t even understand them anyway. They didn’t mean a thing.

_ Because I can be strong for you without seeing you as something less for it. _

Izaya didn’t care. He was fine. He was going to get out of this.

_ I’ll always be here for you. _

Shizuo didn’t matter.

_ Forever. _

Letting lose a hollow, terrible laugh, Izaya’s fingers scrabbled at the wall as he fought to sit up. Above him he could see his jeans. This was just another test. If he could just get dressed, he could leave. It was so stupid but he could hardly think through the pain clouding his mind. Everything hurt. His body was on fire, his eyes were glazed and he was one second away from collapsing but he could do this.

Except…

He couldn’t.

Straining to stand up, Izaya found himself nearly hyperventilating as his body kept him on the ground, kept him from moving. He’d come all this way, and he couldn’t even stand up.

_ I’m not worth anything, all I am is just another Omega. _

And at last, the tears started slipping from his eyes. They started out slow, hardly noticed in Izaya’s panic, but they quickly multiplied, dripping down his cheeks like sparkling crystals. Breath catching on a sob, Izaya clumsily wiped at his face only for his arm to scream in pain, just like the rest of his body.

_ I can’t do it, I can’t get away. I’m stuck here, I’m stuck with Shizu-chan. He’s going to kill me, I can’t do anything. _

Hell, he couldn’t even wrestle one of his phones out of his pocket. His hands wouldn’t even move anymore, it hurt too much. It was like the night before, but this time, he couldn’t find any peace in his mind, all he found was fear. As great, shuddering gasps of pain left his lips, Izaya curled up against the wall, just wishing, wishing-

Wishing that Shizuo was there.

Wanting him to come and rescue him and hating himself for the thought.

And yet the name left his mouth, a breathless plea for help.

“Shizu-chan.”

Another sob, his head started to pound. As if he wasn’t in enough pain.

“Sh-Shizu-chan please.”

His spine set white-hot jolts of pain through him where it dug into the wall.  _ Why didn’t I stay in bed, why did Shizuo have to do this to me? Why does he have to love me? _

“I’m sorry,” he whispered through the sobs. “I’m s-sorry.”

The room just threw the words back at him, almost mocking in the face of his pain.

And yet he deserved it, didn’t he?

He deserved it… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cliffhangered and I didn’t even mean to-  
> Is what I would say if I planned not to update for three years. 
> 
> What? Was that not what you wanted? You wanted fluff did you? You wanted to smile? YOU WANTED TO BE HAPPY?? 
> 
> WHO’S STORY DO YOU THINK THIS IS AHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
> 
> Aww, y’all are just so precious.
> 
> But in all seriousness, Daime Guiral, you’re why this happened. I don’t mean to point fingers, I mean, I’m happy about it, but really, you renewed my sadistic purpose in life. For that I say thank you.
> 
> NOW! off to write something that apparently isn’t actually fluff but is definitely fluffier than this. Ta ta my darlings~


	16. Enough For Us Both

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, everyone say thank you to maneki-neko for unsticking the gears in my brain. I’ve been watching way too many youtube videos and not doing enough writing, but here I am. 
> 
> Ready for some fluffy humor that has a horrible storm cloud of angst hanging over it?
> 
> Enjoy!

Shizuo breathed out a sigh of something approaching relief the moment he locked his door behind him. It wasn’t that he  _ wanted _ to leave Izaya alone, but on the other hand…

He’d of course been nervous when Izaya had first woken up, only able to think of the outpouring of words he’d dumped on the sleeping man and whether or not Izaya had been quite as out as he’d appeared. Given the circumstances, Shizuo was fairly certain that Izaya had, in fact, been asleep, but he couldn’t help but worry. If the Raven  _ had _ overheard…

Shizuo didn’t much want to dwell on that.

On top of that initial worry, he’d been undeniably awkward, unsure how he was supposed to function after his mind had shifted so fundamentally. Izaya had been acting like he always did, but Shizuo had felt ungainly, like he was second guessing his every word and deed.  _ Am I acting with the right motives, or am I acting selfishly. _

Getting out of his apartment was probably the best thing for him at the moment.

Shaking himself, Shizuo quickly left his apartment lobby, trying to inject a bit of purpose to his steps. He didn’t want to leave the Omega alone for too long if he could help it. From what he knew, and to be perfectly candid Shizuo knew very little, the effects of his pheromones on Izaya would fade with relative speed. There was the possibility that being calm would stretch that period of time somewhat but Shizuo could only speculate.

_ Maybe I should have brought him…  _ But no, the blond had a feeling that Izaya would have objected to that, just on principle. After all, you didn’t live your entire life hiding something that major unless you really didn’t want people to know.  _ Besides, I’d probably get overprotective and just annoy him. _

As he walked down the street, Shizuo forced the thoughts from his mind. He was obsessing and it was pointless to do so. Izaya was back at his apartment, content and safe, and Shizuo was going to get them both something to eat.

It was only then that Shizuo realized he’d never even bothered to ask Izaya what he wanted for dinner.  _ Ah shit. _ Stopping in the middle of the street, much to the annoyance of several cars and a number of confused pedestrians, Shizuo ran a hand over his face and sighed. Times like this, Shizuo wondered why he even tried.

Looking about, the blond purposefully ignored the angered shouts around him as he pondered what to do about his dilemma. He could, potentially, just turn around, head back to his apartment, and ask Izaya what he wanted. His other option was to just wing it.

“Are you going to move or not?” yelled one particularly impatient driver from the window of his truck. Shooting the man a glare that hopefully gave him something to think twice about, Shizuo decided that, in the interests of not looking incredibly stupid, he’d just figure it out without Izaya’s help. Walking the rest of the way across the street, Shizuo looked around and inhaled deeply, as if that would help him decide what to get to eat.

All he could smell was the lingering and powerful scent of Izaya.

_ Shit. _

Well there wasn’t much he could do about it now.  _ At least no one knows it’s Izaya’s scent, considering he’s always blocking it. _ Not perfect, but Shizuo wasn’t really of the mind to care. Fuck what everyone else thought, he liked the idea of smelling like  _ his _ Omega. If he couldn’t even hope for Izaya to be his, then maybe he could satisfy himself with belonging to the Raven instead.

For now, he’d just have to keep telling himself that this was enough.

Turning right arbitrarily, Shizuo once again attempted to force his mind towards the task at hand. He couldn’t just wander around forever after all, at some point he had to come to a decision.  _ What is there to eat nearby that I know Izaya will like? _

And just like that, the answer came to him in the form of a ghost from his past.  _ Russian Sushi. _ They’d eaten there a lot together, forced into civility by Simon the mildly terrifying Russian who worked there. What with his broken Japanese, wide grin, and monstrous strength that could rival even Shizuo’s the easy going Alpha was probably the only reason Izaya and Shizuo hadn’t leveled Ikebukuro in their youth.

_ I still see Izaya there from time to time, _ Shizuo reasoned, choosing to ignore the fact that it had been less seeing him there and more chasing him out but that was the past and right now, he wanted food. It helped that he could still remember what Izaya had always ordered and therefore would probably have a better chance of getting something the Raven would like.

He could still remember it, sitting next to Izaya at the sturdy wooden bar, burning holes in his plate with his glare as he listened to Izaya happily chatting with Simon in decent Russian. They’d always be allowed to order whatever they wanted, Simon deeming it a fair exchange for a little less destruction and yet another chance at peace. Shizuo also couldn’t help but recall the few times that instead of eating for free, Izaya had paid, presumably for the both of them.

It was all covered by the claim that Izaya liked to remind Shizuo just how poor he was, but the excuse hadn’t made sense then and it definitely didn’t make sense now.  _ Almost like he was doing whatever he had to do just to keep me around. _ Funny that it wouldn’t have mattered to Shizuo one way or another if he had to pay for the sushi, he would have still been after Izaya the next day without a word of complaint. 

For someone who claimed to understand humans, Izaya sometimes seemed to understand very little.

Shaking himself from his memories, Shizuo plowed on ahead, keeping his mind blessedly blank all the way to the sushi joint. Getting stuck in the past only ever hurt, he didn’t particularly want to stay there anymore than he had to.

As he pushed open the door to Russian Sushi, Shizuo was instantly greeted by the loud and happy, “Shizuo! You come to eat sushi! Is very wonderful!” From behind the counter, Simon waved expressively and grinned as if Shizuo’s arrival was the best thing that had happened all day. Momentarily taken aback as he almost always was, Shizuo regained his composure and nodded.

“Hey Simon. ‘S good to see you.” Which was honestly about as much interaction he wanted, though he knew it was a whole lot less that what he would inevitably receive.

“Shizuo,” a much easier voice called out. “What’s up man? I haven’t seen you all week.” Turning, Shizuo found Kadota getting up from the booth he’d been sitting at and walking over. Smiling at the fellow Alpha, Shizuo felt a certain amount of stress sort of leak away.

“Yeah, sorry,” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck and managing a half smile. “You know how it is. Shit’s annoying but I can’t really do anything about it.” Shizuo genuinely liked being around Kadota. The man had an easy presence that didn’t tend to rile him up and in general was a decent person. Two things that were notoriously hard to find in tandem.

“Ah,” Kadota said, nodding knowingly. “I get you, sorry about that.” The man was one of the few people who knew about how Shizuo handled his ruts and therefore was more sympathetic that most. It helped that Shizuo didn’t try and press his own life choices on anyone else like some Alphas who liked to virtue signal about how good they were for not sleeping around. In Shizuo’s mind, he didn’t have enough time between putting people in the hospital to even pretend to be a good person.

He was about to say something else when a loud voice proclaimed, “It wasn’t supposed to be armor though, that wasn’t the point!” Shizuo sighed and turned to find Erika and Walker tumbling out of the booth Kadota had just vacated. “IT WAS FANSERVICE DAMNIT! LET ME HAVE MY FANSERVICE YUMACHI!”

Walker, who was attempting to fend off Erika’s attacks, protested, “But it was entirely unrealistic! She’s fighting, her vital areas should be covered at least. Karisawa-san, stop being so ridiculous.”

“NONSENSE!” the rather crazed Beta yelled. “YOU WILL NEVER STOP M- Oh, hi Shizuo-kun!” Getting off of the unfortunate Walker, Erika dusted herself off and bopped over to the counter. “Whatcha up to?”

Whatever Shizuo had been about to answer with was interrupted by Simon. “You order now Shizuo, yes? Must eat, otherwise stomach shrink very bad.” Deciding  _ not _ to argue with the eerily smiling Russian, Shizuo scanned the menu.

“Ottoro,” he said decisively, remembering Izaya’s love for the fatty tuna. Glancing over the other options, Shizuo ordered something sweeter for himself and then turned back to Kadota and his gang. “Nothing much,” he said, in answer to Erika’s question. “Just getting lunch.”

While Kadota just nodded, Walker frowned and looked over at Erika, who looked to be in furious contemplation. “Just getting lunch,” she mused aloud, making Shizuo bristle at the overwhelming amount of suspicion in her tone.  _ Well shit… _ “But you’re getting two different types of sushi! WHO ARE YOU GETTING LUNCH FOR?!!”

Looking over at the Beta worriedly, Kadota quickly turned back to Shizuo. “Ignore her, you know how she is.” Shizuo, meanwhile, was glaring at Erika.  _ If looks could kill… _ “She’s convinced she can singlehandedly pair everyone up just by sheer will alone.”

“It’s called shipping damnit and I can!” Erika announced, stalking closer to Shizuo while Walker tried to hold her back. “So Shizu-Shizu, gonna tell us what’s going on?” 

“No,” Shizuo told her, voice low. “Fuck off.” His thoughts flew back to Izaya and he grit his teeth together. The Omega would want him to keep his mouth shut so he would, there was no other option in his mind. He didn’t want to hurt the man and he certainly didn’t want to talk about his personal life with Erika of all people.

Sniffing loudly, Erika’s eyes widened and she suddenly started jumping up and down, much to Walker’s embarrassment. “Oh My GOD!” Bouncing around Shizuo excitedly, hardly deterred by his growl of annoyance, she exclaimed, “You smell like an Omega! I can smell it all over you!”

“So,” Kadota said, smiling a little despite himself. “You finally found a mate, eh?” Unable to keep himself from coloring because  _ this was exactly the conversation he didn’t want to have and fuck, he  _ wished  _ he’d found a mate instead of a soulmate that wanted nothing to do with him, _ Shizuo just scowled. Elbowing him lightly, Kadota chuckled. “It’s cool Shizuo, I mean as long as you’re happy, it’s fine.”

“It’s not like that,” Shizuo found himself protesting, though his mind was telling him to shut up and just ignore the whole problem. It was clear what they were assuming and it irked him because he hadn’t expected this kind of reaction. “We’re just-”

“You admit to it!” Erika crooned, interrupting him, her eyes lighting up with that terrifying gleam that promised ill to whoever saw it. “I knew it! You only end up smelling like that if you’re  _ sleeping _ with an Omega that’s in heat.”

“So what’s her name?” Walker asked curiously, somehow managing to get looped into the insanity.

“Her?” Erika squawked indignantly. “No, Yumachi it would clearly be  _ he. _ Shizuo would break a female Omega to pieces if he ever tried to-”

“Okay,” Kadota said, finally growing tired, or more accurately embarrassed, of their comments. “That’s enough.” Glancing at Shizuo, he held his hands up. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. Though…” he trailed off and looked away somewhat awkwardly. “Is this just a one time thing or is it something more permanent?”

“I already told you,” Shizuo growled, growing annoyed, his lingering rut not helping his temper in the slightest. “It’s not like that! And it’s all fucking complicated so even if it was anyone’s business, I wouldn’t even know what to tell you.”

From where she’d taken cover behind Walker, Erika whispered, “Ooooh, scary Alpha Shizuo…” When he glared at her, she only cackled. Walker on the other hand looked properly worried. “Come on,” she whined, pouting. “Tell us about it!! Did you mark him? Did you knot him? Is this official or what??”

“Oi!” Shizuo barked, frustrated that this was even still an issue. “Stop fucking assuming shit, nothing’s happened! It’s just…” He waved his hands about, struggling to find something,  _ anything _ to say that would sate her unfortunate curiosity. “Something, alright. A lot of shit has happened.” The pure exhaustion in his voice must have showed because Kadota gave him a sympathetic look.

“Want to talk about any of it?” the easy-going Alpha asked, fixing Shizuo with a calm look. “You look like you want to hit something.”

Though he didn’t mean too, Shizuo found himself talking to Kadota anyway. “Some shit happened yesterday that was probably my fault. Now I’m trying to deal with the consequences and in sucks.”  _ Yup, huge understatement there. _ “So yeah, I kinda do want to hit something but I’ve got it under control. I’m fine.”

While Kadota only hummed in response, Walker pulled a thoughtful face. “So it has to do with an Omega in heat, correct?” The expression Shizuo found on the Beta’s face was nothing short of reasonable. “Because Karisawa-san has a point, it takes being around an Omega for an extended period of time for the odor to be that powerful.”

“Alright fine,” Shizuo grumbled, unable to pretend otherwise. “Yes, I’ve got an Omega back at my apartment but we’re not fucking or anything, it’s just because of some shit that happened yesterday.” Then, against his better judgment, Shizuo added, “They got jumped by several Alphas, I wasn’t just going to leave them there.”

Kadota’s eyebrows raised but he nodded regardless. “Why am I not surprised.” Leaning back against the bar and crossing his arms, the Alpha continued, “I’m impressed you’re holding out like this. That’s got to be hell.”

Shizuo glowered at the counter. “You have no fucking idea.” That, somehow, produced a laugh from Kadota.

“So come on, tell us, is it a girl or a guy?” Erika bounced on the balls of her feet, her eyes wide and shining. “You have to tell us at least this, it’s not going to hurt anything.”

“It’s more likely to be a girl,” Walker pointed out. “I mean, the number of female Omegas versus the number of male Omegas is so vastly different, it would be unlikely for it to be-”

“The Omega’s a guy,” Shizuo bit out, cutting off the debate before he had to listen to it anymore. “Now stop asking me fucking questions.”

Of course if he’d thought for even a second that this would silence Erika, he was sorely mistaken. “I KNEW IT!” she squealed, leaping about a foot in the air in her excitement. Dancing around Walker, the Beta crooned at the top of her lungs, “I was right and you were wrong. It’s a shipper’s instinct Yumachi, it’s never wrong!”

“Huh,” Kadota muttered, tilting his head for a moment before shrugging. “Well, I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference, right?” Turning to look at Shizuo, he hummed as if he were thinking the situation over. Honestly, Shizuo didn’t like this much scrutiny being placed on his and Izaya’s set up but he couldn’t exactly complain. They hadn’t made him say anything. “So how long is he staying? Just till he’s fit to leave or until his heat’s over?”

“Until his heat is over,” Shizuo grunted in response, relaxing somewhat despite what they were talking about. Putting it out in the open like this, even considering his feelings for Izaya that kept fucking getting in the way, Shizuo couldn’t deny that he felt better. The whole thing seemed doable now instead of impossible like before. “After that, he’ll be gone.”

At the news, Erika whilted. “Aww… But you would be so cute with an Omega by your side.” Izaya, cute? Well, maybe, but Shizuo didn’t want to think about something that could never happen. Before he could get lost on this tangent however, Erika perked up again and said, “But I still want to know who it is! Come on Yumachi, how many male Omegas are there that it could be??”

“Eh? How am I supposed to know something like that?” Walker protested, crossing his arms. “If it were a manga then I could answer that question but I don’t keep track of people’s secondary genders like you do.”

“YOU SHOULD!” Erika announced, once more staring up at Shizuo with that gleam in her eyes. “Who is he, tell us!!” You could practically see the gears turning in her head. “I mean, I can’t think of anyone it would be…”

It was at that exact moment that Simon returned. “Sushi is done now, yes!” he boomed, clapping Shizuo on the back as he handed him a bag. “Will be very good, keep you strong and happy. Eat it!” Nodding, Shizuo grabbed the bag off the table.

But not before Erika saw what was inside.

“Ottoro?” 

Shizuo froze. He didn’t mean to but something misfired in his brain.  _ Shit. _ Because of course she’d fucking know that Izaya only ordered one type of sushi. The Alpha could see it in her face as it went from excited to purely insane. 

“Erika,” Kadota sighed, sounding a thousand different types of exhausted all at once. “Can you, for once-”

“OH MY GOD, THE OMEGA IS IZAYA!!!!!” Her shout rang throughout the restaurant as she squealed loudly, waving her hands up and down very quickly. “AHHHHH!!!! MY SHIP HAS COME TRUE YUMASAKI-KUN MY LIFE IS PERFECT AND COMPLETE I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW AHHHHHH!!!!!”

For a moment, something akin to guilt flashed across Shizuo’s face before it was quickly replaced with rage. “FUCK NO!! How in the ever loving fuck did you come up with that? I would  _ never _ let that shitty flea anywhere near me!”

“Besides,” Walker was hurrying to say, trying to calm Erika down while simultaneously attempting to disentangle himself from the crushing and excited hug she was giving him. “Orihara-san isn’t even an Omega, Karisawa-san.”

“Actually,” Kadota mused, tugging on the edge of his hat in thought. “Now that I think about it, what is Izaya’s secondary gender. I don’t remember him presenting back in high school, do you Shizuo?”

_ Fuck fuck fuck- _ Hiding his panic behind a deep scowl, Shizuo growled, “Why would I give a fuck what that bastard was?”

“I guess you have a point,” Erika said, deflating somewhat. “What is Izaya-san’s secondary gender? I mean, he acts like an Alpha but then I’m pretty sure he uses scent blockers. That or he’s a Beta. But Shizu-Shizu’s getting Ottoro and that’s Izaya-san’s favorite sushi and why would he be getting it if it  _ weren’t for Izaya??” _

“Yes but we know that Shizuo’s staying with an Omega and what are the chances that Orihara-san is actually an Omega?” Walker asked, still trying to reason with the fangirl. “Come on Karisawa-san, why don’t you keep your shipping out of real life. Besides, Shizuo hates-”

“No don’t you see??” Erika asked, shaking the poor Beta around violently. “It’s all just repressed sexual tension! GASP! What if they’re soulmates!?” Turning to Shizuo once more she asked, “Are you and Izaya soulmates? Come on, you have to be!!!”

“IT’S NOT FUCKING IZAYA!!!” Shizuo roared, his hands clenching into fists. “SO FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT ALREADY!” As he yelled, his pheromones swelled up around him, clogging up the air with his rage. It shouldn’t still be this powerful but  _ fuck _ everything was so screwed up right now he couldn’t even think straight. “IT’S MY FUCKING BUSINESS WHO I LET IN MY HOUSE AND WHO I DON’T!”

Finally, as if physically repelled by the stench, Erika’s instincts overrode her insanity and she backed up, both her and Walker scrambling to put a safe distance between themselves and the angry Alpha. The fear in the air was tangible, not just theirs but everyone else’s in the restaurant as well. Shizuo  _ hated _ it and hated himself for losing control but he was  _ pissed _ at Erika for being so goddamn nosy and above all, he was terrified because she’d hit the nail on the head and he  _ couldn’t _ let anyone know what Izaya was.

Out of everyone, Kadota was the only one who managed to stand his ground. His throat bobbed nervously, yes, and the strain was evident on his face but he didn’t run. Instead, he looked up at Shizuo with a calming expression and hands that were stretched wide in a placating gesture. “Okay Shizuo, we get it.” His voice was level and calm, bringing Shizuo back to earth slightly. “You don’t have to get so defensive, alright?”

Shooting Erika another powerful glare, the Alpha finally stepped down, reeling in his out of control scent to the best of his ability. Kadota was still giving him a look, one that could have been taken as blank but was more thoughtful than anything, but Shizuo didn’t care. He was too busy feeling like shit.  _ Izaya would be so fucking pissed if he saw this, he’d hate me for it. Goddamnit, the one thing I couldn’t let slip and now I’ve just made a fucking spectacle of myself… _

“Shizuo!” For once, Simon’s voice was a welcome sound. “Though company is much enjoyable, perhaps leave at present. Scent is scaring customers.” His grin was wide but his words were final. “Come back and eat sushi later, yes? For now, take order and calm down.”

Nodding curtly, Shizuo grabbed for the bag once more and walked towards the doors, leaving the stunned patrons and Katoda, Walker and Erika behind him.

Before he could get very far however, he heard someone call out. “Hey, Shizuo.” Turning, Shizuo found that Kadota had followed him. He still had that same look on his face, thoughtful, confused maybe, but also a little concerned and above all, accepting, like he’d made peace with whatever he was about to say.

“Yeah?” Shizuo answered warily, tired of this bullshit but unwilling to just walk away from his friend a second time in as many minutes.

Kadota’s eyes found the ground before he looked back up, his expression more sure. “Izaya, huh?” Holding up his hand, stopping Shizuo from protesting, he continued, “And before you say anything, yeah, it’s pretty obvious. You froze up when Erika mentioned Izaya.”

For a moment, Shizuo debated whether or not to deny it, but then he simply let out a heavy breath before saying, “Fine, you’re right. It’s Izaya.”

“An Omega, really?” Kadota’s expression was non-judgemental, like it was an dispassionate observation and nothing more. “Well, I would never have pegged him for one but I guess it makes some sense now, why he vanishes for a week or two every year.” Looking Shizuo dead in the eyes, the Alpha continued, “And he’s at your apartment right now.”

“He is,” Shizuo confirmed, unsure what else to do at this point. It was Kadota, it wasn’t like the man was going to tell anyone. That being said… “Please don’t spread this around. If you couldn’t already tell, he doesn’t want it getting around.”

Nodding, Kadota observed, “Something’s changed, hasn’t it?” Again, he said it flatly, like he was just stating a fact. Shizuo didn’t know exactly what to say other than the truth.

“We’re soulmates,” he admitted, his eyes dropping. “Of all the fucking people in the world, we had to end up as soulmates.” A laugh emanated from Shizuo, and it sounded disgustingly bitter. “I mean, what were the chances of that?”

“You care about him, don’t you?” Kadota asked, tilting his head slightly and crossing his arms loosely.

_ No, I fucking love him. _

He didn’t realize he’d said the words aloud until Kadota’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

Closing his mouth, Shizuo stared at Kadota, as if silently daring the other Alpha to mock him for it. He half expected some sort of comment, something about how they hated each other, how it was strange, how there was no way it could work out. But as the seconds ticked by, Kadota simply sighed and fixed him with a look that was full of steel.

“Don’t hurt him.”

Shizuo blinked, taken aback. “What?”

Kadota rubbed the back of his neck, staring up at the sky as he did so. “I can’t say I’m the best of friends with him, he can be a bastard sometimes. But I don’t want to see him dead.” Before Shizuo could rile at that, the man held up a hand. “Ah, that came out wrong. I know you’re not going to kill him.”

“But I might do other things,” Shizuo finished for him, stomach sinking a little to think that his friend would think so little of him. Kadota shifted uncomfortably.

“Honestly, yeah.” Shrugging, he continued, voice still at that level pitch, “He’s in heat, you’re still rutting. You’re stuck in the same apartment, probably because neither of you really want to think of another solution.” The man’s eyes were hard as they met Shizuo’s. “No matter how in control you think you are, shit happens.”

“I’m not going to-” Shizuo started to protest but Kadota cut him off again.

“I’m not saying you will!” Removing his old hat, Kadota ran a hand through his hair. “But you might, and considering Izaya’s gone to such great lengths to hide this and probably, knowing him, ignore it, he won’t react well if something snaps.” Shizuo knew the words were true, but he still hated listening to them. “You’ve got a greater chance of hurting him Shizuo and I don’t want to see that happen. Really, I don’t.”

“Do you think  _ I  _ want to see him hurt?” Shizuo asked at last, frustrated more with himself than with Kadota. “Do you think  _ I _ want to see him in pain any more than I’ve already seen him? Fuck, Kadota I’m trying, this shit is so fucking confusing though and he’s a mess. How am I supposed to be emotionally steady when I can’t even make it a day without realizing I’m in love with him?”

Kadota looked as lost as Shizuo felt. “Honestly, I don’t know. But I do know that you’re going to have to figure it out because if you do something to Izaya now, he’ll never recover from it.” With those words, the man raised a hand in farewell. “I’ve said all I have to say. I’ll let you get back to him now.” Turning, he walked back into Russia sushi, still with that easy mood like he hadn’t just made Shizuo feel equal parts shitty and terrified.

Well fuck. 

He had a point, didn’t he? If Shizuo fucked this up, Izaya would be broken. He was already so fragile after everything that Shizuo had managed to put him through, the Omega wouldn’t be able to stand much more. Though the Alpha wanted to say that Izaya was strong and would be able to get through anything, he wasn’t so sure anymore. 

As if that wasn’t enough, now he had to worry about his feelings for Izaya getting in the way. That was a whole new level of complications he really didn’t fucking need. All he wanted was for Izaya to be safe and happy but in reality, Shizuo was leaving him open to whatever stupidity he might end up inflicting on him. He wanted Izaya to stay and Izaya seemed to want to stay as well but  _ fuck, _ that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t screw everything up anyway.

_ If I slip, even a little bit, I’m going to ruin everything. _ No, he’d probably manage that anyway, this was just being stupid. And yet…

At his heart, Shizuo was selfish. Beyond selfish really. He didn’t just want Izaya around, he  _ needed _ to have that presence within reach like it was essential to his wellbeing. The blond knew full well that it was stupid because Izaya would never feel the same way and he’d be lucky if the man didn’t get out of this ordeal hating him more than when he’d gone into it, but that didn’t change anything. Shizuo wasn’t about to let Izaya go.

And that’s why he wasn’t calling Shinra right at that very moment instead of just walking back to his apartment, sushi in one hand, the other clenched into a fist in his pocket. He’d prove Kadota wrong, he  _ would  _ make it through the next few days without doing something he regretted.  _ Like forcing Izaya to mate…  _ The thought sickened him, which was relieving. As long as he could cling to that, remember that there were lines between himself and the Raven, Shizuo would be fine.

The moment he forgot those barriers were there, shit would go downhill pretty damn fast.

But as his apartment complex came into view, Shizuo pushed it all out of his mind. For now, he could simply focus on caring for Izaya. It was probably the one thing that his instincts, his mind and his heart all could agree on. Before anything else, the Omega needed to be kept happy and healthy. If he couldn’t do that right, then Shizuo was useless, not just as an Alpha but as a decent human being who didn’t want to see people in pain, even if that person was someone he’d been sure he hated up until recently.

From the moment he opened the door to the lobby however, he knew something was wrong. The entire thing  _ reeked _ of Izaya, the man’s pheromones seeping out from under Shizuo’s door. For a building that usually managed to smell mostly like him, Shizuo could hardly believe how quickly it had been covered up. More than that though, Shizuo could tell just from one sniff that Izaya was  _ terrified. _

Racing towards his door, Shizuo found that it was still locked, just like he’d left it.  _ So no one broke in. Why is Izaya scared?  _ Hardly taking the time to unlock the damn thing, Shizuo yanked the door open and half ran through the small apartment, all the while looking for Izaya. He could hear someone sobbing and he could only assume it was Izaya. Shizuo couldn’t even begin to stifle the answering flair of pheromones that came off of him in waves. The fearful scent was emanating from under the blond’s door and it was only now that the Alpha could smell the  _ pain _ in the air.

Without a second though, Shizuo burst into his own room to find his bed empty. Eyes trailing over the floor, he took in the scene before him, horror and terror and guilt making his throat go tight. The bed was a haphazard mess. His shirt and sweatpants, the ones he’d lent to Izaya, were strewn out over the floor. As his eyes kept traveling, he found the source of it all.

Izaya, curled up against the wall, leaning against the side of his dresser. The Omega’s face was red and swollen with tears, his eyes were glazed with pain and fear and so much  _ emotion _ that it physically pained Shizuo to see him like this. More than that though, Shizuo realized that the man had on his own shirt and coat. Only his legs were bare and it was then that the blond understood why.

His jeans were on the dresser and Izaya, no doubt, had failed in trying to get them.

_ He was trying to leave. _

_ Fuck. _

Even as his heart tore in two, Shizuo lurched forward, his mouth forming around words he couldn’t quite say. Dropping to his knees in front of the Raven, hating it when the man cringed away from him before whimpering in further pain, Shizuo abandoned the sushi bag so he could reach for Izaya.

“Izaya, what-” he couldn’t even make his mouth work, nothing came out.  _ He doesn’t want to be here, he just couldn’t say it out loud. _ “Fuck, Izaya, why didn’t you just say something?”

Tears increasing as they poured down his face, Izaya choked out, “I’m  _ sorry.” _ It was so much worse than anything else he could have said. Those two words, said in such a defeated way, like Izaya was in the wrong, like him wanting to leave was somehow a bad thing, made Shizuo want to hurt something. No doubt that anger made its way onto his face because Izaya’s eyes became even more frightened than before.

_ Shit shit shit, even after everything, all I can fucking do is hurt him. _ Reaching for him again, Shizuo held himself back, even as everything in him screamed for him to just fucking  _ hold _ Izaya for a moment, just for long enough for it to stop hurting. “I shouldn’t have left, I should have known-” Stopping again, Shizuo simply stared at Izaya, knowing what he had to do and finding himself unable to do it at the same time.

_ I need to call Shinra. Fuck, he didn’t even want to stay a day. _ All Izaya did was cry harder, his sobs stabbing through Shizuo like hot blades.  _ I’m making it worse. _

“You-” Izaya hiccupped, his voice hoarse.  _ How long has he been here like this? _ “You don’t-” Shizuo wanted so  _ bad _ to touch him but he didn’t dare, not when he knew that he’d fucked it up for good, not when he knew that he was going to have to let Izaya go anyway. Yet even so pheromones kept spilling off of him, filling the air and blanketing the room. All he wanted was to make the pain go away, to calm Izaya down so he wasn’t so scared. But how could he when it was his fault that the man was in this state to begin with?

_ “Shizu-chan,” _ Izaya whispered, his voice so  _ broken. _ “It hurts.”

Those words broke whatever had been holding him back. Without even thinking, Shizuo reached forward and pulled the Omega into his arms, holding him as close as was physically possible, trying as he did so to soothe the pain, even though it made his heart break. “I’m sorry,” Shizuo told the man, burying his face in Izaya’s neck, even though he knew he shouldn’t. “Fuck, I’m so sorry Izaya.” He could feel the Omega shake violently in his arms. “I shouldn’t have kept you here.”

Izaya’s breath hitched at those words as his tears continued to soak Shizuo’s shoulder. “I should have just taken you to Shinra’s, I shouldn’t have kept you here like this.” The words  _ hurt _ but he had to say them.  _ I love him, fuck, I just want to keep him safe. Why did this have to happen? Why? _ “I was being selfish, this is my fault.”

Even as the tension in Izaya’s body started to lessen as the naturally soothing nature of Shizuo’s pheromones reacted with his chemistry, the Raven continued to shake. Was it fear? Was it from the tears? Shizuo didn’t know.  _ Let go of him, this is stupid, you can’t do this. _

“Fuck,” he muttered again, the word muffled by Izaya’s stupid coat. The man smelled so good, felt so right cradled in his arms and yet Shizuo knew that it was all wrong. He couldn’t have this, it didn’t belong to him. Izaya didn’t feel safe here, didn’t want to be here period. If what the man needed was to leave, then Shizuo would make it happen, if only so he’d be okay.

“I’ll call Shinra,” Shizuo managed, even though the words succeeded in finally tearing him cleanly in two. His voice was choked up at this point but he couldn’t help it. As Izaya’s tears lessened, his own pushed at his eyes.  _ Does he even know what he’s doing to me? _ Forcing his voice to steady, to remain strong, Shizuo pulled away from Izaya, making himself back up while he still could. Izaya’s presence made his head muzzy, and yet he knew what he had to do. “He’ll probably be around soon.”

Except Izaya wasn’t paying attention to him. His tears had dried on his face and his eyes, which had been so hazy before, were clearing slowly, like he was struggling to fight his way out of his own pain. The Omega seemed to be entirely transfixed on something behind Shizuo.

“You-” Izaya’s voice sounded different now, confused. Still with those lingering traces of fear but even as Shizuo watched, it kept clearing from his eyes. As Shizuo kept trying to move backwards to get a better look at the man, Izaya’s fingers clenched in the front of Shizuo’s shirt, still weak, but enough to notice. 

“What is it?” Shizuo prompted, confusing battling his inner strife. 

“You got sushi.”

_ What? _

Momentarily lost, Shizuo finally managed to remember why he’d left in the first place.  _ Oh yeah, the food. _ “Of course I did,” he muttered, still puzzled as to why Izaya was bringing this up at all. “That’s what I said I was going to do.” Wanting to move back but unwilling to pull against Izaya’s admittedly feeble grip, Shizuo continued, “Now really, I should call-”

“You got Ottoro.” Izaya said it insistently, like this obvious statement meant something significant.

“Izaya-” Shizuo was about to say the conversation was getting them nowhere when he glanced at Izaya’s face once more and the words died on his tongue. The fear in Izaya’s eyes was quickly abating, replaced by a look of guilt, regret, and above all, wonder. “Yes,” he finally answered, his voice soft. “I did get Ottoro.”

“But that’s my favorite kind.” Why did the man said it like it should prove something? 

“I know that,” Shizuo told Izaya gruffly, wondering above all why Izaya hadn’t pushed him away yet. Wasn’t the man scared of him? Didn’t he want to leave?  _ Are our instincts getting in the way of making clear decisions again? _ “Izaya, I’ve known you for years, of course I know what your favorite kind of sushi is, you only ever get one kind.”

Mouth forming around words he couldn’t quite say, Izaya finally met Shizuo’s eyes and said clearly, “But you’re not supposed to care.”

Shizuo’s heart stopped.  _ Oh… _ “Fuck, Izaya, of course I care!” the Alpha insisted, gripping Izaya’s shoulders firmly, careful not to shake him.  _ Why would he even think that? Do I scare him that much? _

“It’s just instincts,” Izaya muttered, his eyes falling again.  _ No, why is he thinking things like that? Hasn't this past day told him anything?  _ “You can’t possibly care Shizu-chan, you’re not-”

“It’s not just instincts!” Shizuo interrupted, his eyes burning as they stared into the Omega’s clear gaze. “I fucking care about you Izaya, enough so that I’m going to call Shinra even though I don’t want to let you leave.”  _ Stop running your mouth you idiot! _ Stomach clenching, Shizuo finished, “And don’t try and tell me what I can’t possibly do. Just because I’m an Alpha doesn’t mean I have to do everything mindlessly, alright?”

“Don’t call Shirna.” The words came out as no more than a breath. Shizuo was sure he’d misheard them, knowing they were no more than wishful thinking. Izaya could have said anything, he reasoned. Anything but what he’d heard.

“What?”

“I said don’t call Shinra.” Shizuo couldn’t pretend he hadn’t heard correctly now, not when Izaya’s words had weight behind them, certainty. “I want to eat my sushi.”

Hopes falling once again, Shizuo bit out, “You can take it with you, I’m not going to-”

“I want to eat it here.” Even though his mind kept trying to crush every hope that tried to rise up, Shizuo  _ hadn’t _ misheard that and he hadn’t taken it the wrong way.  _ He wants to stay? After everything, he wants to stay here? _

“You don’t want to leave?” Shizuo asked, confused and hopeful and above all needing to know that Izaya was okay. “You’re serious right now, right?”

And even though his face was swollen and his throat was still thick with the tears he’d just shed, Izaya managed a short, exasperated sigh, one so familiar, it hurt. “Yes Shizu-chan, I’m serious. I don’t want to leave.” Face contorting, he muttered, “I’m sorry for panicking, you left and I- I…” he trailed off before drawing himself back together. “I got scared. It won’t happen again.”

“I won't leave you again,” Shizuo found himself promising, his voice firm as his heart swelled with joy.  _ He’s not leaving, he’s staying with me.  _ “I’m sorry I left you like that, I should have known better. I’m not very good at this Izaya.” Words turning to a warning, Shizuo told the Raven, “I might screw up.”

“You said you care, right?” Izaya mumbled, his eyes falling to the floor. “I said I was going to stay here until my heat is over and I will, because I trust you not to hurt me.” His tone, so fragile, so nervous. Yet at the same time, so sure.

And that, more than anything, made Shizuo want to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear god that did not go as planned. 
> 
> Twistedlove, Nina, I hope you’re pleased. I’m sorry it took three fricken months to finish this shit. I’m an ass, and a fuck up, but it’s finished.
> 
> AND IT’S ANGSTY AS SHIT, WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?


	17. Headspace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's Pov
> 
> If anyone's wondering, Sargent Space and Shades _are_ characters I stole from Kanra-chan. She's perfect~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after receiving a comment from Marcelina that almost brought me to tears, it made me so happy, I had to start the next chapter. There are many ideas brewing in the back of my head for the future (much excitement, such wow) but for now, we'll have to make do with some fluff, cuddles, and extreme angst.
> 
> One of these is not like the others…
> 
> Enjoy!

Izaya stared straight ahead absently as the tender tuna practically melted on his tongue. True, the quality wasn't as good as other places but there was something about that slightly fattier and definitely saltier taste that he was straight addicted to. Simon was no A class chef, but he knew how to make Ottoro like no one else. Absently, his eyes drifted again to the Alpha that sat across from him at the table and he had to pull himself away from the directions his mind threatened to go in.

The silence that around them was undeniably tense, but instead of dwelling on it, Izaya focused on the food in front of him. He still couldn't believe this was happening, it all felt surreal. Somehow, part of him still expected to be at Shinra's, curled up on a hospital bed while he struggled not to cry.

And yet he was here, letting his tears dry on his face as he ate his food quietly. Shizuo was picking at his own sushi, seemingly lost in thought Izaya didn't blame him, He'd given them both a lot to think about. Inadvertently, Izaya had revealed yet another level that he couldn't be trusted and now he suspected Shizuo was trying to reconcile it with everything else.

Izaya certainly wasn't making it any easier. His constant back and forth, his apparent inability to decide what he wanted couldn't be helping Shizuo's mental state. The Raven knew that, but he also knew that he was finally sure of himself.  _I want to stay. It's not instincts, it's not hormones. It's logic._

He'd been so sure before, when he was alone, that Shizuo's love was nothing but instincts. It had scared him to death. But then Shizuo had shown up and the Omega had  _seen_  the pure emotion in his eyes, the feelings that he held for Izaya shining through him like the sun. The way he'd knelt before him, scared for Izaya, wanting to do what was best for him even while it clearly tore him apart.

Izaya had been ready to leave, even as it tore him apart as well, he'd known it was the right choice. Then he'd seen it. Such a stupid thing really, nothing that should have changed his mind, but Izaya hadn't been able to look away. As Shizuo held him close, Izaya had seen the bag of food the Alpha had dropped behind him.

And he'd seen the Ottoro falling out of it.

Like a puzzle finally falling into place, Izaya's mind had cleared. He'd understood in that moment what he was looking at. He wasn't looking at instincts. Sure, Shizuo was probably being driven by instincts as well but that wasn't something that could make Shizuo magically know his favorite food. No, that simple thing was love, just like the beast had claimed.

Suddenly, Izaya had felt safer. Maybe not entirely safe, he doubted he'd ever be able to get rid of that knot of fear that this whole business brought him but Izaya felt better. More than that though, he'd known that whatever else he felt about Shizuo, he'd be more comfortable staying with the man than staying away from him.

He'd managed to distill it down into a logical set of conclusions even, something he very much liked, given how uncertain the rest of his life had become. If Shizuo really did love him, not in some strange, rut fueled fever dream but actually loved him, then he'd do what was best for Izaya, no matter what. The Omega was happier when around the Alpha, despite their history, and he trusted him, for all intents and purposes. Moreover, he was  _comfortable._  The pain that he would have felt otherwise was gone.

If he left, he'd be in pain, and he'd have to deal with it on his own. Izaya didn't like the thought of that, so he stayed. It was as simple as that.

Or at least, he wanted to convince himself it was.

"My goodness, this is absolutely divine," Izaya praised, his words breaking the silence at last. Shizuo glanced up and when he noticed the smile on the man's face, he seemed to conjure up a tentative smile of his own. "Really, who needs anything else in the world when there's Ottoro to be had."

"I'm pretty sure water and sleep are important too," Shizuo told him dubiously, though he chuckled. After a moment more of eating, the atmosphere lightening somewhat after their exchange of words, the Alpha asked, "So, are you feeling better?"

Drawing in a breath, Izaya looked up and said honestly, "I don't know, but I'm better."

Shizuo furrowed his brows, almost like he wanted to ask something, but then he decided against it and looked back down at his food. "That's good." Scratching his neck, the blond muttered, "I was thinking, we should probably both go see Shirna tomorrow if you're up for it." When Izaya's eyes widened in shock, Shizuo waved his hands hurriedly, scattering grains of rice over his floor. "I- I mean, just to make sure everything's okay. I'm not going to leave you there."

Trying not to let on how much those words had momentarily shaken him, Izaya nodded, pretending like he was fine. "Yes, that probably would be a good idea. Though he'll grill you. It might be annoying."

"That shitty doctor's always annoying," Shizuo commented, huffing and finally eating a piece of his sushi. "But I'd rather be pissed off and know that you're okay than be happy and you be in deep shit." When Izaya chuckled, Shizuo turned red. "What?"

"You," Izaya said simply, his eyes softening. "Worrying about me."  _How did I not see this before? How has neither of us noticed how he feels until now? It's so obvious._  "I find it cute."

Shizuo turned red and glared at Izaya, but he didn't actually look angry. If anything, he looked embarrassed and flustered, which only made Izaya laugh harder. "Oi! Fucking stop it, it's not fucking funny," he groused, crossing his arms. In that moment, he didn't look like an intimidating Alpha, he looked like he was a teenager again, jumpy and awkward about everything. Honestly, Izaya felt the same.

It had been a better time. Part of him wished he could go back there.

"But it  _is~"_  Izaya cooed, looking at Shizuo through half-lidded carmine eyes. "What would people think of us now, seeing us sitting together, not fighting. It's hilarious." Pushing away his finished sushi, Izaya watched as Shizuo roughly ate a few more pieces of his sushi roll, his eyebrows still furrowed. "They'd think we'd gone crazy Shizu-chan."

"I think that's still up for debate," Shizuo grumbled. It wasn't serious, but in his eyes, Izaya saw the shadow of something that Shizuo wasn't saying. He frowned, but he pushed it away for the time being.

Stretching, pleased that his limbs no longer ached terribly, Izaya gave a little shiver and curled up in his chair. "So mean Shizu-chan, I assure you, I'm entirely conscious of my own actions. Very much  _not_  crazy." Though it wouldn't be hard to believe, Izaya was definitely acting out of character.

"I hope so," Shizuo muttered, and in that moment, Izaya felt himself deflate a little.  _Ah, of course. That was to be expected._  Clearly, the man was still thinking about earlier. Izaya didn't blame him, he was still drifting back to it himself. Part of him wanted to bring it up, the rest of him realized that whatever level of comfort around each other they'd had before, they were back to treading on eggshells again.

"Don't worry," Izaya finally said, watching as the man got to his feet and threw out his and Izaya's sushi containers. "I mean it this time."

Shizuo looked at him briefly, and Izaya was glad to see his frown lessen somewhat.

The moment the Alpha walked back, Izaya held out his arms expectantly. When Shizuo just stared at him, Izaya sighed. "I don't want to sit here all night, I might as well sit somewhere comfortable." Obediently, Shizuo lifted him out of the wooden chair and carefully carried him over to the couch. Izaya expected the man to sit next to him but instead, Shizuo pulled up another old chair and sat in it. The distance made the Omega frown but he didn't complain out loud.

He kept feeling like Shizuo wanted to ask him something, but he couldn't tell what. So instead, he did his best to huddle up in Shizuo's overlarge shirt and relax back against the couch. A moment later, Shizuo switched the TV on and Izaya's attention was diverted away from whatever had been nagging him before.

It was strangely domestic, this act of watching television after dinner. Shizuo found his cigarettes and lit up at some point, filling the room with a nice overlay of smoke that complimented the man's pheromones. Not that Izaya thought that, no, he just liked the smell of the smoke. It was such a relaxing and familiar presence, the Omega forgot that Shizuo usually smoked only when something was stressing him out.

Instead, Izaya found himself focusing on the stupid program that was on. He would have changed it had he been near the controller, it was an anime that he wasn't familiar with, but he'd seen the name Yuuhei Hanejima flash in the opening credits and he didn't have enough energy to complain, so he settled back to watch.

It was a stupid space anime. The main character of the episode appeared to be a blond bartender/bounty hunter Alpha who flew around the galaxy in his stolen spaceship. He wore the most ridiculous blue and pink suit that Izaya had ever seen and the bowtie was an affront to humanity, but he recognized Kasuka's voice and he didn't criticise the character.

Apparently, the main character, Alexander, or  _Shades_  as the other characters seemed bent on calling him, had to save a group of space soldiers who were in over their heads. Izaya couldn't help but chuckle ruefully as it was revealed that, yes, the person he needed to rescue was a female Omega. Her patently useless uniform was done up in whites and blues that just happened to match Shades and his atrocious wardrobe.

As the girl, Sargent Space was her name, was rescued and then acted quite stupid about the whole thing, like she couldn't stand Shades when she was clearly smitten with him, Izaya's eyes traveled back to Shizuo. The man wasn't even watching the show, his eyes were fixed on Izaya, an unbearable sadness in them that made Izaya's heart jolt. Realizing Izaya had caught him, Shizuo looked away, snubbing out his cigarette as he did so.

"Something on your mind," Izaya hummed, tuning out the ending credits of the anime easily. Shizuo switched it off a moment later, plunging the room into silence. He wouldn't have minded it, but instantly he felt self-conscious. The way Shizuo stared away from him, like he needed to say something but didn't want to, made Izaya nervous.

"No," Shizuo muttered, not looking at him.

"Lies," Izaya said simply, unwilling to let the matter just rest. "I can see right through you."

Glancing up at that, almost like he was afraid, Shizuo steadied his expression.  _Oh don't bother Shizuo, I already know you're in love with me. Do you see me running?_ But then the words that came out of the man's mouth really did make him think about running.

"Why are you so afraid of me?"

Staring at him, Izaya gaped for a moment before scrambling for an answer. "That's abrupt, why do you-"

"You keep trying to run away, yet you don't," Shizuo said, his jaw set. Izaya's stomach churned, but he pushed it down. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter," Izaya said, brushing it off. "You know how it is, I've been hiding my be life, it makes sense that I'd still be a little skittish." It was a stupid answer and the Raven knew it, but that was a can of worms he wasn't really ready to open.  _It's your fault for trying to run,_  his mind reminded him helpfully.  _You're the reason he has to ask at all._

"Bullshit," Shizuo muttered, his mouth tightening. "When I left, you tried to run, why? What did I do? Why did you feel the need to run?"

 _Because you're an Alpha and Alphas can be cruel._  The answer was blunt and he didn't like that it had risen up from his mind so easily. Hiding it, Izaya muttered, "Because I got scared."

"Why?" Shizuo pressed, looking at him intensely from across the room, which had suddenly grown very cold. "I'm not going to get upset if you're honestly just scared of me, but I want to know. I don't like that you keep running. It makes me wonder if I should be just calling Shinra or something. I don't want to but if you're always scared, then maybe I should."

Lurching forward, Izaya blanched. "No!" he couldn't help but yelp. "Don't do that, please."

"I just want an answer," Shizuo muttered, looking away. "You asked. I don't want to hide shit from you."  _If you don't have to that is…_  "You don't have to answer or anything, but you did ask."

And that was fair enough. Izaya couldn't blame him for wanting to know.  _I owe him this much._ The thought was irrational, and yet Izaya clung to it. His fear of what Alphas could do, however, it was such a broad topic, it was hard to find one reason. It wasn't a simple answer in the slightest. In fact, it was probably the most complex question Shizuo could have asked. The idea of answering it was scary, but Izaya found himself opening his mouth anyway.

"It's not that simple. There's a lot there." At the words, Shizuo looked up at him, his gaze strong. Knowing that he had the man's full attention didn't help Izaya's nerves, if anything, it made them worse. "I- I've been through a lot Shizu-chan. It's not you that I'm afraid of, it's… It's the concept."

"So explain."

"I can't," Izaya said bluntly, which only prompted Shizuo to sigh and look away. Heart thumping painfully for some goddamned reason, Izaya blurted out, "But I could tell you a story. There are a lot of them, but they're all pretty much the same so…" he trailed off as Shizuo slowly turned back to face him.

"And this story will explain why you're afraid of me?" Always with those golden eyes, so condemning, so calm. Izaya knew there was love in those eyes and let that knowledge draw the affirmation from him.

"I'm not afraid," he insisted, his eyes falling. "But it will explain."

"Okay," Shizuo agreed. Facing him fully, the man waited patiently. "I'm ready." Drawing in a deep breath, the Raven took a moment to order his thoughts before speaking.

"I was twenty," Izaya said softly, fiddling with the hem of his borrowed shirt. "So I couldn't have been much younger than her." Why he was telling Shizuo  _this_  story out of all of them, he would never know. Instead of dwelling on this, on the heavy atmosphere between them, Izaya kept talking regardless. "I was working that night, one of the Yakuza's clubs. Prying information from drunk men is always easier after all."

_Izaya's eyes scanned over the room, the people talking, the smoke filling the air, all of it passed through his mental nets. Turning to his right, the Raven glanced at Shiki. The older Alpha was talking frustratedly with yet another dark-suited executive that Izaya could have remembered the name of but chose not to._

_Looking down at his own immaculate suit, Izaya tugged on the cuffs unnecessarily and unconsciously._ Come on,  _he thought, irritated with himself._ You've been sitting here for the past twenty minutes,  _do_  something.  _The scents of the Alphas in the room were stifling, and Izaya had to suppress the urge to sneeze._

"Of course," Izaya muttered, shrugging easily. "Usually, I would have been talking to people, but I was already feeling off that night." Shizuo watched him silently and Izaya suddenly wished the Alpha wasn't so far away.  _No one but myself to blame for that._  So be pressed on. "I was in the middle of my heat and I'd pumped myself so full of hormone and scent blockers that it was a miracle my heart hadn't exploded yet. Then again, it's not like I had much of a choice."

"Why the fuck were you there at all?" Pausing in his shifting, Izaya stared at the blond. Shizuo was looking at the Omega like he was insane. "If you were in the middle of your heat, why weren't you at home or some shit?"

"Work doesn't stop just because of a little thing like that," Izaya chided in an attempt to be dismissive, unable to quite meet the Alpha's eyes. Shizuo kept staring at him regardless and Izaya could see those golden eyes in the corner of his vision.  _He looks worried, even though it happened years in the past. Feh, how stupid…_  The uncomfortable something that fluttered in his chest, however, seemed to disagree.

Squashing it, Izaya hurried to say, "Besides, I was young and needed to keep up my reputation."

"By spending time around strange Alphas?" Shizuo growled, frown deepening. Still with that look in his eyes like he wanted to be concerned but didn't know what to get upset about. For reasons that he didn't understand, a feeling welled up in Izaya's chest.  _What the hell is wrong with me? It's just because he's in love with me that he's acting like this._

So he lashed out. "What I do with my time is  _my_  business!" Izaya spat. Instantly, Shizuo's mouth snapped shut.  _Such a well trained monster…_  Ultimately though, that didn't stop the swell of the Alpha's pheromones that filled the air of the room. Gritting his teeth as an unfortunately pleasant shiver traced down his back, Izaya said, "But it didn't matter this time, I ended up taking a break anyway."

 _Shifting in the plush cushions, Izaya wondered if anyone could smell his scent. It had been especially powerful that morning and though he knew it was paranoia of the highest degree, the Omega feared that somehow, he'd slip up._ I'm at the limit for how much of this stuff I can take,  _he reminded himself._  Shinra even gave me a special formula that he specifically tailored to me, this is the best I can possibly do.

_Besides, he'd been talking to people for most of the night, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Alphas. If he was going to get found out, it would have happened already. At least, that's what he kept telling himself. It was hardly comforting, but he clung to it. He'd gotten used to never being sure if he was safe or not._

" _Tired of talking to people already Orihara-san, or do you just enjoy my company?" Looking over at Shiki, who was leaning closer so he could talk to the Raven, Izaya furrowed his brows in annoyance. "You've been rather twitchy tonight, haven't you?_

_Absently, Izaya shifted closer to the man so he could more easily murmur, "What are you talking about Shiki-san, I've been the very picture of serenity." Even as he spoke, Izaya forced his fidgeting hands to stay still. "All that aside though, what business is it of yours whether I was twitching or not?" It was amazingly difficult to sit still._

"So it's work when it comes to doing what's best for you," Shizuo repeated, skeptical. "And yet you can take breaks whenever you want because going in the first place is bad for you." Eyes shifting off of Izaya, the Alpha glared at the wall and muttered, "Sounds like bullshit to me."

"I have a very  _understanding_  boss," Izaya said, his tone rueful. "He took pity on me."

" _Orihara-san~" Shiki hummed, hiding his expression behind a drag of his half-finished cigarette. "I could smell you from across the room you know."_

 _Blood running cold, Izaya jolted upright and sputtered, "W-what?" He knew he sounded terrified but he couldn't help it._ They know, they  _know,_  they all know I'm an Omeg-

" _Calm down," Shiki ordered, a smirk on his lips as he watched Izaya's panic. "I'm_ lying  _Orihara-san, I can't smell a damned thing coming from you." Giving Izaya a minute to breathe as the new information sunk in, Shiki mused, "But you've just answered my original question beautifully. I knew that something was up from the moment I saw you this evening. How much of that doctor's medicine did you take before coming here?"_

_Resentful, frustrated with Shiki's underhanded tactics and his ability to lie straight to the Informant's face without him being any the wiser, Izaya muttered, "Enough that I feel as sick as a dog, not that it matters. I've got work to do."_

" _And you're doing such a marvelous job of it," Shiki mocked lightly, chuckling as Izaya bristled in protest. "Orihara-san, what have you actually accomplished tonight apart from showing up and making your presence known?"_ Which in and of itself is important,  _Izaya did_ not  _point out._

" _I got the information you asked for," Izaya grumbled, trying not to sound too much like a petulant child._ Granted I haven't done much else tonight which is disappointing considering the wealth of information practically surrounding me… " _Don't make me out to be useless Shiki-san. I might be an- I might be_ who I am  _but that doesn't mean that I'm not the most talented informant you've got."_

" _I know that Orihara-san," Shiki responded, an eyebrow raised. "In fact, I suspect that you know better than even I, given that you doubtless know my checkbooks better than I do, just how important I find you. Don't turn this into a game of your worth, I tire of them."_

_Pressing his mouth into a firm line, Izaya asked, "So then what do you want me to do? If you want me to get up and start talking again you just have to say so Shiki-san." Izaya almost hoped the man would kick him off of the couch, he did need to do something, no matter how poorly he felt. "I'm here at your behest tonight, what would you have me do?"_

" _Subservience doesn't suit you Orihara-san," Shiki commented calmly, before calling over a server and asking for some unknown drink. "Don't act like I have any control over you when we both know full well that it's not true in the slightest."_

" _You're the one paying me," Izaya replied silkily, his body stilling as he focused his mind on talking to Shiki. By the same token though, he was glad the man was so quick to remind Izaya of his own independence, he had a tendency to lose some of that every time he went into heat. Truthfully, the older Alpha was a godsend, he could have very easily abused his position to hurt Izaya, but instead, he kept his mouth shut and let Izaya operate how he wanted. It was more than most Omega's got._

_As the server returned with the drink Shiki had requested, the Alpha handed the glass to Izaya and said, "You're right, I am. With that in mind, I'm going to ask you to take a break and go into the rooms behind us. Use your skills to get information out of the Betas and Omegas working back there if you so choose, or, as I would rather have you do, take a break." He cocked an eyebrow. "You're strung tighter than a cheese wire. I don't want you to break down."_

Shizuo rolled his eyes, likely irritated at Izaya's words. "Pity, yeah, I'm sure you reacted to that wonderfully."

Izaya sighed. "I really needed it at that point, I wasn't about to complain."

"So why is it when  _I_ try to show you even a little bit of consideration, not even  _pity,_  you reacted so badly?" The unasked question  _why did it take you so long to believe that I might have your best interests at heart_  was behind the question and Izaya didn't like how Shizuo's mouth tightened as he stared at the wall.

"It was different," Izaya argued, frustrated more with himself than Shizuo. He couldn't possibly articulate the fact that  _it was only different because Shizuo was his_ soulmate  _and not just some random Alpha._  He didn't want pity from Shizuo, he didn't want to be seen as anything less.

As if he was able to read his thoughts, Shizuo turned and looked at Izaya with eyes full of the will for the Raven to just understand. "It's only different because you make it different. Why is this boss of yours anymore allowed to pity you than I am?"

"Because I don't want  _your_  pity," Izaya said, crossing his arms to keep himself from picking at his shirt.  _Why can't you just understand what I'm trying to say?_ Apparently, just because Shizuo was proving to be much more perceptive than Izaya had once thought him to be, he still wasn't perfect. "Don't act jealous," the Raven bit out without thinking.

"I'm not acting jealous," Shizuo ground out. Izaya could tell he was getting frustrated and yet he kept  _not_  turning that anger on the Raven. "You said you were going to tell me about  _why_  you keep acting so afraid of me. If you don't want to, that's fine, but I'd rather not argue with you about what emotions I'm allowed to feel when I'm around you and which ones I can't."  _Like love, right Shizu-chan?_

Taking a deep breath, Izaya pressed himself back further into the sofa and curled up.  _Why can't he be closer?_ Because he'd destroyed whatever progress they'd made earlier, that's why. Izaya hated that he'd been so effective in breaking the fragile things Shizuo had been so carefully erecting and wished that he could have that trust back.  _I get it now, I get why you act like you do, so why does it have to be so awkward again?_

"Fine. Back to your original question, no, I didn't much like it, but I didn't argue. I was tired and ready to drop. At least in the back rooms, without my scent to give me away, I could blend with the people back there." Rubbing his bare arms, willing the goosebumps that kept rising there away, Izaya continued, "So I listened to him and went to the very back of the building. It opened out into an alley, it also had back doors to several of the private rooms of the club, it had the back stairs up to the main floor. Very useful, also, a lot calmer."

Looking at Izaya with a touch of worry again, Shizuo's mouth twitched and for a moment, Izaya thought that he was going to get up and move to the couch as well, but a second later, he settled back into his chair. Ignoring this purposefully, Izaya looked at the floor. "Of course, it didn't turn out to be calm."

" _I'm not going to break down," Izaya hissed back, giving Shiki a dark look. "I'm_ fine,  _Shiki-san." He knew that wasn't true, he was definitely feeling the strain taking so much medication was putting on him but he didn't want to just cave._

" _No, you aren't going to cave," Shiki agreed, injecting a touch of iron into his tone. "But you are going to go and get out of this room before you drive yourself or me crazy." Though he wanted to argue further, Izaya knew the man had a point and also knew this was the best way for him to leave unnoticed. It was a blessing more than anything._

_Bringing the glass in his hand to his lips and taking a drink, Izaya sighed. The fire that raced through his veins settled him just a little bit, though he would have equated it to smothering him. He'd never liked alcohol, never would, but as with many of the social nuances of the world, Izaya tolerated them. "Very well Shiki-san," he agreed, at last, feeling irritation crawl under his skin before he stifled it. Getting to his feet, he murmured, "I'll make myself scarce then."_

_Before his passive aggressive comment has the time to sink in, Izaya flitted around the sofa and wove his way through the Alphas and Betas in the room towards the admittedly welcome door that led away from the mess of people the Raven didn't have the energy to deal with. As it swung open to make room for a pretty Omega carrying a tray of food, Izaya ducked around her and into the back._

_It was as you'd expect. The lighting was bad, but the air was significantly less clogged by cigar smoke. Though it was ridiculous, Izaya thought of Shizuo and his recent smoking habit that he'd taken up. That smell was one Izaya could tolerate, the oppressive blanket of smog that ran through the room behind him, not so much. Pushing those unwelcome thoughts from his head, Izaya closed his eyes for a moment to take in the peace and quiet._

" _Is there anything I can do for you?" Turning to face the tentative voice, Izaya found yet another Omega at his elbow. Exhausted though he might have been, the Raven managed a charming smile._

" _Ah, not as such." Looking about, he spotted the door that presumably led out into the December night and, conveniently, the forgotten looking table that sat next to it. "I'm afraid I'm suffering from a slight headache, I was only hoping to find somewhere to sit down."_

_Blinking at him, no doubt unsure how to deal with Izaya's odd I'm-too-medicated-to-think-clearly way of talking, the Omega answered, "O-okay, feel free to sit wherever you want. Though I'll warn you, it's not always quiet, this place shares a wall with several of the private rooms. People can get quite loud in there at times."_

_Izaya nodded absently. It was true, doubtless, but the music blaring from the upstairs portion of the club that filtered down through the stairwell covered up most noise most excellently._ Perhaps Shiki-san had a point, I'm about ready to drop. I shouldn't have taken so many suppressants. " _Thank you, that is most kind of you."_

_Pressing his fingers into the glass he still held in his hand, Izaya carefully walked in the direction the Omega had pointed, taking care not to stumble or give away that he was in any way weak. The most important thing about concealing his identity was never allowing his wellbeing to rely on someone else. If he did, the chances he'd be discovered skyrocketed. So as long as he didn't give anyone any reasons to rush to his aid, Izaya'd be fine._

_Gratefully sitting down at the small table, shivering slightly at the chill that seeped in from under the door beside it, Izaya stared at the doors that lead into the private rooms. They were locked, after all, they were the back entrances. True to what the Omega had said, Izaya could hear soft sounds emanating from them but he ignored these in favor of leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes._

_This had been a bad idea, but at the same time, it had been a good one._ Shiki doesn't expect me to do anything, I've already gotten what he asked me to retrieve. If I drift for a while, no one will complain.  _Sighing, Izaya forced himself to face the fact that his next heat was going to have to go unsuppressed. Though he'd been doing it for several years now, he hated it. It was painful and time-consuming, but there was no way around it._

_Unless he wanted a mate. Izaya could only shiver at that thought._

"The Omegas back there are wonderful you know, even if they are skittish," Izaya mused, staring at the floor like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "The fact that they work there at all, an establishment so heavily controlled by the most backward thinking group of people imaginable, it's testament enough to their courage. Then again, it might just be desperation."

Biting his lip to keep his teeth from knocking together, Izaya continued, in a flat and emotionless tone, "Of course that doesn't mean that every Omega there was treated as well. The things these Alphas get away with, if they weren't as powerful and influential politically and to the underground, any one of the things they do could get them locked up for the rest of their lives."

"You know, you talk about this stuff like you understand but sometimes, I wonder if you get it at all." Glancing up sharply, Izaya found that Shizuo was still watching him, that same frustrated look in his eyes. "I know that you know that it's not all Alphas. You've said it a hundred different ways already so you must understand. Except, when it comes down to it, you don't believe shit."

Izaya didn't like the churning in his gut, like Shizuo's words made him actively uncomfortable. It was the feeling one gets when an idea they hold to be true, even though they know it's just a belief based on opinion, is confronted with the facts. That sick, upset feeling, even when there's nothing to be stressed over.  _He just doesn't understand._

"It's not like that," Izaya argued, shivering as another wave of chills raced through him. "I've seen what people are like, you don't get it Shizu-chan, you exist within a bubble."

"No Izaya," Shizuo evenly bit out. "You're the one closing yourself in."

 _Over the sound of music and the mental silence that came when the mind was pushed to such a peak of exhaustion, Izaya heard the sounds of yelling. It was faint, but it was there. Repetitive, pulsing, irritating his already sensitive mind. Opening his eyes, Izaya stared at the two doors that lead into private rooms._ The right one…  _he thought listlessly, not even really paying attention._ Someone's yelling in the right one.

_Except it wasn't just yelling. No, Izaya could hear two voices now. One, obviously male, obviously angry, from the smell starting to permeate the air around Izaya, obviously Alpha. The other voice, however, was desperate, pleading, lighter. Female, Izaya decided. Female and quite likely an Omega. Though it turned his stomach, Izaya forced his eyes closed again._

_But they kept fighting, or rather, the Alpha got angrier and the Omega started to cry. Then came the thuds, like someone was getting knocked around. Izaya bit his bottom lip and tuned it out. Things like this happened, they had nothing to do with him. It was a private room in an exclusive club that he had no jurisdiction in whatsoever. Izaya was an Omega in heat who was just barely surviving by the skin of his teeth. He was in no place to intervene._

_Not that he would have anyway. Perhaps it was the stupid instincts that rose up whenever he was in heat that was making him even consider doing something. Whatever it was, Izaya didn't like it and didn't want to deal with it. That being said, it was hard to ignore. Was the Omega getting beaten? Izaya didn't doubt it. Places like this were hotbeds of cruelty and callousness._

_Lifting a shaky glass to his mouth, Izaya took a sip and waited for his nerves to settle._ You're twenty, get a grip.  _He was twenty, he shouldn't be dealing with things like this. But he was in too deep to just escape so it was either here or with an Alpha. Izaya was going to go with the lesser of those two evils and pray it didn't kill him too quickly._

_At last, the sounds quieted. A door slammed, footsteps retreated. The music rushed in to fill the empty space left behind. Izaya took a deep breath. Now, all he could hear were soft, hiccuping sobs. That was okay, he could tune that sound out, he could shut himself up in his own mind and pretend it didn't exist._

_To be honest, though, the sound bounced around inside his head like a broken record. It made his chest feel tight and his head throb._ Hah, it was more relaxing to be in a room full of Alphas. At least the Omegas in there were laughing.  _Some were trophies, some were slaves, that's how the underworld worked._

"That's stupid Shizu-chan, I'm not closed away at all, I just know how the world works," Izaya stubbornly insisted, his voice sounding tremulous to his own ears. "You think you understand but you don't get it. I've seen things Shizu-chan, I've seen too much to believe the lies and the pretty masks that all Al- phas…" His voice slowly died away as he realized what he'd just said.

"Look at me Izaya," Shizuo demanded, and even though Izaya was already facing the man, there was nothing that could have prepared him for the utter intensity that the Alpha poured into his stare. "You're looking at a fraction of the population and assuming that what you see is everything. Hell, you fucking seek out the worst of the worst! How is that supposed to be fair? How is that supposed to tell you anything?"

"Because it does!" Izaya shot back, abandoning all pretenses. He wasn't even sure where the words were coming from, all he knew is that each one made him feel sicker, angrier, and colder. "Alphas are the most powerful secondary gender, they have privilege and they abuse it! I've seen it again and again, don't you dare tell me I'm being unfair because I'm  _not!"_

"News flash Izaya," Shizuo all but yelled. "In the real world, I don't have any privilege. I'm treated like  _shit_  by everyone except for my friends because I'm looked at as a poor, out of control Alpha. Once you take all that money out of the equation, Alphas are no better than anyone else. Most of us are held to account for the disgusting things those rich Alphas you spend time around do." Izaya wasn't even sure what to say to the tirade, he could only sit there in furious and shocked silence.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to blamed for something you never had a hand in doing?" Shizuo demanded, his eyes narrowed. "It's not all of them, but some Omegas and Betas make being an Alpha for normal people, hell. And then they turn around and bow to the fucking Alphas who keep treating them like shit, just because they've got the money and the power."

"Power doesn't even matter," Izaya argued, his face going red as he kept getting more and more worked up. A heavy shiver wracked his body as he spat, "Just a day ago I was almost  _raped_  by a pack of Alphas who probably didn't have a thing to their names worth anything. Don't you tell me that Alphas aren't all bad!"

"Guess what, some people are shitty!" Shizuo barked. "And it doesn't  _fucking_  matter what orientation they are. Some Alphas are shitty, some Betas are shitty, and, amazingly, some Omegas are pretty fucking shitty too. Being an Alpha doesn't automatically make me evil Izaya, no matter how much you want it to be true. It just makes me different."

Izaya's voice, his whole body, shook as he spoke his next few sentences. "Do you want to know what I saw that night Shizu-chan? Do you want to know?"

"Whatever you saw," Shizuo growled. "Doesn't make it a fucking-"

Without any sort of control over his own tone, Izaya yelled, " _I saw an Omega beaten and bloody and I turned her away."_

Shizuo's mouth snapped shut as the Omega's teeth started chattering and tears pricked his eyes before running down his cheeks.

_Suddenly, Izaya was startled out of his headspace by the sound of a door crashing open. Turning abruptly, the Omega found a girl on the floor in front of him. Her face black and blue and her hair was matted with what looked like drying blood. Izaya could see the remnants of past beatings covering her and he knew in an instant that this was the girl he'd been hearing from the other room._

_As if to prove this, she let out a heavy sob._

" _Y-y-you've got t-to help m-me," she choked out, her breath coming in ragged jolts. "Pl-please, you've got-t- You've got to do something." Her scent was fearful, and Izaya was surprised it had been covered up so effectively before. "I- I can't-"_

_Several pairs of footsteps came running. Swiveling his head, Izaya found several other Omegas standing there. One of them held an old broom, the handle thick and dangerous looking. At one look from him, however, the three froze in their places. It was as if he was looking at life through a funhouse mirror. Izaya stood up, and immediately the other Omegas cowered away from him._

They think I'm an Alpha,  _he realized. Then,_ I can't tell them I'm not.

" _Oh god," the beaten Omega gasped, reaching for the others standing just outside of the alcove. "Please, one of you, any of you, he'll be coming back in a moment. I- I need h-help. I need help!" But the other women just stared at Izaya, fear clear in their faces. They'd been ready to defend this woman, but seeing him here, someone who had standing, someone who in their eyes could hurt them, had them backing away._

_Izaya couldn't make his mouth move. He wanted to say something, but all he could do was turn back to look at the bloody Omega. The dreadful sounds she'd been making seemed to catch in her throat as she stared into the Raven's emotionless gaze._

" _W-we'll just be going then," one of the Omegas who had rushed to the rescue stammered. The girl in front of Izaya widened her eyes and if he hadn't been holding her gaze, she would no doubt have turned to her fellow Omegas and begged for them to stay. "Sorry, sir!"_

_By the time Izaya had turned his head back, the three Omegas were gone._

" _Please, you've got to help me," the woman begged, freed from whatever hold Izaya's attention had on her. "Whoever you are, I need you to help me. He's gu-going to_ kill  _me." The return of her tears only made Izaya's nose wrinkle. He didn't mean to do it but the reaction was involuntary._

" _What makes you think I can?" Izaya asked, his voice flat and emotionless. She choked at the words and the tears started pouring harder._ Why is she crying to me like I could ever be her savior? " _What makes you think I can stop what's been happening to you at all?"_

 _Unexpectedly she lunged forward and Izaya found her hands tangling in the legs of his pants. One of her legs was at an odd angle, he realized, probably broken._ She can't walk, she can hardly crawl. " _Because you're an Omega too," she hissed, her eyes desperate, pleading. "I can tell, you're one of us. You've got to care at least a little bit. I can't live like this anymore. I used to have a home, a mother, and father who loved me. I had a little sister, please don't let him kill me like this."_

How does she know?! " _Why does your family matter to me?" Izaya asked, not moving to shake her off but not helping her either. He couldn't make himself do_ anything,  _his entire body felt caught in an internal battle that removed his ability to function. Her words, condemning him as what he was, they had left him immobile. "Why are you coming to me. I'm not an Omega."_

" _You are, I can smell it, I can feel it in the air," she was babbling now, shaking her arms and pulling, like she wanted to bring him down to her level. "You've got the power to help me, use it! Please, I'm not asking for much, just a little help. Don't let me die like this, I want to live."_

_Before he could answer her, a roar from behind her yelled, "AIRI!" Her eyes widened in fear and instinctively, Izaya stared up at the door and straightened, his back stiffening and his chin going up, like he wasn't afraid, like he wasn't an Omega. Like he was an Alpha as well. Like he was just like one of them._

Shizuo's arms were suddenly there, pulling Izaya in close. "Shit, all I do is make you cry," the man muttered, pulling Izaya's head against his shoulder and enveloping the freezing Omega in even the pretense of hesitation, Izaya whimpered before just letting Shizuo hold him close. It was like before when Shizuo had found him crying on his floor, but this time, Izaya didn't bother fighting it.

"It's my fault," he whispered against Shizuo's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting the tears come. "I know, I know you aren't all like that, I know you're different Shizu-chan, I know." He did, even as that churning in his stomach was replaced by a solid mass of guilt, Izaya didn't fight Shizuo's claims anymore. "I see these things happen every day and I do nothing because I-I-"

"Don't want to challenge the people that let you be powerful?" Shizuo asked, again so blunt, yet hitting the issue precisely without hesitation. "Do you think I blame you for that Izaya? I know you don't want to be weak, I know you don't want people to look down on you. I get it."

"You don't," Izaya murmured, his voice thick. As Shizuo pulled him onto his lap, only so he could better wrap around the Omega, Izaya finally started to relax. He'd been wound so tight and he hadn't even realized it. "I love my job Shizu-chan, I love what I do. And I know that I'm in the middle of the worst parts of humanity but I can't leave because I don't want to." His hands fisted in the front of Shizuo's stupid vest. "I know that not all Alphas are evil, but sometimes it feels like that's all there is because that's all I've seen. And its easier to turn that hatred on people who won't fight back than at people who could ruin me."

"I'm sorry for getting pissed, I just wanted to make you understand." Shizuo's words echoed beside his right ear, pulling something like a sigh out of Izaya, even though he hadn't stopped crying. The warmth that kept spreading through his body dissolved the rock in his chest that wouldn't let him breathe right. "But I guess neither of us understands, huh?"

A hand dragged through Izaya's hair and the Omega whimpered because it felt good and yet  _why_  did someone like this love him? He'd done nothing but fight, throw blame, cause problems and  _cry_  since Shizuo had cornered him in that damn alleyway. Even now that the Alpha had some idea of how despicable he really was, the man still held Izaya like he was precious.  _I'm not, it's not even that I'm just an Omega, I'm an Omega who has spent their life doing nothing but watching other Omegas suffer._

Yet Shizuo held him close. Looked at him like the stars and sun revolved around him.

Out of nowhere, Izaya found his voice returning. "You know Shizu-chan, she begged me for help. Pleaded with me. I just stood there. Eventually, her Alpha came back and he was furious. I couldn't even argue with him, didn't try and stand up for her, I acted as though I was just like him, just as cruel and despicable." Bitterly, he added, "I am as cruel and despicable."

"You're not," Shizuo protested, almost crushing him as he clung tightly to the Omega. "You're not disgusting Izaya, you're perfect. You were just trying to survive."

"There was no way that Alpha would have known I wasn't an Alpha as well." Izaya couldn't stop himself from talking, it was almost like he wanted to prove to Shizuo that he was worthless. "I could have saved her, I could have saved all the others who came after her. I never did, I just-"

"I don't fucking care. You're still my Omega and I still care about you, no matter what you did or didn't do before." Izaya's voice died on his tongue.

" _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" The Alpha was drunk and furious, but he still stopped at the sight of Izaya, standing above his Omega. Airi, apparently, cringed away from the man, her eyes going wide and scared. Izaya could feel her tremble against him. "W-What the hell?" he repeated, his tone getting quieter as Izaya's eyes hardened._

" _I'm sure she was just coming back to you," Izaya responded smoothly. The Omega at his feet cried out in fear as he backed away from her, shaking her weak grip. "Really, there's no need to storm around in a place like this with such rage. Think of the other customers." His eyes narrowed. "Think of me, I've been sitting outside your door the entire time and I have a headache, it was very rude of you."_

_The man straightened and Izaya watched as he reeled his anger in. Izaya recognized him dimly, one of Shiki's many colleagues. "Ah, Orihara-san, I did not realize you were back here. If I had known, I would have been more considerate." The Alpha's voice slipped by Izaya and the Raven hated it, but he didn't so much as flinch. "I'm sorry Airi has been causing you such a headache."_

" _I'm sure you didn't Kaneko-san," Izaya answered back, pulling the man's name out of the air as easily as one might have caught an injured butterfly. "But even so, it was quite irritating. I'd rather it not happen again."_

" _I have to agree." The darkly amused voice of Akabayashi from behind Izaya made the Raven relax ever so slightly. Shiki's fellow Awakusu-kai leader and, as far as Izaya was aware, mate, was quite a bit more intimidating than the Omega he had come to back up. "You know Kaneko, I really do tire of you bringing your familial disputes to my partner's club. It's rude and frankly, low class." Falling back, Izaya let the other man handle things._

" _I assure you, that was never my intention," the man assured the red-headed Alpha. "Akabayashi-san, I do apologize most sincerely."_

_A small whimpering drew Izaya's eyes. Glancing down at the Omega once more, he stared at her silently. Part of him wondered if she was going to tell anyone what he was, but a smaller, darker part of him knew that she wasn't going to last that long._

" _How brilliant," Akabayashi exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Now, why don't you make good on that and take your leave. Your Omega appears to be in pain, she must have had an accident. Pity." Smirking, he turned to Izaya. "Now, I do believe that Shiki has requested your presence_ immediately."  _Teeth showing in a grin, the man bowed his head. "Don't keep him waiting, Orihara-san."_

_Nodding smartly, Izaya turned and left, unable to meet the eyes of the Omegas he passed on the way back to the smoky billiard room Shiki was waiting for him in. He felt like he'd done something wrong, and yet he knew how it was. It wasn't his business to intervene, so he wasn't going to. That's how the world worked._

_Shiki was waiting for him when he arrived. "Ah, Orihara-san, I'm glad Mizuki-san found you." The familiar name for his mate made Izaya look at the ground._ How nice it must be to have someone you can trust.  _He squashed those hormonal thoughts instantly. It was just his heat, he was just going a little crazy. He always did around this time. "I have decided that on second thought, you should stay here. It's… safer."_

_Izaya didn't argue, he just took up his seat on the couch beside Shiki once more and stared straight ahead. He didn't feel guilt, he didn't feel relief, he just felt empty._

This is what I've become,  _Izaya realized, his mind oddly still._ I'm no better than any other Alpha. I'm just like them.

_And it hurt._

Sinking into Shizuo, Izaya took a great, shuddering breath and asked, "Why Shizu-chan?"  _Why me, why did you fall in love with me._  "Why do you still care?"

"Because you're my fucking soul mate," Shizuo growled fiercely. "And because that means something to me. You are not your past mistakes Izaya, you're just who you've always been." He laughed, and Izaya could almost hear the adoration in his voice. "A shitty Flea who's annoyed me for as long as I can remember while always being stronger, smarter, and better than anyone else I knew."

"Keep saying things like that and I'm going to think you don't hate me anymore," Izaya murmured, his tone light. But he didn't mean it, no, not when he could feel Shizuo's pheromones sinking into his skin, making his bones feel heavy. Not when his own scent was rising up and it didn't smell frightened anymore, it smelled calm. All he wanted was to forget, pretend for a moment that this was okay.

With Shizuo this close, Izaya didn't have to pretend, he knew that it was.

And he was too sleepy to think about what that meant.

"Come on, you're falling asleep," Shizuo murmured, his voice so calming and relaxing to Izaya's ears. "I think we've both had enough for one day."

"Mmm," was the only sound Izaya managed to make. As Shizuo stood up, lifting Izaya with him, the Omega could feel himself drifting off. He felt better, after finally admitting to himself why he was so scared, Izaya wondered if maybe he could change.

Maybe if Shizuo believed he could, then it would be possible…

The rest of his thoughts were lost as he drifted off to sleep, content to curl up in his Alpha's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After suffering a major panic attack at school (shaking, crying, making a fool of myself in front of this poor seventh grader who didn't know what the fuck to do), I decided to write some shit. I'm not okay, but when was I ever?
> 
> Also, I want to pose an open question that I hope some of you will take the time to answer. What's your writing process? I know there are some authors out there who read my work, and I'd love to know how you guys write.
> 
> I personally will write a chunk, get distracted, then come back to it later. Whether that be an hour later or a day, I'll reread what I've written, editing as I go along, before finally writing new stuff. Then after a while, I'll get distracted again. The cycle repeats. I end up with something that's pretty much edited before I even have to edit it.
> 
> But what about you guys? I'm genuinely curious here.


End file.
